Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Life Lessons

Own Your Authority and Watch It Change How People See You

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I was working with a client last week, and we ran into a common issue.

She had a presentation coming up, and it was a big deal. She was going to be speaking in front of executives at her company, and there was a lot at stake — including her reputation!

It was time for her to show up, step into the spotlight, and own her authority. There was no doubt that she was the right woman for the job. Her data was flawless, her ideas top-notch, and she had the content nailed.

Her confidence, however, was shaky. She feared one of her senior colleagues would see right through her and call her out on something. She kept thinking, “What if I make a fool of myself?”

I see it all the time. People who are bona fide experts, with a masterful knowledge of a subject, remarkable skills, and a background filled with loads of impressive experience, shy away from owning their expertise.

You might be thinking that projecting too much confidence will put a target on your back, and that people will look for ways to point out your flaws and put you in your place.

You might be second-guessing your authority, wondering if someone else knows better than you and will expose you as a fraud.

I get it. Nobody likes a braggart, and being too cocky can certainly backfire.

Humility has its place. But you can be modest to a fault.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be willing to own your authority.

Here’s what I told my client:

  1. To be an expert doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you know where to find the answers.
  2. Never wing it. Always be fully prepared, practiced, and polished. You can go off script, but go in with a fully-fleshed out plan for what you’re going to say.
  3. Own the room. This isn’t the time to cower, hide, or make yourself small. Stand up tall and project confidence.
  4. Don’t apologize. If something goes wrong, such as a tech glitch, missing bullet point, or mistake, just roll with it.
  5. Anticipate possible questions and objections. Know ahead of time where people might see holes in your story or take issue with a claim, and be prepared to address these things.
  6. Limit the self-deprecating humor. There’s a time and place for it, keep it to a minimum.

Whether you’re doing a presentation at work, hosting a webinar to market your business, or going to a networking event, owning your authority matters.

You want to be the go-to person?

You want respect and opportunities?

People must see you as an expert, an authority. So it’s time to show up and OWN it!

It’s Not About the WHAT But the WHO

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When you set big goals, what stops you from reaching them?

Your answer might be “it depends.” But I’m willing to bet the shortfall can be attributed to a similar root cause each time: who you’re being!

What do you want?
What do you have to do to accomplish it?
What is your burning desire?

The goal = The what

The whole point of hiring a coach is to help you reach your WHAT. By doing more than you would do on your own.

But if you’re expecting a coach to give you a step-by-step plan to get what you want, think again. Coaches aren’t consultants; that’s not our job nor our superpower. The WHAT is 20% of the equation.

We’re all about the WHO.
It’s Not About the WHAT But the WHO by Laura Berman Fortgang
In other words, coaching isn’t all about the goal itself. Again, it’s not the WHAT… so, what does this mean?

Achieving your goals is about WHO you have to become to get what you want.

Who do you have to be to make your desire come to be?

If you want to make a million dollars or get a big promotion, “the what” could include any number of actions. But to make a million dollars, “the who” needs to be someone who can make a million dollars.

The WHO needs to be someone bold.

The WHO should be someone willing to take risks.

The WHO has to be someone willing to invest in herself.

The WHO must be able to step outside of his/her comfort zone.

Coaching works on “the who” — the being — that’s capable of creating “the what.”

To BE the kind of person that creates what you want, you may have to…

Stop doing something.
Start doing something.
Believe in yourself.
Know that it’s possible.
Have self-awareness.
Step into the role.
Create habits that stick.
Step into success.
Be the achiever.

Sure, you’ll need to familiarize yourself with the steps to get there. But leaning into who you have to become is the fastest way to success.

Say It or Act It? Your Results Will Differ

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The other day, one of my executive clients told me about some feedback he got during a review. The buzz around the office was that he made people feel stupid.

Whoa…

To be fair, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is a bit of wisdom from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. True, but should people have to go around letting disparagement and hostility roll off their backs? Of course not.

Using a condescending communication style isn’t a good look for a leader. Having a reputation for talking down to people is no way to gain respect.

But my client isn’t a bully. He never intended to put anyone down or make them feel inadequate. So what the heck was going wrong?

Say It or Act It Your Results Will Differ by Laura Berman FortgangI dug into his story, and here’s what I discovered:

He was frustrated because he found himself repeating the same things over and over…

His tone, facial expressions, and body language showed the frustration.

He was acting out his feelings, rolling his eyes, sighing heavily, and throwing his hands in the air as he expressed his frustration. Definitely not a good look!

Let me be clear. There isn’t anything wrong with expressing frustration, but do everyone a favor and skip the drama. It’s unprofessional, and it’s doing you and everyone around you a disservice.

What should you do instead? Simply state what you’re feeling. “I’m feeling frustrated that I have to repeat myself, but here’s what I’d like you to do.”

Whether you’re talking to your team members, coworkers, kids, or spouse, SPEAK the emotion rather than acting it out and spewing it at them.

Remember, perception is reality. If you give off the impression that you’re unreasonable and egotistic, there will be consequences in how your team operates. People will avoid you, problems will fester, and you’ll miss out on growth opportunities.

Consider the ripple effect of your actions and find ways to improve how you communicate. Say it, instead of acting it out!

Love Lessons from Leila

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Last week, my sweet dog, Leila, had surgery. Let me tell you that seeing my poor girl go through the pain and recovery of that ordeal made her more precious to me than ever.

I don’t know if you’re a pet person, but our four-legged friends have a lot to teach us about life and love. Here are some lessons I learned from Leila as she faced this recent scare.

Love Lessons from Leila by Laura Berman Fortgang1. Meet each day with abandon.
For Leila, every day is a chance to start anew, and she takes it on with enthusiasm. Despite what she was going through, this pupster loves every day — and it shows!

2. Fiercely protect who and what matters.
Leila’s not very big, but her heart and her spirit are. She’s determined to stand for the ones she loves, even when not feeling her best.

3. Play hard.
If you want more love in your life, incorporate more play in your day. Leila plays hard, no matter what, bringing a sense of wonder and adventure to everything she does.

4. Rest often.
When it’s time to rest, Leila doesn’t hesitate to nap. She listens to her body and surrenders to her need to recharge. We don’t need to be productive in every moment; always be sure to take care of yourself.

5. Allow yourself to be needy.
When Leila wants a belly rub or attention, she’s not afraid to be downright needy. She’ll let you know what she expects from you. But as needy as she is, it’s the flip side of how much love she gives. She gets how much people need to be seen, to be heard, to be cherished, and to be loved — so that’s what she gives!

The more we lean into love, the more we get from what we love. Pour into your life, your people, your passions, your career, and your business with the purest of intentions, and you’ll love what you experience in return.

6 Habits of Highly Effective Entrepreneurs

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Entrepreneur is one of the most alluring words in the English language.

People daydream about quitting their jobs to work for themselves, and those who already work for themselves dream of the day when the term lives up to its luster.

We’re fed romanticized images of total freedom and piles of cash, but it’s not nearly as easy as it looks. Being a successful entrepreneur takes a lot more than most people think.

Before you let your hopes and wishes get the best of you, let’s get down to brass tacks.

If you’re a self-employed freelancer, coach, consultant, or business owner, this is for you.

What does it take to pull it off? Your HABITS. It’s what you do routinely that makes a difference.

Here are 6 habits of highly successful entrepreneurs:

6 Habits of Highly Effective Entrepreneurs by Laura Berman FortgangPLAN: Don’t wing it. Always plan at least a quarter ahead.

MULTI-TASK: There’s a lot going on at once; you need to get good at organizing chaos.

PRIORITIZE: You need to get good at determining what’s most important and must get done first.

DELEGATE: Stay on top of it all, but you can’t keep doing it all if you want to level up.

CONSISTENCY: When something works, do it repeatedly. Keep showing up.

SELF-CARE: Look out for your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

I work with clients to come up with systems and consistent execution of all these habits, and I’ve seen what happens when someone tries to run a business without locking them down.

You’re the product, the marketing department, the sales department, the operations department, and the finance department. It’s up to you, and you alone, to keep your skills strong and to keep your clients satisfied. Whether you have a team or not, the buck stops where you stand.

You can either daydream about enjoying the rewards of successful entrepreneurship or create the habits to support your success.

What is GRIT?

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If there’s one quality you can’t do without on the path to success, it’s GRIT.

Reaching your goals often requires a stick-to-itiveness like no other.

You’re going to hit challenges along the way, and it’s possessing a dogged perseverance — despite adversity — that’ll carry you through. This kind of tenacity is what sets you apart from those who give up.

My youngest son is my GRIT hero. Despite dealing with some tough health and learning challenges, he’s tackling college with true grit, making the dean’s list, and rising above difficulties that could’ve held him back.

My clients navigating pivots in today’s tough job market are doing it with GRIT too — applying for job after job, getting rejected or ghosted by recruiters, yet sticking with it until they land that opportunity.

The coaches and business owners I work with have the fortitude to see things through. Being your own boss comes with the kinds of ups and downs that simply can’t be trekked without a hefty dose of GRIT.

Some of us are born with it, and some develop a sense of determination as we go. If you’re wondering what G.R.I.T. really takes, here’s what I think —

What is GRIT by Laura Berman FortgangGUMPTION: You need the good sense, courage, and guts to just get out there and go for it!

RESILIENCE: You have to be able to recover quickly and bounce back from challenges.

INTEGRITY: Staying true to who you are and doing the right thing is a must in the long run.

TIME: Things take longer than we think to happen or to get done; are you willing to keep at it?

When you have GRIT, here’s what that looks like —

You have to continue trying and attempting new things, even if the going gets tough.

Are you a business owner? Continuously test new offerings, pricing, packing, and messaging until you find what works. You’ll get to the yes by hearing the nos.

Now, I know what you might be thinking…

How do I know I’m not barking up the wrong tree?

  1. You’ll see signs of encouragement. Rather than hitting a brick wall everywhere you turn, you’ll take two steps forward even if you’re forced to take one step back.
  2. You need a good support system that you can trust — a coach, a mentor, a community group, or a good friend to serve as a sounding board.

Some stubbornness can do you good, but GRIT doesn’t mean unreasonable bullheadedness. Discernment is part of the package.