The holidays are upon us, which brings in a season of joy and celebration for many.
Happy Hanukkah to those who are celebrating with me this week!
But let’s face it: this can also be a season of anxiety and gloom.
I’m not talking about the usual reasons for the holiday blues here, but a different kind of grief — the kind where you’re lamenting another year stuck in a job you hate and already dreading the moment you turn off your “Out of Office” message come January.
If the thought of heading into the new year as the same old you makes you want to go into hibernation, bear with me (no pun intended!) — I have some ideas!
Figuring out what you want to do with the next season of your life and how to move forward isn’t easy, especially when you feel stuck. But it’s only confusing because you’re not looking deep enough.
Cracking the code is like cracking an egg.
There’s the shell or outside layer: your title, rank, salary, perks, benefits, and perceived status — all things that can be taken away at any moment.
Then there’s the yoke or inner part: your knowledge, experience, confidence, resilience, and substance — the things you carry with you anywhere you go.
It’s what’s inside that counts! But the shell prevents you from recognizing what matters most.
You look in the mirror and see who you appear to be on the outside — an accountant, a lawyer, a project manager, a VP of sales — and can’t imagine showing up as anyone else.
Staying with the holiday theme, it’s like the role we tend to take on within our family structure during the holidays — the drama queen, the people pleaser, the black sheep, the mother hen, the devil’s advocate, the perfectionist.
When we gather in old familiar company, we often revert to old habits and the way people have always seen us. But it doesn’t have to be that way, so I want you to try something new . . .
1. Take out a sheet of paper.
2. Write down the role you tend to fall into around the holidays, how your family perceives you.
3. Write down who you really are.
Ex: They see me as a people pleaser, but I have boundaries and opinions and can say no.
4. Maintain your awareness and don’t react as usual.
Ex: A “people pleaser” would apologize, but I did nothing wrong. I’ll take a deep breath instead.
5. Love your old self in the old role. Love your old self enough to heal her/him and let her/him go.
6. Start showing up in your new role — unapologetically you!
Once you start cracking the shell of who you’ve always been, you’ll get a glimpse of who you are at your core — someone with so much more to offer. You have the power to change.
Are you a “financial analyst” or are you someone who is a meticulous researcher and sharp trend spotter with the ability to develop striking insights that would come in handy if you wanted to become a real estate broker?
Are you a “Director of HR” or someone with strong conflict management skills and a high level of empathy? Maybe your next role is to become a licensed marriage and family therapist.
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