Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

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How to Bounce Back from Burnout

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There’s been a lot of talk about burnout lately … and rightly so.

It’s not just some buzzword, but a very real thing that more and more people are dealing with every day.

We’ve all been through a lot over the past couple of years, and no matter what else was going on in the news or in life, we’ve had to keep pushing — to keep the money flowing in, to keep the bills paid, and to keep our careers intact.

It’s been intense. Even though things are a little less so now, the after effect of it all is hitting people hard. So if you’re feeling this, you’re not alone.
In my case, I spent the past year in serious caregiver mode for two different family members. While I’m grateful that my business allowed me the flexibility to do that, I hit burnout mode — big time.

I knew that if I didn’t pull back, my own health would be on the line. So that’s what I did, and now I’m in bounce-back mode.

I’ve been here before — at different times, for different reasons — so the good news is, I knew what to do. Now I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that I thought I’d share with you in case you’re finding yourself heading towards (or trying to recover from) burnout too.

Best case scenario: Take a break. Use your personal days, medical leave, or whatever you need to do to unplug completely. And do it BEFORE your body forces you to.

If that’s not an option — and let’s face it, it’s probably not — here’s what to do instead:

1. Step back from people, activities, responsibilities, and obligations that are not absolutely necessary. You just have to stop, even if it’s hard, even if it ruffles feathers. They’ll get over it … or not; it won’t be the end of the world. If you don’t quit, it could be the end of you. I’m not being dramatic here; your life depends on it.

2. Start spending more time in nature. This isn’t a nice-to-do, it’s a must-do. Put your feet in the grass and connect with the earth. Sit by the water. Find a park. Look up at the sky. Move your body. Nurturing yourself in nature calms your nervous system like nothing else. You’ll feel so much better.

3. “Quiet quit” your job — You’re hearing a lot about this right now, and it’s not to be confused with actually quitting. In case you’ve yet to hear about this, just google it. In a nutshell, the idea is to step back and do the bare minimum at work (even if you’re self-employed). That’s one interpretation, and the other, more what the original viral TikTok video was about, is to stop letting your job win. Don’t let it consume you, your energy, your sanity, and your mind space.

You choose which one you have to do. You won’t want to do the bare minimum forever, but do it while you’re in the process of recovering. No shame. Your survival depends on it. And the other version needs to be normalized. We, as a society, LIVE with work central to our well being.

Put yourself first for a while, and you’ll be okay. We’re all humans, not machines. We can’t keep grinding along neglecting our self-care. It may take longer than you think, and it might not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Your career will be waiting for you on the other side — the one you have now or a new one, better suited to your well-being. When you’re ready, I’m here to help you make your next steps clear.

P.S. Burnout can also be a sign that you’re unfulfilled in your career, or that you don’t feel like you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing. Comment below and let me know if that hits home for you!

Do You Want to Do More Meaningful Work?

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If you’re anything like most people, you want the work you do to be meaningful.

Because, hey, if you’re going to spend a good chunk of your day doing something, it may as well be a thing that feels worthwhile.

Yes, the purpose of your job is to pay the bills. But most of us would like to feel as if we’re fulfilling some sort of purpose beyond that in our daily work.
At least that’s what I suspected. And that’s what people typically tell me when they come to me looking for career coaching.

So when I ran a quick poll on LinkedIn recently and my suspicions were confirmed, I wasn’t surprised one bit.

We asked people who were thinking about making a career change what’s most important to them.

It wasn’t salary., benefits, and company culture.

The desire to do more meaningful work was the winner, hands down.

Here’s why I expected this answer…

Human beings are meaning-making animals. Don’t take my word for it; you can trace this idea back to the great philosophers and big thinkers throughout history. Meaning is what sets us apart from the deer and the turtles.

We’re not just out here to survive. We seek to create meaning through how we live our lives.

We want to do work that feels good. We want to do work that makes a difference.

We want to spend our precious time doing work that has a positive impact on ourselves and our world.

It’s a big deal.

But the problem is, if we’ve just been toiling away at a job that sucks the ever-loving life out of us or we’ve just been puttering along in a ho-hum, “decent enough” career…well, we lose touch with what meaningful work even looks or feels like.

So here’s a hint —
What makes you come alive? What lights you up? When do you feel most like yourself? What uses your gifts? When do you feel like you’re being most helpful?

Do more of that!

Take some time to explore these answers for yourself. Once you have some clarity, the equation is simple:

1. Being Yourself + 2. Making an Impact = 3. Doing Meaningful Work

If you’d like to share, I’d love to know what you came up with. Post your comments below.

Should You Soul Search Before the Job Search?

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Your teeth are clenched, your stomach lurches, you might even be breaking out in a nervous sweat, but you are proud of yourself for finally applying to a couple of jobs online and reaching out to two contacts that might help in your search.

Why the nerves?

Well, maybe you know it’s time for a change, but you can’t name what you want to do. Taking any action feels better than taking none, but will it get you anything better than you have now? Grasping at straws could lead to another mismatch, but if you take the time to do a little check in with your soul, you will sharpen your job search and get better results.

How do you do that?

I’m tired of hearing professional career guides talk about matching your job search to your values. Not because it lacks validity, but more so because the guidance is vague. There is so much more to the “soul search” part of the job search. It’s about you knowing yourself deeply, and then trusting that you can get the world to respond in kind. I find that once you know who you are, what you’re built to do, and what you want, it’s not that hard to make it happen successfully. (Sometimes, even where you are already working!)

Here are some things to be mindful of:
  • Triggers/Needs:
    You’re human. Your unresolved “stuff” is going to get in the way no matter where you work. Name them to master them.
  • Themes of Success:
    What is repeatable? Where do you easily get results?
  • Themes of Challenges:
    What are the things that grow you and stretch you? Are they surmountable?
  • Your “Artistry”:
    Your “special sauce.” The stuff that no one else can do.
  • The Outdated Motivator:
    MOST of us got where we are to overcome something or prove something that got planted in you as a reaction to something negative a verrrrrry looooooong time ago. You’ve got to recognize it, decide if that motivation still serves you. (HINT: not likely) Replace it with something empowering. Something you can create a future on instead of just reacting to the past.

What you’re good at isn’t always what you’re meant to do, and so many of us are still using the paper road map we were guided by in high school and college. It’s outdated! You need to fine tune your GPS. Don’t skip this step.

Join our next Career Clarity REBOOT September 12-16th (with bonus days September 17th and 18th)

Social Media Brown Out

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August 1st ends my month-long social media blackout. I successfully took a full break from creating any content or outreach via social media or email, and it was an energizing exercise! That part of the break was easy. The harder part was staying off social media altogether. So, honestly, it was a brown out.

I purposely took the social media apps off my phone, so access was not immediate. Nonetheless, the addiction ran deep. I cut my screen time by more than half, but I still found myself taking the extra steps to access the apps and take a look. I posted a few stories on my Instagram just because it was fun.

The reason I took a break, which I shared in my last newsletter, was to recover from caregiver burnout. My body was in constant fight or flight mode, and I did find it very helpful to reduce the adrenaline/dopamine hits that checking in constantly can cause.

What I Learned:
  • Less is More: My Instagram grew more in the month I only posted stories (no reels, no posts) and held followers better than the previous month where we were posting almost daily.
  • Lost My Ability to Sit Still: Although checking social media on my phone was WAY down, I still did it. It was a constant itch I wanted to scratch, and I’m not happy about that. I regularly meditate and take THAT time, but WOW, was it eye-opening to see how I’m addicted to my phone!
  • Social Media is Social: Part of checking in on social media when I said I wouldn’t was because I missed people. Social media has become a way to be up-to-date on people I know and care about (at least the part they share publicly). It is a fact of our society that there just aren’t enough hours in our modern life days to call, write, or spend a lot of time checking in with those we care about. For example, my oldest kid is deep into his new career success, and social media lets me know more than a phone call would yield right now.
What I’ll Change:
  • I’m not putting the apps back on my phone. Making it harder to access is working in checking less often and being more present.
  • Posting for business can take on a new pace; one that works for me instead of being a slave to the “shoulds” and the algorithms.
  • I will pay more attention to burnout signs like constant “fight or flight” states and an inability to stay on task. I’ll take more unapologetic and full breaks BEFORE it becomes a crisis.

Like everything I share, I hope this helps you think about your social media consumption, and the load you are carrying during these incredibly challenging times.

Please know you’re not alone. Here is another article that might interest you on coping with burnout.

Start With Dessert

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We save the “best for last.” We “treat” ourselves with the satisfying pleasure of tantalizing sweets at the end of the meal. That finishing touch.

How does our propensity for dessert relate to knowing what’s right for our lives or career?

Dessert just feels so good as a taste sensation. Career and life satisfaction feels so good too, and we expect it to be the reward of hard work or a good decision. We experience it as a result.

What if, instead, we interpret that sensation as a guide? What feels good is a sign to keep going in that direction.

When clients pay handsome dollars to gain clarity by working with me, they want to go right into their analytical thinking, measuring if I can possibly be smart enough to know what they are built to do with their lives. How do I know? What will I do with them that will make them know too?

Oof. It’s exhausting.

There is little that is analytical about my process. It’s a process to get you to FEEL again. No deep breathing exercises, no meditation assignments nor long journaling assignments.

Nothing wrong with those methods, but I support my clients to feel their way out of the lack of clarity through a set of questions. Then, I measure the level of BS in the answers based on how it feels to me and to them. Sound crazy? Maybe, but it works.

You can start paying attention to how things feel for you right now. Feels good? Proceed. Feels wrong? Nothing will change that and the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get.

Now for the murky territory: Fear. Fear feels bad. Fear can be a reaction to something that feels good too!

It feels good to be creative (let’s just say), but fear kicks in right away that it’s not sustainable, or people will not like what you create, or you can’t make time for something not related to your current job.

In my recent work with a very unhappy career salesperson in their 40’s, he was sure he was ready for a change until he landed on what felt right as a future direction.

He knew it was right, the exercises we did confirmed it, his financial situation presented no obstacles to the change, BUT he was terrified. What if he failed? What if he wanted to get his job back and couldn’t? What if, what if, what if?

Dessert was ruined by the fear of gaining weight!

Nooooooo! Enjoy the dessert. Follow the feeling. Decide by how it feels.

DISCLAIMER: NO GLUTTONY

Are You Sorry? Really?

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Here’s a question for you: How many times a day do you find yourself saying, “I’m sorry.” If you took the time to count, I’d wager that many of you are saying those two words more often than you think.

Here’s my take on this – STOP IT!

I’m not saying you should abdicate responsibility when you do something wrong. What I am saying is that if you find yourself apologizing all day, every day, it’s time to evaluate why you do this and put a stop to it.

In my 27 years of coaching, I’ve noticed that this phenomenon is far more common with women. Why do women apologize for things when they didn’t do anything wrong? In many cases it’s because they are highly empathetic. Women often anticipate how others may feel or react and try to preemptively mitigate any damage with an “I’m sorry.”

The reality of life is that not every conversation with friends, family, or co-workers is going to be easy. You will need to have tough conversations to create and live the life you want. It’s so much easier to have these tough conversations when you release the burden of anticipating how others will react to what you are saying. Everyone is responsible for his/her own reactions and emotions. You’re not responsible for how the other person is going to react to the message that you are delivering!

I had an assistant for many years who had a habit of starting off statements with an apology. When she needed my assistance, she would say things like, “I’m sorry. Can I have five minutes of your time?” However, as our relationship progressed, I refused to let her apologize. I worked with her on skipping over the “I’m sorry to interrupt you,” or “I’m sorry, I hate to bother you,” and cut to the chase. There’s nothing wrong with simply saying “I have an issue that needs your attention. Please let me know when you have five minutes today to discuss this.”

Here is a quick and actionable tip you can use if you find yourself struggling with this. Turn that apology into a thank you. Instead of “I’m so sorry, I can’t make that work,” say “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m not going to be able to make that work.” Starting with a “thank you” allows the conversation to stay on equal footing. When you are constantly apologizing, it can make you appear less confident and competent.

Even if you’re late to a meeting, where it is appropriate to apologize for keeping someone waiting, you can say, “Thank you for waiting. I didn’t mean to be rude by being late. I was caught in traffic.”

So the next time “I’m sorry” is at the tip of your tongue, pause to evaluate whether an apology is needed. If not, change it into a thank you, and then go about your day knowing that you’re communicating with confidence.

What situations make you want to apologize?
Please comment and let me know.