Now What? Newsletter Articles

What Happens When Your Efforts Make No Difference?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on October 15, 2018

You fought as hard as you could. You jumped through every hoop. and kept your head in the game and your eye on the ball. AND you did not prevail!

Don't stop when you are tired sign yellow with stripes, road sign variation. Bright vivid sign with warning message.

WHAT??????!!

Four interviews over two weeks or seven callbacks over nine months; it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, you can do everything right and still not get what you want!

What do you do?

You grieve. For a bit. I suggest no more than three days. That’s my personal limit. After all, Jesus rose after three days, so it seems symbolically important too. (How’s that from a Jewish girl?)

AND THEN . . .

You pull yourself together and ask yourself: Do I want to quit, or allow this to make me work harder (and smarter)?

Depending on the answer, you act accordingly.

My daughter has chosen to follow in my musical theater footsteps, and it’s been a roller coaster of a ride. She worked professionally when she was a tween and came very, very close to several Broadway shows. She had HUGE “almosts.” Then, she became a teen — the kiss of death in professional theater. These are the “dead” years where you go back to your high school and community theaters and get more experience until you can come back as a pro after eighteen. (It’s less hassle to hire an 18-year-old who can play a younger teen, than hire a teen who comes with labor laws and schooling requirements).

We have been poised on that ledge of disappointment many, many times.
“Do you want to quit?”
“No,” she says.
“Then use this to build your determination to be the best you can be.”

The same goes for you.

Now, as a possible career transition seeker, not all circumstances roll like my daughter’s situation. Fighting ageism, changes in an industry, a gap in your resume and other issues don’t get resolved solely with determination and skill building. However, it does call for evolving determination, along with learning how to leverage your previous experience into something new and marketable.

That is where we come in. Please check out how to do this at Now What Coaching.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on September 14, 2018

At the airport this past Friday morning:

dancing feet A young man (I am guessing between the ages of 17-25) dances/skips with perfectly pointed toes across the endless carpeted open space in the international arrivals terminal in Toronto. I see him from the top of the escalator two stories up.

Upon a closer look, I can see he isn’t a professional. He and his mother happened to exit at the same time I did. I asked the woman if I could talk to her son. She paused.

“He’s autistic,” she said.
“I know,” I said and proceeded.
“I saw you dancing in there.”
“I’m not a dancer,” he said.
“Well, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your joy. It made me very happy to see you dance.”
He walked away. His mom cried.

She seemed shocked that someone even noticed her son, much less had something kind to say to him.

I posted this bit on Facebook, and the reactions and shares piled up. Many acknowledged me for my actions which, frankly, still embarrasses me. I didn’t mean to attract attention to myself. I wanted to share this scene for people to take in and bring their own meaning to it.

In the few days since, I thought it was worth repeating here as an invitation. That invitation is to look up from your devices and skip past instant assumptions. Focus your perspective to cut through the surface to find a connection or commonality you can appreciate with our fellow human beings. See their humanity.

You know what I saw when I watched the dancing young man? First, I saw beauty in his form. Then I marveled at the freedom he gave himself to enjoy the open, uncrowded, carpeted space. Then I projected myself into that observation.

Whenever I am in an open, carpeted expanse, like an empty Las Vegas conference ballroom (not random, I’m in these ballrooms often for speeches), I want to do the very same thing he was doing! I want to jump and dance and fly through the space to the limits of my human ability.

Before a certain age, I cartwheeled when I was alone in these spaces. So by looking up from my device and coming upon the bird’s eye view of this dancer, I saw beauty, felt joy in watching him, and connected it to my secret. I relished the moment.

I also had to say something to him about it. I knew he wouldn’t care, but I felt moved to talk to him. I felt I could relate to this mother who has it much harder than I do. I know she lives in a world most don’t understand. I wanted her to know her boy had an impact. His freedom to be himself mattered.

What will you notice today? What will you SEE?

If you read this because you’re on the Now What? (am I going to do) journey, being more in tune with what’s going on around you can help open your eyes to opportunities that might otherwise go unnoticed.

The Ever-Changing Boundaries of Truth

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 15, 2018

There are so many colors of truth: White lies, grey areas, lies by omission, exaggerated truth, and complete fabrication.

Which kind of liar are you? Who me?? Yes, you!

Don’t be so shocked. We all lie. We just get so used to it, that we don’t even consider it lying. Telling your kid their drawing is gorgeous, appeasing a boss with a twist of the truth, protecting yourself from pain or conflict—all of life’s scenarios present us with an opportunity to alter the truth as needed.

When it comes to your work and career, the truth is a challenging game. Outside of workplace politics, the truth about our level of satisfaction is often an intricate story we tell ourselves. It’s not always based in truth.

“The money is good. It’s fine.”
“I’m glad to have a job.”
“It’s not my dream job, but it’ll do.”

No harm done, you’d think. However, the truth is hard work. Once you tell it, you have to live up to it or go back to the safety of denial. I help people tell the truth and discover its liberation, and that it’s not as horrifically scary as they fear.

Well, that’s not true. It is horrifically scary, but it’s necessary. It’s essential to getting to the other side of a very brave journey – to arrive in that place where you’ve told the truth, dealt with the fear, taken action anyway and can now live in the new world with a whole new level of satisfaction.

In my twenties, facing the truth that I could no longer withstand the lifestyle required to pursue my theater dreams was one of the hardest truths I’ve had to face. Once the battle with admitting the truth was over, I could move forward. I didn’t have a clue as to what I’d do next, but finally admitting that I wasn’t where I wanted to be and I wasn’t willing to keep slogging, allowed me to be open to new ideas. One of them was to call an old mentor. He had become a coach – I had no idea what a coach was – the rest is history.

What is truth? How can you measure it? It’s often elusive, but telling the truth can clear the way for a greater truth to be told. The line keeps on moving. The truth can be blurry, so who exactly gets to decide what the truth is?

You do.

What’s true about your career or life situation?
Does it feel right?, sit well with you? and give you hope?

If the answers are yes, you’ve made great strides. AND when you take the time to ask these questions, you are measuring your happiness by a different standard. How it feels versus how you think it looks.

The idea that “the truth will set you free” suggests that in the telling, you are opening up the dam of blocked energy and ideas. It means you can stop holding your breath and instead allow the brain and body to be engulfed in the oxygen that will help generate ideas and action. Just as you can’t drive a car with a block in the gas line, you can’t operate smoothly in life with the truth buried deep in your being. It has to come out in order to move your life forward.

Are there consequences to telling the truth? There sure are. I can say with great certainty that even if the ride is bumpy and hard to start, maybe even painful, the work will be worth it. As Robert Frost said: “The only way out is through.” You will get through and things WILL be so much better.

So, if nothing is moving in your career or life the way you want it to, it’s time to tell the truth.

We’ll get it out of you. It won’t hurt as much as that last sentence made it sound like it would. Give us a call.

This is a Call to Action!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 5, 2018

Whether it’s time to act in your business, your career, your family, your community, or the world stage, it’s time to put up or shut up.

It’s not a secret that I’ve become more politically involved in the last eighteen months. That is the impetus behind this post, but I won’t be launching into my opinions. Instead, I am writing this month’s message to prompt you to engage with the energy going on in the world right now. It applies to everyone no matter your preferences or core leanings. And it does not have to have anything to do with politics!

This is not a time to be passive. There has never been a better time to put your money where your mouth is. If you want to achieve a goal, now is the time to take courageous action. If you know you’re overdue to make a change, share your true feelings about someone or something or even declare a niche in your business. NOW IS THE TIME!

chaos calls for leadership. Your leadership.

WHY?
Chaos calls for leadership. If you stand on the sidelines waiting for things to settle down, you get eaten up by the changes. If you participate in the solution, you could still stand to lose, but at least you were not a bystander. Chances are, by leading, you will build your own path with others following because they didn’t know how to lead.

WHAT?
What you want to affect is up to you. Remember, to change something you’re likely going to have to first change minds. Build those relationships and supporters so that you are more likely to have influence.

HOW?
You just DO! Find a way. Begin with what makes sense to you and give it a try. If that doesn’t work, try again. This is not a time to give up hope.

Again, there is no one way. You show up. That’s how. Volunteer, disrupt, call someone you think you could never reach, write a blog, run your own event or program . Whatever it is, SHOW UP!

WHEN?
Now! Immediately. In less than 24 hours. Just now. Why? Because chaos calls for leadership – your leadership.

Trust that your showing up makes a difference because it does. Now, more than ever, we need what you have to bring to this party called life.

Career Transition and Depression

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 15, 2018

Mental illness, suicide and depression have been everywhere on broadcast and online media in the last week due to the tragic deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. The reality of changing careers by choice or by force can put many of us on a shaky limb with our mental wellbeing. Let’s address some of the reasons why and some factors that can help steady the course of big changes.

Money + Uncertainty + Identity Crisis = Troubled Times

In my experience, money is the first factor that shakes one’s stability in the career transition journey. Even people with ample savings or the ability to start retirement (although not their preference) get anxious about finances when facing a change in job or direction.

Add uncertainty which in and of itself can set people off. Then throw in the identity crisis which creeps in from even considering giving up a role that has defined for decades, and you have a fertile breeding ground for emotional disruption. Change, for most people, is no picnic. But, that doesn’t have to be a deterrent to making one.

Richard came to work with me recently after being let go from a high paying job. He had enough money to retire if he had to, but he wanted a few more years of earning a top income to feel more secure. The opportunities, however, were not showing up and the truth was, we discovered, he had no motivation to pursue them. He was feeling down.

The lack of motivation was due to really wanting to do something more fulfilling, but he didn’t see any way for his interests to equate to any salary remotely close to what he was making. The result? Complete paralysis.

Enter: Coaching!

Through the Now What?® Life Story process Richard began to see what he wanted to weave back into his life. However, his mood did not automatically improve. He still found more reasons to doubt a happy outcome than to believe in one, and he couldn’t see beyond his doubt. Music and songwriting was a long-gone passion that he wanted back in his life, but he knew he was not going to be a more than-middle-aged rock star so just as quickly as some excitement showed up, his spirits were quickly dampened.

Before one particular session, I had an intuitive inkling to mention to Richard an idea about an artistic space where music recording, lessons, and performances could all take place. As soon as I did, the light bulbs started going off! One thing led to another, and as I write this he is exploring a few opportunities to do something along these lines. Some already existed and others he would need to raise some funds for (which he can certainly do)! He also took on another creative project or two , and his spirits are lifting tremendously.

Richard and his wife decided to downsize their home to make their finances more comfortable. And, as sometimes happens, an opportunity to do some of his old work without a stressful full-time job showed up as well. Things are still in flux, but the darkness has dissipated. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

How do you do this yourself?

First, don’t go down the path of thinking that he has money and you don’t. I’ve seen results like this without financial freedom. Secondly, decide which “wolf to feed.”* Do you want to keep dwelling in dread or do you want to invest in possibilities – things that just may work out?

Like all my clients, once clear on some possible angles, Richard took small step after small step to talk to people, network, ask questions, and follow the leads where they took him. You can do this too.

Here are a few tips:
● Take extra good care of yourself—sleep, drink plenty of water, eat right, take walks, whatever is right for you, do it.
● Gather support—don’t go at it alone. Engage someone to hold you accountable, have cheerleaders, join a group of like-minded folks and make it happen together.
● Maintain rituals– the things in your life that work and comfort you and do more of them, whether it’s journaling, exercising, weekly dinner with particular people, etc.
● Take small steps—Small steps are more easily attainable, they get you moving forward, and when they bear fruit, they encourage you to take more.

To keep emotions and fears from eating you up, to navigate the lack of structure that comes from being out of work, and to stay mentally fit, try some of the above. If you’re suffering or feel afraid of your own feelings, please do get help. Here are some helpful resources for those in need.

National Institute of Mental Health 1-866-615-6464
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

*http://www.virtuesforlife.com/two-wolves/

How Powerless Are You?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 2, 2018

Richie had a high-powered job in the financial industry. He’d been “between things” for three years when he came to coach with me. He was stuck in circular thinking that left him with only one choice that tortured him.

He kept looking for another job in the same field, although there was no traction. He saw no other way. In his mind, nothing else was possible, and he felt powerless to change that.

Except . . .

Truth be told, Richie wanted to get back to his roots as a musician and lead a more creative life. He wasn’t willing to start living off his retirement savings (although he could), and the odds of becoming a rock star were slim. He declared it a dead end.

However . . .

Before one of our sessions, in my mind’s eye, I imagined a studio space where lessons, recording, small performances and a jovial musical play space could all coexist.

I shared that with Richie and sparks flew. He knew people he could talk to, and off he went! What he found was that such places already existed, and that some of his contacts were open to investing in something like this.

Which one was the dead end? The new road or being stalled on the old road? The final destination is not wrapped up yet, but the momentum has been carrying Richie to new possibilities that will pay him. Not at finance industry rates, but likely enough to leave his savings intact for now.

So now, I challenge you, dear reader.

How powerless are you? Are you truly powerless or are you simply unwilling to jump into the wave of uncertainty? Like the old Robert Frost quote says: “The only way out is through.”

The only way to know is to dive in. Explore, make inroads, and assess from inside an idea. It’s so much easier to discover from this vantage point rather than from the outside where it’s protected in a glass cloche that makes it impossible to touch.

As I say in “Now What?,” you don’t have to decide. Life will tell you if you’re wrong. Explore a path. If it gains traction, it has merit. Finances will, of course, be a factor, but you have to be honest with yourself.

You may not WANT to begin touching your retirement, or you may not WANT to invest in yourself to get on your feet in a new endeavor, but if you CAN, why keep pursuing the path that hurts you mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

For those who can’t even fathom the thought of living without immediate income, this does not mean the end of the road for you. It means that you will want to include aspects of the newfound direction in whatever you do next.

It means that you are back in touch with your “Life Blueprint,” or your unique way of contributing to the world that will bring you the most satisfaction. It MUST be included in some way.