Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

MAKE IT STOP! What To Do If You Have That Nagging Feeling

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That nagging feeling? What nagging feeling?
Oh! You mean that one?! The one where I really know I need to make a move or change something, and I just don’t?!

Yeah, that one.

TalktoHand304x300The only way to make it stop is to do something about it.

It’s funny. If you don’t take action when you know you should, life will take care of it for you. You know you hate your job and need to move on but do nothing about it? Don’t act shocked and dismayed when you get let go.

Or perhaps you really can’t stand a client, but endure it to get the paycheck and then something goes horribly wrong and you have to refund all their money? Yeah, you should not have ignored that.

I’m in one of those right now. I knew I had to leave an organization that sends me on the road to do small speaking engagements. I kept telling Kelly, my awesome righthand woman, that I’m leaving the group, but I didn’t pull the plug because I decided to wait until I finished one more commitment and get paid so I can give notice.

Well, wouldn’t you know, they are weeks behind in paying me and it’s the first time EVER I’ve had trouble getting paid by them. It was time to go a year ago and I didn’t listen.

How many times have you done that?

Whether It’s changing jobs, leaving a relationship, or speaking a long-held truth to a friend (or family member), once you know the truth, it’s better to act on it. There really is no better time than the present.

FEEL

DISCERN

ACT
FEEL
You know the feeling. You’ve had it. That little nudge, that nagging boulder, whatever form it comes in is the impetus to gain awareness.
DISCERN
Slow down. Pay attention. What is this feeling?

Am I unhappy? Am I bored? Do I know what I need to ask for? What’s missing? Do I need to take radical action or does a small adjustment need to be made?

ACT
Do it. Don’t linger on it. Ask. Research. Discuss with trusted people. And ACT!

I put off my action because I didn’t want to disappoint the person who kindly brought me in to the organization. I needed to trust that is wasn’t right for me and take the risk of being judged for it. I wish I had not waited. But alas!

If you’re not sure what to do or even if you are perceiving your nudge as a call to change something, join me for our FREE Now What?® Community Call on WED. March 14th, 9pm eastern.

RegisterNow

3 Signs that Your Career Search Will Tank

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Experience helps us to easily recognize patterns. Recently, I’ve seen a scenario enough times to know exactly how things were going to go. I’m here to warn you that if you’re going down a career transition path or completely looking for a career reboot, there are some dead ends you’ll want to avoid.

resumeHere are three red flags (of many) that tell me in a free consultation I won’t get results with an individual and that their strategy for finding a place to land will tank. I know this because when I refer these people on to someone else to try to get what they want, they inevitably come back to me later when they didn’t get it.

“I want a list of fields that are hiring.”

Yes, and I’d like to winning numbers to the $300 million POWERBALL prize! This is not a strategy for success.

You may land a job. You may be able to cross that chore off your list, but you’ll be at it again very soon when the pick off the list doesn’t engage you in any way. Looking for the easy way, the way that “makes sense,” does not make sense if you truly want to find a good fit.

“I want contacts for recruiters who can place me in a job.”

That sounds reasonable. Having relationships with recruiters who are looking for matches for openings in your field is a good thing. However, when people ask to be connected to them, they are often operating under a false assumption. That assumption is that the recruiter will give a damn.

Recruiters don’t work for you. They work for the company looking to fill a position. They won’t take the time (nor can they) to nurture you or amend your resume unless you fit exactly what they need at the moment you contact them.

If you fit what they were looking for and you’re on LinkedIn, they would have contacted you already! Recruiters are to be included in a thorough search, but they are not the answer you may think they are.

“I need help with my resume and marketing. What I have isn’t working.”

This can be a very legitimate issue, but I’d put it in the “barking up the wrong tree” category when someone tells me they’ve been at the job search for a long time. When the doors are not opening after a worthy set of attempts, it’s not the resume that’s the problem. It could be changes in the industry or maybe the way you’re presenting yourself, but most likely, what it means is that you have to pivot and do something else.

Each of these markers tell me that you want a Magic Bullet. You want someone to give you the answer, the magical formula, that will allow you to sidestep the hard work and pain that it may well take to find a truly satisfying landing place.

Satisfaction doesn’t come from the job itself. Even the great financial relief of having a job won’t solve the soon-to-be drudgery that lurks around the corner when you settle for any old job.

Satisfaction comes in a job that plays to your strengths, stretches you, and gives you an opportunity to master something that matters to you. Satisfaction comes from who your job will allow you to be. None of the above strategies are likely to get you there.

If you’re wishing for a magic bullet (and, let’s be honest, most of us are), let us help you get to the real issue instead. You need to know what you want, and it becomes much easier to get it when you do!

One in Hand, One in the Other Hand, One Pie in the Sky

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Having your choice of jobs at the start of the new year is a lucky place to be, but when none of them screams YES at you, how do you choose?

This was the situation a coaching client found himself in recently – an employed manager presented with a new job opportunity. He’d been looking for a new job since the summer of 2017 after completing the Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction work with me.

choices513x278In hand was the current job (which will end in a couple of months) where bitterness and backstabbing palpably taint the atmosphere. In the other hand was a new job, carefully vetted to be a good cultural fit. However, he was not totally thrilled with the product the company produced.
Nothing contrary to his values. Just not exciting. The third choice was to go jobless and wait for the ideal job opportunity. Preliminary research revealed the ideal was not readily available in the area, and relocation was not an option.

So, he can stay put and keep searching amidst the looming black plague while holding out for the perfect job. Or, he can take the new job which checks many boxes, but not all. What would you do?

Do you know your criteria for happiness? My client and I worked on uncovering his, and the new job met a lot of the criteria.

Are you clear on what you ultimately want to be known for? Can it come from the new position? If so, there’s a chance of having the impact you want to have. It might take time and trust-building, but in a culture that values connectivity and ideas, it is possible.

I don’t know yet what this client will decide, but I can tell you what struck me. If you’ve read my work, you know I believe in the ideal. I believe in full expression of your capabilities and desires. With that said, I also understand that searching for a job while unemployed can be very isolating. It’s easy to get derailed.

In this instance, a place where the culture is a fit and the atmosphere is light and collegial, the likelihood of having a healthier mindset, geared for creativity and good work is strong. Staying put in a toxic environment while holding out for the ideal, which could take many months to find, could be stifling.

What I know to be true is that when our nerves are no longer frayed and our mornings are energetic because we look forward to seeing the people we work with, we are a different kind of human. We are someone who can contribute with greater connection and creativity. From this space, we can step into an unknown worth exploring.

The new job could become the ideal as your influence grows, or it can be exactly what shows you the next better opportunity. It may not be possible to see that NOW without this next experience.

Nothing is ever a waste. I’d choose good energy over stagnation and bitterness every time. The answer will come if we give it a fertile place to germinate and to grow.

In hand, in the other hand, in the sky … which would you choose?

If you are due to press the restart button on your career, join me January 16th at 1pm Eastern for a free video conference call where I’ll help you discover where to look to find these answers.

Three Things You MUST Do Before the Year is Out

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I have no tax advice for you. Nothing you should do to your lawn before the next season hits. Nor do I have anything to say about your frequent flier miles or doctor visits and insurance deductibles.

Three Things You MUST Do Before the Year is OutI DO however, have three must-do’s that will help you walk into a new year with more energy, peace, and hope.

REPAIR a Relationship

Nobody is perfect. Maybe there is someone you are on the outs with or someone who is holding a grudge against you. There is no better time than the present to address it. Think of the possibilities of a new year without the stress or aggravation of this energy drain.

Perhaps there is such a relationship, but a heart to heart is just not possible. In that case, forgiveness is the only option. Whether you can speak to the person about it or not, work on forgiving what they did to you. If they are mad about something you did, forgive them for withholding their friendship, love, or approval of you.

People behave within the limits of their own growth and experience. Forgive and move on.

Do it for yourself, not for them.

PURGE Unnecessary Things

It would be nice if we had the time to stop everything and de-clutter our homes and offices. But, assuming you don’t have that kind of time, the mandate here is to shed a few BIG physical items that have been in your way for longer than they should be.

Are you walking by a lean-to of unused golf clubs at the garage door? Do you have a closet full of clothes you don’t wear? Is your desk a mess?

Choose one big mess and clear it out.

Why bother? It’s one less thing to trip you up. It’s one more opportunity to see clearly.

PLAN Something Important Way In Advance

Have you ever dreamed of taking a month off? Taking a particular trip? Seeing a particular relative or friend or enjoying a holiday in a particular way but you’ve never gotten around to making it happen?

Well, that stops right now.

I once managed to take the entire month of August off. It took me a year and a half of advanced planning to make it happen. I blocked it out in the calendar, told people who relied on me for work that I’d be unavailable and made the plans to be in Vermont for a month with my family. One of the best things we’ve ever done without a doubt.

What can you do? Stop making excuses. Don’t worry about not having the money or time for whatever it is you’d like to do. Put it in the calendar way in advance and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

These three steps will help you to make the present more pleasant, usher in a new year with some clarity, and have something great to look forward to.

Enjoy the holiday season!

When Doing What You Love Won’t Pay the Bills

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“I know what I want to do, but it won’t pay the bills!”
My answer to that is “It may not pay them all right away, but don’t let that be a reason to stay stuck.”

When Doing What You Love Won’t Pay the BillsOne of the biggest obstacles to people making a change (when they DO know what they want to do) is math. The math doesn’t add up to making the monthly/annual nut from day one.

“Yes, that’s true. AND… .?”

AND

It could add up after the first year
It could make you enough money on the side to create some savings for when you attempt full time
It could put you in the position to create an alliance with someone else where you can get paid right away
It could take longer than you’d like to make the change, but you can use that time to pave the path in the new direction
It could leverage you for new opportunities that you can’t even imagine yet
It could work right away!

This is not Pollyanna speaking. This is 25 years of evidence doing the talking.

I’ve seen artists leave teaching jobs to make it creating their art full time.
I’ve seen doctors move on to related fields and be successful after much angst
over possibly losing their credibility
I’ve seen musicians leave their day jobs and develop their own unique opportunities.
I’ve seen executives change fields successfully, having no experience in the new one
I’ve seen lawyers use their training in a way that was a benefit in non-law jobs

They all made the math work … eventually.

How do you DO that?

Prepare: If you know you are ready to do something else and you know what it is despite HUGE reasons to stay put, you must start preparing.

  • If you don’t have what Stephen Covey called a “possibilities account,” aka savings to invest in yourself, start cutting back on expenses in order to create a cushion.
  • If your new direction offers an opportunity to start making money right away, start! And bank all that money to support a future leap.
  • Involve family and friends in setting the stage for a new direction. Support makes a difference and holds you accountable.
  • Complete any training or studying you need for your new direction BEFORE dropping your income.

I’m working with a woman on the operational side of show business who wants to move into another aspect of the field. She has started delegating to more junior people in her office to free up her time. She has begun asking for introductions and meeting with relevant contacts. She takes an extra hour before work studying up on people and projects she wants to be knowledgeable about. Over the course of a few short weeks, she has made solid progress toward making a change. Preparation is making a huge difference, and she is moving very quickly towards solidifying her first opportunity to make money in the new area.

Execute: Start making inroads
  • If you need to become known in a new field, start asking for introductions and contacting strangers to gain information and to let them know what you are interested in.
  • Volunteer in your desired field to get experience and meet as many people as you can while doing so
  • Do what you want to do. Just do it. Start blogging, creating your art, volunteering your expertise or even charging for it. Just get going!
  • Get your resume ready, design the website, order the new business card. Just take steps in the new direction, no matter how big or small.
  • Explore the many possible ways your desired direction could provide income. For example, my son who started in music playing only one instrument, has no intention of being a poor musician. He’s learned how to program synthesizers, taught himself how to operate sound equipment and musical computer programs, jumped into musically directing musicals, volunteered as musical coordinator, contacted people who play on Broadway who have let him sit in on their show, and taught himself other instruments. He has been making money at most of these things since before his junior year of college. I’ve seen adults successfully take similarly fruitful steps in non-artistic contexts. Diversifying makes it likely you’ll work in the field of your dreams.

Leap: When the day job is getting in the way of the new thing … LEAP.

  • If you’ve prepared and executed, there may come an obvious moment where the math still isn’t quite right, but jumping in with full attention is now the only way it has any hope of ever adding up.

In closing, I’m reminded about a very likely obstacle that might be making you resistant to everything I’m suggesting here. TIME. You might be thinking: “I haven’t got time to do all this.” Yes. And? That’s for a whole other post.

I’ll leave you with this:
“We make time for what we want to make time for.”
Now go run those numbers again … let me know how we can help.

When Doing What’s Right Makes Everything Go Wrong

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A whistleblower losing their job and being black balled in their field. A politically active executive seeing no choice other than to resign after being harassed for their beliefs. A kid in school getting in trouble for trying to help the victim of a bully.

One of the most confounding dynamics of being human is acting on good faith, pure intentions, and thinking you are doing the right thing only to ‘ruin’ your life in the aftermath.

Having had both a front line and bird’s eye view to some of these scenarios, I can tell you that they are excruciating. That is, until we can step out of ourselves and see that the abrupt turn is actually a new direction being put right in our path.

In the short term there is pain, regret, loss, anger, second guessing and running the scenario over and over in one’s mind until it becomes an unhealthy obsession.

Losing a job or the ability to work in your field or attend your school have real and upsetting consequences. Short term remedies might need to be found.

However, the only way out is through.

Getting through obstaclesI ask my clients to shift their perspective from seeing this turn of events as happening TO them to something that is happening FOR them.

To somehow, despite the pain and loss allow the turn to become an invitation to something good and dare I say, even better. (oooh that’s easy to say, but I know, harder to do)

When all you hit are roadblocks, you have to take a detour or find another way.

Take Stock
What are you left with? If a vase fell to the floor and broke into pieces, you still have something left—the water that spilled, the glass pieces, and the flowers that were in it. You can still make something new.

Allow Things To Change Form
This is where people get stuck. They can’t or won’t let their hard skills and soft skills change form and be put to use somewhere new. It’s hard to see another possibility.

It becomes an identity crisis. Who am I, if I don’t have what I just lost? This question has a positive answer. You have to set out to find it.

Determine the CORE
What matters now? What mattered to you about the ‘old’ thing you were doing or about the place that you were doing it in? What was central to your satisfaction or happiness with it? Where was the meaning for you?

Whatever your answer to these questions is, is the core of what’s left. THAT becomes the pursuit. Where and how can you exercise that CORE?

Whatever obstacles have been put in your way that keep you from doing what you want to do the way you want to do it are an invitation to change.

Change is a tall order, and it’s not easy. But if you want OUT of the pain caused by the block, you have to do a bypass.

Trust me – YOU WILL LAND—you will be found.

Let us know how we can help.