Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Laura Berman Fortgang

JUST SAY ‘YES’ AND BEAT THE ODDS

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Weather, global finance, national recovery: It’s such a time of negative, gloomy news that it’s easy to get dragged down. There is plenty of evidence that the gloom and doom is true and may be apt to set your expectations accordingly.  But should you?

Absolutely not!

As naïve as it may sound, there is no better time to become determined that YOU will beat the odds!  In recent weeks, I’ve had clients get great job offers, sell a home at a good price, get more work at a higher fee than previously and land a seemingly miraculous opportunity.  In a time when those things are supposedly scarce, how did these people do it?

They said “YES.” 

First of all, they said yes to themselves.  They knew they were worth what they wanted and they behaved accordingly.  They asked for what they wanted instead of underbidding in fear that tough times could not accommodate their true wants.

They made a YES list.  They were specific about what they wanted, how much they wanted to be paid and the conditions that would surround getting the result.  So, it wasn’t just selling the house; it was selling the house for more than was needed for the next place, to people they were happy to sell to.

Finally, they also entertained every offer or step with an open mind.  They did not judge or become jaded. They were open to meeting anyone who showed up in their life as a possible vehicle for the next step in getting to their goal.

Whether it’s a job search, starting a new business, growing an existing one in a new direction or taking on some other thing that conventional wisdom balks at right now, be THE one that beats the odds.  It really just a matter of saying YES.

You Have Options

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by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

More Than You Think

“Being wealthy is not about having money. It’s about having options.” That’s what Chris Rock told Oprah Winfrey in a recent interview. Commenting on his foray into live theatre, Chris framed it as part of his overall desire to try new things. “I should take complete advantage of the buffet that life is.” Speaking passionately he explained why it’s important to try new things, because then at least you will know: “You don’t like it because you tried it, not because you dismissed it.”

You might be thinking: Oh sure, Chris can say that because he has money. Maybe being rich does give him more options, yet how often does the average person dismiss ideas without fully considering them? Are we really low on options or just afraid of pursuing the option we want most? Could it be that we’re wealthier than we realize?

Can You See Them?

You typically have more options than you can see at first glance. There are several reasons for this; check to see if any of them are clouding your view of the future or even your current situation:

You think the option is not realistic. — If this is the case, before dismissing it out of hand ask yourself what about that particular option is appealing to you. There may be information in your answer that yields yet another alternative which is feasible or that expands your thinking about what is possible.

You don’t want to make the wrong choice, be embarrassed, or fail. — What’s required here is to place a greater value on “having tried” than on “failing”. Look for role models who embody this philosophy and give yourself permission to be more adventurous than you’ve been in the past. Briefly visit “the worst thing that could happen” and see if you’d be willing to handle it. That’s what worked for Julia, a client who suffered from excessive worry about making the wrong choice. Julia realized that changing her mind down the road would only be judged a failure if she —and only she— interpreted it that way.

You are afraid that what you want will require too much sacrifice. — It’s perfectly legitimate to decide that you do not want to pay the price associated with a certain option. Just be clear on two things first: 1) What might you be sacrificing already? 2) What would make the anticipated sacrifice worth it to you? Also keep in mind that sometimes choices appear to be mutually exclusive and yet are not in actuality; there may be a way to bridge your ideas without having to make an all or nothing decision. (More on this here)

There are too many options and they feel overwhelming. — This can be a good problem and one you can manage by first framing it that way. Then consider a few at a time vs. all the options at once. Write down your thoughts, note your feelings, and enlist someone to help you in sorting through your ideas. Which option piques your curiosity the most? Explore that one first.

What Are You Eyeing On The Buffet?

These questions often populate desk plaques and calendars and deserve consideration despite their familiarity: What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try if money and time were not an issue?

This Week’s Call to Action:

  • Is there something on “the buffet of life” that you’d like to try, perhaps just for fun? Go do it.
  • If you’re having a hard time seeing any options regarding a current situation you want to change or problem you need to solve, get someone to help you generate ideas.
  • If there is a deeper or specific option that keeps calling you, find the courage and make a plan.

You are wealthier than you know. You have options.

BORROW FROM THE PAST TO CATAPULT YOUR FUTURE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

For at least two years, I have been seeing a pattern in career transition clients that has confirmed a theory that I have relied on for a long time. It seemed that every time a client was really at a standstill in the progress of their career or even their job search, the key to reclaiming momentum and positive results was to pick up a piece of their past passions and add it to the current mix.  Reinventing by including a forgotten piece of a person, seemed to unlock the doors to luck and results.

Recently, I could even add myself to the list of anecdotal evidence.

This year started with a slow drag.  A long time employee had to leave suddenly and one of my children had to spend time in the hospital (all is fine).  It was not the momentum I had anticipated.  Once I finally surrendered to the inevitable pace, I had some time to think and I recognized that I wanted to have a lot more fun with my work.  A series of ah-ha’s finally coalesced to one big volcanic flash of understanding.  I needed to bring a huge piece of my past that had been put aside happily for seventeen years into the present.

You see, at the top of the year I had also treated myself to performing in my first musical in almost twenty years. It was more fun than should have been legal, and although I never consciously thought I missed performing because speaking fills that need for me, I realized I had left way too much of that part of me behind.

The ah-ha then was that I needed to include this in my plans moving forward. I did that by creating three new keynote speeches that included theatre within them instead of my normal, expert-based talks which always included humor but I did not ‘act’ in them.  Within days, I wrote a blog post based on one of them.  In less than 24 hours, I was asked to speak the following week on the topic and two more bookings of the other new keynotes followed.  In a month’s time, two former speaking clients came to me to book me for events, one of them choosing one of these new topics.  The speed and momentum at which this all occurred was monumental.

The doors flying open and the ‘yes’s’ that have ensued are too numerous to list here, but suffice it to say, it has been a welcome infusion of energy, satisfaction and money. Certainly, I also interpret it as a sign to keep moving forward with this new direction.

This is what I know to be true for many of our Now What? clients.  Reinvention today is not about pulling a new idea of the sky, but rather, about folding a forgotten piece into a new form that matches who you are today.  You must identify what that is and engage it now.  Let us know if we can help.

Now What? Q &A-Is it the right time to start the program?

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Today’s question is one that is often asked by our readers and is answered by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor.                                                                                                                                        

Question:

How do I know if this is the right time for me to start the Now What?® program?

Answer:

Here are some examples of other people who considered the same question of when to start.  Perhaps you can relate to them:                       

Norah, a Benefits Manager in Seattle Washington, was eager to look at her career options and had given herself a deadline for deciding whether to stay on the same path or try something new.  She was happy to find the Now What?® program but wondered about being able to devote the time and energy it would require as she was also working on other goals:  delegating more at work, organizing her home and office, and reducing what she called a “state of clutter”.  Norah’s instinct told her that her hesitation had more to do with her habit of procrastinating as well as some jitters about anticipated changes that might result from this work.  She decided to go ahead and begin the program with my reassurance that she could give herself permission to adjust the pace if needed.  Norah was pleased to discover that the first trio of chapters in Now What?® are about moving through “blocks to clarity” and this supported her goal to reduce clutter.  Reaching the midpoint of the program, Norah had made significant discoveries about what makes her unique and what brings purpose and meaning to her work.  She is now looking forward to researching potential fields of interest however has decided to take a break before completing the second half of the program, so that she can focus exclusively on specific health issues that need to be addressed.  For Norah, this is the right decision at this time.

Mark, a software analyst, tells me that he’s had the Now What?® book for a few years and while he’s made some discoveries on his own, he is ready to go deeper by working with a coach.  Mark thinks he’s allowed the status quo for too long and now feels a sense of urgency to first identify and then make the changes that will bring him greater fulfillment in his career and allow him to spend more time with his family.

When Anita, an IT professional, first began the Now What?® program two years ago she had a dual strategy of: 1) finding a new job as soon as possible so that she could leave a stress-filled work environment and 2) doing the creative soul searching about where she might ultimately want to take her career.  Anita has since changed jobs and is working in a much better environment.  She is also pursuing a variety of interests outside work that are bringing her much enjoyment.  Anita comments that she only wishes she had started the Now What?® program sooner and advises others not to wait.

Only you can say when it’s the right time to invest your energy in making a change.  While it’s important to check your commitment level and be willing to make some time for the work, it is not necessary (or possible) to wait for all the ducks to be in a row.  The bottom line is that if you are drawn to this work, then pay attention to that inkling and take a step to find out more.  Pick up the book, take the quiz, talk to one of our coaches, or sign up for the The Now What?® Newsletter and come to the next community call hosted by Laura.  What is telling you that it’s the right time to move forward?

What Language Do You Speak?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Spanish? French? Arabic? German?  Those are not the languages I am looking for when I ask what language do you speak?  I am wondering if you up-language or down-language when you write or speak about yourself.  By that, I mean do you undersell, oversell or get it just right?

Whether you are marketing yourself as a business owner or a job candidate, the use of words is critical to your success.

I have had the recent pleasure of working with a director-level job candidate who exemplified the power of our choice of language.

Her resume read like a younger person with less experience than she really was.  The language was underselling her accomplishments and despite almost fifteen years in her industry, her resume read like that of a young hopeful.

She reworked the language to be more powerful and to better exemplify her solid experience.  Entries like  “Established a ____” became “Maintained full responsibility for ____”.  And  “Implemented _____” became “Pioneered the implementation of ____”.

It was no surprise that interview opportunities started to show up more readily once the changes were made.

Your word choices are colored by how you see yourself.  Are you afraid of bragging? Do you lack confidence in your accomplishments?  On the other extreme, do you embellish the truth too much?  Finding the right balance is key.  A strong self-image is important as long as you can wear ‘the suit’ you carry yourself in well.

Try this:  Have someone read your website, business brochure or resume out loud to you.  Then, answer these questions:

  • How did it feel to hear the language used in your materials?
  • If it was hard to listen to, why do you think that is?
  • Could the documents use some toning down or some ‘up-languaging’?

Before you change anything, have your buddy listen to you reading it.  Get their opinion of your answers to the above and make some changes accordingly.

If your language needs upgrading, be aware that you’ll need to practice saying those words in a mirror or mock interviews to get comfortable wearing them.  If you over embellished, practice being more truthful and know you are enough as you are.  Finally, become very conscious of what you say and please, choose to speak the language of success.

What “I Don’t Know” Really Means

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

“But I don’t know what I want to do!”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

“If only I knew what ‘IT’ was that I was supposed to do!”

I’ve heard all of these statements and more from seminar participants and clients. That overwhelming, anxiety-producing, adrenaline rush bordering on despair, which only someone searching for their next steps can feel. It’s very real, but experience has shown me that it is also grossly misinterpreted.

Sure, sometimes there really is not even an inkling of clarity and that usually requires more down time and stillness to get a spark to come. But for most people, I find that “I don’t know” really means “ I am too afraid to admit it”. You see, somewhere deep inside and maybe secretly expressed, is a dream, a wish, an inkling of an idea that is just too scary to admit. If you do recognize that you have a germ of a direction that interests you, then you may have to take action on it. You may have to be held accountable. You may have to give up life as you know it (suffering and all) to have it. That is HUGELY scary.

I find that “I don’t know” is a knee-jerk reaction to avoid the pain of the truth. “I don’t know” is like a shot of whiskey that keeps you numb and causes procrastination to persist. It amuses your friends or wears them out, but it serves the purpose of avoiding change.

I remember a participant at my Kripalu seminar one year who amused the whole class with her giddy repetition of the ‘I don’t know’ mantra until I finally asked her to take a deep breath and stop laughing when she said she did not know. She sobered up and once out of her adrenaline high could not longer repeat the phrase. I asked her to seriously tell us what little bit of clarity she already had about her career direction. She tried to fly off into giddiness again but I did not let her. Out it came. She admitted that she wanted to start her own business. Her husband, who was sitting next to her, instantly piped in and said: “She’s known that for years but she always has an excuse as to why she can’t do it.”

Busted! She spent the rest of the retreat weekend coming up with a plan instead of playing her ‘less than’ role of a giddy, flaky woman who did not know what she wanted.

What about you? What truths are you covering up with “I don’t know’s”? Put pen to paper and write down the truths you may be too afraid to face.

If you need a kick in the pants to do it, contact one of our facilitators or join me for the Kripalu retreat on April 29th- May 1st.

I don’t believe you don’t know. I believe you are just too scared to admit it. Tell the truth and take action. The world needs what you are afraid of doing.