The other day, one of my executive clients told me about some feedback he got during a review. The buzz around the office was that he made people feel stupid.
Whoa…
To be fair, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is a bit of wisdom from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. True, but should people have to go around letting disparagement and hostility roll off their backs? Of course not.
Using a condescending communication style isn’t a good look for a leader. Having a reputation for talking down to people is no way to gain respect.
But my client isn’t a bully. He never intended to put anyone down or make them feel inadequate. So what the heck was going wrong?
I dug into his story, and here’s what I discovered:
He was frustrated because he found himself repeating the same things over and over…
His tone, facial expressions, and body language showed the frustration.
He was acting out his feelings, rolling his eyes, sighing heavily, and throwing his hands in the air as he expressed his frustration. Definitely not a good look!
Let me be clear. There isn’t anything wrong with expressing frustration, but do everyone a favor and skip the drama. It’s unprofessional, and it’s doing you and everyone around you a disservice.
What should you do instead? Simply state what you’re feeling. “I’m feeling frustrated that I have to repeat myself, but here’s what I’d like you to do.”
Whether you’re talking to your team members, coworkers, kids, or spouse, SPEAK the emotion rather than acting it out and spewing it at them.
Remember, perception is reality. If you give off the impression that you’re unreasonable and egotistic, there will be consequences in how your team operates. People will avoid you, problems will fester, and you’ll miss out on growth opportunities.
Consider the ripple effect of your actions and find ways to improve how you communicate. Say it, instead of acting it out!
Leave a Reply