Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Quotes to Live By

How (and Why) to Forgive in Time for the Holidays

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The holiday season is upon us, which brings with it a mixed bag of feelings for many folks.

There’s a lot of talk about gratitude this week, which is important, of course…

But let’s face it, sometimes we’re not exactly in a grateful mood — especially when gathered around the table with people who push our buttons, or when avoiding gatherings with people who’ve hurt us, or when being haunted by feelings of abandonment by those missing from the table.

This time of year kicks up a lot of emotion; it can be rough.

However, I’ve found one of the best ways to brighten a dampened holiday spirit is to practice forgiveness.

Hold on – bear with me here. I’m not asking you to accept unacceptable behavior.

What I am encouraging you to do is detox your system from the poisonous effects of holding onto pain from the past, whether it’s a slight grudge or a deep wound.

Forgiveness is for you, not the person who hurt you.

People come from the limit of their own growth and experience.

If someone has transgressed, trespassed, or done something bad, understand this: they’re doing the best with what they have.

It doesn’t mean they’re right; they could be dead wrong. It simply means that, for whatever reason, that person is (or was) limited by their own growth and experience. Something went wrong somewhere, somehow.

Forgiving isn’t excusing. It’s about gaining freedom from the thing that’s weighing on you.

Here’s how to do it —

How (and Why) to Forgive in Time for the Holidays by Laura Berman FortgangStep One: Accept that the person is/was limited. No matter how lacking or wrong their actions.

Step Two: Imagine the future YOU want for yourself. Do you want to get along with this person? Do you want to go “no contact” with this person? Decide what outcome you desire.

Step Three: Detach yourself from the situation and the outcome. Stop giving it energy. Don’t add fuel to the fire. No more talking about it, venting about it, or thinking about it. Focus on moving on.

Remember — whether you choose to keep this person in your life or remove them from your life completely — forgiving does not mean you are making what they did (or continue to do) okay.

This is not giving this person your blessing.

You’re not agreeing with behavior that goes against your value system.

Simply practice forgiveness for your own good.

May you forgive and may you be forgiven.

For those who celebrated, I hope the Thanksgiving holiday was a bright moment!

Are You Prepped for Year-End?

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We’re heading into the end of the year. How are you feeling about it?

I don’t know about you, but things tend to get edgy around here.

People start to become anxious about hitting their goals and preparing for the year ahead — all while caught in the whirlwind of holiday shopping, navigating festivities, and hunkering down for the winter.

It’s a lot. If you allow it, the anticipation of everything that has to get done can get the best of you.

I always know it’s coming, so I like to get ahead of things and help my clients get prepped for the coming season. With a little readying, it’s possible to avoid the chaos and overwhelm as you wrap up this year and head into the next.

Here’s how —

Are You Prepped for Year-End? by Laura Berman Fortgang1. Purge.
Get rid of anything that’s no longer serving you. Whether it’s physical or mental clutter, it’s time to let it go. From old holiday decorations you’ve been meaning to toss to old business offers you’ve held onto for too long—into the 2023 trash bin it goes! Keeping things neat, clean, tidy, and clear of baggage lightens your load and helps you feel in control.

2. Reduce what you tolerate.
Make a list of the things you’ve been putting up with and start crossing off the worst of it. If you’ve been letting people ignore boundaries, it’s time to reestablish them. If you’ve been putting up with clunky systems in your business that waste your time, it’s time to address that. Don’t walk into 2024 permitting the same old agitations to keep irking you.

3. Stock up.
Make sure you have the things you need to endure. You may not need to store food and stack firewood to make it through the winter, but your body is gearing down for a slower, hibernating pace despite your mounting to-do list. What can you have on hand to make the coming months easier?

If you take the time to prep for year-end now, you’ll see that the most important things will begin to emerge for you. You’ll create the space and ease to focus on finishing up what matters.

Human Beings in the Time of War

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I’m covering a touchy subject today – and I’m coming to you as a Jewish person.

Yes, I’m going there: war. Specifically, the Israeli and Hamas situation.

I’m not a religious person, but I was raised Jewish and identify as Jewish culturally. I believe Israel has a right to exist. That doesn’t mean I agree with all their policies and politics. However, blaming the people of Israel for what’s happening is like blaming the victims of 9/11 for what America does in the Middle East.

I do agree with what many are saying — that innocent people are caught in the storm, and that is tragic.

It dawned on me this week as we watched the atrocities happening of an anomaly of being human.

We teach our children on the playground not to hit or fight over things or bully others because it never leads to a positive outcome.

In the workplace, coworkers quibble and clash and butt heads — fighting for their spot, vying to get ahead — and we know this only causes more quibbling, clashing, and butting heads. We know cooler heads prevail.

But what happens to humanity in times of war?

Human Beings in the Time of War by Laura Berman FortgangWar is grownups using children’s tactics on grownup problems.

I’m not making light of any of this, but I know we can do better. I invite you to do better. Focus on humanity.
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Remember:
​Everybody bleeds. Everybody hurts. Everybody loves.

Even if you and your loved ones are not in Israel or Gaza, you may be suffering from heartbreak. It’s painful to witness.

In times like this — when you feel like you can’t do anything at all — the best thing you can do is evolve. To contribute to an evolution away from hate and toward love.

As a person with white privilege, who is also part of a hated group (a Jew), I can see where people of color are coming from when they say that being quietly “not racist” is not enough.

Those of us who are hated need everyone (including ourselves) to stand up and face our own biases, including our unconscious biases whenever they arise.

How did you react to the news of war? Did you quietly feel like one side or the other “deserved it?” How do you feel about the people who are dying? Why?

What if someone came into your neighborhood and took your loved ones hostage, killed your children, raped, and pillaged? In Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, and countless other places around the world and throughout history, this has been a reality people face.

The onus is on all of us to evolve and grow and stand up and face our bias and to love — at home, in your community, at work, in your business, and everywhere you go.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.