Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Clarity

Do You Create Roadblocks or Does Someone Else?

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When I talk to folks about making their next career move, I’m often met with an imaginary roadblock. At this point, I’ve come to expect it.

This phantom obstacle comes in the form of a prerequisite they’ve conjured up (one that doesn’t actually exist) — an unmet qualification, a missing credential, or insufficient experience.

It’s something they perceive as necessary, and it stops them from moving forward.

But the reality is, they’re usually just counting themselves out. They become their own gatekeeper.

Don’t get me wrong …

Sometimes a job requires a legitimate credential, as it should.

You wouldn’t want to board an airplane with a pilot who hasn’t completed the requisite number of flight hours. And you certainly wouldn’t trust your life to a surgeon who dropped out of medical school.

But for most careers, almost anything goes.

With enough creativity, confidence, and tenacity, you can usually chart your own course … within reason, of course.

Do You Create Roadblocks or Does Someone Else?​ by Laura Berman FortgangLetting a self-imposed prerequisite block your path is self-sabotage.

“They’ll never promote me to director without an MBA.”
“I need a C-suite title before that firm will even consider my resume.”
“Nobody’s going to hire me as a developer without a computer science degree.”

Sound familiar?

Not too long ago, I was working with a client who was eyeing a VP position. She felt up for the challenge but was convinced she needed to reach for a lower rung on the ladder first. I encouraged her to go straight for the executive level role … and she landed it — just like that!

I often work with entrepreneurs who tell me they’re expecting to make about 600k but hoping for a million. I tell them to run the higher numbers, take million-dollar action, and go for it.

It’s like the Norman Vincent Peale quote:
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Even if you don’t reach your stretch goal, you’ll find yourself closer to where you really want to be.

Looking further down the road means seeing past the imaginary obstacles and roadblocks you’ve placed in your own way.

Bottom line: GO BIG!

And if you start second-guessing yourself, check for that slippery slope of self-imposed prerequisites.

Are YOU getting in your own way?

How to Bounce Back from Burnout

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There’s been a lot of talk about burnout lately … and rightly so.

It’s not just some buzzword, but a very real thing that more and more people are dealing with every day.

We’ve all been through a lot over the past couple of years, and no matter what else was going on in the news or in life, we’ve had to keep pushing — to keep the money flowing in, to keep the bills paid, and to keep our careers intact.

It’s been intense. Even though things are a little less so now, the after effect of it all is hitting people hard. So if you’re feeling this, you’re not alone.
In my case, I spent the past year in serious caregiver mode for two different family members. While I’m grateful that my business allowed me the flexibility to do that, I hit burnout mode — big time.

I knew that if I didn’t pull back, my own health would be on the line. So that’s what I did, and now I’m in bounce-back mode.

I’ve been here before — at different times, for different reasons — so the good news is, I knew what to do. Now I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that I thought I’d share with you in case you’re finding yourself heading towards (or trying to recover from) burnout too.

Best case scenario: Take a break. Use your personal days, medical leave, or whatever you need to do to unplug completely. And do it BEFORE your body forces you to.

If that’s not an option — and let’s face it, it’s probably not — here’s what to do instead:

1. Step back from people, activities, responsibilities, and obligations that are not absolutely necessary. You just have to stop, even if it’s hard, even if it ruffles feathers. They’ll get over it … or not; it won’t be the end of the world. If you don’t quit, it could be the end of you. I’m not being dramatic here; your life depends on it.

2. Start spending more time in nature. This isn’t a nice-to-do, it’s a must-do. Put your feet in the grass and connect with the earth. Sit by the water. Find a park. Look up at the sky. Move your body. Nurturing yourself in nature calms your nervous system like nothing else. You’ll feel so much better.

3. “Quiet quit” your job — You’re hearing a lot about this right now, and it’s not to be confused with actually quitting. In case you’ve yet to hear about this, just google it. In a nutshell, the idea is to step back and do the bare minimum at work (even if you’re self-employed). That’s one interpretation, and the other, more what the original viral TikTok video was about, is to stop letting your job win. Don’t let it consume you, your energy, your sanity, and your mind space.

You choose which one you have to do. You won’t want to do the bare minimum forever, but do it while you’re in the process of recovering. No shame. Your survival depends on it. And the other version needs to be normalized. We, as a society, LIVE with work central to our well being.

Put yourself first for a while, and you’ll be okay. We’re all humans, not machines. We can’t keep grinding along neglecting our self-care. It may take longer than you think, and it might not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Your career will be waiting for you on the other side — the one you have now or a new one, better suited to your well-being. When you’re ready, I’m here to help you make your next steps clear.

P.S. Burnout can also be a sign that you’re unfulfilled in your career, or that you don’t feel like you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing. Comment below and let me know if that hits home for you!

Start With Dessert

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We save the “best for last.” We “treat” ourselves with the satisfying pleasure of tantalizing sweets at the end of the meal. That finishing touch.

How does our propensity for dessert relate to knowing what’s right for our lives or career?

Dessert just feels so good as a taste sensation. Career and life satisfaction feels so good too, and we expect it to be the reward of hard work or a good decision. We experience it as a result.

What if, instead, we interpret that sensation as a guide? What feels good is a sign to keep going in that direction.

When clients pay handsome dollars to gain clarity by working with me, they want to go right into their analytical thinking, measuring if I can possibly be smart enough to know what they are built to do with their lives. How do I know? What will I do with them that will make them know too?

Oof. It’s exhausting.

There is little that is analytical about my process. It’s a process to get you to FEEL again. No deep breathing exercises, no meditation assignments nor long journaling assignments.

Nothing wrong with those methods, but I support my clients to feel their way out of the lack of clarity through a set of questions. Then, I measure the level of BS in the answers based on how it feels to me and to them. Sound crazy? Maybe, but it works.

You can start paying attention to how things feel for you right now. Feels good? Proceed. Feels wrong? Nothing will change that and the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get.

Now for the murky territory: Fear. Fear feels bad. Fear can be a reaction to something that feels good too!

It feels good to be creative (let’s just say), but fear kicks in right away that it’s not sustainable, or people will not like what you create, or you can’t make time for something not related to your current job.

In my recent work with a very unhappy career salesperson in their 40’s, he was sure he was ready for a change until he landed on what felt right as a future direction.

He knew it was right, the exercises we did confirmed it, his financial situation presented no obstacles to the change, BUT he was terrified. What if he failed? What if he wanted to get his job back and couldn’t? What if, what if, what if?

Dessert was ruined by the fear of gaining weight!

Nooooooo! Enjoy the dessert. Follow the feeling. Decide by how it feels.

DISCLAIMER: NO GLUTTONY

The Forecast for 2022: Happy New Year

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You’re receiving this while I’m on vacation with my family which is a great relief after a year of hard work, tripling my business, and caretaking extended family members.  Last year, I did a predictive post which is not my usual MO.

I’m coming back this year to compare how those predictions played out and set the stage for what we need to think about in our businesses and careers in the new year.

⚡️ Prediction 2021: COVID-19 will obviously still be a factor for many months.

Status: Correct

Forecast:  We are not eradicating this virus anytime soon. Although many are more relaxed about it, we are not gaining enough traction to eradicate it in 2022
⚡️ Prediction 2021: Living anywhere you want is a possibility in 2021.  Remote work will not stop after COVID-19 restrictions ease up.
Status: Correct
Forecast: This will be a retention issue as the Great Resignation has emboldened many to have some sort of remote option be a condition for retention or hire.
⚡️ Prediction 2021: Your mental health, well-being, and physical health will matter more to companies than it has in the past after getting through COVID-19
Status: Uncertain

Forecast: Although many suffered mental health issues during COVID isolation, it is the employee who will make decisions based on keeping their mental health intact and the employers are going to take longer to realize they can no longer ignore the effects of the pandemic nor how the demands they make on the workforce affects their employees’ ability to be well and do their jobs.

⚡️ Prediction 2021: The gig economy got some respect during COVID-19 as many states recognized unemployment benefits for the self-employed for the first time. The gig worker is not going anywhere, and it is how many people will cope with industry changes and being laid off.

Status: Correct

According to Salesforce:  The Census Bureau reports more than 4.4 million new businesses were created in the U.S. during 2020 — the highest total on record. For reference, that’s a 24.3% increase from 2019 and 51.0% higher than the 2010-19 average. Half a million new businesses were started in January 2021, alone.

Forecast:  I’ve been screaming this since 1998 when I wrote “Take Yourself to the Top”, we are moving away from the corporate life being the American dream. More and more people (women in greater numbers) will move to self-employment to tame work to fit their lives.

⚡️ Prediction 2021: The hospitality, live-entertainment, and restaurant industry will be back with a vengeance, yet the question remains as to how much damage was done and did these establishments survive long enough to be resuscitated?  I hope we will have fair lending practices to bring back these staples of our social and cultural life we took for granted.

Status: I was wrong

The business are back and demand is there but establishments can’t find enough workers. Folks are done with low wage, thankless jobs. And many report the rudeness and entitlement of Americans as a major factor in leaving these jobs if they attempted to come back to them post-shut down. Hospitality, Restaurant Servers and even Flight Attendants are over it.

Forecast: Higher prices to cover higher wages required for employee retention.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we started to see more automation if workers abandon these fields altogether. Are you seeing more self-checkout at food markets?  Same concept.

Outside of entertainment/travel, we’ve got teachers and nurses being large swaths of caring and devoted workers reaching their breaking point and looking for new careers. (I talk to them every week)  Shortage in these areas will greatly affect our society.

There will be opportunity for younger folks to break in but if we don’t fix the core reasons why these folks are leaving their profession, it’ll be a perpetual problem.

⚡️ Prediction 2021: Climate events will continue to remind us who is in charge. The automobile industry decided to keep moving ahead with the development of clean energy cars despite some restrictions being lifted. They know that consumer demand is to save the earth, and the need to do so remains. When we are out of the COVID-19 disruption, people will think about this again.

Status: Correct  But only on the climate events part. 100 people dead in Kentucky from tornados as I write this. What will it take for people to demand change?

Forecast: Mother Nature will keep kicking our butts. It’s a new world and we do not have the infrastructure in place to withstand it. So if we did not prepare, we are forced into reaction mode. Which is more expensive? Preparing or reacting? Think of that in your businesses too.

What should you be preparing for? What infrastructure is needed to withstand what’s ahead (not necessarily climate-wise)

⚡️ Prediction 2021: The political climate will improve slightly, but the country remains divided, so it will be up to the individuals to reset the tone.

If a pandemic could not bring people together, a war won’t either. I’m reminded of a secular prayer:  Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.  Fear is divisive and creates scarcity. Peace within us requires hard work, but it needs to be done. Do your part in 2021.

Status: Correct and I was wrong —Correct, that not much improved. Wrong, in thinking that people might get tired enough of division to evolve.

Forecast: This is more of an intent than a prediction. Let’s start over. Press restart. Go see West Side Story if you didn’t see it yet. A remake of an old story of what hate does. It reminds us what the roots of hate are and shows us humans are slooooooow to learn.
The root of hate is fear. Not understanding a person, a culture, or a race and instead of becoming curious, becoming suspicious and scarcity minded.  That fear leads to tribalism and the result is division.

I wish you, your loved ones, your business team and all who matter to you, a prosperous new year filled with love, safety and inclusion.

How Do You Measure A Year In The Life?

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In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In 525,600 minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?*

Another year is ending, and while we thought last year was unique as we endured a pandemic-induced disruption of daily life, this one has left us further changed.

Did you go back to work? Did you quit? Did you shift your priorities? Did you discover something new about yourself?

How do you measure this year in your life?

I’m measuring in time spent with people. A lot more with many and too little with some and then others who fell away due to safety protocols or truthfully, politics. It was a terrific year for my business, but my life is smaller, and I like it. Less travel, zoom rooms instead of large gatherings, and more time at home post shutdown than I would’ve expected.

I’m happier with a smaller sphere, reaching more people with less sweat, stress and miles crossed. The camera has become my friend. Not something hits extrovert, ex-performer would have expected.

How do you measure a year in the life?

Truth. Tears shared. Healing.
Music, togetherness, laughter.
Internet purchases, redecorating (still only half completed)
New connections, new community (online),
New knowledge, pushing up against the edges, testing limits
Breaking barriers, standing in strength
Allowing partnership, asking for help.
Learning, learning, learning. Crying some.
Laughter, laughter, more laughter.
Love. A return to love**.

How will you measure yours?

I wish you every wish come true for this season of light-filled holidays.

How Do You KNOW You’re Making the Right Choice?

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When you’ve been in job search and finally have an offer, or you’re faced with deciding to spend money on a training that could help you in your business, or you’re at a crossroads and aren’t sure which way to go . . . these are just some of the scenarios my clients face when they have to make a big decision. Everyone wants certainty. They want to know their choice will be the right one. They want a guarantee!

How Do You KNOW You're Making the Right Choice?Life comes with no guarantees. I don’t have to tell you that. Sometimes, we do have those unshakeable, big YES’s that resonate through our mind and body, but most of the time, anxiety and uncertainty make it hard to decide. How can you make a decision you can feel really good about? One where you knew you could step out into the abyss and trust you won’t fall.

Check out this acronym for CHOICE.
Criteria – What’s Your Criteria for This Decision?
I often ask folks who come to me for career clarity support what their criteria is for happiness in a job. Most can’t answer. We may not have thought of it that way. So, I’ll ask now.

What is your criteria for happiness in a career or job? What is your criteria for investing in your professional or personal growth? What is your personal criteria for making any decision?

I suggest an easy measure. Is your decision based in fear or love of self? Sure, hard times sometimes means taking a job you’re not thrilled with to have the income, but let’s look at this in the context of ideal conditions. Are you making this choice out of fear:

Fear that it’s your last chance at something?,that you’re going to make a mistake so you do nothing? and that you’re missing out on something? Making a decision out of fear (unless that fear is a good motivator – like I’m afraid I’ll run out of money so I’ll get a solid foundation again – needs to be recognized and evaluated.

Have Faith – Have Faith in Yourself
How often have you let yourself down? Do you have a good track record of making decisions that serve you well? If so, use that to boost your confidence in the current decision.

If not, think about what you’ve learned from your mistakes. Were you rushed or pressured in making previous decisions? Did you listen to others instead of honoring what you wanted? and get burned through no fault of your own? Keep these things under consideration and build your ability to trust yourself.

OBSERVE – Observe Your Monkey Mind
The Buddhists call your noisy inner critic the Monkey Mind. Does your Monkey Mind chatter too much and too loudly?

Do you find yourself focusing on what you “should” do or not do? The word “should” is a giveaway that you are not thinking about what you want but rather what you think is expected or “better.”

Also watch for guilt in your decision making. I propose that there are two kinds of guilt. Good guilt and bad guilt. Good guilt is trying to warn you that you might be forming a regret. Like not seeing a friend who is sick when you’re close by. Bad guilt is all the anxiety about whether you were grateful enough for an interview, or if you did the right thing as far as presentation is concerned. It’s back to those “shoulds.”

INTUITION – Intuition Needs to be Included
When you lean too heavily on your logical left brain, you exclude your creativity, dreaming mechanism and the possibilitarian* in you is silenced. Trust your gut when making decisions. Read the next step to understand how to know what intuition is and what it feels like.

CLARITY – Get Clear on What You’re Feeling
Discernment is key here. Can you feel the difference between fear and intuition in your body? Interviewing people over the years, my observation is that fear is jarring and unsettling, while intuition is calmer. Intuition can be persistent, but the overall feeling is gentle.

Back in the day, my acting teacher, Kate McGregor Stewart, used to say: “Fear is just excitement without the oxygen.” Feeling the difference between fear and excitement is important too. Yes, you can be experiencing both at the same time, but for the best decision making, it’s helpful to know/feel the difference.

EVALUATE – Evaluate the Support Your Supporters Give You
It’s normal to want to bounce your ideas and decisions off of trusted folks in your life. However, it is important to keep in mind that often, our nearest and dearest aren’t always the best supporters because they project their own fears on to you.

They might say you are crazy for leaving your industry, or that your idea doesn’t have merit. You MUST consider the source of these comments. People come from their own fears and limits and will project them on to you causing you to doubt yourself.

I’ve observed that when people tell you “you’re crazy,” you’re probably on the right track. You’ve made the other person question their courage, or maybe their status quo and comfort zone depend on what you do. That would cause them to voice their doubt.

Decisions are hard. Having more knowledge about yourself and how you make them, helps them become easier, more fluid, and produce the best outcomes.

Ultimately, there are no wrong decisions. Everything is AFGO.

*Norman Vincent Peale:
Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.