Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Career coach

So, what do you do?

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Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
a) their work isn’t their worth
and
b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

And go deep with:
“I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
“I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
“I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

We are so much MORE than what we DO.

You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

Here’s the thing —

You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

So, what do you do? by Laura Berman FortgangA better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
“I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
– or –
“I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

And it works for any job.

Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

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Clients often come to me looking to make a career change — into a different job, different industry, or different level. Sometimes it’s a little shift, sometimes a big step up, and sometimes a major pivot.

And it’s never easy, but always worth it. Because if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that nagging feeling that you want something more isn’t going away — it’s time to get moving!

But fair warning: the biggest nag of all can get you into trouble if you let it.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first. by Laura Berman FortgangI’m talking about the entrepreneurial bug — that pesky voice that’s telling you to go out on your own, hang your shingle, and do your own thing…there’s no shutting that bugger up…

So, if self-employment is calling you, you need to take it seriously. Don’t allow yourself to make the leap into business before giving it the attention it deserves.

Hear it out, push back, and get crystal clear on your plans for success. Skip this step, and you’ll kick yourself later. Trust me on this.

Start by asking yourself some key questions —

What are you selling?
What are your specific services?, and  going to charge?
Will you become an LLC or incorporate?
What kind of seed money will you need?
Who are your ideal clients and where will you find them?
Who’s going to hold you accountable and keep you on track?

The reality is, it takes 1-3 years to build a sustainable service business. Most likely, you’ll be chief, cook, and bottle washer for a while. You may even have to do some work for free in the beginning. There’s a lot to take into consideration…

Are you willing to take the risks? Make the sacrifices? Do what it takes?

You can do it, but you’ll want to go into it with eyes wide open.

What are you scrappy and hungry for?

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I don’t know about you, but I am “scrappy and hungry, and I’m not throwin’ away my shot…”

If you’re one of the millions of people who enjoyed the hit sensation Hamilton, you may recognize this tune. Consider it our theme song for today.

I believe being scrappy and hungry is one of the under-appreciated keys to success. Sure, we say things like “hard work pays off,” but we tend to look at the people who’ve “made it” as capable, confident, and poised, forgetting they were once just getting started — scrappy, hungry, and willing to take a shot!

Their goals were worth it to them. Going after their dreams was worth the risk of being judged, getting it wrong, and putting in the work.

What about YOU? What are you scrappy and hungry for?

My clients often tell me they want to serve people, make an impact, grow a business, create change in the world, further a cause, make more money…the list goes on. They claim to really want it, but they’re not doing anything about it.

What are you scrappy and hungry for?So my question for them and for YOU is this: If not now, WHEN?

Because I’ve asked it so many times, I have a pretty good idea what your answer is: “I don’t know.” And there’s a good chance you’ll follow that up with, “HOW do I know?”

I’ve noticed we humans have a hard time recognizing when we’re ready. There’s no clear-cut way to know for absolute certain, of course, but there are some telltale signs —

    • You’re miserable.
    • You have an “itch” that keeps nagging at you that something isn’t right.
    • You’re daydreaming a lot, scrolling social media, envying folks who are doing what you want to do.

This is the universe, your internal guidance system, or whatever you believe whispering (or shouting!) at you that it’s time to TAKE YOUR SHOT.

But here’s the sign you most likely won’t get: an undeniable sense that you absolutely, without a doubt, feel ready. If you’re waiting for that, you’ll be waiting forever.

You’re going to have doubts. That’s normal. DO. IT. ANYWAY.

Get scrappy, listen to your hungry desire, and give it a real shot. Make your dream a priority.

Want to write a novel? Wake up every morning and write 1,000 words before getting out of bed.

Want to grow an audience on social media? Start posting valuable content every day; learn what they want from you.

Want to build a business? Focus on getting ONE customer or ONE client, and grow from there.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?

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We’re living in an age where being popular can come with big payoffs.

I’m not talking about being the popular kid in high school here, but the popular content creator, influencer, or business owner on social media. The ones getting all the attention.

Hits, clicks, likes, shares, and comments can turn into cold hard cash — or so it seems — IF you know what you’re doing.

There are definitely benefits to being popular.

But because we’re so distracted by the allure of internet fame and the mostly smoke-and-mirror promises of easy riches, far too many people are chasing popularity over purpose.

The reality is, popularity is just external validation — fans cheering from the outside, telling you “good job” — until someone else catches their attention.
But when you have internal validation — through doing something meaningful to you that hits a personal mark — your pursuits can carry you so much further.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?Don’t get me wrong. Popularity and purpose are not mutually exclusive. Having a crowd of avid supporters getting behind the work you love can be — “chef’s kiss” — amazing!

But popularity without substance isn’t going to keep you warm and cozy at night. Being in the spotlight for something that doesn’t really matter to you will probably lead to regrets down the line.

What can you offer?
How can you contribute?
Is there something you do that people benefit from?

Think of giving vs. getting; that’s what will help you feel good when you look in the mirror at the end of a long day.

But I must confess, I had to learn this the hard way…

When I was on The Oprah Winfrey Show many moons ago, it was a BIG moment for me in my business — a dream come true. I was going to be popular!

Things went fantastically well, so Oprah and her producers told me they wanted me back. In fact, they kept contacting me for two years to discuss my next possible segment.

But it never happened.

For two years, I kept holding onto the possibility of my opportunity to shine. Along the way, I lost focus on what really mattered.

Not blaming showbiz, but I will say that allowing myself to get strung along, caught up in the dream of gaining Oprah-darling popularity was…honestly…miserable.

It wasn’t until I returned to focusing on my substantive work that I was able to reclaim my confidence and happiness.

The moral of the story is that pursuing your dreams with an internally-driven approach beats chasing down externally-driven accolades — hands down. It’s more sustainable, fulfilling, and allows you to live in the moment, appreciate what you already have, and grow into the best version of yourself.

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

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As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

The unfortunate cost of covering all your basesBut I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

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I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free by Laura Berman FortgangThe Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout. ​

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!
​​
Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support. ​

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming. ​

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption. ​

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.