Reinventing Yourself

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 30, 2023

In my coaching practice, I run into a lot of entrepreneurial spirits.

As people are talking through what they want to do with their life and career, the conversation often takes a familiar turn, and I know what’s coming —
“What I really want is to do my own thing!”

It’s an exciting revelation. Charting your own course and becoming your own boss is the ultimate freedom, and who doesn’t want that?

Well, as it turns out, lots of folks…

Most people like the idea of starting a business, but when it comes down to it, there’s a lot that holds them back.

In particular, they often run up against a doozy that stops them in their tracks … and it might not be what you think.

Sure, the money, resources, and logistics can be a challenge, but an even bigger hurdle tends to be something even closer to home.

If you’re considering venturing into business for yourself, your #1 obstacle is likely to be YOU.

Are YOU, in reality, someone who can own your own business? Is “business owner” an identity you’re ready to take on?

I was talking to a client recently who was kind of a big deal at her job. She’d carved out a successful career and was confident that she had what it takes to go out on her own — until she wasn’t.

As she began to take action, she started to freak out. “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?”

She started having an identity crisis. “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

So I had to get real with her. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re doing — yet. But you’re learning. You’re planning. And you’re gathering the resources and support you need to set yourself up for success.”

Rather than let an identity crisis knock you off track, it’s best to embrace change as you grow.

Because in business, you’re going to keep growing, evolving, learning and taking on new identities along the way:
– One-on-one service provider to company boss with a team
– Startup founder to established entrepreneur
– Six-figure consultant to seven- or eight- figure mover and shaker
– Best kept secret to PR darling

There are so many different ways your identity will be challenged and shaped through the experience of business ownership. You have to be willing to embrace change and growth.

This might sound easier said than done, but it’s entirely possible. I see it all the time.

The best way I’ve found to adapt smoothly is to look closely at the reality of where you are now and where you want to go.

Think of it as a Venn diagram —
Circle A) What’s true now?
Circle B) What do I need to succeed?
Overlapping area: What do these two answers have in common?

That’s where the sweet spot is — the new identity you’re able to take on at any given time.

It’s from that sweet spot that you’ll be ready to take on anything!

Question of the Week: Get Fired Up Again

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 2, 2023

What will bring back your spark?

That was the question that became a theme this week on my coaching calls.

Low energy
Uninspired
Blah

I think it’s safe to say we all feel this way from time to time.

Whether you’re experiencing a bout of burnout, your self-esteem has taken a hit, you’re just not excited about the things going on in your life anymore, or something else — it’s not uncommon for something to dull your shine.

The really good news is that losing your spark isn’t a permanent condition.

It can be dangerous if you don’t address it; however, it’s entirely possible to get fired up again. 🔥🔥🔥

But how? Maybe a little self-care, exercise, decluttering, asking for what you want, or taking a day off…

The answer isn’t always the same, but you need to pick one:

Take action.
Identify a solution.
Create a disruption.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around smoldering and whining about your spark being gone, in a pile of ashes and disappointment. It won’t do you any good, and you can still do a lot of good.

Here’s what I mean.

Last week, I needed some inspiration, so I decided to create a disruption.

I shook up my normal routine and went on an audition! As you may know, I used to be an actor, so it’s something I still like to do occasionally. But this was different — not my usual musical theater, but a real stage play.

You know what? I got a callback!

It let me know that I don’t suck, it was super exciting, and it reignited my spark. I’m glad I created a disruption (I didn’t get the part, but I was actually relieved due to scheduling).

Now it’s your turn. If you’re barely running on fumes, how can you get fired up again?

It could be something big, such as training for a marathon, or something small, like taking a different route when walking the dog.

The point is, you must do something to create a little friction — rekindle your flame and stoke the fire.

Give it some thought. Daydream. Journal. Doodle. Try new things.

You’ll be shining again, burning with passion, and ready to take on the world before you know it.

Lessons From The Tattoo Parlor

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 15, 2023

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and your year is off to a fantastic start!

We have some exciting announcements coming up, but first I want to share some wisdom I picked up over the break while hanging out at my local tattoo parlor…

As you may have noticed, I have a nose ring. At first, I wasn’t sure how it would come across in a professional setting, so I chose a subtle wink to my unconventional side—just a tiny dot of jewelry.

But while we were all home during 2020, I decided to get a full ring—and go bold! It was fun while it lasted; however, over the holidays I was ready for another change. I went back to the tiny dot and…I got a tattoo.

While at the parlor to change out the ring, I noticed that one of the guys getting inked glanced my way and let out a chuckle. I asked him to let me in on the joke, and he confessed that he didn’t think I looked like someone who would have a tattoo.

Well, joke’s on him. I am someone with a tattoo now, and I reminded him that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. After all, this guy was covered in art. When I pushed back, he conceded that he doesn’t appreciate judgment from strangers based on his looks either. And we shared a good laugh.

My next appointment was about the tattoo I wanted that had some serious meaning behind it.

As a student of A Course in Miracles, I came to understand that we essentially only have two thoughts: love or fear. So I wanted a permanent reminder to choose love in every decision, conversation, and action.

Because the truth is, I’m not naturally wired that way. With a milestone birthday coming up, I no longer want fear to get in my way. The message is deeply meaningful for me.

Unfortunately, the tattoo artist wasn’t taking me seriously.

I noticed he was being rude and dismissive of me and my vision for the tattoo. Frankly, he was treating me like a pain in the ass. And when I called him out on it, he doubled down by mocking me.

So I asked him…

“Should we not do this? This is something I wanted to have fun with, but if the vibe’s not right, we don’t have to work together.”

From my perspective, the guy had an attitude problem.

Well, from his perspective, he thought I was the one with an attitude problem. “You came in hot,” he said.

Clearly, our energy was off. So I asked for a “do over” and we both decided to press the reset button

When he started again, he was gentle, educational, and we ended up having a great time together. It was an interesting experience.

In the end, I walked away with some key takeaways from these two tattoo parlor exchanges:

Don’t judge a book by its cover; watch your assumptions!
Read the energy in the room. What are you picking up from a person? What are you giving off?
Be willing to walk away. If the energy isn’t right, it’s not going to be a good client experience. What are you willing to give up? How are you willing to shift?
Don’t let your feelings fester. If the energy is off, call it out as it’s happening.
Avoid projecting. For example, say, “I’m feeling judged,” not “you’re judging me.” People are more open to feedback when you’re not pointing fingers.

Remember, there’s something to learn in every experience if you pay attention. I hope you will put these lessons to good use in your business this year.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 9, 2022

I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

The Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout.

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!

Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support.

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming.

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption.

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.

Should You Soul Search Before the Job Search?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 12, 2022

Your teeth are clenched, your stomach lurches, you might even be breaking out in a nervous sweat, but you are proud of yourself for finally applying to a couple of jobs online and reaching out to two contacts that might help in your search.

Why the nerves?

Well, maybe you know it’s time for a change, but you can’t name what you want to do. Taking any action feels better than taking none, but will it get you anything better than you have now? Grasping at straws could lead to another mismatch, but if you take the time to do a little check in with your soul, you will sharpen your job search and get better results.

How do you do that?

I’m tired of hearing professional career guides talk about matching your job search to your values. Not because it lacks validity, but more so because the guidance is vague. There is so much more to the “soul search” part of the job search. It’s about you knowing yourself deeply, and then trusting that you can get the world to respond in kind. I find that once you know who you are, what you’re built to do, and what you want, it’s not that hard to make it happen successfully. (Sometimes, even where you are already working!)

Here are some things to be mindful of:

Triggers/Needs:
You’re human. Your unresolved “stuff” is going to get in the way no matter where you work. Name them to master them.
Themes of Success:
What is repeatable? Where do you easily get results?
Themes of Challenges:
What are the things that grow you and stretch you? Are they surmountable?
Your “Artistry”:
Your “special sauce.” The stuff that no one else can do.
The Outdated Motivator:
MOST of us got where we are to overcome something or prove something that got planted in you as a reaction to something negative a verrrrrry looooooong time ago. You’ve got to recognize it, decide if that motivation still serves you. (HINT: not likely) Replace it with something empowering. Something you can create a future on instead of just reacting to the past.

What you’re good at isn’t always what you’re meant to do, and so many of us are still using the paper road map we were guided by in high school and college. It’s outdated! You need to fine tune your GPS. Don’t skip this step.

Join our next Career Clarity REBOOT September 12-16th (with bonus days September 17th and 18th)

You’re Being Let Go! Don’t Panic. Do This Instead.

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 17, 2020

You’ve been called in to someone’s office and told that you’re being relieved of your post. You are not being walked out the door within the hour, but rather, you have been advised that you are part of upcoming cuts and that you have a couple of weeks before your last day.

It stings. It hurts. Your anxiety kicks in as your mind races through the images of bills piled up on the kitchen counter and the savings goals you had been working on going to hell.

It’s human nature to want to know why this is happening and to begin gathering as much information as possible to justify, reconcile and absorb what might stabilize the shock. I’m here to warn you that spending the remainder of your employed time processing why this is happening to you is throwing away a great opportunity.

Inspired by a question on our Now What?® Community Call last month, I want to help you focus on what can make a profound difference to your future while you are still on the job.

The young woman who posed the question told us that her time in her position was coming to an end. Her first instinct was to find out who knew why this was happening, and if they had anything to do with it. She was naturally upset, confused, and defensive.

“Don’t get sucked into a drama,” I responded. “Spending your time figuring out who did what and why will waste energy and deprive you of a golden opportunity.”

She saw immediately how easily she was headed down the drama path. She shifted as we spoke to see that instead, she could use the time to cement relationships she’d been meaning to improve anyway for which she had never had the time.

She saw that she could gather industry knowledge from colleagues and bosses while she built bridges instead of burning them.

As she had these conversations, she learned she was liked and that the job really wasn’t a fit, so she felt more confident knowing she would find the next thing AND leave good mojo in her wake.

If you get this news, should you also start looking for a job right away? Absolutely! However, remember how you leave a room is just as important as the first impression you make upon entering.

Try to calm your fear and anxiety about the unknown future and make a graceful exit. Network, say goodbye, get advice, share appreciation, and if asked for an exit survey or asked to give feedback, be truthful but gracious.

“We are letting you go,” does not have to be your cue to rage. It can be your cue to begin strategically reaping the good that’s left from your current role (no stealing please).