Now What?® Coaching

Author: Laura Berman Fortgang

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome in Its Tracks
Do you ever feel like an imposter?

Are you sometimes afraid that someone’s going to discover you have no idea what you’re doing — that you’re not the expert you proclaim to be, you’re not as skilled as you’ve made yourself out to be, and you’re not quite qualified to be in the position you’ve found yourself in?

Maybe you’re worried that you don’t measure up somehow, so it makes you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s what this looks like.

Them: We’d like to interview you [for a dream job]!
You: Maybe they didn’t notice I don’t have enough experience.

Them: Congratulations! We’d like to offer you the [dream] job.
You: I’ll surely be fired by Tuesday, once they figure out I’m a fraud.

Them: We’ve selected your proposal to speak at the next conference.
You: Oh no! I’m probably going to make a fool out of myself.

Them: I’m looking for a coach, and I’d love to work with you.
You: But what if I can’t help you get results, and you tell everyone I’m a con?

I’m not a doctor, but as a Master Certified Credentialed Coach with 30 years of experience, I can confidently assess what’s happening here.

Imposter Syndrome

Don’t worry; it’s not fatal to your career or success.

Most people struggle with it from time to time, and it’s entirely “treatable.”

If you feel like your Imposter Syndrome is flaring up, here’s what I suggest you do —
1. Pause and accept what’s happening. No sense in ignoring the symptoms. Denying it only makes things worse by trying to overcompensate.
2. Learn to recognize your triggers (comparisons, someone else’s recent success) and how you respond, so you can head it off at the pass. Before you go into a full-on panic, tell yourself, “This is just imposter syndrome flaring up again. Nothing alarming. You can do this.”
3. Notice your self-talk. As soon as you start beating yourself up, STOP. It may sound easier said than done, but you can tell yourself “no.” No more negative self-talk; you’re not listening.
4. Ask yourself what success looks like. Are you trying to measure up to a perfect ideal? Scratch that and aim for progress instead.
5. Keep learning. The best way to keep Imposter Syndrome at bay is to continue seeking out new knowledge and ways of doing things, evolving, and growing your skill set.
6. Celebrate wins! I can’t say enough about this. Remind your brain that you’re doing good things.
Do this again and again, every time Imposter Syndrome starts to creep up, and you’ll start experiencing it less and less.

Don’t get caught up in calling yourself an expert. Instead of thinking of yourself as someone who’s supposed to know everything, think of yourself as someone who makes it your business to learn everything you can about your particular topic of choice.

You’re not an imposter, so keep showing up as the best of who you are. You’ve got this!
October 1, 2023
Old Lessons Made New to Finish 2023 Strong

It’s hard to believe we’re already heading into the fourth quarter of 2023, but it’s coming right up.

So … how’s it going?

Would your September 2022 self be proud?
Are you on track to reach your goals?
Did you blow by your wildest expectations?
Have you made some wrong turns or hit detours?

No matter where you are now, you still have time to finish even stronger and better. You have time to focus on what you want to get done by the end of this year.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week. As you may know, not only am I a Master Certified Credentialed Coach, but I’m also an ordained interfaith minister, incorporating wisdom and inspiration from ancient traditions around the world, into my work and every day.

This past weekend was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, followed by a 10-day period of Judaism’s High Holy Days, and this coming Sunday marks Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement or holiest day of the year.

It’s a time for reflection and renewal, introspection and connection.

A time for shedding the old and celebrating new beginnings — wishing family and friends a year filled with happiness, health, and prosperity.

As well as a time for thinking back over the past year, facing your missteps, asking forgiveness, and considering how you may become a better person in the year ahead.

Whether you take part in these customs or not, you can consider this a reminder that life is full of opportunities to begin again and move forward with renewed energy.

This weekend also marks the official first day of fall. Just like the trees shed leaves, what do you want to let go of? What do you want to make room for?

If you haven’t done it by now, maybe you didn’t really want to — so dump it!

Or forgive yourself for putting it off this long — and get to it!

Whatever you’re looking to accomplish in your career or business, the year’s not over yet. Celebrate how far you’ve come, make peace with your setbacks, and reawaken your drive to succeed.

September 24, 2023
The Power of Pumpkin Spice
Fall is just around the corner again, and you know what that means — it’s pumpkin spice season!

I know … you’re either rolling your eyes, giddy with excitement, or couldn’t care less. But stick with me here, because we should all be paying attention.

Love it or hate it, there’s no denying the POWER of pumpkin spice.

I kid you not — studies have found that Americans are spending over half a BILLION dollars on pumpkin spice stuff every year. Buying up everything from Starbucks lattes to scented trash bags, industry insiders call it the “pumpkin spice economy.”

Sure, it may seem like things have gotten out of hand, and seeing the hype start in mid-August is a pet peeve of mine. Personally, I’m a fan of pumpkin spice, and I’m an even bigger fan of pumpkin spice as a marketing phenomenon.

Marketers have NAILED this. Here’s how —
1. 1. Building anticipation: Those of us who are fans of the rich, fragrant flavor and scent crave our first annual sip or whiff.
  2. Creating emotional connection: It’s become interwoven with the coziness of the season, like a warm sweater, crackling fires, and family holiday gatherings.
  3. Making a limited-time offer: Not being able to order it year-round makes it special. Consumers hurry to buy while they can, as much as they can.
  4. Establishing consistency: We know this thing is coming down the pike every year and have come to rely on it.
How can you translate these lessons into your business or career?

Anticipation: Talk about what you’re brewing up; create intrigue. Developing a new program? Offer hints along the way. Working on an exciting project? Let others know you can’t wait to share. Before long, people will be on the lookout for whatever you have going on and want in on it.

Emotional connection: Make sure people associate your work with something deeper than a commodity. You don’t just offer accounting services, but peace of mind. Not just coaching, but clarity and inspiration.

Limited access: Scarcity encourages people to take action. Offer a limited number of one-on-one coaching opportunities. Focus on projects that make the greatest impact rather than spreading yourself thin.

Consistency: Let people know what to expect from you, so they can look forward to your upcoming podcast episode, newsletter, program launch, or presentation at the next industry conference — and depend on you showing up.

I’d love to know how you’re going to spice things up this fall. Hit reply and share.
September 17, 2023
How to Deal with Difficult People

Let’s face it; people can be difficult.

Even if you consider yourself a people person, dealing with various needs, personalities, priorities, and quirks can be challenging.

There’s always going to be conflict.

Whether it’s a tough client, boss, or coworker, your overall success and happiness ultimately depend on how well you’re able to navigate that relationship.

The good news – it’s not as hard as you might think — as long as you keep these three tips in mind:

Tip #1: In any given situation, you have two realities:

1. The facts and 2. The interpretation of the facts.
We are not always going to agree on the interpretation. Here is an example:

Person A: This stinks! I was planning to go to an arts festival; my day is ruined!

Person B: How wonderful! My lawn needed this, and now I can curl up with a good book.

We all view facts differently. When you’re dealing with a difficult person or situation, you have to remember — there’s what happened, and there’s what each person thinks about what happened. Once you’ve considered this, it’s easier to resolve any friction.

Tip #2: Follow Stephen Covey’s advice to begin with the end in mind. (That’s habit #2 in his blockbuster book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

People don’t like drama because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck in whatever nastiness ensues.

When you find yourself in conflict, focus on what you want to get out of it. What’s your goal? What do you want to resolve? Keep your eye on the prize, and stay focused on moving forward.

Tip#3: Avoid the word “you” unless it’s used in a positive light.

Saying “you” in the heat of conflict triggers an inflammatory response. People feel blamed and berated, and they don’t like it one bit.

Instead, frame the conversation with the word “I.” I hear you, understand, see we have a difference of opinion, and I want you to know I want to resolve this to your satisfaction.

This keeps the other person off the defensive and out of “fight or flight” mode. It allows for a reasonable conversation and coming to a resolution.

These three tips will make a big difference, and the more you use them, the more you’re able to build rapport and trust, even with the most difficult people. The next time a conflict arises, you can build on the successful outcome you created the last time. Before you know it, that person no longer ruffles your feathers because you know how to deal with them.

Remember: The customer isn’t always right. Your boss isn’t always right. And that overbearing coworker isn’t always right.

You don’t have to let difficult people walk all over you. It’s okay to disappoint people, agree to disagree, and move on. You’ll have more respect for yourself, garner more respect, and win in the end.

September 10, 2023
If Work is Your Identity

For some people, work is their identity. It’s how they measure their worth, and that works for them. It gets a bad rap, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with deriving meaning from the work you’re called to do.

Being driven by your goals can serve you quite well … until it doesn’t!

Let’s face it —

You’re never going to succeed by sitting on your laurels.

Establishing yourself is going to come with some late nights, missed birthday parties, and sacrifice.

But there’s a limit to how much good it does you to burn the WiFi at both ends and stay glued to your phone.

Making your identity all about work is likely costing you, even more than you know.

If you’re thinking of yourself as “Ms. CPA Extraordinaire” or “The best SAHM Return to Work Career Coach” or “my company’s next SVP of Marketing” 24/7/365, you might want to take a breather every now and then.

If your family and friends are constantly teasing you or complaining about your job, it can be frustrating … but they might have a point.

“All you ever do is work.”

“You always cancel on us.”

“When are you ever gonna take a vacation?”

There’s a good chance you’ve let workaholism creep in and take over.

Here’s the thing —

Even if you love what you do…

Even if you think doing more of it is your ticket to ride…

What got you here won’t necessarily get you to the next level.

Instead, you may hit a brick wall of disappointment.

Ignoring the voices – both internal and external – that say you’re working too much is a sure way to burnout.

Ignoring your personal desires and the people around you, putting everything off to a later date, means something is missing.

Maybe it’s time to reexamine what’s driving you.

Why are you making your identity about work? Look for the origin.

Did you make a vow to yourself to succeed at all costs?
Is being rewarded at work fulfilling a personal need?
Is work your source for love, acceptance, and self-worth?

What happens is work gives us all something good, but if something’s missing, that hit can become an addiction like anything else.

Once you’re aware of this, the hard part starts — lowering your standards. Yikes!

Once you know what’s lacking, you can start practicing acceptance of yourself without adhering to the highest standards.

If your identity is all about work and it’s COSTING you, this is what you need to do. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Because here’s the kicker: Eventually, you will achieve MORE by doing LESS.

September 3, 2023
The Significance of the WIN

When you’re looking to reinvent your career or start a business, resilience is crucial.

Because sooner or later, the going will get tough. You’ll need to not only stay motivated but also recover quickly and bounce back whenever you encounter difficulties.

One of the best ways to do this is to focus on your wins.

When facing challenge after challenge, it can feel like losing is imminent. Directing your attention toward your triumphs is like a continuous reminder that you’re actually someone who wins — and keeps winning — every day.

So whenever I work with a client, we start our session with a win.

Sometimes it’s something big — secured a dream job interview, landed a new client, booked a speaking gig, nailed a program launch.

But sometimes it’s something seemingly small — updating your resume, sending a newsletter, booking a discovery call, attending a networking event.

But a win is a win!

Even if you have to dig for it and rack your brain, always keep in mind that you’re a winner at something this month, this week, this morning… here’s why —

A win is something you WANT.
It’s INTEGRAL to your well-being.
And it NEGATES problems.

W.I.N.

If you have a challenging goal to tackle, wins can be the boost you need to get you there. Celebrating your victories leads to more favorable results.

A win changes your physiology. Focusing on your wins makes you shift from a stress-oriented mindset to one of possibility, wonder, and what’s next.

Your creativity amplifies, your problem-solving improves, and your confidence flourishes. You’re ready to take on the next step knowing there will be a positive outcome — if not exactly what you’re aiming for, something better than where you are. A win is imminent!

I’ll admit, this is easier said than done.

In fact, it’s been a personal challenge for me over the years. I thought my problems made me interesting, and I used them as comic fodder, part of my personality. But the self-deprecating humor wasn’t serving me.

It wasn’t until I learned to focus on what was right in my life that things began to shift. By focusing on what was right, I started doing more of what was right, and my wins beget more wins.

Success breeds success.

August 27, 2023