career reinvention

How to Bounce Back After Disappointment

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 13, 2023

At some point, we all face disappointment.

Whether you get passed over for a promotion, lose a big client, your new program launch flops, or your business partner bails on you — things don’t always go as we hoped…and frankly, it sucks

But although feeling let down is perfectly normal, dwelling in disappointment won’t do you any good

It’s okay to be a little bummed, but you also need to be able to bounce back

And the key to bouncing back is a little trick called letting go.

The Buddhists believe that any pain we have is because we’re attached — to an outcome, to a person, to an expectation, etc. So their tradition, it’s all about practicing non-attachment.

Letting go is easier said than done, but it’s a powerful practice.

Think about it this way — nothing is permanent anyway. When the trees bloom in the springtime, the beauty is fleeting and followed by blossoms shriveling and falling away.

The idea is to feel emotions and experiences, be with your feelings, and let it go.

How does this apply to disappointment?

When you face disappointment, the level of pain you experience depends on how attached you were to the outcome.

But you might be thinking to yourself, “Wait, Laura, how am I supposed to achieve my goals if I don’t care about results?”

I get it; this advice seems counterintuitive for people who are ambitious, looking to make a career change, or eager to grow a business.

But here’s the thing —

When you’re working on something, of course you want it to come to be. However, the success journey is a fine dance of duality and rationality.

If you face disappointment, you’re going to mourn. Allow the feeling, sit with it, and set some parameters. How long are you going to give it?

That dream job or dream client slipped through your fingers? Give yourself three days to wallow mire, get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going.

Here are a few tips that work for me.

Say to the universe or whatever higher power you believe in: This or something better! If one thing doesn’t work out, let it be what clears the path for something meant for you.
Become a student and ask, “What did I learn from this?” Remember, whatever you picked up in this process is valuable, and regret is useless.
Focus on what you do have. Whether than giving all the power to the thing you lost, put your attention on what’s already yours or what you’ve gained or can gain because of the loss.
Stay in action. Movement is your friend and stagnant is an enemy that’s sure to set you back.

No matter how gut-wrenching it might feel at the time, you’ll get through it and on to bigger and better things. Soon enough, the disappointment will be behind you, and it’ll all work out in the end.

What’s your story?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 2, 2023

In case you haven’t noticed, we’re living in an increasingly disconnected age.

For all the good technology does in bringing us together, it also adds distance and puts up walls.

We’re bombarded with information.
Overloaded with messaging.
Everyone is vying for our attention.

As a result, everything sort of gets jumbled together. Sometimes we can’t remember where we heard something or who said what.

All too often, rather than standing out, we blend into the scenery and become easily forgotten.

Unless….

We have a good story, and we all do.

Our STORY is what sets us apart from the next person. People remember stories.

If you haven’t seen my TEDx Talk yet about my client, I recommend you go watch it.

Because I’ll tell you my phone continues to ring because of that story.

When I get on a call with a potential client, they’re always mentioning “that story you told,” and it lets me know that it really resonated with them.

They related to it and were able to see that I could potentially help them in the way I helped my client.

That story has done more for my business in the last five years than anything else I’ve ever done.

It really drives home a point: in the world we live in, people are craving transparency, authenticity, and truth.

Whether you’re giving a TEDx Talk, writing for your website, posting on LinkedIn, or engaging in a sales conversation … your story matters.

Consider this —

Your audience is constantly asking, why, why, why?

Why you? now?, this program?, this topic?, and this price?

There’s a meaningful and genuine answer to every one of those questions, and it can best be conveyed in a story.

If you’re a business owner, that starts with your BRAND story.

If you’re not yet sure what that story is or how to tell it, I suggest starting by asking yourself these three questions:

Q1: What results do I create?
Q2: What moves me to do what I do?
Q3: What do I do that no one else does? What’s my way?

Here’s a quick peek into my story:

Q1: I help people create a career that they love, and I help people start their own businesses.

Q2: I don’t think anyone should suffer to make a living. Because I grew up with a father who HATED what he did, and he made us all miserable because of it.

I felt guilty for every dime he spent on me, for going to college, for making him beholden to that job that sucked. I had to overcome that feeling and avoid repeating his mistakes by doing my own thing.

Q3: I’ve untangled the quandary about what to do with your life and where to find answers.

Now it’s your turn. Take out a sheet of paper or pull up a blank screen, and jot down what first comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be perfect or polished. Just begin thinking about your story and work on it from there.

Stories will move you forward and get you to where you want to go.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 21, 2023

Clients often come to me looking to make a career change — into a different job, different industry, or different level. Sometimes it’s a little shift, sometimes a big step up, and sometimes a major pivot.

And it’s never easy, but always worth it. Because if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that nagging feeling that you want something more isn’t going away — it’s time to get moving!

But fair warning: the biggest nag of all can get you into trouble if you let it.

I’m talking about the entrepreneurial bug — that pesky voice that’s telling you to go out on your own, hang your shingle, and do your own thing…there’s no shutting that bugger up…

So, if self-employment is calling you, you need to take it seriously. Don’t allow yourself to make the leap into business before giving it the attention it deserves.

Hear it out, push back, and get crystal clear on your plans for success. Skip this step, and you’ll kick yourself later. Trust me on this.

Start by asking yourself some key questions —

What are you selling?
What are your specific services?, and going to charge?
Will you become an LLC or incorporate?
What kind of seed money will you need?
Who are your ideal clients and where will you find them?
Who’s going to hold you accountable and keep you on track?

The reality is, it takes 1-3 years to build a sustainable service business. Most likely, you’ll be chief, cook, and bottle washer for a while. You may even have to do some work for free in the beginning. There’s a lot to take into consideration…

Are you willing to take the risks? Make the sacrifices? Do what it takes?

You can do it, but you’ll want to go into it with eyes wide open.

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 19, 2023

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

But I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

Are You Playing The Short Game or The Long Game?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 16, 2022

We live in a time when people expect instant results.

And I get it.

When you’re in a difficult spot, stuck in a rut, and feel like you just can’t take it anymore — and you finally reach a breaking point where you want out…

You want OUT, and you want out fast.

But the tricky thing is your career and business happiness, fulfillment, and success requires playing the long game.

Getting caught up in short-term wins (a.k.a. survival mode) is what causes things to go wrong. It’s exactly why when people make rash moves, they often find themselves right back where they started.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently who was incredibly unhappy with their job. It was a classic case of overwhelm. Demanding boss. Grueling expectations. Excruciating schedule. Worst of all, this person felt trapped with no time to plot an escape or even figure out where else to go.

This is a tough but all-too-common catch-22 scenario. “I’ve got to find a new thing, but my current thing is consuming all of me, so I can’t.”

In another recent conversation, I was talking to a business owner. She was complaining to me that relationship building—getting on the phone, meeting up in person, and cultivating trust with her network—was taking up a heck of a lot of time.

From her perspective, building a business online – getting out there on social media, creating a brand, and following some marketing guru’s “simple step-by-step approach” – looked a whole lot faster and easier.

When assessing each of their sets of circumstances, I had the same question:
“Do you want to play the long game or the short game?”

The reality was, both of these folks were getting beat up pretty badly. They were letting their work get the best of them — allowing it to pack their calendar, drain their energy, and essentially, take over their lives.

No carving out time for what mattered most.
No focus on yielding the results they wanted.
No self-reflection, balance, or fulfillment.

Nothing but work, work, work … on the kind of stuff they didn’t want to be doing.

Fair warning: If you keep allowing yourself to get pummeled like this, there’s going to be a breakdown. I see it all the time! (Did you read last week’s email about burnout?!)

Stuck in a job or career that’s taking over your life? You have to find a way to carve out at least 30 minutes a day to plot your escape.

Looking for the best bang for your buck as a business owner? You have to focus on what’s working rather than getting distracted by empty promises of what may or may not work for you.

Improving your circumstances is all about optimizing your time, maximizing your efforts, and getting clear on what you really want.

If you wish to succeed on your terms, you must be willing to play the long game.

You have to think like an athlete — doing the conditioning, committing to workouts, and building muscle between games and wins. It’s not always fun or easy, but it’s worth the victory.

What can you do now to get yourself ready to reach your long-term goals?

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 9, 2022

I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

The Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout.

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!

Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support.

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming.

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption.

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.