Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Career Coaching

If Work is Your Identity

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For some people, work is their identity. It’s how they measure their worth, and that works for them. It gets a bad rap, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with deriving meaning from the work you’re called to do.

Being driven by your goals can serve you quite well … until it doesn’t!

Let’s face it —

You’re never going to succeed by sitting on your laurels.

Establishing yourself is going to come with some late nights, missed birthday parties, and sacrifice.

But there’s a limit to how much good it does you to burn the WiFi at both ends and stay glued to your phone.

Making your identity all about work is likely costing you, even more than you know.

If you’re thinking of yourself as “Ms. CPA Extraordinaire” or “The best SAHM Return to Work Career Coach” or “my company’s next SVP of Marketing” 24/7/365, you might want to take a breather every now and then.

If your family and friends are constantly teasing you or complaining about your job, it can be frustrating … but they might have a point.

If Work is Your Identity by Laura Berman Fortgang“All you ever do is work.”

“You always cancel on us.”

“When are you ever gonna take a vacation?”

There’s a good chance you’ve let workaholism creep in and take over.

Here’s the thing —

Even if you love what you do…

Even if you think doing more of it is your ticket to ride…

What got you here won’t necessarily get you to the next level.

Instead, you may hit a brick wall of disappointment.

Ignoring the voices – both internal and external – that say you’re working too much is a sure way to burnout.

Ignoring your personal desires and the people around you, putting everything off to a later date, means something is missing.

Maybe it’s time to reexamine what’s driving you.

Why are you making your identity about work? Look for the origin.

Did you make a vow to yourself to succeed at all costs?
Is being rewarded at work fulfilling a personal need?
Is work your source for love, acceptance, and self-worth?

What happens is work gives us all something good, but if something’s missing, that hit can become an addiction like anything else.

Once you’re aware of this, the hard part starts — lowering your standards. Yikes!

Once you know what’s lacking, you can start practicing acceptance of yourself without adhering to the highest standards.

If your identity is all about work and it’s COSTING you, this is what you need to do. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Because here’s the kicker: Eventually, you will achieve MORE by doing LESS.

The Significance of the WIN

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When you’re looking to reinvent your career or start a business, resilience is crucial.

Because sooner or later, the going will get tough. You’ll need to not only stay motivated but also recover quickly and bounce back whenever you encounter difficulties.

One of the best ways to do this is to focus on your wins.

When facing challenge after challenge, it can feel like losing is imminent. Directing your attention toward your triumphs is like a continuous reminder that you’re actually someone who wins — and keeps winning — every day.

So whenever I work with a client, we start our session with a win.

Sometimes it’s something big — secured a dream job interview, landed a new client, booked a speaking gig, nailed a program launch.

But sometimes it’s something seemingly small — updating your resume, sending a newsletter, booking a discovery call, attending a networking event.

But a win is a win!

The Significance of the WIN by Laura Berman FortgangEven if you have to dig for it and rack your brain, always keep in mind that you’re a winner at something this month, this week, this morning… here’s why —

A win is something you WANT.
It’s INTEGRAL to your well-being.
And it NEGATES problems.

W.I.N.

If you have a challenging goal to tackle, wins can be the boost you need to get you there. Celebrating your victories leads to more favorable results.

A win changes your physiology. Focusing on your wins makes you shift from a stress-oriented mindset to one of possibility, wonder, and what’s next.

Your creativity amplifies, your problem-solving improves, and your confidence flourishes. You’re ready to take on the next step knowing there will be a positive outcome — if not exactly what you’re aiming for, something better than where you are. A win is imminent!

I’ll admit, this is easier said than done.

In fact, it’s been a personal challenge for me over the years. I thought my problems made me interesting, and I used them as comic fodder, part of my personality. But the self-deprecating humor wasn’t serving me.

It wasn’t until I learned to focus on what was right in my life that things began to shift. By focusing on what was right, I started doing more of what was right, and my wins beget more wins.

Success breeds success.

Break Out of the Norms You Set for Yourself

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Break Out of the Norms You Set for Yourself
I had to take a forced break from my usual live broadcast and my newsletter topic plan this past week due to my mother being in the hospital.

Between both my parents, other family members, and one of my children’s childhood spent in hospitals, I’ve been here all too many times.

HERE is disrupted, in hyper-vigilance, learning on the fly. It’s making important decisions while watching the American healthcare system flail and often fail to meet the needs of those that require care.

HERE is sitting with loads of time on my hands while I’m bedside to advocate for my loved one’s care, but not having enough brain power to do anything productive or move business forward.

HERE is going through every full-time job in your mind of what will be required to get your loved one to the next stage of care (or resuming their life) without being able to do anything to prepare because you have no idea when you have to activate a plan or what level of functioning you have to prepare for.

You can’t know until you know, which makes everything a last minute rush to an invisible finish line.

Good healthcare workers are heroes. Truly. I’m so grateful for those that truly care and fight alongside me for the care my loved ones need.

What I want to impart here is a call to action to wake up to your own life and shake yourself out of inertia. As I watch my mother struggle with a watershed moment where she is only likely to get worse and not better, I put forth this message to not let your life pass you by.

I’m not sharing about this personal challenge for your attention or sympathy. I don’t need it nor want it. I’m sharing to encourage you to shake off whatever is holding you back and take a bold action to move your life forward.

As hard as it seems, as impossible it appears to reach your desired outcome, as hopeless as your past results may make you feel, do something to break out of the norms you have set for yourself.

Yes, you have set them for yourself. You’ve accepted certain behaviors from yourself or others, you’ve let circumstances curb your possibilities, you may have even given up.
An All Too Familiar Place by Laura Berman FortgangSTOP THAT NOW.

Imagine sitting bedside (maybe some of you have) watching a loved one deteriorate to a shadow of their former selves. Imagine the things they never did and wanted to do.

The things they didn’t know how to say and never will. The wonderful things they did that they could never repeat again. What would that stir you to do?

Maybe it’s time to look at your bucket list. Maybe it’s just your to-do list that need a glance where you might find all the items are absurd in the bigger scheme of things.

Maybe it’s a look at your goals to find out if they’re really yours or better represent things you think you SHOULD do vs. really want to do. Maybe it’s just doing NOTHING and enjoying your life for a while that is the call. I don’t know, but you likely do.

I have nothing cataclysmic to share about what another round of being bedside is doing for me. Right now, it’s just draining and anxiety producing to not know what I’m preparing for.

So please, take heed. Break out of your fog. Take the driver’s seat of your life.

How to Bounce Back After Disappointment

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At some point, we all face disappointment.

Whether you get passed over for a promotion, lose a big client, your new program launch flops, or your business partner bails on you — things don’t always go as we hoped…and frankly, it sucks

But although feeling let down is perfectly normal, dwelling in disappointment won’t do you any good

It’s okay to be a little bummed, but you also need to be able to bounce back

And the key to bouncing back is a little trick called letting go.

The Buddhists believe that any pain we have is because we’re attached — to an outcome, to a person, to an expectation, etc. So their tradition, it’s all about practicing non-attachment.

Letting go is easier said than done, but it’s a powerful practice.

Think about it this way — nothing is permanent anyway. When the trees bloom in the springtime, the beauty is fleeting and followed by blossoms shriveling and falling away.

The idea is to feel emotions and experiences, be with your feelings, and let it go.

How does this apply to disappointment?

When you face disappointment, the level of pain you experience depends on how attached you were to the outcome.

But you might be thinking to yourself, “Wait, Laura, how am I supposed to achieve my goals if I don’t care about results?”

I get it; this advice seems counterintuitive for people who are ambitious, looking to make a career change, or eager to grow a business.

But here’s the thing —

When you’re working on something, of course you want it to come to be. However, the success journey is a fine dance of duality and rationality.

If you face disappointment, you’re going to mourn. Allow the feeling, sit with it, and set some parameters. How long are you going to give it?

That dream job or dream client slipped through your fingers? Give yourself three days to wallow mire, get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going.

How to bounce back after disappointment by Laura Berman FortgangHere are a few tips that work for me.
  1. Say to the universe or whatever higher power you believe in: This or something better! If one thing doesn’t work out, let it be what clears the path for something meant for you.
  2. Become a student and ask, “What did I learn from this?” Remember, whatever you picked up in this process is valuable, and regret is useless.
  3. Focus on what you do have. Whether than giving all the power to the thing you lost, put your attention on what’s already yours or what you’ve gained or can gain because of the loss.
  4. Stay in action. Movement is your friend and stagnant is an enemy that’s sure to set you back.

No matter how gut-wrenching it might feel at the time, you’ll get through it and on to bigger and better things. Soon enough, the disappointment will be behind you, and it’ll all work out in the end.

What’s your story?

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In case you haven’t noticed, we’re living in an increasingly disconnected age.

For all the good technology does in bringing us together, it also adds distance and puts up walls.

We’re bombarded with information.
Overloaded with messaging.
Everyone is vying for our attention.

As a result, everything sort of gets jumbled together. Sometimes we can’t remember where we heard something or who said what.

All too often, rather than standing out, we blend into the scenery and become easily forgotten.

Unless….

We have a good story, and we all do.

everyone has storyOur STORY is what sets us apart from the next person. People remember stories.

If you haven’t seen my TEDx Talk yet about my client, I recommend you go watch it.

Because I’ll tell you my phone continues to ring because of that story.

When I get on a call with a potential client, they’re always mentioning “that story you told,” and it lets me know that it really resonated with them.

They related to it and were able to see that I could potentially help them in the way I helped my client.

That story has done more for my business in the last five years than anything else I’ve ever done.

It really drives home a point: in the world we live in, people are craving transparency, authenticity, and truth.

Whether you’re giving a TEDx Talk, writing for your website, posting on LinkedIn, or engaging in a sales conversation … your story matters.

Consider this —

WhyYour audience is constantly asking, why, why, why?

Why you? now?, this program?, this topic?, and this price?

There’s a meaningful and genuine answer to every one of those questions, and it can best be conveyed in a story.

If you’re a business owner, that starts with your BRAND story.

If you’re not yet sure what that story is or how to tell it, I suggest starting by asking yourself these three questions:

Q1: What results do I create?​
Q2: What moves me to do what I do?​
Q3: What do I do that no one else does? What’s my way?

Here’s a quick peek into my story:

Q1: I help people create a career that they love, and I help people start their own businesses.

Q2: I don’t think anyone should suffer to make a living. Because I grew up with a father who HATED what he did, and he made us all miserable because of it.

I felt guilty for every dime he spent on me, for going to college, for making him beholden to that job that sucked. I had to overcome that feeling and avoid repeating his mistakes by doing my own thing.

Q3: I’ve untangled the quandary about what to do with your life and where to find answers.

Now it’s your turn. Take out a sheet of paper or pull up a blank screen, and jot down what first comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be perfect or polished. Just begin thinking about your story and work on it from there.

Stories will move you forward and get you to where you want to go.​

How to reach your goals without pushing harder

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Do you ever feel like reaching your goals is a nearly impossible feat?

Like you’re never going to get there, or you’re going to run yourself into the ground trying?

I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, but it can be especially frustrating when you just can’t figure out why it’s so dang hard.

You want the thing — the promotion, the new career, a successful business…

And you’re going after the thing — working your tail off to make it happen…

But progress is slow, and you honestly feel like giving up.

Here’s what’s probably happening —

If I had to guess, I’d say you’re PUSHING too hard.

You’re in your head, plotting and scheming, and your ego is shouting at you to go, go, go…harder! Or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t!

But in my experience, I’ve come to understand that pushing harder is the more difficult way to achieve what you want.

How to reach your goals without pushing harderWhat would it look like if you were PULLED toward your goals instead?

I’ve seen it time and time again. When people work toward something bigger than themselves, and they’re compelled to fulfill a vision, it feels easier.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles or that things won’t get rough at times.

It means you’re EXCITED to be challenged.
You have a big WHY that helps you get out of bed in the morning.
It keeps propelling you forward when the going gets tough.

I worked with someone recently who was at a PUSH to the finish line. He was trying to grind it out to retirement and finish strong. And it was like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

Then he got laid off. Yikes. This can be a scary thing at the tail end of a career.

However, it turns out this was the best thing that could’ve happened!

Losing that job opened up space to go after something completely different and set new goals.

He saw an opportunity to disrupt an industry, went for it — and, wow! Things are going better than ever. He loves what he does so much now, and he’s so engaged in the work, that retirement isn’t even part of the conversation anymore.

He’ll be able to slow down when he’s ready, but the PULL has reinvigorated his zest for life and legacy and the impact he wants to make.

But you don’t have to lose your job or find yourself in a bind before making the shift.

If you’re trying to push for a result right now and it feels hard — stop.

Think about elevating your goal.

What’s your larger vision?
How can you make it bigger than you?
What difference do you want to make?

Go deeper to figure out what will compel you to show up with enthusiasm.

What vision will PULL you into the future?​