life coach

4 Ways to Strengthen Your Personal Foundation

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 30, 2023

After last week’s post, my inbox was flooded with questions. Which is always a nice surprise, honestly. It seems I struck a chord.

Many of you wanted to know more about what it takes to stand strong when something comes along and tries to knock you off your game.

I’m glad you’re curious!

All too often, smart, capable, driven people are letting disappointments and setbacks muck up their day, throw them for a loop, and ruin their plans.

If this is you, I know you’re sick of the disruption.

The client you hoped to land ghosts you.
The recruiter for that dream job sends a rejection letter.
The folks who bought your coaching program’s credit cards are declining.
Your new VP left you off a “big deal” meeting invite.

And you’re SO sick of letting it all shake you up. But you don’t know what to do about it.

You know your personal foundation needs some work, but you don’t know how to go about building a solid one.

I get it; you either have it or you don’t. The good news is, once it’s built, it will stand the test of time. Even when it crumbles a little, you’ll know how to piece it back together and pack it down tight.

Here’s what it’ll take.

1. Stop taking things personally. That might sound easier said than done, but it can be done. Because — A.) Whatever it is, it’s not about you. And B.) You’re not damaged or broken. You’re learning.
2. Spend time with yourself. Ideally, learn how to meditate. At the very least, take three to five minutes every day to clear your mind, pause the ruminating, and think about nothing. Don’t make it hard. Start with searching for a guided meditation on YouTube. Tuning into yourself is a great reminder that your foundation is stronger than you might think; you’ve already overcome so much.
3. Know your triggers. We all have them! We’ve had childhood trauma or negative experiences as an adult, and reminders can pull us into an emotional loop. By identifying those triggers, possibly by working with a therapist, you’ll be able to catch them sooner and avoid the spiral.
4. Become friends with fear. Why? Because it’s never going away, so you may as well embrace it. You can let it take you over like The Blob in the 1950s horror film or brush it aside like a mosquito bite. Fear is simply trying to protect you from something; learn to listen to its underlying message and use it for good.

There you have it. Incorporate these four tips into your life and your personal foundation will be stronger than ever. It’ll take work, but it’s so worth it!

What does freedom mean to you?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 9, 2023

I’m not sure where you are in the world, but here in the US, we’re in a season of celebrating freedom. We just marked our nation’s independence on the 4th of July and commemorated the emancipation of enslaved people in the US on Juneteenth.

So “freedom” is in the air…

But the true meaning of freedom goes far beyond historical triumph and jubilee. We each have a personal definition of what feels free.

We all strive for the freedom to do, to be, and to have whatever we want.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, operating in life as you see fit is the ideal measure of freedom.

Freedom to love and form the relationships you want,
Create the lifestyle that you want for yourself and your family.
Freedom to have meaningful work and make the kind of money you want.
Etc, etc, etc.

Again, what does freedom mean to you?

Here’s what it means to me:

1. Emotional Freedom — not being controlled by my emotions or mood and having the ability to handle things easily, with low stress. Freedom to simply be and do.

2. Freedom of Time — having control over my schedule and, most importantly, the ability to work less and make more money.

I value spending time with family, doing fun things, and focusing on my hobbies and creative pursuits. I can’t do any of that if I’m a servant to my emotions or constricted by time-wasting obligations.

I love looking at my schedule every day and seeing plenty of room in it while continuing to make the money I want to make. THAT is FREEDOM to me.

How to reach your goals without pushing harder

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 25, 2023

Do you ever feel like reaching your goals is a nearly impossible feat?

Like you’re never going to get there, or you’re going to run yourself into the ground trying?

I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, but it can be especially frustrating when you just can’t figure out why it’s so dang hard.

You want the thing — the promotion, the new career, a successful business…

And you’re going after the thing — working your tail off to make it happen…

But progress is slow, and you honestly feel like giving up.

Here’s what’s probably happening —

If I had to guess, I’d say you’re PUSHING too hard.

You’re in your head, plotting and scheming, and your ego is shouting at you to go, go, go…harder! Or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t!

But in my experience, I’ve come to understand that pushing harder is the more difficult way to achieve what you want.

What would it look like if you were PULLED toward your goals instead?

I’ve seen it time and time again. When people work toward something bigger than themselves, and they’re compelled to fulfill a vision, it feels easier.

This doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles or that things won’t get rough at times.

It means you’re EXCITED to be challenged.
You have a big WHY that helps you get out of bed in the morning.
It keeps propelling you forward when the going gets tough.

I worked with someone recently who was at a PUSH to the finish line. He was trying to grind it out to retirement and finish strong. And it was like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

Then he got laid off. Yikes. This can be a scary thing at the tail end of a career.

However, it turns out this was the best thing that could’ve happened!

Losing that job opened up space to go after something completely different and set new goals.

He saw an opportunity to disrupt an industry, went for it — and, wow! Things are going better than ever. He loves what he does so much now, and he’s so engaged in the work, that retirement isn’t even part of the conversation anymore.

He’ll be able to slow down when he’s ready, but the PULL has reinvigorated his zest for life and legacy and the impact he wants to make.

But you don’t have to lose your job or find yourself in a bind before making the shift.

If you’re trying to push for a result right now and it feels hard — stop.

Think about elevating your goal.

What’s your larger vision?
How can you make it bigger than you?
What difference do you want to make?

Go deeper to figure out what will compel you to show up with enthusiasm.

What vision will PULL you into the future?

So, what do you do?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 11, 2023

Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
a) their work isn’t their worth
and
b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

And go deep with:
“I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
“I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
“I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

We are so much MORE than what we DO.

You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

Here’s the thing —

You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

A better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
“I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
– or –
“I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

And it works for any job.

Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 28, 2023

If you’re anything like most people, you’re no stranger to feeling guilty.

For some folks, guilt is a frequent companion. They feel bad about seemingly anything and everything — whether they have a good reason to or not.

But for most of us, guilt simply creeps in more often than we’d like.

Quitting a job.
Setting boundaries in a friendship.
Refusing a request.

It doesn’t take much to feel at least a little uncomfortable, sheepish, or ashamed about a choice we’re making, especially when we feel like we’re letting someone down.

But here’s something we often miss —

There’s GOOD guilt and there’s BAD guilt … and the difference matters.

Good guilt is the kind of guilt that’s telling you you might regret a decision. Maybe you’re not prioritizing the things that mean a lot to you. It’s a nudge to keep you honest and spur positive action.

Bad guilt, on the other hand, is a nag. You’re putting yourself down: I’m not a good friend, I suck at my job, I shoulda done this, I’m bad at that — nothing but a bunch of mishegoss! It’s senseless, not doing you or anyone else any good, and just trying to keep you living by someone else’s set of rules.

I was working with a client recently and this issue came up.

This person is perfectly set up to step out of her job into a business that’s primed for success.

But she feels guilty for leaving the job because other key players have jumped ship. She doesn’t want to leave her team behind, holding the bag, or leave the company in a lurch.

Would leaving make her a bad person? Of course not!

Bad guilt is raging here and yet, there could be an opportunity at hand. Perhaps she can work something out that’s win-win. For example, she could continue to work as a part-time contractor while she gets her bearings in her new business. But ultimately, it’s not her responsibility, and she doesn’t need to sell her dream short just to avoid that guilty feeling.

Here’s the thing —

You are NOT responsible for somebody else’s reaction to something that you want to do.

Obviously, I’m not giving you the okay to do someone harm, but I am telling you to get clear about what’s happening and why you’re letting someone else’s issues interfere with your next move.

You may have to face circumstances or deal with the fallout of your decisions or actions, but don’t let bad guilt stop you from moving forward.

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 30, 2023

In my coaching practice, I run into a lot of entrepreneurial spirits.

As people are talking through what they want to do with their life and career, the conversation often takes a familiar turn, and I know what’s coming —
“What I really want is to do my own thing!”

It’s an exciting revelation. Charting your own course and becoming your own boss is the ultimate freedom, and who doesn’t want that?

Well, as it turns out, lots of folks…

Most people like the idea of starting a business, but when it comes down to it, there’s a lot that holds them back.

In particular, they often run up against a doozy that stops them in their tracks … and it might not be what you think.

Sure, the money, resources, and logistics can be a challenge, but an even bigger hurdle tends to be something even closer to home.

If you’re considering venturing into business for yourself, your #1 obstacle is likely to be YOU.

Are YOU, in reality, someone who can own your own business? Is “business owner” an identity you’re ready to take on?

I was talking to a client recently who was kind of a big deal at her job. She’d carved out a successful career and was confident that she had what it takes to go out on her own — until she wasn’t.

As she began to take action, she started to freak out. “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?”

She started having an identity crisis. “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

So I had to get real with her. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re doing — yet. But you’re learning. You’re planning. And you’re gathering the resources and support you need to set yourself up for success.”

Rather than let an identity crisis knock you off track, it’s best to embrace change as you grow.

Because in business, you’re going to keep growing, evolving, learning and taking on new identities along the way:
– One-on-one service provider to company boss with a team
– Startup founder to established entrepreneur
– Six-figure consultant to seven- or eight- figure mover and shaker
– Best kept secret to PR darling

There are so many different ways your identity will be challenged and shaped through the experience of business ownership. You have to be willing to embrace change and growth.

This might sound easier said than done, but it’s entirely possible. I see it all the time.

The best way I’ve found to adapt smoothly is to look closely at the reality of where you are now and where you want to go.

Think of it as a Venn diagram —
Circle A) What’s true now?
Circle B) What do I need to succeed?
Overlapping area: What do these two answers have in common?

That’s where the sweet spot is — the new identity you’re able to take on at any given time.

It’s from that sweet spot that you’ll be ready to take on anything!