Clarity

So, what do you do?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 11, 2023

Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
a) their work isn’t their worth
and
b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

And go deep with:
“I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
“I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
“I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

We are so much MORE than what we DO.

You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

Here’s the thing —

You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

A better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
“I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
– or –
“I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

And it works for any job.

Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 28, 2023

If you’re anything like most people, you’re no stranger to feeling guilty.

For some folks, guilt is a frequent companion. They feel bad about seemingly anything and everything — whether they have a good reason to or not.

But for most of us, guilt simply creeps in more often than we’d like.

Quitting a job.
Setting boundaries in a friendship.
Refusing a request.

It doesn’t take much to feel at least a little uncomfortable, sheepish, or ashamed about a choice we’re making, especially when we feel like we’re letting someone down.

But here’s something we often miss —

There’s GOOD guilt and there’s BAD guilt … and the difference matters.

Good guilt is the kind of guilt that’s telling you you might regret a decision. Maybe you’re not prioritizing the things that mean a lot to you. It’s a nudge to keep you honest and spur positive action.

Bad guilt, on the other hand, is a nag. You’re putting yourself down: I’m not a good friend, I suck at my job, I shoulda done this, I’m bad at that — nothing but a bunch of mishegoss! It’s senseless, not doing you or anyone else any good, and just trying to keep you living by someone else’s set of rules.

I was working with a client recently and this issue came up.

This person is perfectly set up to step out of her job into a business that’s primed for success.

But she feels guilty for leaving the job because other key players have jumped ship. She doesn’t want to leave her team behind, holding the bag, or leave the company in a lurch.

Would leaving make her a bad person? Of course not!

Bad guilt is raging here and yet, there could be an opportunity at hand. Perhaps she can work something out that’s win-win. For example, she could continue to work as a part-time contractor while she gets her bearings in her new business. But ultimately, it’s not her responsibility, and she doesn’t need to sell her dream short just to avoid that guilty feeling.

Here’s the thing —

You are NOT responsible for somebody else’s reaction to something that you want to do.

Obviously, I’m not giving you the okay to do someone harm, but I am telling you to get clear about what’s happening and why you’re letting someone else’s issues interfere with your next move.

You may have to face circumstances or deal with the fallout of your decisions or actions, but don’t let bad guilt stop you from moving forward.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 7, 2023

We’re living in an age where being popular can come with big payoffs.

I’m not talking about being the popular kid in high school here, but the popular content creator, influencer, or business owner on social media. The ones getting all the attention.

Hits, clicks, likes, shares, and comments can turn into cold hard cash — or so it seems — IF you know what you’re doing.

There are definitely benefits to being popular.

But because we’re so distracted by the allure of internet fame and the mostly smoke-and-mirror promises of easy riches, far too many people are chasing popularity over purpose.

The reality is, popularity is just external validation — fans cheering from the outside, telling you “good job” — until someone else catches their attention.
But when you have internal validation — through doing something meaningful to you that hits a personal mark — your pursuits can carry you so much further.

Don’t get me wrong. Popularity and purpose are not mutually exclusive. Having a crowd of avid supporters getting behind the work you love can be — “chef’s kiss” — amazing!

But popularity without substance isn’t going to keep you warm and cozy at night. Being in the spotlight for something that doesn’t really matter to you will probably lead to regrets down the line.

What can you offer?
How can you contribute?
Is there something you do that people benefit from?

Think of giving vs. getting; that’s what will help you feel good when you look in the mirror at the end of a long day.

But I must confess, I had to learn this the hard way…

When I was on The Oprah Winfrey Show many moons ago, it was a BIG moment for me in my business — a dream come true. I was going to be popular!

Things went fantastically well, so Oprah and her producers told me they wanted me back. In fact, they kept contacting me for two years to discuss my next possible segment.

But it never happened.

For two years, I kept holding onto the possibility of my opportunity to shine. Along the way, I lost focus on what really mattered.

Not blaming showbiz, but I will say that allowing myself to get strung along, caught up in the dream of gaining Oprah-darling popularity was…honestly…miserable.

It wasn’t until I returned to focusing on my substantive work that I was able to reclaim my confidence and happiness.

The moral of the story is that pursuing your dreams with an internally-driven approach beats chasing down externally-driven accolades — hands down. It’s more sustainable, fulfilling, and allows you to live in the moment, appreciate what you already have, and grow into the best version of yourself.

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 30, 2023

In my coaching practice, I run into a lot of entrepreneurial spirits.

As people are talking through what they want to do with their life and career, the conversation often takes a familiar turn, and I know what’s coming —
“What I really want is to do my own thing!”

It’s an exciting revelation. Charting your own course and becoming your own boss is the ultimate freedom, and who doesn’t want that?

Well, as it turns out, lots of folks…

Most people like the idea of starting a business, but when it comes down to it, there’s a lot that holds them back.

In particular, they often run up against a doozy that stops them in their tracks … and it might not be what you think.

Sure, the money, resources, and logistics can be a challenge, but an even bigger hurdle tends to be something even closer to home.

If you’re considering venturing into business for yourself, your #1 obstacle is likely to be YOU.

Are YOU, in reality, someone who can own your own business? Is “business owner” an identity you’re ready to take on?

I was talking to a client recently who was kind of a big deal at her job. She’d carved out a successful career and was confident that she had what it takes to go out on her own — until she wasn’t.

As she began to take action, she started to freak out. “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?”

She started having an identity crisis. “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

So I had to get real with her. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re doing — yet. But you’re learning. You’re planning. And you’re gathering the resources and support you need to set yourself up for success.”

Rather than let an identity crisis knock you off track, it’s best to embrace change as you grow.

Because in business, you’re going to keep growing, evolving, learning and taking on new identities along the way:
– One-on-one service provider to company boss with a team
– Startup founder to established entrepreneur
– Six-figure consultant to seven- or eight- figure mover and shaker
– Best kept secret to PR darling

There are so many different ways your identity will be challenged and shaped through the experience of business ownership. You have to be willing to embrace change and growth.

This might sound easier said than done, but it’s entirely possible. I see it all the time.

The best way I’ve found to adapt smoothly is to look closely at the reality of where you are now and where you want to go.

Think of it as a Venn diagram —
Circle A) What’s true now?
Circle B) What do I need to succeed?
Overlapping area: What do these two answers have in common?

That’s where the sweet spot is — the new identity you’re able to take on at any given time.

It’s from that sweet spot that you’ll be ready to take on anything!

The Missing Ingredient to Make Wishes a Reality

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 23, 2023

What’s something you wish for?

Maybe you’ve wished for it all your life. Maybe you’ve developed a longing for it over time. It could be something big or small, but it’s a desire that won’t leave you alone. You want it, and it matters to you.

Become a bestselling author.
Own a bed and breakfast in a seaside town.
Fund a trip around the world doing work you love.
Find a new, more fulfilling job!

Whatever it is, you just don’t know how to make it come true.

You could try manifesting it by meditating on a mountaintop … which might work!

– OR –

You could take more practical steps forward … which is much more likely to do the trick!

No matter what you wish to have or achieve, there is very likely a well-worn path to get there. You simply need to do the work.

But you might be wondering, if it’s as simple as that, why doesn’t everyone just go out there and make their wishes come true? Two reasons —

If you’re anything like most people, you’d much rather
1.) seek pleasure
– OR –
2.) avoid pain

We tend to perceive things like creating structure, following the steps, and doing the work as pain — the boring, grueling, not-so-fun part.

We’re looking for instant wins rather than recognizing the potential in delayed gratification.

If your wish is to be good at playing the piano, you have to practice.,
to grow your business by closing more sales, you have to do more sales calls, and
land your dream job, you’ll have to keep networking and updating your resume.

Just like you can’t build a house without a foundation, you can’t make your wish into reality without a structure. You’ll need to look at that blueprint and get to work.

It’s worked for me, and I see it work for my clients every day.

For example, a woman I worked with a few years ago saw the writing on the wall. A merger was coming at her company, and she was going to be out of a job. So she went to work creating a structure to find her new home.

She wanted to be known as the best person for the job.

And she didn’t just wish for it; she went for it!

Here’s what that looked like:

2x per month, she went to lunch with someone in her industry, a connection from LinkedIn.
1x per month, she spoke at a conference or association meeting.

So when the hatchet came down, she was only out of a job for three weeks. She’d created a structure that bolstered her career, took action, and was able to move into a new place with ease.

Is luck ever involved? Of course. But you create more lucky breaks for yourself if you’ve taken action and set the foundation for things to fall into place.

What are you going to do next to grant your own wish?

Have You Noticed?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 16, 2023

Have You Noticed?

Coming out of a week of spring holidays, I’m reminded of something I’d like to share with you.

As you may know, I’m an ordained interfaith minister. In my study of religion, I learned enough about each of the world’s major faith traditions to notice important similarities – interesting stuff!

Something I find particularly fascinating is the tradition of springtime renewal.

Whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, or otherwise, people of many faiths around the world practice rituals of giving up something to move forward into renewal.

Ramadan is about fasting, giving up the pleasure of food.
Passover celebrants go without any leavened bread or bread products.
Forty days of Lent and giving up something precede Easter.

Whether you’re religious or not, there’s a lesson here. You can see it in nature with the new leaves budding from where the old were once shed.

We have the power to rise, to be absolved, to be free and clear and fresh . . . when we stop to reflect and let go.

What do you need to let go of to have the renewal of spring?

An unwanted habit that’s harming you.
A toxic relationship that’s weighing you down.
A job or a business that’s no longer serving you.

What awareness can you gain from examining this thing and shedding your attachment to it?

Where can you find release and bring forth a fresh and renewed sense of clarity and promise?

No matter how challenging things may seem right now —

Nature always renews. People have always renewed. So can you!