Now What?® Coaching
from Laura Berman Fortgang
The holidays are upon us! It’s time to switch off business and career mode for a while to gather around the table for too much turkey and enjoy the festivities — surrounded by family and full of love!
This time of year can be truly ✨magical!✨
Or (let’s be honest) it can be dreadful! 😩
If your holidays are anything like mine, it’s usually a bit of both. But I’ve learned to cope with the mix of merriness and minor mayhem by embracing more joy — with love!
A couple of years ago, this season was especially challenging for me as I struggled with the severity of my mother’s dementia. So I got a tattoo on my wrist — L❤️VE — as a reminder to always come from a place of love.
Feeling overscheduled, overwhelmed, and overburdened with responsibilities?
Cringing at the cost of gifts, groceries, and travel, wondering if it’s all worth it?
Bickering (hopefully not brawling!) with loved ones over recent politics or decades-old drama?
Just generally stressing over anything and everything?
You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. I encourage you to focus on love.
Love doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbows, hugs and kisses, or agreeing with anyone on anything unagreeable.
When it comes to the holidays and everything they entail, here’s what I want you to remember —
People come from the limit of their growth and experience.
They can only be as good as they’ve evolved to be.
This includes you (and me).
Can we love anyway? Can we love people for who they are in all their humanness?
Think about this when the tension starts to rise, when your shoulders feel tight, and when you want to tell your Uncle Joe to shut his trap.
Assume everyone’s doing their best, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
Love yourself enough to make this holiday season more magical and less dreadful by remembering the perfection and imperfection that is LOVE.
If you’ve been in my orbit awhile, you might know I’m a musical theater nerd.
Broadway was my background before becoming a coach, and the bright lights still bring me joy and inspiration, even when the production is a movie adaptation, like the new Wicked I just saw this week.
As you can imagine, I love a good show tune! There’s one in Wicked (saved for Part Two of the movie) where the two witches of Oz acknowledge the transformational power of their friendship by singing, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good…”
Changed for the better. Changed forever.
It speaks to the magic and possibility of bringing about change in ourselves and the world around us, at any given moment.
We all have the opportunity to use our lives for good.
Change is happening, and we’re heading into the unknown. But we’re still in charge of where our focus goes for good, for the better and forever.
When things feel outside your control, you can always choose good — to be good, to do good, to create good, and to feel good.
You can:
No matter what we face, we all have the chance to be changed — for good!
Which Wolf Will Win?
We’ve all been dealing with the news of what’s happening in the world around us lately, and it hasn’t always been easy.
Some are pleased, devastated, celebrating, sulking, some victorious, defeated, encouraged, and some are weary.
Very few are indifferent. We’re swimming in a sea of duality.
We have light, we have dark. Good, bad. Love, fear. The push and pull feels like it’s spinning us in circles, not knowing where to turn.
How do we get through this?
I suggest learning to hold both. Accept duality.
The conversations I’ve been hearing remind me of a lesson shared in a Native American parable, perfect for this moment — a story attributed to the Cherokee people called “The Two Wolves.”
A grandfather tells his grandson of two wolves existing within him.
One wolf is filled with negative emotions — anger and hate, wishing harm upon his enemies.
The other wolf represents the positive — joy, serenity, and doing no harm.
The young listener asked the elder which wolf wins.
His answer: “The one I feed.”
The way forward is to decide which wolf to feed.
Will you head toward the light? Will you embrace your community and do what’s right?
Duality will always exist. We can all make our best attempt to carry both: darkness and light, good and evil, fear and love.
Whatever the situation, whether you’re reveling in great news or reeling from a kick in the gut, try embracing duality and deciding which wolf to feed.
You don’t have to betray your values; look deeply within.
What’s next for each of us?
As for me, I’m pretty quiet right now weighing how to continue to feed joy and to strive to spread love in everything I do.
Want to know one of the best ways (by far!) to improve your life, career, and business?
Stop faking it.
Stop putting on an act. Pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t working as well as you think . . .
We’ve been conditioned to believe people will like us better if they perceive us a certain way — successful, rich, sophisticated, charismatic, funny.
Sometimes we think the only way they’ll accept, hire, or promote us is if we share the same interests, hold the same beliefs, and agree on the topic at hand, so we go along with whatever it is to get along. People choose everything from clothing and hairstyles to cars and hobbies just to fit in.
We bend, twist and wear a mask — all in an effort to show up as the most well-received version of ourselves. And the most frightening thing about this mask . . . is taking it off!
Unmasking is shedding your protective gear, making the real you more vulnerable to judgment, criticism, and disapproval.
The fear is real, and it isn’t something that typically resolves on its own. If you’re struggling to show up authentically, try —
Journaling about it; put your feelings down on paper.
Talking about it with someone you trust; open up and connect.
Working with a therapist to get to the bottom of what’s holding YOU back.
Dropping the mask isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
When you live as your authentic self in everything you do, life is less stressful. You’ll realize you were just wasting tons of time and effort putting on an act.
Only you can be you. YOU is what enhances your personal brand like nothing else.
Things like wearing bold, colorful glasses, having a nose ring, and stepping on stage to speak in sneakers are ME. Keeping it real and saying what needs to be said is ME. Showing up as my authentic self boosts my confidence and helps me stand out. What’s YOU?
Be seen, Heard, and the person that the world needs.
The holidays are upon us, which brings in a season of joy and celebration for many.
Happy Hanukkah to those who are celebrating with me this week!
If the thought of heading into the new year as the same old you makes you want to go into hibernation, bear with me (no pun intended!) — I have some ideas!
Figuring out what you want to do with the next season of your life and how to move forward isn’t easy, especially when you feel stuck. But it’s only confusing because you’re not looking deep enough.
Cracking the code is like cracking an egg.
There’s the shell or outside layer: your title, rank, salary, perks, benefits, and perceived status — all things that can be taken away at any moment.
Then there’s the yoke or inner part: your knowledge, experience, confidence, resilience, and substance — the things you carry with you anywhere you go.
It’s what’s inside that counts! But the shell prevents you from recognizing what matters most.
You look in the mirror and see who you appear to be on the outside — an accountant, a lawyer, a project manager, a VP of sales — and can’t imagine showing up as anyone else.
Staying with the holiday theme, it’s like the role we tend to take on within our family structure during the holidays — the drama queen, the people pleaser, the black sheep, the mother hen, the devil’s advocate, the perfectionist.
1. Take out a sheet of paper.
2. Write down the role you tend to fall into around the holidays, how your family perceives you.
3. Write down who you really are.
Ex: They see me as a people pleaser, but I have boundaries and opinions and can say no.
4. Maintain your awareness and don’t react as usual.
Ex: A “people pleaser” would apologize, but I did nothing wrong. I’ll take a deep breath instead.
5. Love your old self in the old role. Love your old self enough to heal her/him and let her/him go.
6. Start showing up in your new role — unapologetically you!
Once you start cracking the shell of who you’ve always been, you’ll get a glimpse of who you are at your core — someone with so much more to offer. You have the power to change.
Are you a “financial analyst” or are you someone who is a meticulous researcher and sharp trend spotter with the ability to develop striking insights that would come in handy if you wanted to become a real estate broker?
Are you a “Director of HR” or someone with strong conflict management skills and a high level of empathy? Maybe your next role is to become a licensed marriage and family therapist.