Change
Motivational Quote: Desire to Change
Inspirational Quote: Surviving
Are We There Yet?!: The Enemy of Positive Change
by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang
Surrendering to a process is hard for a lot of people.
“What’s the outcome? What can I count on? Am I going to get what I want?”
These are the worries that derail process. They disrupt the flow and bring things to an abrupt stop like hitting the brakes on your car while in full 50 mile an hour motion. ABRUPT and JARRING to say the least. Dangerous too.
Whether the process is an experiment in a science lab, a rehearsal for a play, a career coaching engagement (three months minimum), or sitting in the chair for a haircut, the hoped-for result is hard to attain when you don’t allow the process to unfold.
Are you conducting a job search and getting frustrated? Are you trying to find answers to what you should do with your life? Are you trying to lose weight to less-than-stellar results? Are you trying to write a book?
Multitudes of activities that don’t get finished instantly require surrendering to the process. What becomes difficult is staying consistent, open and present when the changes are not evident yet.
How to surrender to the process?
I recently worked with two women who were trying to find their next career move. They started working with me around the same time. One has quit in frustration and the other is having doors open and possibilities prevail. She has set a date for when she’ll leave her current job and she’s full of positive expectation.
The difference between them?
One surrendered to the process and the other put the brakes on every day to make sure she was not being cheated or tricked or sent barking up the wrong tree. She lived in distrust and fear—distrust of me and the process and distrust in herself and her abilities. But mostly, distrust in the notion that good things could be awaiting her.
The first woman, who was getting results, took the plunge, did her homework, took the scary steps, kept her head down focusing on consistency, and not measuring results at every turn.
She is now very clear on what she needs to be happy in a career and is networking her way to her next opportunity. When she started, less than three months ago, she felt trapped without any clues as to where to go next or what to pursue. There were no possibilities at all. That’s not the case now.
I think of surrendering to a process the way one would climb a mountain. I’ve never climbed one like Everest or Denali so let’s stick to a steep hike up a New England ski mountain in the summer.
You know you have a long way to go. If you keep looking up it’s discouraging, but if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking in the view of how far you’ve come every now and then as you rest, you will make your destination.
If instead, you curse every step and keep looking up to the top (the finish line) it’s easy to lose your balance and maybe even trip and fall. It’s not that you can’t ever look to the top or to where you are headed, but it has to be kept in a positive perspective as encouragement, not punishment.
Process can be hard and it can be painful but more painful is our own judgment of it.
When we rail against it and curse it and judge ourselves for not being stellar, it just makes matters worse.
It takes a certain detachment to surrender to a process. The delicate balance of giving something your all but being able to hold off any judgment of how it’s going is an art in itself. Oddly enough, it’s absolutely necessary to get the best results.
Let’s not forget the underlying enemy to it all—loss. To change anything means to give up something. As much as we want a change, many cling to the pain they know because the familiar is less scary than the unknown. That results in never leaving the gate. Never putting your foot on the mountain. Never getting to the top in exchange for the safety of the bottom.
Keep walking. Keep stepping. You don’t have to run. It’s not a race. It’s just change.
“Are we there yet?!” Are we where yet?—-2014 is quickly approaching its close. Did you get where you intended? If not, it’s not to late. You can still get there—stop measuring and up the action. Include your 2015 plans in your next steps too.
Let me know how we can help.
Don’t Be Afraid of Long Term Goals
Here is a short interview with Darcy Camden, as she reflects on her path to becoming a professional wardrobe stylist. Citing “learning to listen” as one of her biggest lessons, she advises those who want to build a lasting career to focus on long-term goals.
While it’s human nature to want to snap your fingers and be on the other side of change, relaxing into a long-term goal can be equally rewarding. Time goes by one way or another, so you might as well be working on something you care about. If time weren’t an issue, what goal would you sink your teeth into?
“How Finding Her Passion Led To A Career In Business Chic for Darcy Camden.”
Cooking Up a Change: Lessons from a Lawyer Turned Chef
by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
Pre-Cooking
As a kid, Andy Broder spent his Saturday mornings watching Julia Child on TV, but a career in cooking wasn’t even on the radar. It’s hard to imagine now but this was before celebrity chefs and Food Network. Viewing cooking as a hobby, Andy chose the field of law for his career and became a litigator.
Change Brewing
After five or six years, Andy had the vague sense that he would not be practicing law for the rest of his life. His dissatisfaction grew and he began to entertain the idea that by age 40 or so, he would transition to a new career, whatever that might be. A few years ahead of schedule and after 12 years practicing law, a potential change in his firm’s partnership arose and it became a natural time to leave. With no specific destination in mind, Andy sold his interest in his firm and decided to take some time off. “Because sometimes not doing anything is really doing something.”
He thumbed through books in the library and contemplated various professions. “But I always kept going back to the food section.” Andy’s decision to enroll in Scottsdale Culinary Institute was made with the rationale that even if he ultimately chose not to have a food career, he would be happy to have the knowledge. In that case, he would call it a sabbatical and could always go back to practicing law.
He followed his instincts and, rather than take a kitchen assignment at a hotel or restaurant, Andy obtained an internship on his own, writing for the Food Section of the Los Angeles Times. There he felt he would learn the most and be able to do what he loved: develop recipes and test them. Stating that he studied as hard for the culinary exam as the bar exam, Andy graduated with a 4.0 GPA and was a graduation speaker. “I wanted to get 100%.”
A Career That Cooks
Andy describes his process after graduation as part Zen in approach. “I continued to do what I liked and test the waters of what I thought I was going to like.” After five years of teaching around town, he decided to pursue the vision that was taking shape: his own “culinary studio” — a term he has registered as a trade name. To do this, he added some very practical disciplines into the Zen mix, namely a 20-page business plan and precise design specifications that would transform a former Pilates space to the kitchen and studio he envisioned.
AndyFood opened in 2003 and today offers cooking classes to the public, team building for organizations, client appreciation events, and private parties. Operating with the mantra of “the art of a good meal”, Andy has observed that people like being part of a creative process. Classes culminate with a buffet of the students’ collective culinary creations which Andy says produces the feeling of being part of “something bigger than you”.
Commenting on how house parties usually end up with everybody in the kitchen, Andy says that part of his own enjoyment with AndyFood is that on a daily basis he gets to be “in the kitchen where people are having a party”.
When I asked Andy what he would say to someone who is contemplating a career change, he offered: “I think people should do something they really care about.” He then added that it’s important to be wary of “ruining your hobby” because not every hobby is meant to be turned into a profession.
“So, you haven’t ruined it for yourself?” I asked, “You still love to cook?” Andy’s answer: “I do.”
“I didn’t find a place where my peg fit into that shape hole.
I sort of created my own space to do what I want to do.”
—Andy Broder
See Also: How Careers Are Made, 8 lessons we can take from Andy’s story.
Complete interview posted here.