Now What? Newsletter Articles

Trapped With No Way Out

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 15, 2019

When all you can see is what’s right in front of you, it’s very hard to be creative. You may be painfully aware that you can’t stand what you are doing for work right now and still be utterly unable to see any other options. It’s a phenomenon that I see over and over again as I talk to people who can’t find the incentive to stay where they are but have no idea what else they could do.

Trapped with no way out Sometimes it seems that a career is on a trajectory similar to a laboratory mouse which has to travel straight in a narrow lane from one end of the box to the other.

There’s no way to see over the walls of the lane to other possible paths, and all you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no way out and only one way to go – straight forward – on the same path you’ve been traveling.

Of course, this is an incorrect assumption, but it is also a very hard trap to get out of on your own. The key is to understand what choices got you in the box. How did you end up with only one pathway?

stuck on the same path It may have been the motivation to please your family or the intent to see a strong suit through. It could have been that you had to prove something to yourself or to others or that you didn’t think you could attain what you truly wanted.

There are so many reason we find ourselves cornered by our resume and can’t see any other feasible way to go.

Josh was out of work when he hired me to help him figure out what was next. He detested his old job and knew he didn’t want to go back to the same type of work, but he could not get out of the one-way lane.

The salary of his old kind of work was very alluring, but he would admit that the thought of doing the same thing again was mind numbing.

It took a lot of chiseling away at the barrier he had put around the truth of what he wanted. He wanted to tap into his roots as a musician. He knew that becoming a middle-aged rock star held no promise.

However, we did eventually uncover many ways to combine his musical interests and business acumen to invent a totally new direction for him that had merit and were worth pursuing. He was able to get some traction exploring different possibilities.

A complete letting go is necessary. I imagine someone holding on to a ledge “white-knuckling” it. They are holding on for dear life and won’t let go.

In my fictitious scenario, it’s not holding on in order to avoid falling to great injury or death, but it is with the same tenacity that people will cling to a path even while they admit they can’t stand the thought of continuing on.

Let go. Admit you don’t know what’s next AND stop running in one singular direction. Just stop and wait. Stop ignoring what is nudging you. Listen and trust it even if you’re scared. Stop and wait. You’ll know. And then, you’ll act.

I don’t believe it when people tell me they don’t know what they want to do. I think they do know but they are just too afraid to admit it.

Can we help? Let us know! We have a team of facilitators who’d love to help you find your next direction.

Wait! Don’t Set Any Goals for 2019!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 3, 2019

Don’t set any goals?! Is that what I’m recommending? Well, yes. Sort of.

I want to introduce you to a way to get new results in your life that will be FAR MORE effective than simply writing down your SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound).

The key to getting more bang from your New Year’s reset is to set WHO goals vs. WHAT goals. WHAT?! Yes, you read correctly. I want you to focus on where you need to grow personally before you focus on WHAT you want to accomplish. For example, many a New Year’s resolution list includes wanting to lose weight. A SMART goal would be to lose 20 lbs. by June 2019. Specific: 20 lbs. Measurable: 20 lbs. Attainable: Yes, that’s not impossible. Relevant: Yes, I want this. Time-Bound: by June 2019.

There is a $70 billion weight loss market in the United States!*

That is absurd when you consider that most of those consumers know EXACTLY how to lose weight. I’m sure you do too. Every audience I speak to can tell me: “Eat less; exercise more.” So, why do we have a multi-billion-dollar consumer market for weight loss advice and products? Because few teach you how to change the WHO. They teach you how to change WHAT you are doing but few actually address the internal changes that need to happen to keep you on track to do WHAT the programs offer and advise.

Back to you! Your 2019 will be brighter if you DON’T set WHAT goals right now and instead focus on WHO goals. Who do you need to be this year? How do you need to behave? What quality do you want to put at the forefront and build like a new muscle?

Do you want to get a new job this year? You’ll need to send out resumes, network, contact recruiters and the like, but you’ll have to work on your discipline and your courage first. To make the most progress on those two WHO goals, your best bet is to start small. Overcome a small lack of courage before you go for the big ask. Are you not one to send back improperly cooked food at a restaurant? Start now. Ask for what you want where the risk is low. Then, start building up your courage to contact the people you know you need to talk to, like an old boss or that colleague who works for a competitor. Build the courage muscle, put a date on it and DO it!

Small ways to build discipline might include: no longer setting a snooze button, committing to walk the stairs whenever possible, writing ten minutes a day, cleaning your desk every night before heading home, tackling whatever you’re working on in small doses.

“Aren’t these just distractions keeping me from doing the work of getting what I want?” you might ask. NO. These are the things that when you take the time to practice, will keep you in action doing the WHAT items without getting derailed. If you have a track record of losing steam on your action plan, you need WHO goals to be dealt with before you move into your action plan. Then you keep up the muscle-building while you move into the action items. If you don’t work on your discipline when it comes to eating, sticking to a plan becomes erratic. You get the idea.

Stop that GOAL setting right now and get your head on straight. Work on WHO you need to be first before you attack WHAT you have to do. The results will surprise you.

I’ll be right here applauding. Let us know if you need an assist.

*According to PRNewswire

PROCRASTINATION – The Killer of a Job Search or Career Exploration

By Laura Berman Fortgang on November 14, 2018

You think that life coaches don’t procrastinate? HA! Since I’ve put off writing this newsletter for three weeks, I figured there was no better topic this month than PRO-CRAS-TI-NA-TION.
I am a PRO: A pro-coach and a PRO procrastinator.

For some, procrastination is a lifestyle. For others, it messes with their well-being and even screws up their relationships, job and life. I tend to go in spurts. I will have times of warrior-ass accomplishment and times of procrastination that can last a verrrrryyy long time. I’m a good prioritizer, BUT a lot of the time, I will use the ability to prioritize as a way to put more fun, easy and attainable tasks ahead of ones that will take longer to complete or not have an instant tangible result. Writing a newsletter has no instant, tangible result. Will you open the email? Read it? Give a hoot? Do anything about it? (OK you get the picture).

What can you do about procrastination? No app, scheduler or best friend is going to help you the way you are going to have to help yourself. I know “just do it” is trite, so I’ll put it another way. Anyone who has ever tried to write a blog post (try a friggin’ book!) or had to pay a bill when money is tight, or get a report in on time, knows that you eventually just have to force yourself to do it. Yes, FORCE yourself.

The ANTIDOTE to PROCRASTINATING = sheer FORCE!

Set a timer, promise yourself a reward, deprive yourself of something, make a deal with the devil—-whatever it is that will work for you—-there is not magic; there is only WILL.

Accountability helps. This is where a friend can come in and help to FORCE you or reward you with whatever it will take. It’s also the step that coaches provide as a built-in bonus when working with clients. And this coach has her own coach (actually a few—the diet coach, the speaking biz coach and an assistant who has twice a week calls with me that force me to meet deadlines).

If you are a member of the nation — the PROCRASTI-NATION — know that you are not alone, but also understand that you ALONE must DECIDE who is going to win.

Will you be triumphant? Let me know.

(Hey! Thanks for reading. Maybe it was worth FORCING myself to write today).

What Happens When Your Efforts Make No Difference?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on October 15, 2018

You fought as hard as you could. You jumped through every hoop. and kept your head in the game and your eye on the ball. AND you did not prevail!

Don't stop when you are tired sign yellow with stripes, road sign variation. Bright vivid sign with warning message.

WHAT??????!!

Four interviews over two weeks or seven callbacks over nine months; it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, you can do everything right and still not get what you want!

What do you do?

You grieve. For a bit. I suggest no more than three days. That’s my personal limit. After all, Jesus rose after three days, so it seems symbolically important too. (How’s that from a Jewish girl?)

AND THEN . . .

You pull yourself together and ask yourself: Do I want to quit, or allow this to make me work harder (and smarter)?

Depending on the answer, you act accordingly.

My daughter has chosen to follow in my musical theater footsteps, and it’s been a roller coaster of a ride. She worked professionally when she was a tween and came very, very close to several Broadway shows. She had HUGE “almosts.” Then, she became a teen — the kiss of death in professional theater. These are the “dead” years where you go back to your high school and community theaters and get more experience until you can come back as a pro after eighteen. (It’s less hassle to hire an 18-year-old who can play a younger teen, than hire a teen who comes with labor laws and schooling requirements).

We have been poised on that ledge of disappointment many, many times.
“Do you want to quit?”
“No,” she says.
“Then use this to build your determination to be the best you can be.”

The same goes for you.

Now, as a possible career transition seeker, not all circumstances roll like my daughter’s situation. Fighting ageism, changes in an industry, a gap in your resume and other issues don’t get resolved solely with determination and skill building. However, it does call for evolving determination, along with learning how to leverage your previous experience into something new and marketable.

That is where we come in. Please check out how to do this at Now What Coaching.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on September 14, 2018

At the airport this past Friday morning:

dancing feet A young man (I am guessing between the ages of 17-25) dances/skips with perfectly pointed toes across the endless carpeted open space in the international arrivals terminal in Toronto. I see him from the top of the escalator two stories up.

Upon a closer look, I can see he isn’t a professional. He and his mother happened to exit at the same time I did. I asked the woman if I could talk to her son. She paused.

“He’s autistic,” she said.
“I know,” I said and proceeded.
“I saw you dancing in there.”
“I’m not a dancer,” he said.
“Well, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your joy. It made me very happy to see you dance.”
He walked away. His mom cried.

She seemed shocked that someone even noticed her son, much less had something kind to say to him.

I posted this bit on Facebook, and the reactions and shares piled up. Many acknowledged me for my actions which, frankly, still embarrasses me. I didn’t mean to attract attention to myself. I wanted to share this scene for people to take in and bring their own meaning to it.

In the few days since, I thought it was worth repeating here as an invitation. That invitation is to look up from your devices and skip past instant assumptions. Focus your perspective to cut through the surface to find a connection or commonality you can appreciate with our fellow human beings. See their humanity.

You know what I saw when I watched the dancing young man? First, I saw beauty in his form. Then I marveled at the freedom he gave himself to enjoy the open, uncrowded, carpeted space. Then I projected myself into that observation.

Whenever I am in an open, carpeted expanse, like an empty Las Vegas conference ballroom (not random, I’m in these ballrooms often for speeches), I want to do the very same thing he was doing! I want to jump and dance and fly through the space to the limits of my human ability.

Before a certain age, I cartwheeled when I was alone in these spaces. So by looking up from my device and coming upon the bird’s eye view of this dancer, I saw beauty, felt joy in watching him, and connected it to my secret. I relished the moment.

I also had to say something to him about it. I knew he wouldn’t care, but I felt moved to talk to him. I felt I could relate to this mother who has it much harder than I do. I know she lives in a world most don’t understand. I wanted her to know her boy had an impact. His freedom to be himself mattered.

What will you notice today? What will you SEE?

If you read this because you’re on the Now What? (am I going to do) journey, being more in tune with what’s going on around you can help open your eyes to opportunities that might otherwise go unnoticed.

The Ever-Changing Boundaries of Truth

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 15, 2018

There are so many colors of truth: White lies, grey areas, lies by omission, exaggerated truth, and complete fabrication.

Which kind of liar are you? Who me?? Yes, you!

Don’t be so shocked. We all lie. We just get so used to it, that we don’t even consider it lying. Telling your kid their drawing is gorgeous, appeasing a boss with a twist of the truth, protecting yourself from pain or conflict—all of life’s scenarios present us with an opportunity to alter the truth as needed.

When it comes to your work and career, the truth is a challenging game. Outside of workplace politics, the truth about our level of satisfaction is often an intricate story we tell ourselves. It’s not always based in truth.

“The money is good. It’s fine.”
“I’m glad to have a job.”
“It’s not my dream job, but it’ll do.”

No harm done, you’d think. However, the truth is hard work. Once you tell it, you have to live up to it or go back to the safety of denial. I help people tell the truth and discover its liberation, and that it’s not as horrifically scary as they fear.

Well, that’s not true. It is horrifically scary, but it’s necessary. It’s essential to getting to the other side of a very brave journey – to arrive in that place where you’ve told the truth, dealt with the fear, taken action anyway and can now live in the new world with a whole new level of satisfaction.

In my twenties, facing the truth that I could no longer withstand the lifestyle required to pursue my theater dreams was one of the hardest truths I’ve had to face. Once the battle with admitting the truth was over, I could move forward. I didn’t have a clue as to what I’d do next, but finally admitting that I wasn’t where I wanted to be and I wasn’t willing to keep slogging, allowed me to be open to new ideas. One of them was to call an old mentor. He had become a coach – I had no idea what a coach was – the rest is history.

What is truth? How can you measure it? It’s often elusive, but telling the truth can clear the way for a greater truth to be told. The line keeps on moving. The truth can be blurry, so who exactly gets to decide what the truth is?

You do.

What’s true about your career or life situation?
Does it feel right?, sit well with you? and give you hope?

If the answers are yes, you’ve made great strides. AND when you take the time to ask these questions, you are measuring your happiness by a different standard. How it feels versus how you think it looks.

The idea that “the truth will set you free” suggests that in the telling, you are opening up the dam of blocked energy and ideas. It means you can stop holding your breath and instead allow the brain and body to be engulfed in the oxygen that will help generate ideas and action. Just as you can’t drive a car with a block in the gas line, you can’t operate smoothly in life with the truth buried deep in your being. It has to come out in order to move your life forward.

Are there consequences to telling the truth? There sure are. I can say with great certainty that even if the ride is bumpy and hard to start, maybe even painful, the work will be worth it. As Robert Frost said: “The only way out is through.” You will get through and things WILL be so much better.