Now What?® Coaching

Tag: Ginny Kravitz

  • You Have Options

    by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

    More Than You Think

    “Being wealthy is not about having money. It’s about having options.” That’s what Chris Rock told Oprah Winfrey in a recent interview. Commenting on his foray into live theatre, Chris framed it as part of his overall desire to try new things. “I should take complete advantage of the buffet that life is.” Speaking passionately he explained why it’s important to try new things, because then at least you will know: “You don’t like it because you tried it, not because you dismissed it.”

    You might be thinking: Oh sure, Chris can say that because he has money. Maybe being rich does give him more options, yet how often does the average person dismiss ideas without fully considering them? Are we really low on options or just afraid of pursuing the option we want most? Could it be that we’re wealthier than we realize?

    Can You See Them?

    You typically have more options than you can see at first glance. There are several reasons for this; check to see if any of them are clouding your view of the future or even your current situation:

    You think the option is not realistic. — If this is the case, before dismissing it out of hand ask yourself what about that particular option is appealing to you. There may be information in your answer that yields yet another alternative which is feasible or that expands your thinking about what is possible.

    You don’t want to make the wrong choice, be embarrassed, or fail. — What’s required here is to place a greater value on “having tried” than on “failing”. Look for role models who embody this philosophy and give yourself permission to be more adventurous than you’ve been in the past. Briefly visit “the worst thing that could happen” and see if you’d be willing to handle it. That’s what worked for Julia, a client who suffered from excessive worry about making the wrong choice. Julia realized that changing her mind down the road would only be judged a failure if she —and only she— interpreted it that way.

    You are afraid that what you want will require too much sacrifice. — It’s perfectly legitimate to decide that you do not want to pay the price associated with a certain option. Just be clear on two things first: 1) What might you be sacrificing already? 2) What would make the anticipated sacrifice worth it to you? Also keep in mind that sometimes choices appear to be mutually exclusive and yet are not in actuality; there may be a way to bridge your ideas without having to make an all or nothing decision. (More on this here)

    There are too many options and they feel overwhelming. — This can be a good problem and one you can manage by first framing it that way. Then consider a few at a time vs. all the options at once. Write down your thoughts, note your feelings, and enlist someone to help you in sorting through your ideas. Which option piques your curiosity the most? Explore that one first.

    What Are You Eyeing On The Buffet?

    These questions often populate desk plaques and calendars and deserve consideration despite their familiarity: What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try if money and time were not an issue?

    This Week’s Call to Action:

    • Is there something on “the buffet of life” that you’d like to try, perhaps just for fun? Go do it.
    • If you’re having a hard time seeing any options regarding a current situation you want to change or problem you need to solve, get someone to help you generate ideas.
    • If there is a deeper or specific option that keeps calling you, find the courage and make a plan.

    You are wealthier than you know. You have options.

  • Now What? Q &A-Is it the right time to start the program?

    Today’s question is one that is often asked by our readers and is answered by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor.                                                                                                                                        

    Question:

    How do I know if this is the right time for me to start the Now What?® program?

    Answer:

    Here are some examples of other people who considered the same question of when to start.  Perhaps you can relate to them:                       

    Norah, a Benefits Manager in Seattle Washington, was eager to look at her career options and had given herself a deadline for deciding whether to stay on the same path or try something new.  She was happy to find the Now What?® program but wondered about being able to devote the time and energy it would require as she was also working on other goals:  delegating more at work, organizing her home and office, and reducing what she called a “state of clutter”.  Norah’s instinct told her that her hesitation had more to do with her habit of procrastinating as well as some jitters about anticipated changes that might result from this work.  She decided to go ahead and begin the program with my reassurance that she could give herself permission to adjust the pace if needed.  Norah was pleased to discover that the first trio of chapters in Now What?® are about moving through “blocks to clarity” and this supported her goal to reduce clutter.  Reaching the midpoint of the program, Norah had made significant discoveries about what makes her unique and what brings purpose and meaning to her work.  She is now looking forward to researching potential fields of interest however has decided to take a break before completing the second half of the program, so that she can focus exclusively on specific health issues that need to be addressed.  For Norah, this is the right decision at this time.

    Mark, a software analyst, tells me that he’s had the Now What?® book for a few years and while he’s made some discoveries on his own, he is ready to go deeper by working with a coach.  Mark thinks he’s allowed the status quo for too long and now feels a sense of urgency to first identify and then make the changes that will bring him greater fulfillment in his career and allow him to spend more time with his family.

    When Anita, an IT professional, first began the Now What?® program two years ago she had a dual strategy of: 1) finding a new job as soon as possible so that she could leave a stress-filled work environment and 2) doing the creative soul searching about where she might ultimately want to take her career.  Anita has since changed jobs and is working in a much better environment.  She is also pursuing a variety of interests outside work that are bringing her much enjoyment.  Anita comments that she only wishes she had started the Now What?® program sooner and advises others not to wait.

    Only you can say when it’s the right time to invest your energy in making a change.  While it’s important to check your commitment level and be willing to make some time for the work, it is not necessary (or possible) to wait for all the ducks to be in a row.  The bottom line is that if you are drawn to this work, then pay attention to that inkling and take a step to find out more.  Pick up the book, take the quiz, talk to one of our coaches, or sign up for the The Now What?® Newsletter and come to the next community call hosted by Laura.  What is telling you that it’s the right time to move forward?

  • There’s No Comparison

    by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

    This Is Your Life 

    I was 30 years old and sitting in a counselor’s office contemplating the next chapter of my life, having recently decided to get divorced. Elaine (the counselor) commented that she had observed it often took about six years post-divorce to be ready for a serious relationship again. While on one level I was at peace and looking forward to a fresh start, on another level I had an overriding feeling that could be summed up in three words: I’m so behind.

    Elaine smiled with understanding and offered these reassuring words: This is your life, no one else’s. Right in that moment, I got it. How was I behind? Was someone keeping track? Elaine was right. I could bemoan how my life looked on paper compared to someone else’s at this snapshot in time or I could look at my life with curiosity and wonder. I could respect how it was unfolding as uniquely mine, bumps and all. I chose the latter.

    Eyes Straight Ahead

    Olympic coaches tell their swimmers to keep their eyes straight ahead. You only lose time if you glance to the left or right to see what swimmers in the other lanes are doing. When your eyes are straight ahead you can focus on making your personal best.

    Kelly, a client who coached with me last year, had a significant breakthrough once she realized how much her habit of comparing herself to others was holding her back. Here’s how she describes it:

    I believe I finally got rid of the “shoulds” in my thinking, as well as comparing myself to others, and also learned that most decisions I make do not have to be permanent and final. These lessons learned have felt like a giant weight being lifted off my shoulders and I am able to relax and enjoy the process of discovering/developing my purpose and passion each day.

    Think of how you love your friends, foibles and all. In fact, some of their vulnerabilities are what make them even more endearing and precious to you. The same holds true when you allow yourself to fall in love with your own life.

    A Rich Tapestry

    What if there were no such thing as being behind, a late bloomer, or having to play catch up? Opt out of that game and instead, see your life as a rich tapestry of unique moments, insights gained, scars earned, courageous acts, lessons learned, love given, and extraordinary gifts exchanged. There is no comparison to your life’s tapestry. It is extremely rare and one of a kind.

    This Week: For any challenge you are currently experiencing —a downsizing, stressful situation at work, a breakup, illness, or anything else that could be perceived as a setback— see it as a significant part of your life’s tapestry and notice how this colors your outlook.

     

    “I must Create a System, or be enslaved by another Man’s;
    I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.”
    — William Blake

  • The Effect You Have

    by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

    Today’s profile demonstrates that while sometimes big changes are needed to fulfill your life’s passion, it’s not always necessary to carve out an entirely new career path. For some people, passion is directly related to the fields they choose. For others, passion exists alongside the career, each supporting the other.

    Mindy’s Story

    In 2006, Mindy participated in a Now What?® Group Coaching Program to explore possible new paths to take her career. Interestingly, what emerged as a powerful theme was her love of music and her desire to pick up the violin again. This clue informed her as she sought to articulate her purpose — who she is at her core. Mindy expresses this as: to bring lightness of spirit to other people. She began to give her niece violin lessons and eventually joined a community orchestra.

    Today Mindy attends weekly rehearsals and performs at concerts once a month. Mindy has had the honor of playing second chair First Violin and in order to hold her place she must practice consistently and compete with her fellow players on quality. Playing the violin is an activity Mindy enjoys alongside her full time job as a Support Availability Manager with an IT Management Software and Solutions Company.

    What Mindy said upon completion of the coaching program in 2006:

    “I liked the way we were to let go of our previously conceived “can’t” list and work from a place in the past when we were invited to dream more on our future… and that to do this process we had to remain open and not pigeon-hole ourselves.”

    “The most meaningful discovery I made… is that regardless of where I work, I create my reality by my choices.”

    What Mindy says today:

    “Each week at concerts, I’m aware that by stepping out of my work reality into this other aspect of my life, I am completely taken over by it.  When I am through, I notice a change in my sense of self.  It challenges me in a way I am not utilizing for work, and I am giving something that seems very tangible to people who get a new experience at every concert we play.  It is a bit Zen-like because when I am through, my senses are reawakened, I even breathe differently, and I am at peace — I don’t get that any place else. I almost can’t drive my car correctly after rehearsals!”

    What Affects You?

    What accompanied Mindy’s clarity of purpose was not a drastic career change but rather a desire to pick up the violin again after many years. Just as she wanted to “bring lightness of spirit” to others, Mindy experiences lightness of spirit when she abandons herself to the music. And so it goes with living your purpose. The effect you have on others is directly related to what affects you deeply.

    This Week, consider:

    Like playing the violin for Mindy, what affects you deeply? What kinds of things are you drawn to? When you are engaged in them, what is the effect you have on others?

    What brings you lightness of spirit? Whatever it is, make some room for it this holiday season and share it with those around you.

  • Now What? Q &A: Help Others to Help You

    Today’s question came from a caller from New Jersey during a recent Community Call and is answered by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor.

    Question:

    I’m working my way through the Now What? program and am on Chapter 11.  Can you elaborate on what it means to “correct the behavior” of people in your life who are trying to be supportive but say things that aren’t necessarily helpful? 

    Answer:

    Chapter 11 is about setting up a support team, something that can make all the difference when you are getting ready to make a big change in your life.  A movie scene from Jerry Maguire comes to mind when Jerry says to Rod, “Help me help you.”   One way you can help people who are on your support team to help you is by getting specific and informing them of exactly what would be helpful vs. not so helpful.  This can also mean asking someone to stop doing certain things.

    For example, if you have a friend who likes to jump right in with advice and what you really need is for someone to listen without trying to fix things for you, you’ll need to tell your friend.  You can say: Linda, sometimes when I share a challenge I’m having, rather than solving it for me, what I’m really looking for is for you to just listen because that helps me process what I’m saying.  Is that something you’d be willing to do?

    It’s important to note that some people will respond positively to your requests and others might not.  At that point, you can assess whether that person is really someone whom you can count as part of your support system.

  • Now What? Q &A: Doubts, Fears, & Big Undertakings

    Today’s question is an excerpt from Ginny’s interview with lawyer-turned-chef, Andy Broder, highlighted in yesterday’s article.

    GINNY: Once you decided to build your own studio, was there any point where you had doubts or fears arise?  And if so, how did you deal with them?

    ANDY:  Well, I think there are always doubts. I don’t think I had doubts about specifically wanting to do it. I knew that it was for me going to be a big undertaking. I think that when you’re in the mode of saying, “I like this prospect and I think it’s going to be good,” and you’re being creative about it and you’re practical at the same time, and you’re applying tools to take ideas and turn them into something that’s a real thing, that if you are excited about it, you have concerns or those fears but you deal with them and you keep moving towards your goal.