Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Life Goals

My Holiday Challenge for You

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The holidays are a celebration of light.

That’s right; no matter your tradition, the darkest season of the year is a time to celebrate light.

Short days, long nights. Darkness-inspired reverence for light. Duality.

Fall’s Diwali is a festival of lights that symbolizes the triumph of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance. People decorate their homes with clay lamps called diyas, representing how inner light protects against spiritual darkness, and they align roads to temples with oil lamps.

Hanukkah is a festival of lights that represents liberation from the darkness of oppression. The menorah’s candles are lit to celebrate a story of the miracle of a tiny jar of oil lasting eight days — a rekindling of faith, reemergence of knowledge, and triumph of freedom.

Kwanzaa is celebrated by lighting candles on a kinara to illuminate values held dear and the path to a brighter future. The ceremonial lighting symbolizes the people, their struggle and hope, with enlightening stories told to strengthen shared principles.

Christmas celebrates Christ’s light, which is believed to shine through the darkness; a light that can never be extinguished. The Star of Bethlehem is bright, guiding the way as the light of the world, shining hope on mankind, which is represented by flickering candles and sparkling strings of bulbs.

The holidays are a time of year to be kind, generous, and nice to one another. It’s a time to seek and see the light within everyone.

In these divisive times, this is my holiday challenge to you:

BE the light.

Spark the goodness in others by reminding them of their own light.

Reflect back to people the good you see in them.

Shine brightness through the dark.

Be inspired by these traditions to spread lightness and goodness.

Happy Holidays!

You Can Change for Good

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If you’ve been in my orbit awhile, you might know I’m a musical theater nerd.

Broadway was my background before becoming a coach, and the bright lights still bring me joy and inspiration, even when the production is a movie adaptation, like the new Wicked I just saw this week.

As you can imagine, I love a good show tune! There’s one in Wicked (saved for Part Two of the movie) where the two witches of Oz acknowledge the transformational power of their friendship by singing, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good…”

Changed for the better. Changed forever.

It speaks to the magic and possibility of bringing about change in ourselves and the world around us, at any given moment.

We all have the opportunity to use our lives for good.

Change is happening, and we’re heading into the unknown. But we’re still in charge of where our focus goes for good, for the better and forever.

When things feel outside your control, you can always choose good — to be good, to do good, to create good, and to feel good.
You Can Change for Good by Laura Berman FortgangYou can:

  • Be good to yourself.
    Take good care of your body, mind, and soul.
  • Do good.
    Reach out to people in your life to share a good word and remind them they matter.
  • Create good.
    In your work, your family, charitable giving, and community.
  • Feel good.
    Practice gratitude. Make meaningful connections. Experience joy and peace.

No matter what we face, we all have the chance to be changed — for good!

Which Wolf Will Win?

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Which Wolf Will Win?

We’ve all been dealing with the news of what’s happening in the world around us lately, and it hasn’t always been easy.

Some are pleased, devastated, celebrating, sulking, some victorious, defeated, encouraged, and some are weary.

Very few are indifferent. We’re swimming in a sea of duality.

We have light, we have dark. Good, bad. Love, fear. The push and pull feels like it’s spinning us in circles, not knowing where to turn.

How do we get through this?

I suggest learning to hold both. Accept duality.

The conversations I’ve been hearing remind me of a lesson shared in a Native American parable, perfect for this moment — a story attributed to the Cherokee people called “The Two Wolves.”

A grandfather tells his grandson of two wolves existing within him.

One wolf is filled with negative emotions — anger and hate, wishing harm upon his enemies.

The other wolf represents the positive — joy, serenity, and doing no harm.

The young listener asked the elder which wolf wins.

His answer: “The one I feed.”

The way forward is to decide which wolf to feed.

Will you head toward the light? Will you embrace your community and do what’s right?

Duality will always exist. We can all make our best attempt to carry both: darkness and light, good and evil, fear and love.

Whatever the situation, whether you’re reveling in great news or reeling from a kick in the gut, try embracing duality and deciding which wolf to feed.

You don’t have to betray your values; look deeply within.

What’s next for each of us?

As for me, I’m pretty quiet right now weighing how to continue to feed joy and to strive to spread love in everything I do.

Why It’s Time to Unmask

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Want to know one of the best ways (by far!) to improve your life, career, and business?

Stop faking it.

Stop putting on an act. Pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t working as well as you think . . .

We’ve been conditioned to believe people will like us better if they perceive us a certain way — successful, rich, sophisticated, charismatic, funny.

Sometimes we think the only way they’ll accept, hire, or promote us is if we share the same interests, hold the same beliefs, and agree on the topic at hand, so we go along with whatever it is to get along. People choose everything from clothing and hairstyles to cars and hobbies just to fit in.

We bend, twist and wear a mask — all in an effort to show up as the most well-received version of ourselves. And the most frightening thing about this mask . . . is taking it off!

Unmasking is shedding your protective gear, making the real you more vulnerable to judgment, criticism, and disapproval.

If the idea of showing up as your true authentic self terrifies you, you’re not alone. Letting your guard down and letting people see you as you can be scary. What if you get rejected? Ignored? Laughed at? Ostracized?

Why it's Time to Unmask by Laura Berman FortgangThe fear is real, and it isn’t something that typically resolves on its own. If you’re struggling to show up authentically, try —

Journaling about it; put your feelings down on paper.

Talking about it with someone you trust; open up and connect.

Working with a therapist to get to the bottom of what’s holding YOU back.

Dropping the mask isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

When you live as your authentic self in everything you do, life is less stressful. You’ll realize you were just wasting tons of time and effort putting on an act.

Only you can be you. YOU is what enhances your personal brand like nothing else.

Things like wearing bold, colorful glasses, having a nose ring, and stepping on stage to speak in sneakers are ME. Keeping it real and saying what needs to be said is ME. Showing up as my authentic self boosts my confidence and helps me stand out. What’s YOU?

Be seen, Heard, and the person that the world needs.

You were designed perfectly just the way you are, and your contributions to the world matter. We’re all waiting to experience more of YOU!

Step Into a New Role for the Holidays

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The holidays are upon us, which brings in a season of joy and celebration for many.

Happy Hanukkah to those who are celebrating with me this week!

But let’s face it: this can also be a season of anxiety and gloom.
I’m not talking about the usual reasons for the holiday blues here, but a different kind of grief — the kind where you’re lamenting another year stuck in a job you hate and already dreading the moment you turn off your “Out of Office” message come January.

If the thought of heading into the new year as the same old you makes you want to go into hibernation, bear with me (no pun intended!) — I have some ideas!

Figuring out what you want to do with the next season of your life and how to move forward isn’t easy, especially when you feel stuck. But it’s only confusing because you’re not looking deep enough.

Cracking the code is like cracking an egg.

There’s the shell or outside layer: your title, rank, salary, perks, benefits, and perceived status — all things that can be taken away at any moment.

Then there’s the yoke or inner part: your knowledge, experience, confidence, resilience, and substance — the things you carry with you anywhere you go.

It’s what’s inside that counts! But the shell prevents you from recognizing what matters most.

You look in the mirror and see who you appear to be on the outside — an accountant, a lawyer, a project manager, a VP of sales — and can’t imagine showing up as anyone else.

Staying with the holiday theme, it’s like the role we tend to take on within our family structure during the holidays — the drama queen, the people pleaser, the black sheep, the mother hen, the devil’s advocate, the perfectionist.

When we gather in old familiar company, we often revert to old habits and the way people have always seen us. But it doesn’t have to be that way, so I want you to try something new . . .

Step Into a New Role for the Holidays by Laura Berman Fortgang1. Take out a sheet of paper.

2. Write down the role you tend to fall into around the holidays, how your family perceives you.

3. Write down who you really are.

Ex: They see me as a people pleaser, but I have boundaries and opinions and can say no.

4. Maintain your awareness and don’t react as usual.

Ex: A “people pleaser” would apologize, but I did nothing wrong. I’ll take a deep breath instead.

5. Love your old self in the old role. Love your old self enough to heal her/him and let her/him go.

6. Start showing up in your new role — unapologetically you!

Once you start cracking the shell of who you’ve always been, you’ll get a glimpse of who you are at your core — someone with so much more to offer. You have the power to change.

Are you a “financial analyst” or are you someone who is a meticulous researcher and sharp trend spotter with the ability to develop striking insights that would come in handy if you wanted to become a real estate broker?

Are you a “Director of HR” or someone with strong conflict management skills and a high level of empathy? Maybe your next role is to become a licensed marriage and family therapist.

It’s time to figure this out.

Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose?

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I’m working with a C-suite executive at a mid-sized company, and the organization is going through some changes. Given his position, my client is privy to what’s happening and savvy enough to see the writing on the wall — what’s coming down the pike doesn’t look good, and his days may be numbered.

We agreed that it’s time to start exploring other opportunities. And that’s when it became clear that his confidence was shaken.

“Maybe I should target VP roles,” he said. “Perhaps a senior director position at a bigger company makes sense. Should I step out of leadership and go into consulting? I think I should cast a wide net.”

Here we go again, I thought. I’m never surprised but always disappointed when this happens.

I’m sitting across from a brilliant, driven, highly-accomplished C-suite executive, and just because his employer is taking an unexpected turn, he’s suddenly questioning his status and worth.

So I asked him: “Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?”

It’s a powerful question. One of my coaches has asked me! What about you? Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?

Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose by Laura Berman FortgangBecause let me tell you what I know for sure, as I did with him…

Volunteering to step down a few rungs on a ladder you’ve already climbed is playing not to lose.

Looking for a lower-level role through a lower-risk search is playing not to lose.

Taking a pay cut to avoid the competition is playing not to lose.

Playing not to lose is accepting less than you deserve, which is a guaranteed “L” by any meaningful measure.

Here’s how my client can play to win instead —
Leverage his C-suite experience to land an even better position.

That goes for you too —
If circumstances threaten to bring you down, aim higher.

Never sell yourself short. Kick it up a notch! Shoot for the ultimate. What do YOU want? 
  • A job at a bigger organization with higher pay, excellent benefits, and more support.
  • A position that fosters growth and prepares you for the next level.
  • A seat at the table with more visibility and a chance to make a name for yourself.
  • An opportunity to make an impact and leave a legacy.
  • A role that values your expertise more than your time and presence, so you can prioritize life outside of work.

It’s up to you. What do you want to WIN? Challenge yourself to go after that.

Too many people mistake aiming lower for taking the easier route with less risk. But playing not to lose never wins.