Now What?® Coaching

Category: Life Lessons

Why did I get “L❤️VE” tattooed on my arm?

If you missed last week’s note, I talked about the lessons I learned hanging out in a tattoo parlor over the holidays, and it sparked some curiosity —

• Why a tattoo?, and L❤️VE?

I touched on it briefly, but it probably deserves further explanation.

What makes a woman approaching a certain milestone birthday suddenly get a tattoo?

Why choose L❤️VE?

And how does this relate to what we’re here to learn — about careers and business?
Well, I’ll tell you…

I’ve been a longtime student of A Course in Miracles — “a universal, metaphysical, self-study program of spiritual psychology.”

If you’ve never heard of it, I encourage you to go check it out. It’s a massive text, fascinating, and full of lessons for life.

One of my biggest takeaways from studying A Course in Miracles is this:

Every thought we have is either based in FEAR or it’s based in LOVE.

I chose to get LOVE tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to choose love.

Because fear is loud and intrusive and it will always take over … if you let it … if you forget that you always have the option to choose love.

This has been a constant challenge for me throughout my life, but even more so, over the past two years as a caregiver. It takes a lot to remember—in every moment—to be patient, present and choose love.

My tattoo is the beautiful reminder I needed.

Connecting more intentionally with love has also impacted my coaching and my business relationships. Every day, my clients and associates are either coming from fear, or they’re coming from love.

Here’s what I mean…

I had a long time client who wanted to move from the corporate world into nonprofits. But she was afraid to give up her corporate salary.

After working together through the fear and avoiding rash decisions, we were able to identify a perfect solution—joining the philanthropic arm of the corporation, which positioned her for a smooth transition into leadership in the nonprofit world later.

She chose love over fear and won.

Fear often blocks money too. If you’re afraid to ask for the money you want, you won’t get it. If you’re afraid of hearing no, you’ll underbid.

If you charge too little or accept a lower salary, you’ll quickly resent your clients or boss and take on headaches you could have avoided.

To find more peace, happiness, and success in life, you must remember to choose LOVE — including self-LOVE — in everything you do.

Choosing love over fear will always win in the end.

January 19, 2023
Lessons From The Tattoo Parlor
I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and your year is off to a fantastic start!

We have some exciting announcements coming up, but first I want to share some wisdom I picked up over the break while hanging out at my local tattoo parlor…

As you may have noticed, I have a nose ring. At first, I wasn’t sure how it would come across in a professional setting, so I chose a subtle wink to my unconventional side—just a tiny dot of jewelry.

But while we were all home during 2020, I decided to get a full ring—and go bold! It was fun while it lasted; however, over the holidays I was ready for another change. I went back to the tiny dot and…I got a tattoo.

While at the parlor to change out the ring, I noticed that one of the guys getting inked glanced my way and let out a chuckle. I asked him to let me in on the joke, and he confessed that he didn’t think I looked like someone who would have a tattoo.

Well, joke’s on him. I am someone with a tattoo now, and I reminded him that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. After all, this guy was covered in art. When I pushed back, he conceded that he doesn’t appreciate judgment from strangers based on his looks either. And we shared a good laugh.

My next appointment was about the tattoo I wanted that had some serious meaning behind it.

As a student of A Course in Miracles, I came to understand that we essentially only have two thoughts: love or fear. So I wanted a permanent reminder to choose love in every decision, conversation, and action.

Because the truth is, I’m not naturally wired that way. With a milestone birthday coming up, I no longer want fear to get in my way. The message is deeply meaningful for me.

Unfortunately, the tattoo artist wasn’t taking me seriously.

I noticed he was being rude and dismissive of me and my vision for the tattoo. Frankly, he was treating me like a pain in the ass. And when I called him out on it, he doubled down by mocking me.

So I asked him…

“Should we not do this? This is something I wanted to have fun with, but if the vibe’s not right, we don’t have to work together.”

From my perspective, the guy had an attitude problem.

Well, from his perspective, he thought I was the one with an attitude problem. “You came in hot,” he said.

Clearly, our energy was off. So I asked for a “do over” and we both decided to press the reset button

When he started again, he was gentle, educational, and we ended up having a great time together. It was an interesting experience.

In the end, I walked away with some key takeaways from these two tattoo parlor exchanges:
1. Don’t judge a book by its cover; watch your assumptions!
2. Read the energy in the room. What are you picking up from a person? What are you giving off?
3. Be willing to walk away. If the energy isn’t right, it’s not going to be a good client experience. What are you willing to give up? How are you willing to shift?
4. Don’t let your feelings fester. If the energy is off, call it out as it’s happening.
5. Avoid projecting. For example, say, “I’m feeling judged,” not “you’re judging me.” People are more open to feedback when you’re not pointing fingers.
Remember, there’s something to learn in every experience if you pay attention. I hope you will put these lessons to good use in your business this year.
January 15, 2023
Holy Wow. Another Year. Can This One Really Be Different?

What am I going to say? Of course, I’m going to say YES. Yes, it can.

There will always be circumstances beyond our control, and we will simultaneously have free will. Let’s put it to work.

I’m sitting down to write this after a local business morning networking group on the very first business day of the year. I had joined a couple of months back and was “giving it a chance.”

After more than two years of COVID isolation, I wanted to see people again and play closer to home. However, this morning it was very clear that I was not investing my time and energy in something that is worth “giving a chance” to, despite my best efforts.

I had all the evidence I needed: small-minded, scarcity mindset from a member fearing competition, broken agreements with me by another member, and finally, shoddy work on display from another. All in the scope of two and a half weeks.

There was a time where I may have waited things out for several months, or where I would be starting to miss meetings instead of telling the truth about what was not in alignment for me.

If you can relate and you’re wondering if you should stay with a group, a company, or even a relationship, take a look at some ways to shift your perspective that might be helpful:

Where do you retreat? Where do you advance? Keep this in mind as you make decisions.

You can make this a different year, just by being willing to put up with less nonsense. That’s what I’m doing. Care to join me?

January 6, 2023
The Currency of Kindness

I’ll let you in on something from the get-go here; I am writing this for myself as much as I’m writing this for you.

You may still be visiting friends and family for the holiday season and experiencing great acts of kindness, but you also may be biting your tongue very hard this week as you do your best to keep the family peace and BE KIND.

It’s that time of year. Peace on earth, goodwill towards men (and women!!) but let me ask you this: Are you kind to yourself? The harder you work to be kind to other people may reflect how hard it is for you to be kind to yourself.

The person I am most unkind to is myself. Can anyone else relate? Those with a strong inner critic work hard to not spew it out on to the innocent bystander, so instead, ratchet up the volume in their own head directing and redirecting the vitriol at themselves.

How does that work for you?

Does it motivate you? Does it keep you stuck or cause you to procrastinate?

I can promise you that turning your kindness on to yourself will make anything you want to accomplish easier for you to do. Ease into kindness and watch it become the currency that energizes your project or promise or whatever you are up to.

People with high standards cause themselves to suffer and refuse to break their own rules even if it works against them. It’s a novel idea to lower your standards if you’re an overachiever. To accept a lower standard can be tough because we’ll make it mean that we are cheating or being lazy or betraying ourselves in some way. However, the opposite is true. Allowing yourself to win helps ease your way to other successes.

I had a consultation with a woman this year who knew that her job was not serving her and that she needed a new, more fulfilling path. She had plenty of money to feel secure pursuing a new direction but her rules about money and spending (not seeing her betterment as an investment) led her to reject what seemed like a very strategic and safe change that was destined to make her happier. She would not break her rules despite them keeping her stuck and miserable!

As we cross over into another year, I ask you to invest in the currency of kindness and the benefit of breaking the rules that make you unhappy. Be kind to YOU.

Wishing you love, peace and happiness in the New Year.

January 1, 2023
A Message For These Times

It’s hard to believe another year is coming to a close, but here we are.

As we wrap a bow on 2022 and celebrate the winter holidays, I want to thank you. I’m grateful for the gift of having you in my world this year and so glad you’re here.

Some didn’t make it to see this season through. If you’re missing loved ones or experiencing grief, my heartfelt condolences to you.

If you are suffering from the weight of other difficulties, my heart goes out to you.

Something you may not know about me is that not only am I a master credentialed coach, but I’m also an ordained interfaith minister. And I want to share a bit with you about ministering…

Don’t worry; this isn’t a religious message…

As a coach, my job is to get you unstuck and seek solutions. I listen for an opening and encourage clients to shift their perspective.

As a minister, on the other hand, my job is to be a witness. I’m there to be fully present and hold space. This training and experience has given me insight into human suffering.

What could we do differently for those who are in pain? *

You don’t have to DO anything, you have to BE. You can’t take the pain away, but you can ease it by BEing present. As we gather with family (or “chosen family”) this holiday season, remember that these aren’t happy times for everyone. Maybe they aren’t happy times for you. Perhaps you’ll be entering toxic spaces with toxic people.

Ministering (as a verb) can turn this around for you…

Here’s a quote that I included in my book, The Little Book on Meaning:

“Our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

To minister, to witness, to BE, to be present, to love, and to hold a container of wholeness for somebody even if they don’t see themselves as whole…

To bring forth patience and love and understanding, even when we don’t understand…

That we just witness, and we witness someone’s pain, and witness their struggle…

Can make all the difference.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been through some tough times recently.

So please accept this prayer, regardless of religion or tradition, to think higher, to think better, and to be aligned with goodness.

Energy of all things (God, spirit, higher self),
Allow me the blessing of a full heart,
That I may have more than enough of myself to share,
to another who needs it.
May I be a blessing to anyone that comes my way.
May I have the patience to care and the strength to lend.
May I see the light of life in all who are put in my path.
Help me to see it, embrace it, and give it.
May I serve as it is called for.
Thank you.
And so it is.
Again, I thank you.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Until next year,
Laura

*(Trigger Warning: Suicide) First, it’s important to note that should a loved one or friend makes the choice to end their life, it’s not your fault. Depression is not rational; it’s a disease that doesn’t allow people to see their value. If you are in the position to take action because someone has made you privy to that level of despair, get help. Have them call 988 or you call for guidance if they won’t.

December 25, 2022
The Power of “Thanksgiving” in Your Career and Business

I’m enjoying family time this holiday weekend in the U.S., and I hope you’re having a wonderful day wherever you are in the world too.

One of the things I love most about this time of year is having a big, hearty reminder to reflect on what I’m most thankful for.

As you may know, positive psychology research has proven that practicing gratitude is a powerful way to boost your happiness, health, ability to endure challenges, and so much more.

Remembering to focus on gratitude for what you already have versus the pain of what you don’t have not only shifts your perspective but also positively affects your biology, energy, and nervous system. It’s potent stuff!

With advantages aplenty, building a gratitude practice — even a small one — can be an indispensable tool for your career, business, and life success toolbox year-round.

As we wrap up the year, this nudge to be thankful is a gift — no matter your traditions.

When giving thanks in the season, I want to challenge you to go deeper. Fix your attention not so much on the things you have but on the people who matter most to you and why.

What do you really value about them?

Thinking, “I’m grateful to have this person as a client,” is one thing. But thinking, “I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to expand my skills, the sense of fulfillment and joy I felt in knowing my expertise produced results, the creativity sparked by their ideas, the inspiration spurred by their passion…” and so forth makes a difference.

Going deeper into your gratitude amplifies the intensity of the practice as a tool.

Expressing gratitude in this way helps people to feel seen and truly appreciated. In return, they are more likely to see and appreciate you, strengthening your relationship and creating mutual validation — “Hey, we’re in this together and want the best for one another moving forward.”

This is the benefit of deep “thanksgiving.”

What have you learned from the person? How have you grown through your relationship with them? What would you have missed out on if your paths hadn’t crossed?

As you reach out to family, friends, colleagues, clients, partners, students, mentors, and other influential people in your life over the coming weeks, offer the gift of deep “thanksgiving.”

Here’s what that might look like —
”If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have…”
“You inspired me to…”
“You taught me X, so therefore I can do Y…”

Be specific. Be generous. Let people know they matter. Watch your gift of “thanksgiving” produce bountiful returns in the new year and beyond.

November 27, 2022