Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Q & A

Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year!

It’s 2024, and I want you to know what it takes to kick things off right. But first, let’s clear the slate because most people are tempted to fall into the same old missteps that set you up for disappointment year after year.

Let’s cut it out —

Happy New Year by Laura Berman Fortgang❌ DON’T set New Year’s resolutions.
As you’ve no doubt noticed, they’re simply not effective.
❌ DON’T set big goals.
I’m all for big dreams, but now’s not the time to add another huge, taxing, time-consuming thing if you have a plate that’s already full. Clear some items off first.
❌ DON’T hate the circumstance that informs the goal.
Your body, your ADHD, your bank account, your past failures, etc. It only makes the problem worse.

Here’s what I want you to do instead.

🟢 DO take time to reflect.
What can you give up that doesn’t serve you anymore? Let it go. What served you? Order up more of that.
🟢 DO visualize what you want.
Daydreaming helps you see what’s possible for your life, and that’s important. Let your mind wander and delight in your desires.
🟢 DO focus on who you’re being.
Transformation is less about what you do and more about who you are being. Act as if what you want is already here. How does someone behave when he/she already has the habits that create the success you want? Be that person now.

The reality is, this whole “New Year” thing is all made up. Thousands of years ago, the new year was in the spring. Take the pressure off, start doing what’s best for you year-round, and the “new you” will come to be.

What is “Enough” for You?

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A recurring theme has been showing up in my conversations with clients and people in my community over the past couple of weeks — a spirit of discontent.

More than usual, people seem to be disappointed and miffed that they’ve missed some arbitrary mark.

I have to admit — if I were new to coaching, I might be feeling a little distressed myself. But I’ve been at this for decades now, and I know exactly what’s going on here. It’s the end of the year…

Folks have launched businesses, filled programs, and met revenue goals. They’ve been featured in magazines, interviewed on popular podcasts, and appeared on TV. They published books, got promoted, or quit their corporate job. Impressive stuff!

But it wasn’t enough. And for some, it’s never enough.

Especially around this time of year, as people pause to reflect, I’ve come to expect it. So I thought you could use a heads-up . . .

No matter how much you’ve accomplished in 2023, there’s a good chance you might find yourself feeling it too: you didn’t do enough, your results weren’t enough, and you are not enough.

However, I want you to know this —

Suffering happens when you don’t meet your own expectations. The tricky part is that your expectations can become a moving target as your hopes, dreams, and aspirations evolve, grow, and become influenced by what you see around you.

How can you reduce this suffering?

Remember that ambition — Your passionate and dedicated drive to want more is good! BUT discontent — the feeling that you’ve let yourself down — doesn’t do you any good.

How do you strike the sweet spot? I have to thank my good friend, best-selling author and writing coach Jennifer Louden, for this one. She suggests coming up with your very own “conditions of enoughness.”

What is "Enough" for You? by Laura Berman FortgangLook inward, give it some deep thought, and determine…

What is enough money?
What are enough sales?
What is enough time?
What is enough fame?
How will I know when I have enough?
How will I know when my desires are met?

You control the relationship you have with your desires. How’s that going for you?

When you’re not happy because you’ve let yourself down, you’re causing your own suffering. It’s often what causes that paralysis — when you want something better but can’t bring yourself to take action. The tension forms a chasm that’s difficult to close.

Creating from a wounded place means creating more suffering. Everything becomes more difficult.

If you want to experience success, fulfillment, peace, and happiness, you must find your “conditions of enoughness.” From there, striving for more is easy; it can come and go, and you’re still okay.

Creating from a place of contentment not only feels better, but it’s your ticket to experiencing the success you desire.

Are You Prepped for Year-End?

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We’re heading into the end of the year. How are you feeling about it?

I don’t know about you, but things tend to get edgy around here.

People start to become anxious about hitting their goals and preparing for the year ahead — all while caught in the whirlwind of holiday shopping, navigating festivities, and hunkering down for the winter.

It’s a lot. If you allow it, the anticipation of everything that has to get done can get the best of you.

I always know it’s coming, so I like to get ahead of things and help my clients get prepped for the coming season. With a little readying, it’s possible to avoid the chaos and overwhelm as you wrap up this year and head into the next.

Here’s how —

Are You Prepped for Year-End? by Laura Berman Fortgang1. Purge.
Get rid of anything that’s no longer serving you. Whether it’s physical or mental clutter, it’s time to let it go. From old holiday decorations you’ve been meaning to toss to old business offers you’ve held onto for too long—into the 2023 trash bin it goes! Keeping things neat, clean, tidy, and clear of baggage lightens your load and helps you feel in control.

2. Reduce what you tolerate.
Make a list of the things you’ve been putting up with and start crossing off the worst of it. If you’ve been letting people ignore boundaries, it’s time to reestablish them. If you’ve been putting up with clunky systems in your business that waste your time, it’s time to address that. Don’t walk into 2024 permitting the same old agitations to keep irking you.

3. Stock up.
Make sure you have the things you need to endure. You may not need to store food and stack firewood to make it through the winter, but your body is gearing down for a slower, hibernating pace despite your mounting to-do list. What can you have on hand to make the coming months easier?

If you take the time to prep for year-end now, you’ll see that the most important things will begin to emerge for you. You’ll create the space and ease to focus on finishing up what matters.

Now What Q & A: No Career Passion… Now What?

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Today’s question comes from a community member who e-mailed an inquiry for a recent Community Call. It’s answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.

question mark now what 2

Question: My background is in Psychology, but I’ve never used my degree.  I have done work in other fields that I don’t enjoy, and I want out.  I want to find work that I enjoy, but I don’t think Psychology is it.  I don’t have any particular passion to guide me. What do I do?

Answer:

This is a great question! Where do you go when you have a background in something, (whether you’ve used it or not), and no particular passion?  At Now What?® next steps for career discovery do not come from a resume. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what your degree is in.  The answer lies in your Life Story.  By completing and exploring a Life Story, you may find clues about the essence of who you are: what was it that attracted you to Psychology to begin with? Is there a passion to reconnect with that could be added to a new course of study or to your current experience to create a new possibility?

If you’re really stuck or stymied, start by looking at what you hate about your current situation, as we do in chapter 1 of Now What?: 90 Days to New Life Direction.  You know very well what you don’t want based on what you don’t like about your current situation.  On the other side of what you don’t want is what you DO want.  For example, maybe you don’t like your hours, your commute, or the way your boss behaves. Knowing this will provide you very good clues about what you want instead.  This is where we would ask you to start.

Now What Q&A: Dealing with Ambivalence

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Today’s question comes from a member of our community who lives in Westchester, NY and who participated in a recent Community Call.  It’s question mark now what 2 answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.

Question: I have the right job in terms of my role and the skills I’m using.  I just want to do it for a different organization.  It’s been eight years and I feel like I’ve out-stayed where I am.  I’m chomping at the bit to get out but still have one foot in the world of “This works for me” and the other in “I’ve got to get out of here”.  I think underneath my own ambivalence is fear.  I’ve been working hard to make a change but I have no results.  When I get close to taking bigger steps, I get scared.  And I know the fear is an old one from long ago that’s not even relevant anymore; it doesn’t match my current reality.

Answer:

You know yourself well and it’s true that fear often disguises as ambivalence.  In Now What? we talk about old motivations that you might be using to stay safe and it sounds like what you’re describing.  The good news is that you get to choose a new motivation that works for you now.  Ask yourself:  Who am I waiting for permission from?  

To keep moving yourself forward, you’ll need support.  You need people to cheer you on as you take risks and move in the new direction.  Don’t be afraid to lean on them or to ask for help.  Remember, too, that even if you step out and conclude that “maybe this isn’t for me,” you will still have answered it for yourself.

Now What Q&A: Beat the Odds

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Today’s question comes from a member of our community who participated in a recent Community Call and is answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.

Question: After a career in sales, I’ve decided to go for acting. Over the last few years I’ve taken some classes, done a TV commercial, and have received positive feedback. I know it’s a long shot. I’m in my late 50’s and it’s a risk financially. It’s a challenge and feels scary but I also know that I haven’t been able to make anything else happen career-wise. What do you think?

Answer:

You’ve clearly stated this is something you want to do and if that’s the case, you’ve got to be the one to beat the odds. That’s the frame of mind you’ll need to be in and applies to anyone, whether you’re in the middle of a job search, starting a business, or any other endeavor. Treating it like a business every day is also important. That means putting some structure around the actions you need to take, for example: finding an agent, going to a certain number of auditions every week, and taking some action every day. Keep taking acting classes and spend time with positive people.

In order to move forward with something that’s risky, ask yourself: If I never got paid, would I still do it? If you’re answer is yes, that means you might really love doing it, regardless of whether it turns into your full-time employment. Also ask yourself: How much time can I give myself with no regrets? For instance, can you give it a year? If your answer is yes, go do that without looking over your shoulder and find the joy in it every day. If after a year there’s no traction with this direction, you can reassess.