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Uncategorized

Does asking for what you want feel “pushy?”

By Laura Berman Fortgang on February 26, 2023

We all want what we want, but sometimes going after it feels a little icky.

If you’ve ever had someone skip the small talk and bark a request at you, you know what I mean.

It’s kinda like going for the goods with no foreplay or asking someone to marry you on the first date.

We all prefer for someone to ease into things, get to know us better, and prove themselves worthy.

You don’t want to be THAT person running over people and bulldozing their way through life. You might get what you want, but you’re likely leaving unpleasantness in your wake, burning bridges faster than ghost pepper igniting your mouth to five-alarm status!

You’ll get much further (and be able to look at yourself in the mirror) if you take the time to build relationships and establish trust.

If you struggle with doing what it takes to get what you want, try this —

To simplify things, I use the acronym GILLS.

Does asking for what you want feel "pushy?"G: Get clear on your intent. What do you really want?
​I: Be interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting.
​L: Listen and be present. Don’t think about what you’re going to get out of someone.
​L: Learn and ask questions. Remember, people love to talk about themselves.
​S: Be specific. When it’s your time to ask for something, be able to say exactly what you want.

This is how you create opportunities and long-term success. It’s not the easiest route, but it is the most effective and sustainable over time.

And it takes away the “ick.”
​

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Forecast 2021: Holiday Cheer, New Year Fear

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 2, 2020

COVID holidays: Happy or sad?  Better or worse?  Do it up or don’t bother?

Whatever you choose, I wish you some peace this holiday season, and I thank you profusely for being a reader of this publication.   

From the one page newsletter I printed and mailed by hand every month to the digital age of calling this my blog, it’s been a journey that some of you have been on with me from the start. That does not go unnoticed.  If you’re new, I welcome you and am delighted to have you as a part of our community.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you all!

I’m never the first one to make predictions and rarely am I the first to comment on the controversial.  I take my time and assess. I comment when I feel strongly that I should do so.   It’s out of character, then, that I am going to make some predictions for 2021.

  • COVID-19 will obviously still be a factor for many months. The financial implications and employment picture can paint a very scary picture, but I ask you to look at some positives with me.
  • Living anywhere you want is a possibility in 2021.  Remote work will not stop after COVID-19 restrictions ease up.  Not everyone likes it, but when children are back in school, those that liked working remotely will probably be able to keep doing it.  I’ve already had clients move someplace far from where their employer is with their company’s blessing, and that seems to indicate we’ve proven that face time doesn’t equate to productivity.
  • Your mental health, well-being, and physical health will matter more to companies than it has in the past after getting through COVID-19.   We may actually see an increase investment in such, as it’s become obvious how crises can slow down business significantly.
  • The gig economy got some respect during COVID-19 as many states recognized unemployment benefits for the self-employed for the first time.  The gig worker is not going anywhere, and it is how many people will cope with industry changes and being laid off.
  • The hospitality, live-entertainment, and restaurant industry will be back with a vengeance, yet the question remains as to how much damage was done and did these establishments survive long enough to be resuscitated?  I hope we will have fair lending practices to bring back these staples of our social and cultural life we took for granted.
  • The political climate will improve slightly, but the country remains divided, so it will be up to the individuals to reset the tone.   If a pandemic could not bring people together, a war won’t either. I’m reminded of a secular prayer:  Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.  Fear is divisive and creates scarcity. Peace within us requires hard work, but it needs to be done. Do your part in 2021.
  • Climate events will continue to remind us who is in charge. The automobile industry decided to keep moving ahead with the development of clean energy cars despite some restrictions being lifted.  They know that consumer demand is to save the earth, and the need to do so remains.  When we are out of the COVID-19 disruption,  people will think about this again. 

Allow me to point out that the two months that most of the world was shut down in March and April, the pollution over China, India, and parts of the U.S. was significantly reduced. We can do this. We just have to have the will.

  • We all know that the stock market doing well is not the equivalent of most of this country’s (U.S.) employees doing well.  The experience of financial comfort will keep pushing upward and not reach downward unless policies change. Any opportunity to upgrade your skills and stay relevant is important to keeping your personal economy doing well.  More work will be automated, so remember to upgrade skills that can’t be automated while staying up-to-date with the latest technology.
We have to remain nimble and not give in to fears. When we are afraid, we tend to freeze up or want to avoid by doing nothing.  Times of great change are times of great opportunity if you are willing to initiate and NOT wait to see how things work out.   We are going to be OK.  Be an imperfect work in progress and keep moving.

2021 awaits.  Let me know how I can help.

“If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.”

― Lao-tse

Filed Under: Uncategorized

When Someone Else Gets What You Want

By Laura Berman Fortgang on November 12, 2020

It was my first summer stock season after graduating college, and I had been cast in a five-show season where I would not get to perform the leading role I was chosen for until the fifth and final show. 

It was a dream role (the Priscilla Lopez role in A Day in Hollywood, A Night in the Ukraine, for fellow enthusiasts).  Meanwhile, I diligently served in the ensemble/chorus of each show, worked in the costume shop, and was a valued team player.

When the time came for my long-anticipated show, the directorial staff decided that they would split MY performances between me and another actress who had not been featured in a lead during the season.  This actress happened to be my roommate that summer.

I was 22 years old, and let’s just say I did not take it well.  It was hard to hide my disappointment. Rumors began flying about my reaction and people took sides, pitting me and my roommate against each other.  I eventually came around and shared as graciously as I could, but the damage had been done.

I was ashamed at my initial reaction; I also questioned my talent since the staff had so easily dismissed everything I contributed while waiting for my turn (so much for contracts in non-union theater). It was not the perfect culmination of a summer season of hard work that I had expected.

Let’s compare this to you in your workplace or you as an entrepreneur, seeing your competitor achieve something you still hope for.

Jealousy will likely rear its ugly head if someone with less experience gets the promotion you worked for.  I’ve said it before, but after you feel all the “feels,” it’s prudent to ask yourself (and maybe the hiring entity) some tough questions like, “What do I have to do to win the next promotion?”  “What did this person have/do that I didn’t do (yet)?”

Fight your primal instinct to perceive scarcity.  If you are an entrepreneur in the online space, there are plenty of buyers. You just have to get better at reaching them.  In a job setting, you may not experience upward mobility, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there or that you couldn’t use your current workplace to catapult you to upward mobility elsewhere.

Watch the story you create about what this disappointment means. I alluded to my own experience of doubting my talent and believing that maybe that was why management had cut my role.  What happened is a FACT.

  What you make it mean is your interpretation.  Can you change your interpretation (without being delusional) so you can get back to business?

Grace under fire is a high order, but it’s something leaders embody. There’s a time to speak out, and there’s a time to pull it together and take the high road.  It was hard for my cast to unsee (or not gossip about) my meltdown no matter how much I tried to repair the damage it had caused.  Take 24 hours before responding to a critical email or a disappointment. 

Create allies rather than enemies.  There is some instant gratification in making someone the villain in your story or to blaming somebody for your disappointment.   It helps you have a justification, and it’s less crushing to blame something or someone outside of yourself than it is to look inside. 

Not everything is your fault, nor should you beat yourself up, but reclaiming your better self from the hurt/raging part of you will smooth the road to whatever is next.  Does a temper tantrum get you a recommendation if you leave? Does it build your reputation as someone others would want to work with? Those are the things to consider before lashing out and creating enemies in your wake.

In very distant hindsight, I’d say my 22-year-old self was far too accommodating, and therefore, nobody thought I’d have a problem being a “sweetheart” and sharing the role I sought out, kicked butt at in auditions, and waited all summer to perform.  I still wish I had been able to take the news more gracefully, but over the years, I’ve seen where both my competence and flexibility have hurt me

. From what I’ve learned, I’m now conscious of when to say no and when to avoid overextending myself. I’ve also decided what behavior represents me and what behavior might be effective (like bullying) but is not what I want to embody.

What is meant for you?  When we see our career or business as something with a long tail, we can absorb disappointments more easily than if we measure each action or opportunity as the end all and be all.  If it was supposed to be yours, it would’ve been.  Yeah, that over-simplifies things a bit, but it does lessen the blow and allow you to pivot or get on to the next bold move more quickly.

Maybe the friends from that summer all blocked out the trauma of my disruption, or maybe it’s truly forgotten because they too have matured.  Whichever it is, the key to maintaining a positive career trajectory, even through bitter disappointments, is to realize that they are not the end of the road.
They are a sign post pointing toward your ultimate destination. So, get back on the road and keep evolving!

Let us know how we can help.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Twilight Zone: The Worst of Times Can Be the Best of Times

By Laura Berman Fortgang on October 16, 2020

Twilight by definition is the sunlight scattering above and below the atmosphere so that Earth’s surface is neither completely lit nor completely dark. It’s the “in-between.” The time where it can go either way, light or dark, depending on your position on the earth’s surface.

  In a time in our history where nature is battling against man-made conditions and men and women are having to adapt to climate crises, COVID-19, economic dissonance, and a dizzying daily news cycle, we seem to teeter on the edge of circumstances and our own capacity to deal with them.

Pay cuts, job loss, home-schooling, and costly and scary climate events are all enough to make you want to assume the fetal position and never come out from under the covers. Sometimes, you just have to say it’s all too much and take a day off.

  But, when you return—when you show up to your life the next day, there is no room to cling to the cloak of doom.  You have to shed it and enter the light side of the “Twilight Zone.”

Can we hold both the good and the bad at the same time? Being scared and doubtful while still having a vision for a great future and the confidence to get there? 

I think we can, and  human history shows that we have many times over.  It’s just new for a lot of us.

COVID-19 has given us an opportunity.   Yes, there are challenges too, but if you no longer have a commute, in person events,  and a busy social life, you have more time. More hours and more mental space for reflection and even innovation.  Yes, innovation.  Your work, your life, and your business can all benefit from this pause, even when it’s incredibly scary and uncertain.

It’s time to pivot.  It’s time to create.
In these last several months, my coaching clients have created:
  • A legacy project (while remaining employed) that engages his passions and will serve others for years to come
  • A full reinvention from corporate leader to purposeful community leader
  • Strong habits and business practices that increased revenues for two solopreneurs
  • A job exit plan with a new venture in the wings
  • Strategy and investment in a scale-up and COVID pivot for one business

What does it take? Simply the willingness to face the problem.  Avoidance is our greatest enemy. The sooner we face the challenge and tell the truth, the less elusive the solution will become.  Clarity will come.

For those unemployed, furloughed, or concerned that there has been permanent irreversible disruption to your life, you too must face your reality. Don’t wait. Create an “in the meanwhile” opportunity. Maybe get into something you’ve always wanted to do.

This is not a time to play it safe and wait out the pandemic. Whether you are an employee or running your own show, this is a time to be BOLD.  Chaos calls for leadership, and you get to choose the light and lead.  Fear is normal. Darkness is easy to succumb to. It makes you want to go to sleep! But don’t. Now is not the time to sleep. 

Stay awake, watch for the inner prompts that arise from a slower schedule, and act. Lean into the light of the twilight.

Let us know how we can help.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Trust Your Gut!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 2, 2019

When making key decisions (like what job is the “right” one for you), it’s great to know that one of our strongest guides lives within us – our intuition.

Trust your intuitionRather than taking a bunch of assessments or seeking outside counsel, when we learn to tune in and trust the guidance that comes from our gut feelings, we are far more likely to land on something that really resonates.

Deploying Your Intuition to Find Your Ideal Career

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: career, Career coach, Career Coaching, career path, Clarity, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What Coaching

#QuotestoLiveBy: Action to Take to Gain Something You’ve Never Had

By Laura Berman Fortgang on September 11, 2017

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” Thomas Jefferson

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Change, Clarity, entrepreneurs, life coach, new direction, take action

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