Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Laura Berman Fortgang

Purpose Is A Journey, Not A Destination

By on

by Now What?® Coaching  Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

(Originally published at Huffington Post )

It’s not uncommon in personal development curriculum to explore what one’s life purpose is. It’s a worthy pursuit to answer the age-old question of “What am I meant to do?” and yet I know it to be a confusing and painful process for some people.

Do you agonize over finding your purpose? Do you reject what you think your purpose might be because it’s not “big enough”? Do you wonder if you are really meant to do anything significant with your life?

I am a huge proponent of figuring out one’s purpose and living it fully. The part I have a problem with is the misconceptions people have about finding it and what they think it should be.

Finding one’s purpose in life is not the destination. Once you recognize it, own it and begin to fulfill it, you have launched yourself on a journey of twist and turns that will take the rest of your life to complete.

You see, purpose is not something you choose. It’s not a slogan or a bumper sticker that if you like it, you don it on your car or business card. Purpose chooses you. It is something you ARE, not something you DO. And that’s where most folks go wrong… they use a WHAT to describe what is really a WHO.

“My purpose is to make a difference.”
“I help other people.”
“My purpose is to make an impact on everyone I meet.”
“My purpose is to create the biggest _________ (fill in the blank with a save-the-world project).”

These are not WHO qualities that are as central to your being as your DNA. These are WHATs or “to-dos” that you think will make you a better person if acted upon.

Purpose reflects your life’s blood. The energy that runs through you that is the unique contribution you make anywhere you go/are. It doesn’t require a heck of a lot on your part. It’s just part of who you are. People gravitate toward this essence of your being that affects them intellectually, spiritually, emotionally or even physically.

Really, no two people’s purposes are alike. Two people may have similar ones, but no two will express their purpose in exactly the same way. For example, maybe you are a voice for justice, a midwife to ideas or to people’s potential, a bridge to peace or communication, or someone who calls forth smiles, or someone who empowers. You may be an action, you may be a noun. It doesn’t matter, but it is something you just are and always have been, even if you stand still and do nothing. People gravitate to you for this.

One of my favorite stories about purpose comes from The Mutant Message Down Under by Marlo Morgan, which is an account of a woman being kidnapped by Aborigines in the Australian outback and being forced to live with them. One of her observations was that no one in the tribe had a biblical or given name. Their name was their purpose in the tribe. The songstress, the peacemaker, the cook, the medicine woman — they were their function. In this case, they are described in nouns but they were not the to-dos of that function. That function was undeniably who they were. They would not be themselves without fulfilling that function. Interesting to me as well was that they only celebrated birthdays when they evolved to a new level of purpose rather than when the lunar calendar came around to the date of their birth.

Imagine the peace you would have if you truly understood your part in the whole in that way. Imagine the focus to your every day. That is the gift of uncovering and living your purpose.

If you are one of the people still not clear about your purpose, keep in mind there are two criteria that tell you you’ve found it: 1) It’s something you already are or do naturally, and 2) it impacts others. No one has a purpose alone in a vacuum.

Not being able to name it gives people a lot of distress, but it could simply mean there is more inner work to be done before you are ready to live your purpose fully.

Many also worry that their purpose needs to be grand or world-changing. I call this the “Mother Theresa Syndrome” — as if one’s purpose is not worthy if it is not on the fast track to sainthood. Ironically, it was Mother Theresa herself who said: “We do not DO great things. We do small things with GREAT LOVE.” And there begins the promise of purpose. When we all give with great care, understanding, respect, and compassion, we are fulfilling our reason for being. The ripple effect is initiated and it is not ours to control.

So, please, forget crafting a purpose statement. It’s not a destination or the promised land. Make the journey to just being real. When you are fully and undeniably yourself, you won’t have to ask what your purpose is, because you’ll already be living it. It is as simple as that. It’ll just be you!

For more by Laura Berman Fortgang, click here.

CLEAR THE WAY TO CLARITY (AND MOMENTUM)

By on

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news.  It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck.  If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.

When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.

Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time.  My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum.  I knew it was time to revisit the basics.  I changed my game with food and the gym.  I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.

I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor.  Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post  because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.

I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.

MOVE—Get your body moving.  If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!

DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items.  Immediately!  (not someday)

ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively.  For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk?  Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.

SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.

INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you.  Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.

All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding.  From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.

Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again.  It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.

We’re here if you need help.

“Dumb” Ideas That Made Millions

By on

When brothers Shep and Ian Murray started Vineyard Vines, a tie company based on Martha’s Vineyard, they were told it was a dumb idea.  When Rick Wetzel of Wetzel’s Pretzels decided to run with his wife’s idea to sell big, soft pretzels at the mall, he sold his Harley to raise funds.  The genesis of the Marshmallow Fun Company was a homemade toy that Kim and Beaver Raymond created for their son.  In today’s post, learn about the  humble beginnings of these and other companies that now net millions.  While there are many factors to consider before making the leap to start a business, stories like these remind us to humor ourselves a bit before we disregard what could be a fun and lucrative venture.

“People Who Quit Their Jobs and Made Millions.”

 

PUSHING THROUGH THE WAIT

By on

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

High on the list of painful experiences, in my opinion, is waiting.  Waiting for answers to a job interview, a college  application, a turn in your luck, or any other potentially life-changing outcome.  There is little comfort in holding your breath to see how the rest of the story is going to turn out.

Even beyond those suspenseful moments, is the kind of waiting that has been going on for people in career transition during the last three years of the Great Recession.  It’s the most grueling kind of waiting. Waiting for clarity.  Waiting for a relief from the financial bleeding.  Waiting for a contact to come through or better yet, a job or business momentum that seems sustainable.

So much self-torture happens on top of the pain of waiting.  Beating yourself up, wondering if your choices got you where you are, the fights that happen at home from the stress of facing the unknowns.  As bad as this all sounds, there is a way out or at least many things that can help reduce the strain.

SELF CARE

Being nice to yourself and taking extra good care of your body, mind and spirit is really important when you are in waiting hell.  You may not have the budget you are used to, but this is a good time to come up with creative ways to be good to yourself.  If you gave up the gym membership, you can still walk and do calisthenics.  If you can’t get an expensive service at the salon, do one at home or find a new place that offers a discount to first timers.  Be aware of eating well and being around positive people.  Care for your mind with rest, relaxation and keep any berating self-talk at bay.

STRUCTURE

I’ve mentioned this in other articles, but creating a structure for your day is really important if you are waiting for answers or for something to land.  Without structure, it’s easy to get depressed, oversleep and waste time in front of the TV or computer.

Make a schedule for yourself.  A time to get up, a period of time you will work daily on your career transition, scheduled exercise, meetings out of the house and most importantly, have something to look forward to every day whether it’s a good book you are reading, a person you are going to see or some form of entertainment.

CONNECTION

It’s natural for many people to isolate during an uncomfortable time and especially if they are embarrassed or ashamed of their situation in any way.  The waiting game is the worst time for isolation.  Connecting with others is so crucial to keeping your spirits up and engaging fully with life. 

See people, join a group of like-minded folks—career transitioners or any common interest group, and take time to tell the people you care about how they can support you during the wait.  Do you want distractions? Do you want people to listen to some venting?  Do you want hands-on help with anything? Be clear, be honest and DON’T isolate.

Also under connection, is connecting with yourself.  Whether through prayer, meditation or journaling, connect with you and the sources of power you believe in.  This is a time to stay connecting and not shut down.

ACTION KEEP MOVING FORWARD

The best antidote to waiting is not waiting.  It’s continuing to take action.  Yes, sometimes, action for action’s sake.  Action looks like networking, calling people, researching on the internet, making connections.  It means taking risks and not letting waiting get the best of you.

I can’t wait for this time in the history of the American and Global Economy to be a distant memory, but in the meanwhile, we want to support you to get where you want to go.  Let us know if we can help.

Our next free call is this WED, March 7th 2012 

 

 

WHY CAN’T I GET OFF THE COUCH?

By on

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

There is a fascinating phenomenon going on that I have observed through conversations with clients, would-be clients and being engaged on the internet.  Well-educated, usually highly motivated people are paralyzed by the thought of sending out resumes and finding another job, even if they need to financially.  Some of them are even medicated, under treatment for depression.  You know, the symptoms—“if you have a loss of interest in things you usually enjoy for two weeks or more, tell your doctor…”

I am not surprised. I’m really not, but I know that the folks who are going through it are. They don’t recognize themselves. They don’t know the person who would not do whatever it took to meet their obligations and take care of their families and themselves.  The turmoil caused by the disparity present many symptoms that might drive someone into therapy but that may not get to the root cause.

The source, in my humble opinion, is the daunting recognition that you paid a high price for the career or job you are now mourning and that you are so bruised by it that you do not want to go back as much as you think you should.  You think you have no other option. You figuratively see graffiti everywhere that says: “NO WAY OUT!”  Feeling paralyzed by the need to get back to work but the dread of going back to work is what likely threw you on the couch. The one at home and maybe the one at the shrink’s.  But there is a way out and here is what I see that works for others and could work for you.

DARE TO SAY IT

Though our parents and grandparents may have never dreamed of happiness being criteria for choosing a job or career, it is very much part of who people are today.  It’s OK to say so.

Dare to say out loud that you can’t go back from whence you came.  It’s OK.

We can link the lack of physical and mental well being to a toxic workplace now and as much as someone might think we just need to ‘grow up and deal with it’, many people would rather stay on the couch than subject themselves to certain conditions.

GET MOVING AGAIN

Exercise, meet people for lunch, go to a museum—get your body moving again and be out in the world.  After job loss, it’s fine to take some recovery time, but when recovery turns you into a wind up toy bouncing into the walls or eventually winding down to nothing, it’s time to MOVE.  Any kind of movement will do but get out, move and be accountable somewhere.

DABBLE IN FICTION

Write down dream scenarios for your work.  Drill down to what you really want as impossible as it may seem.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how or if you have any connections to make it happen.  All that matters is that you knock the truth out of your brain and get it out onto a page.  Just as you dared to say what you couldn’t stand, you now have to dare to say what you do want as far-fetched as it may be.

RESEARCH THE IMPOSSIBLE

Now, take that ‘impossible dream’ and start talking to people who might know people who might know people who can help.  Scour the internet and even call people you don’t know to find out how they’ve accomplished what they done.  Do approach people in a professional manner ( I can’t believe I have to even say that, but you would not believe the inquiries I get sometimes!  People barking orders like my phone was the drive-up window at McDonald’s!)

The way you start moving the tides away from your couch and back into the world of work is to get your energy back by surfing the waves of change and possibility.  When you explore, you’ll be amazed at the solutions that might come your way.  NO WAY OUT, become THIS WAY OUT, and even if the end result is only a small change from your last position, it will have come to be with a greater understanding of who you are and what you want.  With that knowledge, you are much more likely to make good choices and attract better opportunities.

If you take these steps, hopefully, the next time you are on the couch is just to kick off your shoes after a great day at work!  Good luck and let us know how we can help.

 

THE ANSWER MAY BE ON THE PRAIRIE

By on

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Speaking at a session of “Lives in Transition” a networking and support group north of New York City, I was inspired by the resourcefulness of the participants. Many had started businesses or were charging for services to make money knowing that waiting for their respective industries to get back to hiring was not the smartest strategy.

It’s time to tell you about my “Little House on the Prairie Theory”. You see, for about a dozen years, I have not been able to shake the occasional vision of the aerial view of the town where the famous TV series took place. A long camera shot centered on the white church/schoolhouse in a dirt clearing that included the general store, the doctor’s office and a few other sundry buildings and businesses.

It was only a few years ago that I began to understand why I was seeing this image in my mind’s eye. I interpret its meaning to be a symbol for how we are somewhat moving backwards in time in the evolution of work. It’s coming around full circle. As more and more people are forced to reinvent, there seems to be a homecoming to varied skills, talents, gifts and strengths that are leading people back to selling their wares and focusing on their skill set the way an artisan would.

Does this mean that the best option in the slow recovery is to be in your own business? Not necessarily, but it does mean thinking like an artist when it comes to finding what is marketable about you. It may not be the same skill set that you’ve been making the theme of your resume. It may very well be something you loved in the past or that you do as a hobby or that is the sweet spot about whatever you did for employment in the past.

The key is leveraging that thing to make money. It may not be the same money you were used to, but it will put you on the path to recovery and only time will tell what else.

Martin B. did all the right things lining up his life as a young man to complete school and qualify for a corporate employee’s life. Having done so well compared to his family, he questioned his sanity when a job layoff had him considering other options for his future other than landing another corporate job. He thought he was nuts when he was fantasizing about making a career out of his love for the great outdoors. As luck would have it, someone he knew was selling a small resort in a mountainous area near by. He was not ready to invest so heavily but he also could not ignore the depth of the calling in his heart.

As I’ve seen with many people before, coincidences like the one above can scare the bejeezus out of people. Granted, there are many real considerations to making such a huge leap, but I cannot discount the timing of admitting to something you would love to do and having a possible opportunity suddenly pop up.

Martin started making more trips into nature and accepting invitations to travel that would keep him outdoors. The time in open space did a lot for reaching greater clarity and gaining resolve. No definite changes have happened yet, but I predict it’s just a matter of time.

I see more and more people being willing to make big changes to their lifestyles to live life doing something that is meaningful to them. Even if that’s not you, follow the clues to your next steps set out by those things that are truly unique to you. They are not in your life for no good reason. The reason is huge. It’s up to you if it’s compelling enough to take action on it.

Me and my wagon— we’ll be out in the Prairie waiting for you. After all, my name isn’t Laura for no reason.