Career coach

How to Bounce Back After Disappointment

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 13, 2023

At some point, we all face disappointment.

Whether you get passed over for a promotion, lose a big client, your new program launch flops, or your business partner bails on you — things don’t always go as we hoped…and frankly, it sucks

But although feeling let down is perfectly normal, dwelling in disappointment won’t do you any good

It’s okay to be a little bummed, but you also need to be able to bounce back

And the key to bouncing back is a little trick called letting go.

The Buddhists believe that any pain we have is because we’re attached — to an outcome, to a person, to an expectation, etc. So their tradition, it’s all about practicing non-attachment.

Letting go is easier said than done, but it’s a powerful practice.

Think about it this way — nothing is permanent anyway. When the trees bloom in the springtime, the beauty is fleeting and followed by blossoms shriveling and falling away.

The idea is to feel emotions and experiences, be with your feelings, and let it go.

How does this apply to disappointment?

When you face disappointment, the level of pain you experience depends on how attached you were to the outcome.

But you might be thinking to yourself, “Wait, Laura, how am I supposed to achieve my goals if I don’t care about results?”

I get it; this advice seems counterintuitive for people who are ambitious, looking to make a career change, or eager to grow a business.

But here’s the thing —

When you’re working on something, of course you want it to come to be. However, the success journey is a fine dance of duality and rationality.

If you face disappointment, you’re going to mourn. Allow the feeling, sit with it, and set some parameters. How long are you going to give it?

That dream job or dream client slipped through your fingers? Give yourself three days to wallow mire, get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going.

Here are a few tips that work for me.

Say to the universe or whatever higher power you believe in: This or something better! If one thing doesn’t work out, let it be what clears the path for something meant for you.
Become a student and ask, “What did I learn from this?” Remember, whatever you picked up in this process is valuable, and regret is useless.
Focus on what you do have. Whether than giving all the power to the thing you lost, put your attention on what’s already yours or what you’ve gained or can gain because of the loss.
Stay in action. Movement is your friend and stagnant is an enemy that’s sure to set you back.

No matter how gut-wrenching it might feel at the time, you’ll get through it and on to bigger and better things. Soon enough, the disappointment will be behind you, and it’ll all work out in the end.

What’s your story?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 2, 2023

In case you haven’t noticed, we’re living in an increasingly disconnected age.

For all the good technology does in bringing us together, it also adds distance and puts up walls.

We’re bombarded with information.
Overloaded with messaging.
Everyone is vying for our attention.

As a result, everything sort of gets jumbled together. Sometimes we can’t remember where we heard something or who said what.

All too often, rather than standing out, we blend into the scenery and become easily forgotten.

Unless….

We have a good story, and we all do.

Our STORY is what sets us apart from the next person. People remember stories.

If you haven’t seen my TEDx Talk yet about my client, I recommend you go watch it.

Because I’ll tell you my phone continues to ring because of that story.

When I get on a call with a potential client, they’re always mentioning “that story you told,” and it lets me know that it really resonated with them.

They related to it and were able to see that I could potentially help them in the way I helped my client.

That story has done more for my business in the last five years than anything else I’ve ever done.

It really drives home a point: in the world we live in, people are craving transparency, authenticity, and truth.

Whether you’re giving a TEDx Talk, writing for your website, posting on LinkedIn, or engaging in a sales conversation … your story matters.

Consider this —

Your audience is constantly asking, why, why, why?

Why you? now?, this program?, this topic?, and this price?

There’s a meaningful and genuine answer to every one of those questions, and it can best be conveyed in a story.

If you’re a business owner, that starts with your BRAND story.

If you’re not yet sure what that story is or how to tell it, I suggest starting by asking yourself these three questions:

Q1: What results do I create?
Q2: What moves me to do what I do?
Q3: What do I do that no one else does? What’s my way?

Here’s a quick peek into my story:

Q1: I help people create a career that they love, and I help people start their own businesses.

Q2: I don’t think anyone should suffer to make a living. Because I grew up with a father who HATED what he did, and he made us all miserable because of it.

I felt guilty for every dime he spent on me, for going to college, for making him beholden to that job that sucked. I had to overcome that feeling and avoid repeating his mistakes by doing my own thing.

Q3: I’ve untangled the quandary about what to do with your life and where to find answers.

Now it’s your turn. Take out a sheet of paper or pull up a blank screen, and jot down what first comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be perfect or polished. Just begin thinking about your story and work on it from there.

Stories will move you forward and get you to where you want to go.

How to reach your goals without pushing harder

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 25, 2023

Do you ever feel like reaching your goals is a nearly impossible feat?

Like you’re never going to get there, or you’re going to run yourself into the ground trying?

I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, but it can be especially frustrating when you just can’t figure out why it’s so dang hard.

You want the thing — the promotion, the new career, a successful business…

And you’re going after the thing — working your tail off to make it happen…

But progress is slow, and you honestly feel like giving up.

Here’s what’s probably happening —

If I had to guess, I’d say you’re PUSHING too hard.

You’re in your head, plotting and scheming, and your ego is shouting at you to go, go, go…harder! Or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t!

But in my experience, I’ve come to understand that pushing harder is the more difficult way to achieve what you want.

What would it look like if you were PULLED toward your goals instead?

I’ve seen it time and time again. When people work toward something bigger than themselves, and they’re compelled to fulfill a vision, it feels easier.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles or that things won’t get rough at times.

It means you’re EXCITED to be challenged.
You have a big WHY that helps you get out of bed in the morning.
It keeps propelling you forward when the going gets tough.

I worked with someone recently who was at a PUSH to the finish line. He was trying to grind it out to retirement and finish strong. And it was like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

Then he got laid off. Yikes. This can be a scary thing at the tail end of a career.

However, it turns out this was the best thing that could’ve happened!

Losing that job opened up space to go after something completely different and set new goals.

He saw an opportunity to disrupt an industry, went for it — and, wow! Things are going better than ever. He loves what he does so much now, and he’s so engaged in the work, that retirement isn’t even part of the conversation anymore.

He’ll be able to slow down when he’s ready, but the PULL has reinvigorated his zest for life and legacy and the impact he wants to make.

But you don’t have to lose your job or find yourself in a bind before making the shift.

If you’re trying to push for a result right now and it feels hard — stop.

Think about elevating your goal.

What’s your larger vision?
How can you make it bigger than you?
What difference do you want to make?

Go deeper to figure out what will compel you to show up with enthusiasm.

What vision will PULL you into the future?

So, what do you do?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 11, 2023

Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
a) their work isn’t their worth
and
b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

And go deep with:
“I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
“I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
“I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

We are so much MORE than what we DO.

You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

Here’s the thing —

You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

A better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
“I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
– or –
“I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

And it works for any job.

Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 21, 2023

Clients often come to me looking to make a career change — into a different job, different industry, or different level. Sometimes it’s a little shift, sometimes a big step up, and sometimes a major pivot.

And it’s never easy, but always worth it. Because if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that nagging feeling that you want something more isn’t going away — it’s time to get moving!

But fair warning: the biggest nag of all can get you into trouble if you let it.

I’m talking about the entrepreneurial bug — that pesky voice that’s telling you to go out on your own, hang your shingle, and do your own thing…there’s no shutting that bugger up…

So, if self-employment is calling you, you need to take it seriously. Don’t allow yourself to make the leap into business before giving it the attention it deserves.

Hear it out, push back, and get crystal clear on your plans for success. Skip this step, and you’ll kick yourself later. Trust me on this.

Start by asking yourself some key questions —

What are you selling?
What are your specific services?, and going to charge?
Will you become an LLC or incorporate?
What kind of seed money will you need?
Who are your ideal clients and where will you find them?
Who’s going to hold you accountable and keep you on track?

The reality is, it takes 1-3 years to build a sustainable service business. Most likely, you’ll be chief, cook, and bottle washer for a while. You may even have to do some work for free in the beginning. There’s a lot to take into consideration…

Are you willing to take the risks? Make the sacrifices? Do what it takes?

You can do it, but you’ll want to go into it with eyes wide open.

What are you scrappy and hungry for?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 14, 2023

I don’t know about you, but I am “scrappy and hungry, and I’m not throwin’ away my shot…”

If you’re one of the millions of people who enjoyed the hit sensation Hamilton, you may recognize this tune. Consider it our theme song for today.

I believe being scrappy and hungry is one of the under-appreciated keys to success. Sure, we say things like “hard work pays off,” but we tend to look at the people who’ve “made it” as capable, confident, and poised, forgetting they were once just getting started — scrappy, hungry, and willing to take a shot!

Their goals were worth it to them. Going after their dreams was worth the risk of being judged, getting it wrong, and putting in the work.

What about YOU? What are you scrappy and hungry for?

My clients often tell me they want to serve people, make an impact, grow a business, create change in the world, further a cause, make more money…the list goes on. They claim to really want it, but they’re not doing anything about it.

So my question for them and for YOU is this: If not now, WHEN?

Because I’ve asked it so many times, I have a pretty good idea what your answer is: “I don’t know.” And there’s a good chance you’ll follow that up with, “HOW do I know?”

I’ve noticed we humans have a hard time recognizing when we’re ready. There’s no clear-cut way to know for absolute certain, of course, but there are some telltale signs —

- You’re miserable.
- You have an “itch” that keeps nagging at you that something isn’t right.
- You’re daydreaming a lot, scrolling social media, envying folks who are doing what you want to do.

This is the universe, your internal guidance system, or whatever you believe whispering (or shouting!) at you that it’s time to TAKE YOUR SHOT.

But here’s the sign you most likely won’t get: an undeniable sense that you absolutely, without a doubt, feel ready. If you’re waiting for that, you’ll be waiting forever.

You’re going to have doubts. That’s normal. DO. IT. ANYWAY.

Get scrappy, listen to your hungry desire, and give it a real shot. Make your dream a priority.

Want to write a novel? Wake up every morning and write 1,000 words before getting out of bed.

Want to grow an audience on social media? Start posting valuable content every day; learn what they want from you.

Want to build a business? Focus on getting ONE customer or ONE client, and grow from there.