Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Lessons Learned

Business Lessons My Latest Hobby Taught Me

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Earlier this year, I discovered a new hobby: Furniture Flipping.

In case you’ve missed this trend all over social media, it’s when people take tired old vintage, antique, or boring mass-produced furniture and freshen it up with paint, refinishing, and other creative ways to give it some oomph.

When I was clearing out some of my mom’s things, I found that people weren’t interested in buying outdated pieces — no matter the quality. The reality is, without some sprucing up, too many unloved items end up in the dump.

Once I started noticing what was hot on the market, I began looking around at my own things with a new perspective. Let’s just say there was room for improvement. I got to work on an antique dresser and fell in love with the results … and the process.

It turns out, furniture flipping is relaxing, fun, and fulfilling!

Before I knew it, I’d restored, upcycled, or modernized — and sold! — nine pieces.

Don’t worry, I’m not shutting down my coaching practice to flip furniture full-time, but I’m having a ton of fun and learning a lot along the way.

Here are the lessons I’ve picked up so far from this new hobby.

  1. Everything takes longer than you think it will. ​
    ​Whether it’s stripping furniture stains or building a new website for your business, you have to be willing to stick it out and see it through to the end to get the results you want.​
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    2. Mistakes are a skill builder. ​
    Business Lessons My Latest Hobby Taught Me by Laura Berman Fortgang​You could be aiming to deliver a perfectly smooth finish on a furniture piece or to deliver a perfectly polished conference talk. In either case, there’s probably room for improvement. Learn from where you went wrong and do better next time. Start reframing mistakes as skill builders, and you’ll benefit from every brush stroke.​
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    3. Being flexible is a must. ​
    ​Things don’t always go as planned. When an antique piece you’d hoped to restore turns out to be too damaged to salvage, you may have to pivot, paint it instead, and give it a new life. The same goes for your business. That course you wanted to launch could be more profitable as a one-on-one offer. Being too precious about the original plan could end up costing you.​
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    4. Find the joy.​
    ​Sometimes, even with the best intentions, you get in over your head. Maybe you took on a whole bedroom set before noticing the intricate carving and details, or maybe you took on a massive project with unexpected obstacles. You want the outcome, but the work is dragging you down. Stop, take a deep breath, look around, and find the joy again — the peace, fun, satisfaction, or fulfillment. What is it that brought you to this moment and how can you savor it?

I’m passionate about this hobby and plan to keep it going. As always, I’m growing, evolving, and finding lessons to share with you in everything I do.

Is it Time to Change Your M.O.?

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We all have a certain m.o.

And if we let it, that m.o. runs the show.

Your modus operandi — or m.o. for short — is how you work. It’s the way you approach things, the manner in which you tackle a challenge, and the habits you carry out every day.

If it’s working for you, great. Keep doing what you do.

But if you ever hit a snag or you’re continuously hitting snags, and you think it might be time to start doing things a different way, you’re in luck.

Your m.o. is NOT set in stone.

That’s a good thing because you’ll need to adjust it to grow.

But how do you know if it’s time to change your m.o.?

I was coaching a group of leaders at one of my corporate clients recently, and they were preparing to head into a period of expected growth. Each of them was responsible for heading up a different area of the company, and they knew that things had to change. Operating at “business as usual” wasn’t going to sustain their expansion.

Is it Time to Change Your M.O.? by Laura Berman Fortgang

So they had to change their m.o.

Their operating systems needed an overhaul.

They had to figure out who would do what, where, why, and how. This required first getting crystal clear on their own role. Every individual needed to identify his/her most valuable contribution, delegate the rest, train their team members, and ensure everything would run smoothly at the next level.

They had to let go.

If you’re seeking growth in your business or career, chances are you need to change your m.o. too.

What’s your most essential contribution?
How can you focus on that?
What are you going to do to facilitate the necessary change?

Because for your business unit or private practice to grow, you have to let go.

For your skills, impact, and income to get to the next level, you have to let go.

If your current m.o. is keeping you stuck, it’s time for a change.

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome in Its Tracks

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Do you ever feel like an imposter?

Are you sometimes afraid that someone’s going to discover you have no idea what you’re doing — that you’re not the expert you proclaim to be, you’re not as skilled as you’ve made yourself out to be, and you’re not quite qualified to be in the position you’ve found yourself in?

Maybe you’re worried that you don’t measure up somehow, so it makes you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s what this looks like.

Them: We’d like to interview you [for a dream job]!
You: Maybe they didn’t notice I don’t have enough experience.

Them: Congratulations! We’d like to offer you the [dream] job.
You: I’ll surely be fired by Tuesday, once they figure out I’m a fraud.

Them: We’ve selected your proposal to speak at the next conference.
You: Oh no! I’m probably going to make a fool out of myself.

Them: I’m looking for a coach, and I’d love to work with you.
You: But what if I can’t help you get results, and you tell everyone I’m a con?

I’m not a doctor, but as a Master Certified Credentialed Coach with 30 years of experience, I can confidently assess what’s happening here.

Imposter Syndrome

Don’t worry; it’s not fatal to your career or success.

Most people struggle with it from time to time, and it’s entirely “treatable.”

If you feel like your Imposter Syndrome is flaring up, here’s what I suggest you do —

  1. How to Stop Imposter Syndrome in its Tracks by Laura Berman FortgangPause and accept what’s happening. No sense in ignoring the symptoms. Denying it only makes things worse by trying to overcompensate.
  2. Learn to recognize your triggers (comparisons, someone else’s recent success) and how you respond, so you can head it off at the pass. Before you go into a full-on panic, tell yourself, “This is just imposter syndrome flaring up again. Nothing alarming. You can do this.”
  3. Notice your self-talk. As soon as you start beating yourself up, STOP. It may sound easier said than done, but you can tell yourself “no.” No more negative self-talk; you’re not listening.
  4. Ask yourself what success looks like. Are you trying to measure up to a perfect ideal? Scratch that and aim for progress instead.
  5. Keep learning. The best way to keep Imposter Syndrome at bay is to continue seeking out new knowledge and ways of doing things, evolving, and growing your skill set.
  6. Celebrate wins! I can’t say enough about this. Remind your brain that you’re doing good things.

Do this again and again, every time Imposter Syndrome starts to creep up, and you’ll start experiencing it less and less.

Don’t get caught up in calling yourself an expert. Instead of thinking of yourself as someone who’s supposed to know everything, think of yourself as someone who makes it your business to learn everything you can about your particular topic of choice.

You’re not an imposter, so keep showing up as the best of who you are. You’ve got this!

How to Deal with Difficult People

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Let’s face it; people can be difficult.

Even if you consider yourself a people person, dealing with various needs, personalities, priorities, and quirks can be challenging.

There’s always going to be conflict.

Whether it’s a tough client, boss, or coworker, your overall success and happiness ultimately depend on how well you’re able to navigate that relationship.

The good news – it’s not as hard as you might think — as long as you keep these three tips in mind:

Tip #1: In any given situation, you have two realities:
1. The facts and 2. The interpretation of the facts.
We are not always going to agree on the interpretation. Here is an example:

How to Deal with Difficult People by Laura Berman Fortgang

Person A: This stinks! I was planning to go to an arts festival; my day is ruined!

Person B: How wonderful! My lawn needed this, and now I can curl up with a good book.

We all view facts differently. When you’re dealing with a difficult person or situation, you have to remember — there’s what happened, and there’s what each person thinks about what happened. Once you’ve considered this, it’s easier to resolve any friction.

Tip #2: Follow Stephen Covey’s advice to begin with the end in mind. (That’s habit #2 in his blockbuster book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

People don’t like drama because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck in whatever nastiness ensues.

When you find yourself in conflict, focus on what you want to get out of it. What’s your goal? What do you want to resolve? Keep your eye on the prize, and stay focused on moving forward.

Tip#3: Avoid the word “you” unless it’s used in a positive light.

Saying “you” in the heat of conflict triggers an inflammatory response. People feel blamed and berated, and they don’t like it one bit.

Instead, frame the conversation with the word “I.” I hear you,  understand,  see we have a difference of opinion, and I want you to know I want to resolve this to your satisfaction.

This keeps the other person off the defensive and out of “fight or flight” mode. It allows for a reasonable conversation and coming to a resolution.

These three tips will make a big difference, and the more you use them, the more you’re able to build rapport and trust, even with the most difficult people. The next time a conflict arises, you can build on the successful outcome you created the last time. Before you know it, that person no longer ruffles your feathers because you know how to deal with them.

Remember: The customer isn’t always right. Your boss isn’t always right. And that overbearing coworker isn’t always right.

You don’t have to let difficult people walk all over you. It’s okay to disappoint people, agree to disagree, and move on. You’ll have more respect for yourself, garner more respect, and win in the end.

The Significance of the WIN

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When you’re looking to reinvent your career or start a business, resilience is crucial.

Because sooner or later, the going will get tough. You’ll need to not only stay motivated but also recover quickly and bounce back whenever you encounter difficulties.

One of the best ways to do this is to focus on your wins.

When facing challenge after challenge, it can feel like losing is imminent. Directing your attention toward your triumphs is like a continuous reminder that you’re actually someone who wins — and keeps winning — every day.

So whenever I work with a client, we start our session with a win.

Sometimes it’s something big — secured a dream job interview, landed a new client, booked a speaking gig, nailed a program launch.

But sometimes it’s something seemingly small — updating your resume, sending a newsletter, booking a discovery call, attending a networking event.

But a win is a win!

The Significance of the WIN by Laura Berman FortgangEven if you have to dig for it and rack your brain, always keep in mind that you’re a winner at something this month, this week, this morning… here’s why —

A win is something you WANT.
It’s INTEGRAL to your well-being.
And it NEGATES problems.

W.I.N.

If you have a challenging goal to tackle, wins can be the boost you need to get you there. Celebrating your victories leads to more favorable results.

A win changes your physiology. Focusing on your wins makes you shift from a stress-oriented mindset to one of possibility, wonder, and what’s next.

Your creativity amplifies, your problem-solving improves, and your confidence flourishes. You’re ready to take on the next step knowing there will be a positive outcome — if not exactly what you’re aiming for, something better than where you are. A win is imminent!

I’ll admit, this is easier said than done.

In fact, it’s been a personal challenge for me over the years. I thought my problems made me interesting, and I used them as comic fodder, part of my personality. But the self-deprecating humor wasn’t serving me.

It wasn’t until I learned to focus on what was right in my life that things began to shift. By focusing on what was right, I started doing more of what was right, and my wins beget more wins.

Success breeds success.

Break Out of the Norms You Set for Yourself

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Break Out of the Norms You Set for Yourself
I had to take a forced break from my usual live broadcast and my newsletter topic plan this past week due to my mother being in the hospital.

Between both my parents, other family members, and one of my children’s childhood spent in hospitals, I’ve been here all too many times.

HERE is disrupted, in hyper-vigilance, learning on the fly. It’s making important decisions while watching the American healthcare system flail and often fail to meet the needs of those that require care.

HERE is sitting with loads of time on my hands while I’m bedside to advocate for my loved one’s care, but not having enough brain power to do anything productive or move business forward.

HERE is going through every full-time job in your mind of what will be required to get your loved one to the next stage of care (or resuming their life) without being able to do anything to prepare because you have no idea when you have to activate a plan or what level of functioning you have to prepare for.

You can’t know until you know, which makes everything a last minute rush to an invisible finish line.

Good healthcare workers are heroes. Truly. I’m so grateful for those that truly care and fight alongside me for the care my loved ones need.

What I want to impart here is a call to action to wake up to your own life and shake yourself out of inertia. As I watch my mother struggle with a watershed moment where she is only likely to get worse and not better, I put forth this message to not let your life pass you by.

I’m not sharing about this personal challenge for your attention or sympathy. I don’t need it nor want it. I’m sharing to encourage you to shake off whatever is holding you back and take a bold action to move your life forward.

As hard as it seems, as impossible it appears to reach your desired outcome, as hopeless as your past results may make you feel, do something to break out of the norms you have set for yourself.

Yes, you have set them for yourself. You’ve accepted certain behaviors from yourself or others, you’ve let circumstances curb your possibilities, you may have even given up.
An All Too Familiar Place by Laura Berman FortgangSTOP THAT NOW.

Imagine sitting bedside (maybe some of you have) watching a loved one deteriorate to a shadow of their former selves. Imagine the things they never did and wanted to do.

The things they didn’t know how to say and never will. The wonderful things they did that they could never repeat again. What would that stir you to do?

Maybe it’s time to look at your bucket list. Maybe it’s just your to-do list that need a glance where you might find all the items are absurd in the bigger scheme of things.

Maybe it’s a look at your goals to find out if they’re really yours or better represent things you think you SHOULD do vs. really want to do. Maybe it’s just doing NOTHING and enjoying your life for a while that is the call. I don’t know, but you likely do.

I have nothing cataclysmic to share about what another round of being bedside is doing for me. Right now, it’s just draining and anxiety producing to not know what I’m preparing for.

So please, take heed. Break out of your fog. Take the driver’s seat of your life.