Now What?® Coaching

Blog

  • Thank YOU

    Thanks to our Deputy Editor, Virginia Kravitz and our Editorial Assistant, Joanna Frabrizio, I have not been on the blog as often
    as I should. I recently discovered that so many of you have written and commented.  
     
    We learn from every comment and will pay more attention to what you want to hear more about.  
     
    So, keep them coming and if you need me, specifically, for anything, you can always write to lbf@intercoach.com
     
    Thanks for your readership and participation.
     
    My Best
     
    Laura Berman Fortgang, MCC

  • SUSPENDED REALITY

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    THERE COMES A TIME, in almost every career transition, when clarity comes and a sense of determination kicks in despite every logical  reason for it not to.  There comes a suspended reality where you almost can’t believe you are moving forward in this new chosen direction yet there is no turning back.  A cocoon of reason disintegrates and transforms into a new being that can take flight.  It is in this suspended reality that courage comes and doors begin to open without logical explanation as to why. 

    In the movie, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the hero must step out into an infinite abyss to get help to his ailing father.  With each step out into the nothingness, a rock floor would appear to catch him and allow forward motion towards his goal.  That same suspended reality is what it feels like to follow a new direction for your life and career that you know is right but have no evidence or indication of getting the result you want.

    How do you do it?

    Up The Faith

    When you operate in space without a net, where most people in your life think you’ve lost your marbles, you have to believe in your self and the goodness of life in general to make it work.  It’s not the time to be a realist.  It’s a time to be naïve and assume that everyone and everything will work in your favor.  It often will when you become a self-contained, pressurized bottle full of faith.

    Follow The Breadcrumbs

    When you are researching a new field, trying to find a job or pursuing a specific goal in your new direction, every lead is a hot one.  Being in the gap between now and future busyness in your new career, you have the luxury of time.  You cannot afford to ignore any possibility that can take you in your new direction.  Talking to one person can lead to the next person and so on.  You will be amazed at the path that gets laid out in front of you as you diligently walk through every open door. 

    Keep a Solid Home Base

    All this is not to say you should abandon all reason.  What allows you to move forward with blind faith and curious tenacity is having a solid home base to operate from.  You’ll need at least one person who believes in you when the rest of your posse thinks you’re nuts.  If possible, keeping your day job will help too even though you’ll have less time for fact-finding.  And if you are in between things, it’s OK, you can still have a solid base. Decide what you can invest in yourself financially and give yourself the time to make the transition.  If that is not in the cards, a solid base is harder, but not impossible.  It’ll then be built on the faith we talked about above and involving others so you can move along more quickly.  Ask, ask, ask—for help, support—whatever you need. Create a base of emotional support no matter which level of financial cushion you can operate from.

    A recent client made a decision to act on a long-time hunch that it was time to move on from his current job. Despite the uncertainty of the economy and the ‘sure thing’ that his position was after 20 years with the company, he knew he had to do it.  He got on the phone and explored every hint, tip or lead that was given to him.  Despite his family’s fears that he was blowing a good thing, he persevered, went on interviews, visited other folks that had moved on from his company years before and went to industry events to meet new people to talk to.  He did find a new job that he was happy with and six months later, learned that his former company was making layoffs in the department he had been a part of!

    Acting on a hunch will usually lead you to enter a suspended reality.  That’s what we at Now What?® Coaching are here for.  Meet our facilitators.

  • Today’s Quote: Be and Do To Have

    “You’ve got to be before you can do, and do before you can have.”  Zig Ziglar

  • When “Success” is Not Enough

    by Kirsten Meneghello, Now What® Facilitator 

    Laurie is a “successful” attorney according to most people. She has earned an advanced degree, prestige as a lawyer, a good salary and is recognized as an expert in her field. Her co-workers and colleagues look up to her as a respected leader. But Laurie doesn’t feel that way about herself. She feels like an imposter at work and lately has begun to dread going to the office. She doesn’t like her work environment because she feels it’s not collegial and team-oriented. She feels like everyone is out for themselves and their own interests.

    When Laurie called me, she was really down and feeling isolated. She knew this was not her dream job. But how could she justify walking away from a career at which she was successful? Through the coaching process, we started to unpack the difference between what others expected of her and what she wanted for herself. I find that many people in mid-life are in this same place. There is a lot of societal pressure to stick with a job or career when you are successful on the outside, even if you are miserable on the inside. If you are in this position and tell a friend you are unhappy, they will probably think you are crazy to consider changing jobs or professions.

    Success is often measured by fame, an impressive title, having a big salary and a fancy car. But all of those are fleeting and leave you feeling empty in the end (sooner or later!). How you truly find success is to identify your unique purpose and bring your purpose to your work. When you are able to apply your special talents and passions on the job every day, it results in deep personal fulfillment and the satisfaction of contributing to society in a meaningful way. At that point, you will truly be “successful.”

    So how did Laurie do this? She discovered through our coaching sessions that her life purpose was to provide solutions. She does this naturally everywhere she goes.  For fun, she enjoys solving complex word puzzles and researching dense legal regulations. You might think to yourself, “What? That’s not fun.” It is to Laurie. She loves solving problems and helping others. She found that what made her current work environment so difficult was it did not allow her to provide solutions. In fact, finding solutions was actively discouraged. It was killing Laurie one day at a time.

    Once Laurie got in touch with her gift to provide solutions, her perspective on her future career paths changed dramatically. She is currently defining what kind of job she is looking for next. It may or may not be in a legal field, but it will allow her to provide solutions every day and she is so excited. The best part is now Laurie does not define success by whether or not she wins a legal argument or how many hours she bills, but by how she is able to provide solutions every day. By identifying her unique purpose and finding a job at which she can apply her purpose, she knows that she will be successful no matter what she does.

    Today’s article by Now What?® facilitator Kirsten Meneghello first appeared in Inspirational Woman Magazine and is posted on our blog with permission.

  • Today’s Quote: Stepping Stones

    “One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks” Jack Penn

  • Which Job Should I Choose? A Common Career Conundrum Solved

    By Paula Gregorowicz, Now What?® Facilitator 

    Imagine you have more than one career direction to choose from but you’re not sure which one to choose. Whether you’re 19 or 59 years old the circus in your mind might sound like:

    • Do I choose the one I love? Yeah, but it pays less. Yeah but it has a killer commute. Yeah but it means I’ll have to relocate to the middle of nowhere.
    • Should I choose the one that pays great? The pay and benefits are really great but it’s not very interesting work to me, it’s more of the same old, I can’t really get jazzed about this.
    • Everyone else thinks I should choose this job, and they probably know more than I do, so maybe I better make that choice…

    And around and around and around you go…

    (Cue scary sounding carousel music)

    Have you ever done that?

    How great did that feel? (NOT)

    I know I have sure been there. It’s a form of self-torture that feels like there is all this chatter going on around you from people you respect or love (I think you should do this, or I think you should do that, or wouldn’t it be a better, safer, more responsible choice if you did this?) coupled with the madness in your own head trying to weigh all the options. It’s an absolutely horrible feeling. It feels like the weight of the world, your entire future existence rests on this one decision. You feel immense pressure to make the right decision.

    I recently watched a family friend walk this path of self-torture regarding the choice around her first job out of college. I can remember those days and how overwhelming the decision seemed. For all intents and purposes you never really outgrow what feels like the enormity of a decision when it comes to career (whether you own your own business or work for someone else). However what I know for sure is that the way the cycle plays itself out by default is not the path to the best decision. How could you possibly make the best and wisest decision for yourself with all those voices clamoring at you (both inside your head and from those around you)? It’s too damn noisy and confusing!

    I can remember the fall semester of my senior year of college. I interviewed for and received a lucrative job offer. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) told me how I had to take it. I’d be set and could enjoy my senior year! The salary was great! It was a reputable company! Great experience!

    I felt so conflicted I could (and did) vomit on more than one occasion as I considered my decision at the ripe age of 20. So what did I decide? I chose to turn down the offer gracefully much to the chagrin of parents and advisors alike. It was not easy and frankly looking back was a bold move on my part for which I am eternally grateful. Why? Because I trusted my gut and the intuitive wisdom I was receiving. I knew deep in my heart I didn’t want a job that was 95% travel and I wasn’t about to put my life on hold for several years under the guise of “getting experience” for a career field I already knew was a dicey fit at best.

    What I know for sure, from all my own experiences plus that of my clients is that there is no such thing as the “right” decision. There is only the wise and best decision for you at this moment in time. No decision is final or forever.

    The secret to making a wise decision that you can feel confident about is quieting all the noise. You actually don’t need to think harder or analyze more. This only results in analysis paralysis as you listen and try to sort through the myriad of internal and external voices telling you what you “should” do. Paradoxically you actually need to think less and feel more. You do this by welcoming silence into your mind and heart and truly reflecting on the choice at hand. You use powerful and specially designed questions to help guide you so you can separate the noise from the wisdom. For example, ask yourself: How do I most want to FEEL as I navigate through this decision and once I’ve moved ahead with my choice? Hear the difference between your intuition and story-filled mental tapes. 

    When you choose from this state of being, this deeper knowing rather than the “oh my god I am stuck in a blender on high in a state of conflict and need to come up with an answer (as you hear the clock tick down to zero as if on a nightmarish episode of Jeopardy)” approach, you know you can always count on yourself. You experience certitude in your choices. You ultimately create the experience and the future you most desire rather than expending all your energy hedging your bets trying to avoid having your worst fears come true.