Now What? Newsletter Articles

Last week, I had the awesome pleasure of collaborating with New York Times bestselling author and star of Iyanla, Fix My Life, Iyanla Vanzant on my weekly Friday Focus broadcast. What a POWERHOUSE she is.*

When I announced that we were doing this episode, some of you (and other people I know) were reacting like I had tea with the Queen and wondering how I made that happen. I’m here to tell you how.

I asked.

That’s it. I may have seen my hands tremble a bit as I composed the email, but I asked.

Now, I do have a relationship with Iyanla that goes back 22 years when I was on her first TV show as a guest when my book, Living Your Best Life came out. We’ve been mutual admirers and have communicated over the years. You could put it in the acquaintance category until last week. I can say Iyanla is my friend and colleague. I didn’t know how much so until I asked if she’d give our FRIDAY FOCUS a boost with her collaboration. And BOY, did she!

I’m not saying any of this to boast. I mean to solely illustrate the power of asking. Someone who could be intimidating (if you’re in the wrong mind frame) could be someone you’re not willing to even attempt contacting. I want to encourage you to ask.

Ask for the raise.,
for the relationship.,
for the business., and
Ask for the HELP!

Does the thought of asking for help make you break out in hives? Iyanla and I spoke how reticent people are to ask for help or invest financially in themselves to get help and to grow. The “ask” is part of your evolution and growth. Foregoing assistance can be like expecting to grow a garden in a desert. You need intervention sometimes!

I do not know anyone who has experienced more peaks and valleys in one lifetime than Iyanla, many of which we talked about in our interview. I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already.

To Your Success,
Laura

*We created a Tip Sheet to share with you:
​7 Steps To Get Up Time and Time Again After Disappointments and Loss
​https://bit.ly/LauraAndIyanla​
​

I may or may not know you personally, but I can guess one thing about you —

You’re undervaluing yourself.

Why would I say this? Because you’re human, and it’s something we humans do.

Most of us tend to think we’re just not good enough. It’s like a nagging undercurrent beneath our everyday thoughts, zapping us with “you’re not good enough” every time we want to step it up.

Not only have I observed this countless times in my decades of coaching clients, but there’s also actual neuroscience behind our feelings of unworthiness.

We all operate in varying degrees of a hyper vigilant state. Sure, a childhood bully may have turned up the dial, but being on the lookout for danger is part of who we are.

We scan the room and listen for clues, always on the lookout for approval, rejection, and the potential for things to go wrong.

“Do they like me?”
“Are they accepting me?”
“Is what I’m saying going over okay?”

We’re in self-preservation mode, which throws us into fight or flight and causes us to do things that undercut our value.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently that wanted to change careers. While she didn’t have direct experience in her target field, she had a fantastic background with impressive transferable skills.

But no sooner than she expressed this desire and a potentially hot opportunity did she quickly backpedal with, “But I’ll tell them I don’t need to make a lot of money.”

Um, excuse me. Why would you say that? Let them make you an offer first. Remember your inherent value!

In another recent conversation, a woman was telling me about her plans to attend a networking event that could help her break into a higher-level job.

Then she said, “But I’ll let them know I’m just thinking about it for now.”

Again with the undervaluing! She’s already thought about it and knows she wants it.

Rubbing elbows with the right people and making them aware that you’re ready and eager to step up to the next level is the best way to get there.

We do this because we want to neutralize the situation. If it doesn’t work out, we can’t say we failed.

We play humble, Use self-deprecating humor, Resort to wimpy language, and Act as if we don’t want it.

But if you DO want it, you have to GO for it. No excuses.

You have to be…

Clear about your goals.
Confident about what you bring to the table.
Stand for what you believe in.

It starts with awareness.

Be aware of the undercurrent behind your words and actions:

I’m not worthy, new, inexperienced, and not good enough.

Be aware of when your hyper vigilance for seeking approval is kicking in.

Be aware that breathing will get you back to center.

Whether it’s a presentation, job interview, or sales opportunity, don’t do the work of other people. Don’t assume they’re undervaluing  you first. Do the work of being the best version of yourself.

As my acting teacher, Kate McGregor-Stewart, used to say, “Fear is just excitement without the oxygen.”

Practice standing in your power.
Stop undervaluing yourself.
See what a difference it makes in everything you do.

When people come to me because they want to make a change in their career or business, among their top stumbling blocks in their path is indecision.

They know they want to do something different, but they can’t seem to decide what that different thing will be.

Here’s how this goes (maybe you can relate) —

Them: I don’t want to be an accountant anymore. I think I’d like to be a writer. But I’m also considering starting a floral design business. I just can’t decide…

Me: Why not start a floral design business and use your writing skills to tell your story and market your business? Or become a writer and do beautiful floral designs for your retreats and book signings?

Them: I’m great at offering leadership development consulting and executive coaching. But I also coach clients in [insert mystical, esoteric, woo woo modality of choice]. I can’t decide which side of my practice to grow…

Me: Why not incorporate the woo woo into your leadership coaching? You might be surprised by how receptive seemingly buttoned up corporate types are to the woo!

Them: I wish I could be be more creative, but I don’t know if I should start my own creative business…I’m scared to give up my paycheck…I can’t decide what to do.

Me: Why not get a new job that allows you to be more creative?

(Obviously there’s more to the coaching conversation than this, but you get the gist.😉)

The sad truth is, indecision can send your dreams of doing something different into a tailspin.

Sometimes when clients come to me they’ve been stuck between either/or for YEARS. Frankly, they were torturing themselves, ruminating over their decision, not moving forward with their life.

Because either/or thinking doesn’t just keep you stuck; it also limits your choices.

The core problem is thinking two things are diametrically opposed that simply aren’t. You don’t have to choose one over the other.

When you try to force yourself to choose one thing over the other, you may overlook the possibility of cojoining — blending two options to create an even better alternative.

You may miss out on the opportunity to dabble in both, scratch an itch, mix and match, experiment, explore, and let it be messy.

There’s a world of possibility out there!