Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Job Satisfaction

Start With Dessert

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We save the “best for last.” We “treat” ourselves with the satisfying pleasure of tantalizing sweets at the end of the meal. That finishing touch.

How does our propensity for dessert relate to knowing what’s right for our lives or career?

Dessert just feels so good as a taste sensation. Career and life satisfaction feels so good too, and we expect it to be the reward of hard work or a good decision. We experience it as a result.

What if, instead, we interpret that sensation as a guide? What feels good is a sign to keep going in that direction.

When clients pay handsome dollars to gain clarity by working with me, they want to go right into their analytical thinking, measuring if I can possibly be smart enough to know what they are built to do with their lives. How do I know? What will I do with them that will make them know too?

Oof. It’s exhausting.

There is little that is analytical about my process. It’s a process to get you to FEEL again. No deep breathing exercises, no meditation assignments nor long journaling assignments.

Nothing wrong with those methods, but I support my clients to feel their way out of the lack of clarity through a set of questions. Then, I measure the level of BS in the answers based on how it feels to me and to them. Sound crazy? Maybe, but it works.

You can start paying attention to how things feel for you right now. Feels good? Proceed. Feels wrong? Nothing will change that and the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get.

Now for the murky territory: Fear. Fear feels bad. Fear can be a reaction to something that feels good too!

It feels good to be creative (let’s just say), but fear kicks in right away that it’s not sustainable, or people will not like what you create, or you can’t make time for something not related to your current job.

In my recent work with a very unhappy career salesperson in their 40’s, he was sure he was ready for a change until he landed on what felt right as a future direction.

He knew it was right, the exercises we did confirmed it, his financial situation presented no obstacles to the change, BUT he was terrified. What if he failed? What if he wanted to get his job back and couldn’t? What if, what if, what if?

Dessert was ruined by the fear of gaining weight!

Nooooooo! Enjoy the dessert. Follow the feeling. Decide by how it feels.

DISCLAIMER: NO GLUTTONY

An Argument for Life-Long Employment

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Maybe it’s being critically aware that I’m part of the sandwich generation or maybe it’s my heightened sensitivity brought on by the war in Ukraine, but the pain of those edging towards the end of their usefulness to the workplace is top of mind.

Few of us will be wealthy enough and most of us will be healthy enough to not fully retire at the traditional time.

Even though retirement is a wonderful, hard-earned privilege, there are many people who want to work after they reach retirement age in some way to give structure and meaning to their lives.

Not only are we living longer, saving is harder in our ever-more expensive world, but with that said, it’s also due to how lost people become when they are no longer ‘needed’ or stop contributing in a way that honors what they are capable of.

My father was made redundant eighteen months short of retirement in a company he worked at for 32 years. Dad was lost for the next 25 years. His identity was that job, the money he made, the travel it included and being needed somewhere every day. He dabbled in a couple of things before he gave up completely, but he was gutted.

My mother worked her whole life and was proactive and strategic. She fulfilled a life goal to go to college and graduated with her bachelors at age 54 and a master’s degree a few years later in library sciences, thanks to her company’s tuition reimbursement plan, which set her up for her post-retirement career.

She loved her work at the library until a bout with cancer and the rough medical treatment made it hard to hide a slower pace at work. Once she was done with treatment, her library boss systematically cut her hours until she was rendered useless and let her go. It was crushing and the loss took its toll on her self-esteem and health.

Employers want productivity and getting their money’s worth. I get it. Yet, how can we reinvent society to allow for people of all ages and capacity to participate in work that matters to them? It’s not just about money.

It’s about structure, meaning and identity. It’s so important to mental health and physical wellness. It makes for happier people and families.

We only have to look at Japanese culture to know it is possible. Older workers are paid higher wages and were guaranteed employment for life.

Pairing older and younger workers for skill exchanges have been run as social experiments. Respect for elders is the norm. Children care for parents. Nursing homes are for abandoned people.

The movie, THE INTERN, starring Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway, illustrated how younger workers, especially in leadership roles, dismiss older people, unable to imagine them adding value.

The drama unfolds in a way that the dismissed older worker, the intern, later becomes the boss’s wisest advisor.

Mentors, company historians, partners in systems innovation, problem solvers, trainers—- how can we evolve work so that we value experience? It may not be for everyone, but wouldn’t it be nice to know you’d never be irrelevant?

The way I see it, we evolve as a society this way or we start training kids that career planning is lifelong. There’s a first one, a pivot or two, an upward trajectory and then the homestretch of contributing until you can’t.

Retirement? It’ll be available or desirable for less of us. Meaning and contribution are major drivers when health allows for participating in society.

What do you think? Do you dream of a leisurely retirement? Do you think about that chapter as another working iteration?
Please comment and let me know.

Should You Cast a Wider Net?

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In uncertain times, we want to be open to any and all possibilities. It sounds like a logical strategy. Except, it’s not. It’s like being at a shooting range and firing your weapon in all directions hoping one of your shots hits the target.

Should You Cast a Wider Net Career TransitionA sharp-shooter, an archery master, a martial arts practitioner, even a gymnast, all have to focus their energy into one contained, clear, and accurate attempt at their goal.

The same goes for figuring out what your next career move or what you want to do with your life.

There is a time for casting a wide net, experimenting, gathering intel as you network and try things, but when you want results – a job offer, a new career direction altogether, or to achieve a big goal in your own business, it takes attention and singular focus to fully find success.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been privy to conversations that highlight our tendency to choose safety over our true desires. One client spoke with passion about a training program that would bring him the knowledge and direction to future work that was exciting and challenging.

He knew what was calling him, but he still brought me an angst-filled conversation about casting a wider net with a different training program to cover all his bases.

Did he want to spend two years studying in that domain? No. Did that setting even appeal to him? No. He told me no! Then why even have it on the docket?

Deidre just took a severance package to give herself time to plan the next chapter of her life. She could afford to make a big change. She could even retire if she really wanted to.

Week after week, we made steady progress on her discoveries towards what mattered to her and what next steps may be.

And week after week, she would report on jobs friends asked her to interview for that did not yield offers. She was spinning with uncertainty and anxiety.

She would readily admit that she didn’t really want a new job, but she kept feeling compelled to stay in the game. Why? The devil she knew was better than the unknown future we kept trying to lasso in.

Stop covering your bases.

Wider is not better. More is not better when you already know what you want to do. Bearing the discomfort of the unknown comes with great reward. When you know — when the path does become clear – it’s a feeling that will compel you to take action and make your desires come true. Focus on the target and put all your energy THERE.

Let us know how we can help . . .

You’re Being Let Go! Don’t Panic. Do This Instead.

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You’ve been called in to someone’s office and told that you’re being relieved of your post. You are not being walked out the door within the hour, but rather, you have been advised that you are part of upcoming cuts and that you have a couple of weeks before your last day.

It stings. It hurts. Your anxiety kicks in as your mind races through the images of bills piled up on the kitchen counter and the savings goals you had been working on going to hell.

You’re Being Let Go! Don’t Panic. Do This InsteadIt’s human nature to want to know why this is happening and to begin gathering as much information as possible to justify, reconcile and absorb what might stabilize the shock. I’m here to warn you that spending the remainder of your employed time processing why this is happening to you is throwing away a great opportunity.

Inspired by a question on our Now What?® Community Call last month, I want to help you focus on what can make a profound difference to your future while you are still on the job.

The young woman who posed the question told us that her time in her position was coming to an end. Her first instinct was to find out who knew why this was happening, and if they had anything to do with it. She was naturally upset, confused, and defensive.

“Don’t get sucked into a drama,” I responded. “Spending your time figuring out who did what and why will waste energy and deprive you of a golden opportunity.”

She saw immediately how easily she was headed down the drama path. She shifted as we spoke to see that instead, she could use the time to cement relationships she’d been meaning to improve anyway for which she had never had the time.

She saw that she could gather industry knowledge from colleagues and bosses while she built bridges instead of burning them.

As she had these conversations, she learned she was liked and that the job really wasn’t a fit, so she felt more confident knowing she would find the next thing AND leave good mojo in her wake.

If you get this news, should you also start looking for a job right away? Absolutely! However, remember how you leave a room is just as important as the first impression you make upon entering.

Try to calm your fear and anxiety about the unknown future and make a graceful exit. Network, say goodbye, get advice, share appreciation, and if asked for an exit survey or asked to give feedback, be truthful but gracious.

“We are letting you go,” does not have to be your cue to rage. It can be your cue to begin strategically reaping the good that’s left from your current role (no stealing please).

Deal with the emotions outside of work and make the process of finding your next move as strategic as your exit. Let us know how we can help.

Don’t Stay Stuck – Change Your Career

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Think you’re too old to change jobs or careers if you are 40 or beyond? Think again!

Don’t Stay Stuck - Change Your CareerNow might be the perfect time to make a move.

Here’s why along with a few tips to help you make the shift smoothly and well!

Why It’s A Great Idea To Change Careers When You Are 40

Strip Away Your Past – Reinvent Your Future

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Pun intended!

Here’s how one woman changed everything to follow a new career path that better suited her.

How to Reinvent Yourself at Any Age