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The Currency of Kindness

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 1, 2023

I’ll let you in on something from the get-go here; I am writing this for myself as much as I’m writing this for you.

You may still be visiting friends and family for the holiday season and experiencing great acts of kindness, but you also may be biting your tongue very hard this week as you do your best to keep the family peace and BE KIND.

It’s that time of year. Peace on earth, goodwill towards men (and women!!) but let me ask you this: Are you kind to yourself? The harder you work to be kind to other people may reflect how hard it is for you to be kind to yourself.

The person I am most unkind to is myself. Can anyone else relate? Those with a strong inner critic work hard to not spew it out on to the innocent bystander, so instead, ratchet up the volume in their own head directing and redirecting the vitriol at themselves.

How does that work for you?

Does it motivate you? Does it keep you stuck or cause you to procrastinate?

I can promise you that turning your kindness on to yourself will make anything you want to accomplish easier for you to do. Ease into kindness and watch it become the currency that energizes your project or promise or whatever you are up to.

People with high standards cause themselves to suffer and refuse to break their own rules even if it works against them. It’s a novel idea to lower your standards if you’re an overachiever. To accept a lower standard can be tough because we’ll make it mean that we are cheating or being lazy or betraying ourselves in some way. However, the opposite is true. Allowing yourself to win helps ease your way to other successes.

I had a consultation with a woman this year who knew that her job was not serving her and that she needed a new, more fulfilling path. She had plenty of money to feel secure pursuing a new direction but her rules about money and spending (not seeing her betterment as an investment) led her to reject what seemed like a very strategic and safe change that was destined to make her happier. She would not break her rules despite them keeping her stuck and miserable!

As we cross over into another year, I ask you to invest in the currency of kindness and the benefit of breaking the rules that make you unhappy. Be kind to YOU.

Wishing you love, peace and happiness in the New Year.

A Message For These Times

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 25, 2022

It’s hard to believe another year is coming to a close, but here we are.

As we wrap a bow on 2022 and celebrate the winter holidays, I want to thank you. I’m grateful for the gift of having you in my world this year and so glad you’re here.

Some didn’t make it to see this season through. If you’re missing loved ones or experiencing grief, my heartfelt condolences to you.

If you are suffering from the weight of other difficulties, my heart goes out to you.

Something you may not know about me is that not only am I a master credentialed coach, but I’m also an ordained interfaith minister. And I want to share a bit with you about ministering…

Don’t worry; this isn’t a religious message…

As a coach, my job is to get you unstuck and seek solutions. I listen for an opening and encourage clients to shift their perspective.

As a minister, on the other hand, my job is to be a witness. I’m there to be fully present and hold space. This training and experience has given me insight into human suffering.

What could we do differently for those who are in pain? *

You don’t have to DO anything, you have to BE. You can’t take the pain away, but you can ease it by BEing present. As we gather with family (or “chosen family”) this holiday season, remember that these aren’t happy times for everyone. Maybe they aren’t happy times for you. Perhaps you’ll be entering toxic spaces with toxic people.

Ministering (as a verb) can turn this around for you…

Here’s a quote that I included in my book, The Little Book on Meaning:

“Our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

To minister, to witness, to BE, to be present, to love, and to hold a container of wholeness for somebody even if they don’t see themselves as whole…

To bring forth patience and love and understanding, even when we don’t understand…

That we just witness, and we witness someone’s pain, and witness their struggle…

Can make all the difference.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been through some tough times recently.

So please accept this prayer, regardless of religion or tradition, to think higher, to think better, and to be aligned with goodness.

Energy of all things (God, spirit, higher self),
Allow me the blessing of a full heart,
That I may have more than enough of myself to share,
to another who needs it.
May I be a blessing to anyone that comes my way.
May I have the patience to care and the strength to lend.
May I see the light of life in all who are put in my path.
Help me to see it, embrace it, and give it.
May I serve as it is called for.
Thank you.
And so it is.
Again, I thank you.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Until next year,
Laura

*(Trigger Warning: Suicide) First, it’s important to note that should a loved one or friend makes the choice to end their life, it’s not your fault. Depression is not rational; it’s a disease that doesn’t allow people to see their value. If you are in the position to take action because someone has made you privy to that level of despair, get help. Have them call 988 or you call for guidance if they won’t.

Are You Playing The Short Game or The Long Game?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 16, 2022

We live in a time when people expect instant results.

And I get it.

When you’re in a difficult spot, stuck in a rut, and feel like you just can’t take it anymore — and you finally reach a breaking point where you want out…

You want OUT, and you want out fast.

But the tricky thing is your career and business happiness, fulfillment, and success requires playing the long game.

Getting caught up in short-term wins (a.k.a. survival mode) is what causes things to go wrong. It’s exactly why when people make rash moves, they often find themselves right back where they started.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently who was incredibly unhappy with their job. It was a classic case of overwhelm. Demanding boss. Grueling expectations. Excruciating schedule. Worst of all, this person felt trapped with no time to plot an escape or even figure out where else to go.

This is a tough but all-too-common catch-22 scenario. “I’ve got to find a new thing, but my current thing is consuming all of me, so I can’t.”

In another recent conversation, I was talking to a business owner. She was complaining to me that relationship building—getting on the phone, meeting up in person, and cultivating trust with her network—was taking up a heck of a lot of time.

From her perspective, building a business online – getting out there on social media, creating a brand, and following some marketing guru’s “simple step-by-step approach” – looked a whole lot faster and easier.

When assessing each of their sets of circumstances, I had the same question:
“Do you want to play the long game or the short game?”

The reality was, both of these folks were getting beat up pretty badly. They were letting their work get the best of them — allowing it to pack their calendar, drain their energy, and essentially, take over their lives.

No carving out time for what mattered most.
No focus on yielding the results they wanted.
No self-reflection, balance, or fulfillment.

Nothing but work, work, work … on the kind of stuff they didn’t want to be doing.

Fair warning: If you keep allowing yourself to get pummeled like this, there’s going to be a breakdown. I see it all the time! (Did you read last week’s email about burnout?!)

Stuck in a job or career that’s taking over your life? You have to find a way to carve out at least 30 minutes a day to plot your escape.

Looking for the best bang for your buck as a business owner? You have to focus on what’s working rather than getting distracted by empty promises of what may or may not work for you.

Improving your circumstances is all about optimizing your time, maximizing your efforts, and getting clear on what you really want.

If you wish to succeed on your terms, you must be willing to play the long game.

You have to think like an athlete — doing the conditioning, committing to workouts, and building muscle between games and wins. It’s not always fun or easy, but it’s worth the victory.

What can you do now to get yourself ready to reach your long-term goals?

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 9, 2022

I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

The Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout.

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!

Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support.

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming.

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption.

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.

The Often-Overlooked Secret Behind Success

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 4, 2022

In my line of work, I get to meet a lot of interesting people with interesting stories.

We’re talking about career change and personal growth, so these stories often include tales of facing obstacles, reevaluating priorities, and starting or scaling a business.

I coach folks throughout their journey, so we’re meeting at various stages along the way.

Sometimes they’re working a corporate job with dreams of making a side business their full-time gig.

Sometimes they’ve started a business but hit a plateau because they have too much on their plate and not enough help to get it all done.

And sometimes they’re somewhere in between…

We’re all grappling with various questions and challenges, and that’s okay — as long as we’re willing to ask for guidance, help, and input from those who are a few steps ahead.

No matter what it is, there’s always someone who’s been there, done that, and can make the next leg of your career or business journey easier for you.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to sit down with Sadie Prestridge — founder of Prestridge & Co., an Executive Virtual Assistant agency.

An interesting person with an interesting story, I invited her to sit down with me and chat on my weekly Friday Focus. (You can catch me Fridays at 10am eastern on my Linked in Profile, Instagram (@LauraBFortgang) or our Facebook Group HERE)

You won’t want to miss this conversation — Watch in our Facebook Group

If you’re a business owner, feeling overwhelmed by all of your to-do’s — and not even sure what to do day-to-day to grow sustainably — here’s a tip: you have to hire help before you need it. It’s the only way to level up without coming unglued!

This is the often-overlooked secret behind the success stories you hear about.

Sadie shared some fantastic, practical advice that will help you identify, prepare for, and find the kind of support you need.

Only familiar with task-oriented virtual assistants? You might be surprised by what an executive VA can do.

If you’re working a day job, looking to quit, and wondering what it really takes to go out on your own, Sadie also shares the behind-the-scenes scoop on what it took to get her agency off the ground (sans the phony overnight success nonsense we’re all so sick of hearing). I think you’ll find her story inspiring.

The Power of “Thanksgiving” in Your Career and Business

By Laura Berman Fortgang on November 27, 2022

I’m enjoying family time this holiday weekend in the U.S., and I hope you’re having a wonderful day wherever you are in the world too.

One of the things I love most about this time of year is having a big, hearty reminder to reflect on what I’m most thankful for.

As you may know, positive psychology research has proven that practicing gratitude is a powerful way to boost your happiness, health, ability to endure challenges, and so much more.

Remembering to focus on gratitude for what you already have versus the pain of what you don’t have not only shifts your perspective but also positively affects your biology, energy, and nervous system. It’s potent stuff!

With advantages aplenty, building a gratitude practice — even a small one — can be an indispensable tool for your career, business, and life success toolbox year-round.

As we wrap up the year, this nudge to be thankful is a gift — no matter your traditions.

When giving thanks in the season, I want to challenge you to go deeper. Fix your attention not so much on the things you have but on the people who matter most to you and why.

What do you really value about them?

Thinking, “I’m grateful to have this person as a client,” is one thing. But thinking, “I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to expand my skills, the sense of fulfillment and joy I felt in knowing my expertise produced results, the creativity sparked by their ideas, the inspiration spurred by their passion…” and so forth makes a difference.

Going deeper into your gratitude amplifies the intensity of the practice as a tool.

Expressing gratitude in this way helps people to feel seen and truly appreciated. In return, they are more likely to see and appreciate you, strengthening your relationship and creating mutual validation — “Hey, we’re in this together and want the best for one another moving forward.”

This is the benefit of deep “thanksgiving.”

What have you learned from the person? How have you grown through your relationship with them? What would you have missed out on if your paths hadn’t crossed?

As you reach out to family, friends, colleagues, clients, partners, students, mentors, and other influential people in your life over the coming weeks, offer the gift of deep “thanksgiving.”

Here’s what that might look like —
”If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have…”
“You inspired me to…”
“You taught me X, so therefore I can do Y…”

Be specific. Be generous. Let people know they matter. Watch your gift of “thanksgiving” produce bountiful returns in the new year and beyond.