Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot from clients who are wrestling with perfectionism. Some of them don’t even realize it’s at the root of what’s draining them. If you’ve ever felt like you need everything to be flawless to feel okay, welcome to the club.
Here’s what I’ve learned over decades of coaching (and living) — Perfectionism is the ultimate lack of self-acceptance.
It’s an inner need to have the outside world confirm that we’re “perfect” so we can feel worthy.
Some might disagree with that definition, but in my experience, it holds up.
Here’s the real kicker:
Perfectionism works – at first! It gets you promotions, accolades, and a reputation for excellence. People admire your dedication and drive. You’re often the smartest person in the room.
But it also takes a toll. Living with perfectionism is like staging a one-person Broadway production every single day – lights, camera, costume changes. Exhausting. Plus, you become your own harshest critic, way tougher than anyone else could be.
Eventually, the show can’t go on. It’ll either fizzle out to disappointing reviews, or burnout, stress, and anxiety will become the perfectionist’s final bow.
You’ll think you’ve lost your edge, but you’re actually on the verge of healing.
If your high standards cause you to suffer, they’re too high. I know that might be a shocker. After all, those standards have become your identity, your validation, your way of being. But ask yourself: Is it worth the price?
What is perfectionism costing me emotionally?
What is it doing to my relationships?
How is it affecting the work I care about most?
If aiming for perfection is getting you rave reviews all around (especially from that human being in the mirror), keep it up.
But if you’ve built a beautiful prison, brick by brick – outwardly impressive, inwardly miserable – it’s time to start dismantling it.
Practice letting go. Let people screw up, let things be flawed, let the picture hang crooked on the wall. Feel the discomfort, and let it ride.
What might happen if you let “good enough” be enough? Consider this: Perfectionism might actually be holding you back by slowing you down, keeping you small, making you harder to work with.
If your pursuit of excellence is working, great. But if it’s making you miserable, it’s time to break out of the trap. Where can you loosen the lock, open the door, and let in some fresh air?
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