Career Burnout

The Truth in Coaching

By Laura Berman Fortgang on February 4, 2024

When I started in the coaching industry 20+ years ago, most people were unfamiliar with the term “coaching” — outside of sports, of course. These days, I rarely meet someone who doesn’t know what coaching is — in the context of life, health, business, or careers.

We’ve come a long way! But when it comes to recognizing the difference between a skilled coach and someone who just slapped on a title? Not so much.

Coaching isn’t a regulated industry. You don’t need a license or specific training to call yourself a coach, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it allows for autonomy and creative freedom. However, when hiring a coach, you need to know what you’re getting into. And when you are a coach, you need to know what skills help your clients get results. What makes a coach good at their job?

You may have heard me say I’m a Master Certified Coach (MCC), the gold standard credential in coaching, issued by the International Coaching Federation. To earn this designation, I had to demonstrate evidence of advanced coaching skills and meet certain standards. It’s something I take seriously.

BUT the credential itself isn’t what makes me, or anyone else, a good coach. What makes someone a good coach is the skill of telling the truth.

Most people avoid the truth at worst or tell “polite” truths at best.

An effective coach will call you on your stuff and tell you the truth in a snap. We won’t let it slide.
Does this mean good coaches are all-knowing truth-tellers? Of course not.
It means we’re able to recognize incongruencies — when you say something that doesn’t match your actions, or when you act in a way that’s out of alignment with the groundwork and goals we’ve established.

For example —

You: My family is the most important thing to me.

Skilled coach: You mentioned that your family is important, but you also shared with me that you haven’t spent any time with your family this month. In what ways are you prioritizing your family? Where else are you directing your attention? What’s really getting your time?

It’s the coach’s job to pay close attention, notice when something is “off,” and question it. Inquiring into what you say, think, and do is what helps you see the truth — YOUR truth.

I know we’re getting somewhere when a client says, “Wow, that’s a really good question,” or — better yet, “I hate you for asking me that.” Bingo – we’re onto something!

It’s important to remember that when you enter into a coaching relationship, you’re agreeing to get called out on your stuff. You’re signing up for the truth … because living in our truth is where we all want to be.

This is how coaching changes lives and organizations. You have to answer some tough questions and confront big truths about yourself, your leadership (we are all leaders somewhere, even if it’s just with family) and your choices. Are you ready to face facts?

If you’re a coach, you need to learn how to work with the truth — to ruffle feathers (but in a productive way), and to uncover layers so you can get to the good stuff. It’s a skill set that requires training and practice.

DREAD Has a Message For You

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 21, 2024

Do you dread going to work?
Sunday evening rolls around, and you shudder at the thought of rolling out of bed in the morning.

Do you dread getting on a Zoom call with a particular client?
You check your calendar and cringe just thinking about the upcoming conversation.

We all do sometimes. Should you quit the job and ditch the client?

Not so fast! Maybe, maybe not. It depends on the reason behind your dread.

In my work with clients, it becomes clear to me that when you’re dreading something work-related, the feeling is usually driven by one of two things:

1. Fear

You’re afraid of something — failure, walking into the unknown, being unprepared, facing people who intimidate you, confronting a challenging situation, or grappling with imposter syndrome.

2. Misalignment

It’s out of alignment with who you are — it goes against your values, falls outside of your wheelhouse, distracts you from your goals, is something you want to put behind you, or you just don’t love it.

The first step is to figure out what’s causing your dread; this distinction matters. The source points to your best course of action.

If you’re dreading something due to fear, don’t forget what’s on the flip side of the coin: discomfort demands growth. So do it anyway! That might sound easier said than done, but the reward is well worth it. The more you push past fear-fueled dread, the closer you’ll get to your goals.

But if your dread is a symptom of misalignment, reach for the opposite remedy. Growth, in this case, comes from saying “NO — don’t do it!” When you have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming, into something that doesn’t serve you anyway, it’ll only lead you astray from your goals.

No matter the reason or the cause, you don’t have to keep dwelling in dread. Let it either motivate you or signal that it’s time to move on.

What is “Enough” for You?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 10, 2023

A recurring theme has been showing up in my conversations with clients and people in my community over the past couple of weeks — a spirit of discontent.

More than usual, people seem to be disappointed and miffed that they’ve missed some arbitrary mark.

I have to admit — if I were new to coaching, I might be feeling a little distressed myself. But I’ve been at this for decades now, and I know exactly what’s going on here. It’s the end of the year…

Folks have launched businesses, filled programs, and met revenue goals. They’ve been featured in magazines, interviewed on popular podcasts, and appeared on TV. They published books, got promoted, or quit their corporate job. Impressive stuff!

But it wasn’t enough. And for some, it’s never enough.

Especially around this time of year, as people pause to reflect, I’ve come to expect it. So I thought you could use a heads-up . . .

No matter how much you’ve accomplished in 2023, there’s a good chance you might find yourself feeling it too: you didn’t do enough, your results weren’t enough, and you are not enough.

However, I want you to know this —

Suffering happens when you don’t meet your own expectations. The tricky part is that your expectations can become a moving target as your hopes, dreams, and aspirations evolve, grow, and become influenced by what you see around you.

How can you reduce this suffering?

Remember that ambition — Your passionate and dedicated drive to want more is good! BUT discontent — the feeling that you’ve let yourself down — doesn’t do you any good.

How do you strike the sweet spot? I have to thank my good friend, best-selling author and writing coach Jennifer Louden, for this one. She suggests coming up with your very own “conditions of enoughness.”

Look inward, give it some deep thought, and determine…

What is enough money?
What are enough sales?
What is enough time?
What is enough fame?
How will I know when I have enough?
How will I know when my desires are met?

You control the relationship you have with your desires. How’s that going for you?

When you’re not happy because you’ve let yourself down, you’re causing your own suffering. It’s often what causes that paralysis — when you want something better but can’t bring yourself to take action. The tension forms a chasm that’s difficult to close.

Creating from a wounded place means creating more suffering. Everything becomes more difficult.

If you want to experience success, fulfillment, peace, and happiness, you must find your “conditions of enoughness.” From there, striving for more is easy; it can come and go, and you’re still okay.

Creating from a place of contentment not only feels better, but it’s your ticket to experiencing the success you desire.

New Balance

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 3, 2023

The high-level executive keeps telling himself he’ll have time again soon – that it’s just a busy time, and it’ll slow down in the near future. However, he’s been telling himself that for SIX MONTHS!

A slow down just typically doesn’t happen.

How does he find a balance?
How does he reclaim his life?

THAT is something that I’m sure many of you can relate to no matter what your work is, whether in corporate, as a business owner or being a busy parent.

There are only so many hours in a day, and I’ll say again what bears repeating: You can’t manage time. You can only manage yourself.

Ask Yourself a Few Questions:

Who do you want to be?
If you’re suffering now, that’s not who you want to be. Think about how you want to live, and how you want to behave daily (i.e., I want to be a present parent instead of being a distracted one. I want to be a boss that trusts vs. micro-managing).

What has to happen for you to be that person?
Write down a truthful answer whether you can accomplish those changes or not.

How do you betray yourself now?
Take a close look at how you behave differently from what you’d like to have happen. Yes, those are betrayals of yourself!

Take on a Few Tasks:

Examine your rules.
They’re meant to be broken if they cause you to suffer. Sometimes it’s you who puts limits or unreasonable standards in place that throw your work and life out of whack.

Write down what only you can do.
I can bet that there are items on your calendar and your to-do list(s) that could be done by somebody else if you let go of the reins a bit. Examine your calendar and your activities and determine if you truly need to be there or be the one doing them.

Hire!
Take some things off your plate by hiring them out (don’t be stingy with yourself; you can do it!) Corporately, look at it honestly as you budget for next year and see if there is room for a hire, a chief of staff, or a second assistant. Also notice if you don’t trust certain current team members to be able to take on some of the things you shouldn’t be doing if additional training or a change in staffing is required.

Consider:

Some things you can’t change. If you work in a toxic work environment, you may not have the power to change it. You must consider your options.

I was once hired by a large pharmaceutical company to run a work-life balance training for their sales force. I asked to survey the team first to get a sense of what the issues were with work and life integration.

The survey showed me that this company truly did not walk their talk. They wanted to provide a session to improve their teams’ lives, but they didn’t truly, in practice, believe in it. I refused the job after I did the survey and told them why.

They came back a week later and asked me to work with their leadership team on this initiative because it had to come from the top down to change the culture, which I did.

If your company doesn’t really have policies that allow you to have a decent quality of life outside of work, you have to consider leaving.

There will never be a perfect “balance.” It just doesn’t exist. Something will always tilt the pendulum in the opposite direction, but it IS possible to find a new balance – an integration – where you have less stress and are living in a way that makes you like your work. Heck, maybe even love it!

We’re here to help…

Are You Playing The Short Game or The Long Game?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 16, 2022

We live in a time when people expect instant results.

And I get it.

When you’re in a difficult spot, stuck in a rut, and feel like you just can’t take it anymore — and you finally reach a breaking point where you want out…

You want OUT, and you want out fast.

But the tricky thing is your career and business happiness, fulfillment, and success requires playing the long game.

Getting caught up in short-term wins (a.k.a. survival mode) is what causes things to go wrong. It’s exactly why when people make rash moves, they often find themselves right back where they started.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently who was incredibly unhappy with their job. It was a classic case of overwhelm. Demanding boss. Grueling expectations. Excruciating schedule. Worst of all, this person felt trapped with no time to plot an escape or even figure out where else to go.

This is a tough but all-too-common catch-22 scenario. “I’ve got to find a new thing, but my current thing is consuming all of me, so I can’t.”

In another recent conversation, I was talking to a business owner. She was complaining to me that relationship building—getting on the phone, meeting up in person, and cultivating trust with her network—was taking up a heck of a lot of time.

From her perspective, building a business online – getting out there on social media, creating a brand, and following some marketing guru’s “simple step-by-step approach” – looked a whole lot faster and easier.

When assessing each of their sets of circumstances, I had the same question:
“Do you want to play the long game or the short game?”

The reality was, both of these folks were getting beat up pretty badly. They were letting their work get the best of them — allowing it to pack their calendar, drain their energy, and essentially, take over their lives.

No carving out time for what mattered most.
No focus on yielding the results they wanted.
No self-reflection, balance, or fulfillment.

Nothing but work, work, work … on the kind of stuff they didn’t want to be doing.

Fair warning: If you keep allowing yourself to get pummeled like this, there’s going to be a breakdown. I see it all the time! (Did you read last week’s email about burnout?!)

Stuck in a job or career that’s taking over your life? You have to find a way to carve out at least 30 minutes a day to plot your escape.

Looking for the best bang for your buck as a business owner? You have to focus on what’s working rather than getting distracted by empty promises of what may or may not work for you.

Improving your circumstances is all about optimizing your time, maximizing your efforts, and getting clear on what you really want.

If you wish to succeed on your terms, you must be willing to play the long game.

You have to think like an athlete — doing the conditioning, committing to workouts, and building muscle between games and wins. It’s not always fun or easy, but it’s worth the victory.

What can you do now to get yourself ready to reach your long-term goals?

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 9, 2022

I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

The Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout.

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!

Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support.

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming.

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption.

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.

Career Burnout

How can you reduce this suffering?

A slow down just typically doesn’t happen. ​ ​How does he find a balance? How does he reclaim his life? ​ ​ THAT is something that I’m sure many of you can relate to no matter what your work is, whether in corporate, as a business owner or being a busy parent.