Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Career coach

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?

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We’re living in an age where being popular can come with big payoffs.

I’m not talking about being the popular kid in high school here, but the popular content creator, influencer, or business owner on social media. The ones getting all the attention.

Hits, clicks, likes, shares, and comments can turn into cold hard cash — or so it seems — IF you know what you’re doing.

There are definitely benefits to being popular.

But because we’re so distracted by the allure of internet fame and the mostly smoke-and-mirror promises of easy riches, far too many people are chasing popularity over purpose.

The reality is, popularity is just external validation — fans cheering from the outside, telling you “good job” — until someone else catches their attention.
But when you have internal validation — through doing something meaningful to you that hits a personal mark — your pursuits can carry you so much further.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?Don’t get me wrong. Popularity and purpose are not mutually exclusive. Having a crowd of avid supporters getting behind the work you love can be — “chef’s kiss” — amazing!

But popularity without substance isn’t going to keep you warm and cozy at night. Being in the spotlight for something that doesn’t really matter to you will probably lead to regrets down the line.

What can you offer?
How can you contribute?
Is there something you do that people benefit from?

Think of giving vs. getting; that’s what will help you feel good when you look in the mirror at the end of a long day.

But I must confess, I had to learn this the hard way…

When I was on The Oprah Winfrey Show many moons ago, it was a BIG moment for me in my business — a dream come true. I was going to be popular!

Things went fantastically well, so Oprah and her producers told me they wanted me back. In fact, they kept contacting me for two years to discuss my next possible segment.

But it never happened.

For two years, I kept holding onto the possibility of my opportunity to shine. Along the way, I lost focus on what really mattered.

Not blaming showbiz, but I will say that allowing myself to get strung along, caught up in the dream of gaining Oprah-darling popularity was…honestly…miserable.

It wasn’t until I returned to focusing on my substantive work that I was able to reclaim my confidence and happiness.

The moral of the story is that pursuing your dreams with an internally-driven approach beats chasing down externally-driven accolades — hands down. It’s more sustainable, fulfilling, and allows you to live in the moment, appreciate what you already have, and grow into the best version of yourself.

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

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As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

The unfortunate cost of covering all your basesBut I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

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I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free by Laura Berman FortgangThe Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout. ​

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!
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Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support. ​

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming. ​

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption. ​

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.

Do You Create Roadblocks or Does Someone Else?

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When I talk to folks about making their next career move, I’m often met with an imaginary roadblock. At this point, I’ve come to expect it.

This phantom obstacle comes in the form of a prerequisite they’ve conjured up (one that doesn’t actually exist) — an unmet qualification, a missing credential, or insufficient experience.

It’s something they perceive as necessary, and it stops them from moving forward.

But the reality is, they’re usually just counting themselves out. They become their own gatekeeper.

Don’t get me wrong …

Sometimes a job requires a legitimate credential, as it should.

You wouldn’t want to board an airplane with a pilot who hasn’t completed the requisite number of flight hours. And you certainly wouldn’t trust your life to a surgeon who dropped out of medical school.

But for most careers, almost anything goes.

With enough creativity, confidence, and tenacity, you can usually chart your own course … within reason, of course.

Do You Create Roadblocks or Does Someone Else?​ by Laura Berman FortgangLetting a self-imposed prerequisite block your path is self-sabotage.

“They’ll never promote me to director without an MBA.”
“I need a C-suite title before that firm will even consider my resume.”
“Nobody’s going to hire me as a developer without a computer science degree.”

Sound familiar?

Not too long ago, I was working with a client who was eyeing a VP position. She felt up for the challenge but was convinced she needed to reach for a lower rung on the ladder first. I encouraged her to go straight for the executive level role … and she landed it — just like that!

I often work with entrepreneurs who tell me they’re expecting to make about 600k but hoping for a million. I tell them to run the higher numbers, take million-dollar action, and go for it.

It’s like the Norman Vincent Peale quote:
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Even if you don’t reach your stretch goal, you’ll find yourself closer to where you really want to be.

Looking further down the road means seeing past the imaginary obstacles and roadblocks you’ve placed in your own way.

Bottom line: GO BIG!

And if you start second-guessing yourself, check for that slippery slope of self-imposed prerequisites.

Are YOU getting in your own way?

Career Change in the Land of Possibility

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I was working with a client recently who had 23 years of experience in the mortgage industry. She didn’t think she could do anything else because her resume said she was a professional lender. This client honestly couldn’t imagine any other possibilities.

I had my work cut out for me, but I knew my methods were proven and that we’d find new paths. Above all, as a coach, you know our job is to stand in the Land of Possibility. We can’t believe the “story” that there are no other options.

That doesn’t mean we are out of touch with reality. I’m always telling my clients I’m not going to lead them off a cliff or ask them to run away with the circus. I am here to help them decide where to invest their time, attention, and energy.

Are they investing in what can’t happen? Or are you investing in what CAN happen? Are you investing in what can’t happen or what can? (for yourself)

Consider this —

People often tell me they can’t land their dream job, change careers, reach for their dream income, or start a business because of their age.

Is there some truth to that? Yeah!

But does it serve you to dwell on it? Does the fact that limits exist mean you should sit at home, doing nothing — investing in the impossibility of your next moves? Of course not.

Limitfull thinking won’t get you anywhere.

When you’re a committed pessimist, you are vying for the worst possible outcome — fully vested in proving yourself right. But what if you’re wrong? Why pursue defeat?

This is why it’s important to make a distinction between what’s possible and what’s probable.

Career Change in the Land of Possibility ​by Laura Berman Fortgang

Think about it…

When we first created the U.S. Space program, did we think it was probable that we’d make it to the moon on the first shot? Well, it wasn’t likely. But somebody had to think it was possible, or why bother? And look what happened.

Now consider what you’re telling yourself about your career:
​”I’m too old.”
“I don’t have the enough experience.”
“Nobody’s gonna hire me.”
“This’ll never work.”

Does investing in this “impossible” thinking serve you? No. ​
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What does serve you is standing in the Land of Possibility.

With my client — the professional mortgage expert I mentioned earlier — we broke down the blocks she was experiencing, and l got her back in touch with all the things she LIKES to do but had stuffed down as impossibilities.

That list came in handy when she found herself facing big industry shifts and a potential layoff two months later.

Rather than staying stuck in the “impossible,” I challenge you to invest your time, attention, and energy into what’s possible too.

I challenge you to do the work and explore the Land of Possibility with clarity and gusto.

How to Make a Tough Career Decision

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Figuring out where to go next on your career path is rarely an easy decision.

It often keeps people up at night, tossing and turning, wondering what their next best move might be.

How to make a tough career decisionWhen considering an opportunity, sometimes it’s a clear “hell no!” or “heck yeah!” But more often than not, folks find themselves grappling in the gray — not knowing which way to go.

We’ve all been there.

You make a list of pros and cons.
You ask everyone you know for their input.
You’ll even start flipping coins if you’re desperate enough.

But if you really want to find the best answer, here’s what you need to know —

When you’re nervous about making a career decision, there’s a good chance your brain is working against your best interests.

Your gut is trying to steer you right.

The small voice inside that we refer to as instinct or intuition is pretty spot on. If the idea of pursuing the opportunity feels exciting and lights you up, that’s a big hint that you’re onto something.

But then the fear starts to kick in.

You’ll recognize it when you hear yourself saying, “yeah, but…”

Here’s a tip I learned a long time ago from a career counselor:

“The number of ‘yeah, buts’ you say is in direct correlation to the depth of your fear.” – Adele Scheely

Your fear is simply trying to put on the brakes to keep you safe, but it can keep you stuck if you let it.

‘Yeah, but’ is your logical thinking flexing its muscles.

Let it help you anticipate the obstacles you may face and chart a clear path forward, but don’t let it stop you.

Discernment is important because there’s often another tricky conspirator attempting to push you forward while further clouding your decision-making — your emotional needs.

Are you really excited about this career move because it’s the right thing for you? Or are you doing it in an attempt to fulfill some unmet emotional need — seeking approval, recognition, or validation, for example?

Your emotional needs are aching to be fulfilled, trying to get your attention because you didn’t get enough of whatever it is as a kid.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to be mindful of. Don’t let the need to feel loved, heard, or appreciated override good sense.

See what I mean? Not easy.

Career decisions come with real consequences.

Without the ability to work out the decision from a place of awareness and confidence, you can find yourself miles down the wrong path, wondering how you got there.

You may even find yourself walking in circles or hesitant to take the next step because you are already lost. This is especially true if you’ve made poor decisions in the past that got you to a place where you didn’t want to be.

You may have lost some trust in decision-making. So let’s work on that.

In my experience as a coach, I’ve found the best way to reach a healthy decision is to feel your way through it. If you’ve lost touch (or trust) with your gut instincts and intuition, you can learn to tune back in again.

So if you’re grappling with a big decision and want some guidance feeling your way through it, join us over in the Career Clarity and Direction Community on Facebook.