Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Laura Berman Fortgang

WHY CAN’T I GET OFF THE COUCH?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

There is a fascinating phenomenon going on that I have observed through conversations with clients, would-be clients and being engaged on the internet.  Well-educated, usually highly motivated people are paralyzed by the thought of sending out resumes and finding another job, even if they need to financially.  Some of them are even medicated, under treatment for depression.  You know, the symptoms—“if you have a loss of interest in things you usually enjoy for two weeks or more, tell your doctor…”

I am not surprised. I’m really not, but I know that the folks who are going through it are. They don’t recognize themselves. They don’t know the person who would not do whatever it took to meet their obligations and take care of their families and themselves.  The turmoil caused by the disparity present many symptoms that might drive someone into therapy but that may not get to the root cause.

The source, in my humble opinion, is the daunting recognition that you paid a high price for the career or job you are now mourning and that you are so bruised by it that you do not want to go back as much as you think you should.  You think you have no other option. You figuratively see graffiti everywhere that says: “NO WAY OUT!”  Feeling paralyzed by the need to get back to work but the dread of going back to work is what likely threw you on the couch. The one at home and maybe the one at the shrink’s.  But there is a way out and here is what I see that works for others and could work for you.

DARE TO SAY IT

Though our parents and grandparents may have never dreamed of happiness being criteria for choosing a job or career, it is very much part of who people are today.  It’s OK to say so.

Dare to say out loud that you can’t go back from whence you came.  It’s OK.

We can link the lack of physical and mental well being to a toxic workplace now and as much as someone might think we just need to ‘grow up and deal with it’, many people would rather stay on the couch than subject themselves to certain conditions.

GET MOVING AGAIN

Exercise, meet people for lunch, go to a museum—get your body moving again and be out in the world.  After job loss, it’s fine to take some recovery time, but when recovery turns you into a wind up toy bouncing into the walls or eventually winding down to nothing, it’s time to MOVE.  Any kind of movement will do but get out, move and be accountable somewhere.

DABBLE IN FICTION

Write down dream scenarios for your work.  Drill down to what you really want as impossible as it may seem.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how or if you have any connections to make it happen.  All that matters is that you knock the truth out of your brain and get it out onto a page.  Just as you dared to say what you couldn’t stand, you now have to dare to say what you do want as far-fetched as it may be.

RESEARCH THE IMPOSSIBLE

Now, take that ‘impossible dream’ and start talking to people who might know people who might know people who can help.  Scour the internet and even call people you don’t know to find out how they’ve accomplished what they done.  Do approach people in a professional manner ( I can’t believe I have to even say that, but you would not believe the inquiries I get sometimes!  People barking orders like my phone was the drive-up window at McDonald’s!)

The way you start moving the tides away from your couch and back into the world of work is to get your energy back by surfing the waves of change and possibility.  When you explore, you’ll be amazed at the solutions that might come your way.  NO WAY OUT, become THIS WAY OUT, and even if the end result is only a small change from your last position, it will have come to be with a greater understanding of who you are and what you want.  With that knowledge, you are much more likely to make good choices and attract better opportunities.

If you take these steps, hopefully, the next time you are on the couch is just to kick off your shoes after a great day at work!  Good luck and let us know how we can help.

 

THE ANSWER MAY BE ON THE PRAIRIE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Speaking at a session of “Lives in Transition” a networking and support group north of New York City, I was inspired by the resourcefulness of the participants. Many had started businesses or were charging for services to make money knowing that waiting for their respective industries to get back to hiring was not the smartest strategy.

It’s time to tell you about my “Little House on the Prairie Theory”. You see, for about a dozen years, I have not been able to shake the occasional vision of the aerial view of the town where the famous TV series took place. A long camera shot centered on the white church/schoolhouse in a dirt clearing that included the general store, the doctor’s office and a few other sundry buildings and businesses.

It was only a few years ago that I began to understand why I was seeing this image in my mind’s eye. I interpret its meaning to be a symbol for how we are somewhat moving backwards in time in the evolution of work. It’s coming around full circle. As more and more people are forced to reinvent, there seems to be a homecoming to varied skills, talents, gifts and strengths that are leading people back to selling their wares and focusing on their skill set the way an artisan would.

Does this mean that the best option in the slow recovery is to be in your own business? Not necessarily, but it does mean thinking like an artist when it comes to finding what is marketable about you. It may not be the same skill set that you’ve been making the theme of your resume. It may very well be something you loved in the past or that you do as a hobby or that is the sweet spot about whatever you did for employment in the past.

The key is leveraging that thing to make money. It may not be the same money you were used to, but it will put you on the path to recovery and only time will tell what else.

Martin B. did all the right things lining up his life as a young man to complete school and qualify for a corporate employee’s life. Having done so well compared to his family, he questioned his sanity when a job layoff had him considering other options for his future other than landing another corporate job. He thought he was nuts when he was fantasizing about making a career out of his love for the great outdoors. As luck would have it, someone he knew was selling a small resort in a mountainous area near by. He was not ready to invest so heavily but he also could not ignore the depth of the calling in his heart.

As I’ve seen with many people before, coincidences like the one above can scare the bejeezus out of people. Granted, there are many real considerations to making such a huge leap, but I cannot discount the timing of admitting to something you would love to do and having a possible opportunity suddenly pop up.

Martin started making more trips into nature and accepting invitations to travel that would keep him outdoors. The time in open space did a lot for reaching greater clarity and gaining resolve. No definite changes have happened yet, but I predict it’s just a matter of time.

I see more and more people being willing to make big changes to their lifestyles to live life doing something that is meaningful to them. Even if that’s not you, follow the clues to your next steps set out by those things that are truly unique to you. They are not in your life for no good reason. The reason is huge. It’s up to you if it’s compelling enough to take action on it.

Me and my wagon— we’ll be out in the Prairie waiting for you. After all, my name isn’t Laura for no reason.

What’s Energy Got To Do With It?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Feeling stuck stinks.  Nothing’s working. Everything weighs heavily on you and clarity just doesn’t want to come.  As the anxiety grows and  you try harder to make decisions or force answers, the worse things seem to get.  So what do you do?

Here’s what I’d ask you to do.  I’d ask you to take your mind off a problem that has no solution yet.  I’d suggest that you do something that will increase your energy.  Have some fun, exercise, pamper yourself in some way or do something just because you enjoy it.  I’ll expect one of two reactions:  Relief or more anxiety assuming you would feel hugely irresponsible not continuing to beat your head against the wall.

Let me explain what’s at work here.  When your body is stressed and constricted, there is no flow.  What does that mean?  Your energy is being consumed by stress and not being free to draw your interest to places that will make a difference to your career transition.  Your energy is blocked.

It comes down to an energetic equation.  What multiplies your energy and what subtracts it?  In other words, what energizes you and what drains you?  Worry and struggle drain you.  Creative, athletic, connective, loving, educational, or nurturing activities expand you and likely give you energy.  As counter-intuitive as it seems to take your focus off of your dilemma before it is solved, it is exactly what can lead to the breakthrough you seek.

The end of the year is here.  Time to unplug. It’s not a race to the finish line.  If clarity is not yours yet, absorb the slower pace of the next several days if possible and use them to slow down, observe, be more mindful and look for clues.  If you do know what’s next, set the stage for crossing over into another year by getting things in order so you can take action as soon as everyone is back at their desks.  In either case, enjoy!

Happy Holidays and to ALL a very productive and meaningful 2012.

“The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talent to produce outstanding results.” Tony Robbins

COMMITMENT In A WORLD OF FAST CHANGE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

In our short-attention-span, instant-gratification, electronic world, it gets increasingly harder for people to stick with something.  Everything changes so quickly—our amazing new gizmo will become obsolete in two years or less, as will our initiatives in the workplace or at home. So many changes, at ever increasing speeds, makes it hard to commit to anything!

Why bother?

Well, there’s the obvious.  Commitment will get you where you want to go. Put on blinders, see nothing else, stay put and don’t wander.  Stay on task, stay focused.  The tougher part of commitment, however, is settling in on why one should commit—to anything.  If it’s going to change next month, isn’t it futile?

How does one commit in a hailstorm of change?  There are two ways: know where you’re headed and be loyal to a way of being instead of an actual task.  When you have a big picture of what you want to accomplish, it is easier to commit despite setbacks and changes.  Is it a 50-year marriage?  An income amount?  A certain company or college you want to get in to?  Stay loyal to that picture and be willing to do whatever it takes and change as many times as you have to to get there.

Secondly, decide (latin root: cut off all other options) WHO you want to be on this journey to the big picture.  Stressed and harried or collected and determined?  Choose a way of being that will fuel the journey to the big picture.  How you behave is much more in your control than all the circumstances are.  So choose carefully, and live that way of being the way a sailboat would catch the wind to get where it wants to go.

This reminds me of the Harry Potter series.  Harry’s big picture—make the most of his gifts of wizardry.  Harry’s way of being—take the high road, use his magic for good.  It doesn’t mean he didn’t have to pull a few punches, because he did.  However, he prevailed to conquer evil.  He had no idea of how he’d get there.  He had to change at every turn and be agile and quick.  He could not stay the same.  Only become better and better versions of himself.

That is what is being asked of you now.  To keep fine tuning the best of what you have to give and use it to it’s greatest advantage. For then and only then, will we make any sense of the unpredictability of change.

SUSPENDED REALITY

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

THERE COMES A TIME, in almost every career transition, when clarity comes and a sense of determination kicks in despite every logical  reason for it not to.  There comes a suspended reality where you almost can’t believe you are moving forward in this new chosen direction yet there is no turning back.  A cocoon of reason disintegrates and transforms into a new being that can take flight.  It is in this suspended reality that courage comes and doors begin to open without logical explanation as to why. 

In the movie, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, the hero must step out into an infinite abyss to get help to his ailing father.  With each step out into the nothingness, a rock floor would appear to catch him and allow forward motion towards his goal.  That same suspended reality is what it feels like to follow a new direction for your life and career that you know is right but have no evidence or indication of getting the result you want.

How do you do it?

Up The Faith

When you operate in space without a net, where most people in your life think you’ve lost your marbles, you have to believe in your self and the goodness of life in general to make it work.  It’s not the time to be a realist.  It’s a time to be naïve and assume that everyone and everything will work in your favor.  It often will when you become a self-contained, pressurized bottle full of faith.

Follow The Breadcrumbs

When you are researching a new field, trying to find a job or pursuing a specific goal in your new direction, every lead is a hot one.  Being in the gap between now and future busyness in your new career, you have the luxury of time.  You cannot afford to ignore any possibility that can take you in your new direction.  Talking to one person can lead to the next person and so on.  You will be amazed at the path that gets laid out in front of you as you diligently walk through every open door. 

Keep a Solid Home Base

All this is not to say you should abandon all reason.  What allows you to move forward with blind faith and curious tenacity is having a solid home base to operate from.  You’ll need at least one person who believes in you when the rest of your posse thinks you’re nuts.  If possible, keeping your day job will help too even though you’ll have less time for fact-finding.  And if you are in between things, it’s OK, you can still have a solid base. Decide what you can invest in yourself financially and give yourself the time to make the transition.  If that is not in the cards, a solid base is harder, but not impossible.  It’ll then be built on the faith we talked about above and involving others so you can move along more quickly.  Ask, ask, ask—for help, support—whatever you need. Create a base of emotional support no matter which level of financial cushion you can operate from.

A recent client made a decision to act on a long-time hunch that it was time to move on from his current job. Despite the uncertainty of the economy and the ‘sure thing’ that his position was after 20 years with the company, he knew he had to do it.  He got on the phone and explored every hint, tip or lead that was given to him.  Despite his family’s fears that he was blowing a good thing, he persevered, went on interviews, visited other folks that had moved on from his company years before and went to industry events to meet new people to talk to.  He did find a new job that he was happy with and six months later, learned that his former company was making layoffs in the department he had been a part of!

Acting on a hunch will usually lead you to enter a suspended reality.  That’s what we at Now What?® Coaching are here for.  Meet our facilitators.

IS Your DRIVE Derailing YOU?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Finding yourself losing your satisfaction with your work or feeling like you just can’t motivate yourself the way you used to?  Maybe you are even losing steam on a job search.  Whatever the scenario, knowing why you are doing something and having a compelling reason to do so (besides a pay check) is a huge factor in succeeding at what you want to do. 

Many people don’t realize it, but their loss of interest or mojo may have everything to do with what had motivated them in the past to get them to where they are now.  What I mean is that we can actually outgrow our motivation! For example, if you were motivated to not be poor like your parents and now you have plenty of money but are losing interest in your work, it may very well be because you are not running on a motivator that means anything to you today.  You already reached where the old motivation got you to!  It’s time for a new drive!

On the other hand, there are situations where people are sooooo driven, that they ruin their relationships or the quality of their lives in tireless pursuit.  Neither way seems to be how we are supposed to be living.  The ideal, as years of listening to people tells me, is to have passion and a sensible balance (although not always consistent or perfect).

To find new motivation that is both healthy and up to date think about the following questions:

What vow did you make a long time ago that may now need updating?

(i.e. I’ll never be poor like my parents or I won’t be stuck like my mother/father was or I won’t be a teenage pregnancy statistic)

What needs must be met for you to be happy at work?

What issue calls you or galls you to the point where it motivates you to take action?

What image for the future compels you to want to make it happen?

When you are running on new fuel that matches who you are today and that means something to you, you will find it so much easier to take action even in the face of adversity.

Get into DRIVE and go!!!!