Reinventing Yourself

What “I Don’t Know” Really Means

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 28, 2024

I love helping people make big changes in their lives.

Seeing someone go from being completely miserable or frustratingly unfulfilled in their career to being content, aligned, and fired up about their work is what makes what I do so rewarding.

But change isn’t easy, especially when you won’t admit what you want that change to be.

Notice I didn’t say when you don’t know what you want? I’m willing to bet you do know.

Here’s the thing —

I’ve been doing this for a long time. I talk to a lot of people who want to make a change, and their story often starts something like this:

“I want to do something different, but I don’t know what I want to do.”

I used to believe them. I’d jump right in and help them figure it out! But then I started to notice a pattern. By the time we got to the bottom of it, they almost always admitted knowing the answer all along.

So these days, if you tell me you don’t know what you want to do with your life — I believe you do know – but that you don’t want to admit it — even to yourself.

You’re afraid — to dream, to dare, and to do what it takes. You have a fear of failure and looking foolish or a fear of success and the change that comes with it … or both!

Walking into the unknown is scary stuff, but it shouldn’t stop you from moving forward.

You don’t have to know how to get there or what to do. Your change will come from pointing yourself in the direction you want to go and putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

It comes down to this: “I don’t know” is just fear, and “I don’t know how” is just more fear.

You know. It’s simply scary because it seems impossible.

Here’s my motto: Do one thing a day towards your dream.

One phone call, one hour of research, one class. One step, another tomorrow, and another the next day. You’ll get there!

DREAD Has a Message For You

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 21, 2024

Do you dread going to work?
Sunday evening rolls around, and you shudder at the thought of rolling out of bed in the morning.

Do you dread getting on a Zoom call with a particular client?
You check your calendar and cringe just thinking about the upcoming conversation.

We all do sometimes. Should you quit the job and ditch the client?

Not so fast! Maybe, maybe not. It depends on the reason behind your dread.

In my work with clients, it becomes clear to me that when you’re dreading something work-related, the feeling is usually driven by one of two things:

1. Fear

You’re afraid of something — failure, walking into the unknown, being unprepared, facing people who intimidate you, confronting a challenging situation, or grappling with imposter syndrome.

2. Misalignment

It’s out of alignment with who you are — it goes against your values, falls outside of your wheelhouse, distracts you from your goals, is something you want to put behind you, or you just don’t love it.

The first step is to figure out what’s causing your dread; this distinction matters. The source points to your best course of action.

If you’re dreading something due to fear, don’t forget what’s on the flip side of the coin: discomfort demands growth. So do it anyway! That might sound easier said than done, but the reward is well worth it. The more you push past fear-fueled dread, the closer you’ll get to your goals.

But if your dread is a symptom of misalignment, reach for the opposite remedy. Growth, in this case, comes from saying “NO — don’t do it!” When you have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming, into something that doesn’t serve you anyway, it’ll only lead you astray from your goals.

No matter the reason or the cause, you don’t have to keep dwelling in dread. Let it either motivate you or signal that it’s time to move on.

A Different Way to Frame Your New Year

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 14, 2024

As a coach, I want you to know that you can start over at any time, on any day. You always have the power to press reset and begin again.

But we humans are social creatures, so we tend to get our cues from what’s going on around us. The buzz right now is about the New Year ahead of us, filled with fresh possibilities and revitalized energy to go after what we want.

We’re all looking at a collective clean slate, determined to make our mark.

The thing is, if you’re anything like most people I talk to these days, you’re not convinced that this “New Year/New You” stuff will come to pass. You’ve been here before, and doubt is already starting to creep in.

Here’s the reality: 23% of people already gave up their New Year’s resolution last week, and more than half will give up by the end of the month. That’s just the way it goes.

I suggest you look at this new year in a new way, through a different frame.

Instead of focusing on a particular change you want to make or a specific goal — lose 20 pounds, run a marathon, save 20% of your take-home pay, wake up an hour earlier —

Ask yourself this question instead:

What’s the impact I want to make?

100 lives touched.

50 food-insecure children who have plenty to eat because of your charitable donations.

20 co-workers who love their jobs because of your efforts to recognize and value their work.

30 community members who are less lonely because you showed up to volunteer.

This is a way to do goals that are BIGGER than you. It takes your mind off of the smaller, self-centering, anxiety-inducing goals.

When a goal is bigger than you, it’s more compelling, motivating, and drives you forward with a sense of purpose.

Make it a game. Give it a number. Have FUN going for it!

You’ll look back at this time next year and thank yourself. I’m not saying your business, career, money, and health goals don’t matter. But I am saying if you place your focus elsewhere and take the pressure off, you might be surprised by what else falls into place.

Happy New Year!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 7, 2024

Happy New Year!

It’s 2024, and I want you to know what it takes to kick things off right. But first, let’s clear the slate because most people are tempted to fall into the same old missteps that set you up for disappointment year after year.

Let’s cut it out —

❌ DON’T set New Year’s resolutions.
As you’ve no doubt noticed, they’re simply not effective.
❌ DON’T set big goals.
I’m all for big dreams, but now’s not the time to add another huge, taxing, time-consuming thing if you have a plate that’s already full. Clear some items off first.
❌ DON’T hate the circumstance that informs the goal.
Your body, your ADHD, your bank account, your past failures, etc. It only makes the problem worse.

Here’s what I want you to do instead.

🟢 DO take time to reflect.
What can you give up that doesn’t serve you anymore? Let it go. What served you? Order up more of that.
🟢 DO visualize what you want.
Daydreaming helps you see what’s possible for your life, and that’s important. Let your mind wander and delight in your desires.
🟢 DO focus on who you’re being.
Transformation is less about what you do and more about who you are being. Act as if what you want is already here. How does someone behave when he/she already has the habits that create the success you want? Be that person now.

The reality is, this whole “New Year” thing is all made up. Thousands of years ago, the new year was in the spring. Take the pressure off, start doing what’s best for you year-round, and the “new you” will come to be.

The BEST Holiday Gift You Can Give

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 24, 2023

If you’re scrambling for last-minute holiday gifts or second-guessing the gifts you’ve already given, then let me throw you a lifeline. After all, no matter how often you’ve heard “the best gifts in life are free,” it’s important not to toss it aside as a mere cliché. While the material stuff is nice, it’s never the best we can give.

So, what do people really want, more than anything?

They want to be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and validated.

In fact, the people who are special to you deserve more than just a token of appreciation. This is your opportunity to give them deep acknowledgment.

Now, you might be wondering how.

Well, this is one of those things that I categorize as simple, but not necessarily easy. It requires tapping into a spirit of generosity.

Therefore, you need to be fully present; that’s the gift. (pun intended)

You must be willing to give your time and attention — undistracted and wholehearted.

First, put away your phone.
Next, make eye contact.
And then, be curious.

Ultimately, make them feel like there is nobody else in the room.

As you gather with colleagues, friends, and family over the holidays, remember that this is what people really want. YOU are the gift. You have the gift. So, give generously and enjoy!

What is “Enough” for You?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 10, 2023

A recurring theme has been showing up in my conversations with clients and people in my community over the past couple of weeks — a spirit of discontent.

More than usual, people seem to be disappointed and miffed that they’ve missed some arbitrary mark.

I have to admit — if I were new to coaching, I might be feeling a little distressed myself. But I’ve been at this for decades now, and I know exactly what’s going on here. It’s the end of the year…

Folks have launched businesses, filled programs, and met revenue goals. They’ve been featured in magazines, interviewed on popular podcasts, and appeared on TV. They published books, got promoted, or quit their corporate job. Impressive stuff!

But it wasn’t enough. And for some, it’s never enough.

Especially around this time of year, as people pause to reflect, I’ve come to expect it. So I thought you could use a heads-up . . .

No matter how much you’ve accomplished in 2023, there’s a good chance you might find yourself feeling it too: you didn’t do enough, your results weren’t enough, and you are not enough.

However, I want you to know this —

Suffering happens when you don’t meet your own expectations. The tricky part is that your expectations can become a moving target as your hopes, dreams, and aspirations evolve, grow, and become influenced by what you see around you.

How can you reduce this suffering?

Remember that ambition — Your passionate and dedicated drive to want more is good! BUT discontent — the feeling that you’ve let yourself down — doesn’t do you any good.

How do you strike the sweet spot? I have to thank my good friend, best-selling author and writing coach Jennifer Louden, for this one. She suggests coming up with your very own “conditions of enoughness.”

Look inward, give it some deep thought, and determine…

What is enough money?
What are enough sales?
What is enough time?
What is enough fame?
How will I know when I have enough?
How will I know when my desires are met?

You control the relationship you have with your desires. How’s that going for you?

When you’re not happy because you’ve let yourself down, you’re causing your own suffering. It’s often what causes that paralysis — when you want something better but can’t bring yourself to take action. The tension forms a chasm that’s difficult to close.

Creating from a wounded place means creating more suffering. Everything becomes more difficult.

If you want to experience success, fulfillment, peace, and happiness, you must find your “conditions of enoughness.” From there, striving for more is easy; it can come and go, and you’re still okay.

Creating from a place of contentment not only feels better, but it’s your ticket to experiencing the success you desire.