Now What?® Coaching

Tag: Career Change

  • Facing the Grizzly

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    When one goes to Denali National Park and Preserve  in Alaska, like I did this month, you are given repeated instructions on how to deal with a Grizzly Bear LBFGrizzly Bear should you encounter one. You don’t run.

    That would trigger the bears’ chase instinct and they will outrun or overpower you.  You are supposed to stay calm, face the bear, wave your arms and talk to it so it realizes you are not prey or a threat.  Should the bear charge you, which it might do, repeatedly, as a bluff, you are to stand your ground and not move.  If by some remote chance the bear does attack you, you are to get into the fetal position, face down, with your hands behind your neck and your backpack in place.  The bear should walk away eventually once they realize you’re not dinner.  HA!  Would you care to try any of it to find out?

    In three visits to Alaska, one for an entire summer, I never had to engage my bear training but it did make me consider, every time I heard the instructions, whether I could keep my cool and do what has proven to work.

    I can’t think of a more intense analogy for facing your fears head on.  Facing a six foot Grizzly and staying steady and focused and not running in the opposite direction or freaking out or requiring a new pair of pants!

    Does that mirror anything in your life?  What are you facing right now? A scary career change?  A relationship that would force you to grow?  A money problem you fear is bigger than you can handle?

    Hold your ground.  Talk it down.

    The week I was in the park, an eighteen-year-old female was innocently walking on a very open, unobstructed grassy hill near a rest stop when a Grizzly appeared seemingly out of nowhere.  She committed the mortal sin and started running.  Guides, bus drivers and bear-educated tourists soon started yelling instructions at her repeating the training she had forgotten in her panic.  She got a hold of herself, stopped and talked calmly to the bear waving her arms.  The bear bluff charged her a couple of times and then went on his way.  Traumatized, but safe, the girl returned to her party and the bus.

    Who can remind you to get with the program?  Who can guide you?  Who can keep you from panicking and making matters worse?

    Today’s message is a just a friendly reminder, like the repeated bear instructions.  Face your fears and get them to walk away from you knowing you are not going to engage them.

    Enjoy the rest of summer and get ready to rock the fall. Let us know how we can help.

     

  • Now What Q&A: Dealing with Ambivalence

    Today’s question comes from a member of our community who lives in Westchester, NY and who participated in a recent Community Call.  It’s question mark now what 2 answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.

    Question: I have the right job in terms of my role and the skills I’m using.  I just want to do it for a different organization.  It’s been eight years and I feel like I’ve out-stayed where I am.  I’m chomping at the bit to get out but still have one foot in the world of “This works for me” and the other in “I’ve got to get out of here”.  I think underneath my own ambivalence is fear.  I’ve been working hard to make a change but I have no results.  When I get close to taking bigger steps, I get scared.  And I know the fear is an old one from long ago that’s not even relevant anymore; it doesn’t match my current reality.

    Answer:

    You know yourself well and it’s true that fear often disguises as ambivalence.  In Now What? we talk about old motivations that you might be using to stay safe and it sounds like what you’re describing.  The good news is that you get to choose a new motivation that works for you now.  Ask yourself:  Who am I waiting for permission from?  

    To keep moving yourself forward, you’ll need support.  You need people to cheer you on as you take risks and move in the new direction.  Don’t be afraid to lean on them or to ask for help.  Remember, too, that even if you step out and conclude that “maybe this isn’t for me,” you will still have answered it for yourself.

  • Halloween: Addressing the DARK Side

    By Laura Berman Fortgang

    For years, we coaches have insisted that coaching is distinct from therapy.  It is,  but we are trained to recognize the dark  side of life and personalities and we are not afraid of it.  It comes up. It happens.

    In the spirit of Halloween, and the sometimes-scarier aspect of ourselves, there is much to learn from the dark side that can help in the discovery of next steps in life and career.  In the Now What?® process, we have found a turnkey to shifting the dark  side to breakthrough-worthy information. 

    We all have our story.  And we all have adversity we’ve had to overcome.  It’s not fair to say that one person’s plight is greater to bear than another’s.  Only we can go through it and only we can judge its severity and lasting effect.  

    The difficulty is in that as much as we think our personal life is separate from our career choices, the truth is that it is not.  What runs our minds motivates our actions and our choices.  For many people, it becomes so habitual that it does not even register that it’s a choice; one that can be changed.

    The dark side for a lot of people comes to how they see themselves, how they see the world and also, what motivates them to persevere.  For many, their core motivation can be fueled by a reaction to negative circumstances. 

    “I’ll show them!”
    “I’ll never be like them!”

    or

    “I don’t measure up, I’ll never make it.” (some people work harder under this assumption)

    These motivators have worked for people. Nothing wrong with that, but where the potential is for a greater success and greater satisfaction is to shift your motivation and self-concept to something you DO want to be versus something you are running away from or reacting negatively to. 

    This changes your energy right away from a fight and adversity to a sense of purpose.  Subtle?  Maybe, but very powerful.

    A recent client came to the Now What?® Process full of negative self-concept and negative motivation.  All energy was directed at getting out of a job he hated.  Nothing wrong with that, you might think.

    Our early conversations were full of frustration and dead ends.  Every idea of a potential positive step or direction, especially his own, was stuck in STOP with hardly a peek at GO.

    The breakthrough came when the dark side was “outed”.  Once he saw his adversity was mostly caused by his own mindset, he was able to choose differently as unnatural as it might feel.  Beyond his attitude adjustment, was the underlying motivation for his actions until this point.  Every choice he made career-wise was rooted in a quest for independence.  That doesn’t sound negative in itself, but instead of pursuing work that he would thrive at and be fulfilled by, he chose paths he did not like but could secure a certain amount of independence from others in his family.

    Once someone becomes conscious of these negative and darker sources of their choices, the awareness allows for change.  For some, it’s a constant effort to not be reclaimed by the habitual dark patterns but daily effort and daily conscious choice can point you to brighter horizons.

    This particular client broke through and saw positive opportunities start to appear. “Chance” meetings on the bus to work that could help the new direction he hopes to pursue.  “Sudden” opportunities to try out his new area of interest came along as well.  Truly, there is no magic or coincidence to it.  It was his mindset and choices showing him where opportunity always was.  Now, he could see it. Before he was blinded by his outlook. 

    Take off the scary masks, folks.  The façade is not serving you and you can’t see well through them.  Take a peek at the dark side only to shift gears and recognize where to find light.  The answer to your “Now What?” will come along more quickly.

     

  • Money Shouldn’t Hold You Back

    By Kirsten Meneghello, Now What? Facilitator
     

    Most clients I work with have some issues around money. An issue might be raised upfront, when the client says he/she can’t afford coaching; or it may show up later in the process, when the client feels he/she can’t transition into another field because of fear around money. “Is there enough money?” “Can I afford this?” “What if I run out?” “I’m afraid of dealing with money.” “I’m no good with money.”

    I recently attended a talk by a financial coach who said that our beliefs about money are solidified by the time we are five years old and mostly stem from watching how our family dealt with money. What most of us don’t realize is that we each have a set of beliefs about money and these beliefs are what drive us to make the choices we currently do. Let’s examine a few of the more common beliefs.

    “I can’t afford it.”

    The belief that you cannot afford something stems from a sense of scarcity and the belief that there won’t be enough to go around. The reality is you are not making the potential purchase a priority in your life, leading you to believe you cannot “afford” it. You can afford to buy lots of things, but you choose not to. By changing the language to “I choose not to at this time,” you take ownership of your decision and you claim your power. When you say, “I can’t afford it,” you are acting as a victim of circumstances and you give away your power. Read full article here.

  • Who do you think you are? Your TRUE identity is the building block to your right path.

    By Jill Berquist, Now What? A-Team

    To figure out WHO you are, examine what you are living for.

    Thomas Merton said: “If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I think I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for. Between these two answers you can determine the identity of any person.”  (Thomas Merton was a monk, and one of the best Catholic authors of the 20th century. He also sounds like the consummate career coach:-)

    It is easy to live in the more superficial level that Merton describes.  Just yesterday morning, as my daughter shook sleep off her 13-year old body around 9:00 a.m. to get ready for a Bar Mitzvah service for a friend, she was a billboard for outer layer concerns.  As are the masses of tween and teens in the world. Is my hair okay or does it look ugly?  Will people think I am wearing the same dress too many times?  But teens are not the only ones concerned with this.  Issues of status, appearances, compensation, lifestyle, and career titles (attorney, sales director, consultant, controller) –the outer layers of one’s existence, are huge for many and certainly many of my clients in transition. We get very attached to that element of ourselves…sometimes it really feels like our identity.  Figuring out what lies beneath this is not easy. Yet, if you are here reading this, consider yourself in the small percentage of soul identity adventurers who at least dare to attempt it.  article continues here

  • “HOW” Is The Enemy of Progress

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    In working with a recent client, I was once again reminded of how easily we can get stopped by the ‘how’ of making our deepest  desires a reality.  It makes sense.  How can we proceed if we don’t know how to do so?  However, over the years, I have come to see how people take what can be a legitimate concern and turn it into a reason to procrastinate.

    “I’ll need more training”

    “I should probably research this more.”

    “I need more information to get started.”

    Yes, we need to be educated and prepared when it comes to starting a new business or setting out on an adventure, but there comes a time where the preparation becomes counterproductive and begins to stall progress altogether.

    How do you know when you’re spinning your wheels or when you are really in need of knowledge to proceed?

    • If you’re avoiding conversations that could make you money
    • If you’re spending hours and hours working on your business alone
    • If you’re really comfortable doing whatever you’re doing (studying, web surfing, etc)
    • If you’re obsessed with thoughts about ‘what if’s’ and ‘Buts’

    If you are up to any of the above, you are in the “knowledge-collection-as-procrastination” zone.

    Comfort should never be part of the equation.  If you’re comfortable, you’re hiding, you’re not growing and making progress.  If you’re obsessing about a future that is not even here yet, you are living in tomorrow and not taking care of today which implies getting started.  If you’re not out talking to people (prospects, mentors, vendors, providers), you are not letting nature takes its course.

    What we see with Now What?® clients is that an acceleration of progress toward the desired outcome, only starts to occur when you are out talking to people and actively shaking hands, talking and asking for help.  The result is often resources pointed to, other people introduced to you, solutions appearing and growth occurring.  Starting a venture cannot happen alone in a vacuum.

    The HOW is revealed piece by piece and often, can only become clear by taking the parking brake off and letting the car roll down the hill.  That is what I asked my client to do.  I asked her to get out there and just start.  It doesn’t have to be with a business plan in place, yet.  I asked her to get out there and collect “templates, contacts and strategies”.  THAT will begin the linear HOW’s she was looking for.

    What if you really do need more knowledge like a degree program or a training of some kind?  You’ll know it because the obvious pre-requisites will make themselves known.  You can’t set up a therapy practice without a license, you won’t be flying a plane anytime soon without a pilot’s training and license and you won’t be selling financial products or real estate without passing the exams.  However, most of the time, the obstacles are self-imposed and born out of your own fears.

    If you are committed to be the best at this next, new thing, you’ll do what it takes.  You won’t let a few extra requirements stop you.  But that does not mean wait until it’s all done.  It means get out there and start the car rolling down the hill.  You can always put the brakes on, but soon you’ll be on an exciting ride and wondering why you waited so long to get moving.