Change

The Helplessness of Career Transition

By Laura Berman Fortgang on February 10, 2021

Day in and day out I talk to people who are on a quest to make a change in their work and, therefore, their lives. With that daily privilege comes a front row seat to all the ways that people get in their own way. I’m a witness to helplessness in career transition and as harsh as this may sound, I think the helplessness is a convenient excuse.

Lorraine (name changed to protect confidentiality) was part of a COVID purge and was deflated by the swift and unexpected turn of events in her life. Perfectly understandable she had feelings of betrayal and loss. She could withstand unemployment for a while, but she felt paralyzed by the prospect of finding a new job during an economic downturn.

She admittedly enjoyed some time off, but as the days grew to weeks and then months, she found herself spinning and procrastinating. It was easier to focus on her kids and home projects. She didn’t even want to face the computer and plant herself down to research or apply for jobs online.

Sound familiar?

The Helplessness of Career Transition

Let me offer some different ways of thinking that can help you plant your butt in that seat and put daily action into your job search.

You must shift from:

• Victim to Opportunist — What if life’s sideswipe was not something that happened TO you but rather it was something that happened FOR you? This “new-agey” adage is becoming cliché, but it’s so accurate. Seeing yourself as a victim of this circumstance is a waste of time. Instead, realize it’s an opportunity to correct what you may have not liked about your previous post.

It may be the very kick in the pants you needed to make a change or at least wake you up out of complacency and make you take a good hard look at yourself. What if this really was part of a plan to get you on a path to something better? What will it take for you to see it as an opportunity?

• Lost to Grounded — So many clients feel lost. I know it’s unsettling but feeling grounded, focused and on a path is instantly available. Adopt a different mindset. Reframe “I’m lost” into “I’m uncomfortable not knowing my destination” or “I’m figuring it out.” Both are more powerful than “I’m lost.” It’s OK to not know where you’re headed as long as you make the work of finding the next thing your current destination. You’re on a path to finding the next thing.

• Scared to Willing — Fear is normal. It can be a great motivator until it isn’t because it freezes you, making action impossible. All you need is the will. Are you willing to do what it takes to get to the next job? You don’t have to know exactly HOW you’ll get there, but you have to be willing.

Your thoughts determine your action. If you’re scared and action is zero, “willing” will move you into action. What are you willing to do?

• Loser to Winner — It is FAR too easy to start believing you’re a loser because you were let go or something came to an end without your permission. I had a conversation yesterday with a man who was let go from his last two jobs. He had a sad sack story and was sliding into the pit of despair.

I asked him if it was his fault that those two jobs disappeared. The answer was equivocally no. There was no performance-based reason. These were cutbacks due to the policies of the last four years and then COVID. Surprisingly, saying it out loud that his losses were not his direct fault freed him from his “sad” story, and he was very energized as he told me his thoughts about the changes in his industry that led to the cuts.

He left the conversation with some clarity about where he could find new opportunities just by changing his MIND!

Helplessness is a result of not having practice. Who practices being unemployed? Nobody. There is no preparation training or even discussion about it. It likens to a tabu disease that evokes shame as if it were your recklessness that brought it on.

If you get no practice for being in between jobs (we hope you don’t have practice!), then how should you know how to cope? You don’t. Therefore, what’s required is more discipline and structure than you had when you were in a job. You have to create that for yourself.

Help yourself because it makes you MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE as a candidate for employment. Would you hire the sad, helpless person, or the one who exudes well-being and clarity about their value?

Hmmmm. Come on, hop to it! You’re not helpless. Use your resourcefulness the way you would if this were a fun creative project you had to figure out. Pretend, if you have to. A new opportunity awaits.

A Horribly Good Year

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 6, 2021

2020. The world was knocked off its axis. Humans, once again, had to be reminded that they are not in charge. Mother Nature nearly stopped the whole globe with a virus. The pollution over India, China, and the West Coast of the U.S. was almost non-existent as we learned that we actually do know how to stop global warming if we could care more about life than money for a month or two a year.

2020. The disparity of the worst and the best in people, and the best and the worst personal circumstances. Many are barely keeping their spirit from breaking due to the traumatizing losses this year has brought:

loss of life, of health, of companionship, of employment, of the freedom to move about, and the loss of food security in what is supposedly my “richest country in the world.” Many of us have been brought to our knees, and if we have an ounce of awareness that life has been far from “normal” we couldn’t help but be transformed by 2020.

Certainly, my wardrobe has been transformed to become two sizes bigger, but in all seriousness, I count myself among the lucky because everyone in my life have stayed healthy despite a few positive COVID tests around us.

We are all still here. “Still here” also means my young, adult and almost-adult children are under my roof stopped in their tracks just as they were experiencing the start of college and for my eldest child, the early momentum of his chosen career. Dead stop. Online classes and the lack of work opportunities have been hard. “But we have our health,” I tell them. (Perspective does not come easy when you’re young and hungry to experience the world.)

My 2020 was not off to a great start even before COVID. Several avenues I was expecting to be available to me after spending a year running for political office were not welcoming me with open arms. New book? Nope. Ongoing work with one of my favorite customers? Nope.

Now what?! I started down the path of bringing my skill set back to the corporate sector (vs. the public) and doors began to open. Then, after a fun March day in NYC catching a matinee with a dear friend – BAM – the world closed. It was not a good time, but I will be grateful for this year for a long time.

There were a lot of silver linings from the chaos of this year. As I said in my prediction article for 2021, remote work will outlast this crisis. I’ve worked from home since the 1990s, but what was different and what I want to remember is the pace. I’ve LOVED staying put on a daily basis. Not running to meetings gave me more time overall.

The slower pace translated into business being slow as people and companies struggled to figure out how to navigate a COVID world. However, I followed my own advice (after spending March on the couch) recognizing that this was an opportunity and not a catastrophe.

That allowed for some business pivots, planning and sales results that I’m very pleased with, and it would not have happened if it weren’t for the world standing still.

2020. Holidays. I finally experienced why I don’t quite succeed year after year at enjoying the holiday season as I’d like to despite preparing earlier and earlier every year. It required no parties, no guests, no shopping in person and no obligations! I do miss seeing people, but the lack of stress was mind-bending. How to achieve that when all the hoopla comes back? I’ll be pondering that.

I’m compelled to share what made me especially giddy this holiday season. I baked. More specifically, I mastered biscotti after some tutoring from an Italian cooking wizard friend, AND I watched at least one Hallmark Christmas movie every single night! They are awful – and wonderful! Even my very anti-Hallmark husband joined in as we nightly predicted the plots, the scripted lines, and what time the eventual kiss would happen (usually five to ten minutes before the end!) We even came up with a drinking game, but I have to protect my reputation and not tell you what it was. All that to say it was THE BEST holiday season I’ve had in a long time.

2020 delivered even more by showing me the power of focus and consistency. I’ve always had enough focus to succeed, but with so many pieces dropping out of the picture this year, it became painfully clear how I distract myself to a fault. I’m putting the infrastructure in place now to allow me more freedom like I’ve had lately, when life speeds up again.

This year also produced a significant mindset shift. On June 1st, I signed up to do online weight training every day for thirty minutes. I turned from flab to muscle again (Hello! I missed you) and with that came a mindset shift. Consistency (not perfection) became my game, and it paid off.

Moving that consistency every day into my work (even though there wasn’t much going on) progressed into some great insight, risk taking and harnessing energy to get new results. The takeaway is processing that it’s not the big hit right away that marks success, but rather focusing on the ultimate goal by doing more of the right things, more consistently.

So, 2020 was horrible but it grew me, and I know it grew you. We had to look at ourselves in the mirror because there was just no way to get away from ourselves. We were forced to examine everything, including the cracks in our ceilings (home repairs went up in 2020).

For some, there were very bad things to contend with. For a lot of us, we found out if we really liked our kids (oh, admit it), their schooling, our work, our partner, our belongings and our assumptions about race, politics and world events. Everything! Hopefully, you still like your peeps, but I know you’ve been changed. We will all be better people for all we’ve been through.

What I will be most grateful about 2020 was the time. The time to think, to create, to imagine, the time for gatherings at the dinner table every night and yes, the damn Hallmark movies!

Tips, Tricks and Truths to Working from Home

By Laura Berman Fortgang on September 15, 2020

Summer is winding down as school, work and life tries to find normalcy in a changed world. As someone who has worked from home since the 90’s evolving from a sliver of space in my bedroom in the apartment I shared with my boyfriend (now 27-year husband) to having the bigger of our two home offices with three college-age kids under our roof, I’m devoting this issue to those of you who might be in varied stages of sharing your space.

I can relate to your pain, but we have to cope and find our way.

Here are some TRUTHS to remember:

Distractions are REAL and CONVENIENT (choose wisely).
HOME chores can wait (don’t use them to procrastinate, extra points for multi-tasking that doesn’t disrupt your work).
COMPROMISE will have to become your middle name.
WORK will take over your life like THE BLOB (make rules and set boundaries).
CHILDREN will take over your life like THE BLOB (they are capable of more than you ask of them).
PEOPLE WHO HOMESCHOOL (pre-COVID), do not do so six hours a day. 2-3 hours tops! (don’t stress and know that distance learning for six hours is unrealistic for most kids but especially elementary school and middle school).
LIFE IS NOT FAIR (just a reminder).

Here are some TIPS to consider:

DO what you DREAD MOST first (do the hardest thing first).
ASK for meeting agendas (or provide them) so your time is not wasted.
CREATE a space for each worker/student in your home (even if you are just in separate corners).
DETERMINE DAILY SCHEDULES in concert with all household member (even young kids) There is less conflict when everyone knows in advance what is going on.
DETERMINE who needs one-on-one time to perform best and who doesn’t (your team members or kids).
GET ALONE time for a few minutes a day even if it means waking earlier.

Here are some TRICKS to try:

AUTOMATE what you can (grocery delivery, workflow, use your technology)
Have kids EARN screen time or other privileges that used to be a given (delegate those chores!)
INCLUDE younger kids in your work (can they make copies, write a legal argument or presentation? (just to keep them busy, not for reals, silly! My daughter wrote a book when she was six while I was writing mine—gave me gaps of time to work!)
MULTI-TASK your down time. Yes, we all deserve to just turn off and do nothing or watch TV, but we can also fold laundry, sew on a button, pay bills or some of the other chores that don’t need to happen during the workday.

This is no picnic but how soon we’ll be back to “normal” is anybody’s guess. We may find some new ways of working and doing school that will transcend COVID time and become a good thing in the long run.

I have no doubt you are creative and resourceful. I hope these ideas help.

P.S. I’ve avoided suggesting too many things that require high costs. I know there are people hiring their own teacher in a pod or paying for all in-home services or deliveries. Not all have those avenues available. Where can you join forces with someone who could use more help? How do we find solutions that work for everybody?

You’re Being Let Go! Don’t Panic. Do This Instead.

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 17, 2020

You’ve been called in to someone’s office and told that you’re being relieved of your post. You are not being walked out the door within the hour, but rather, you have been advised that you are part of upcoming cuts and that you have a couple of weeks before your last day.

It stings. It hurts. Your anxiety kicks in as your mind races through the images of bills piled up on the kitchen counter and the savings goals you had been working on going to hell.

It’s human nature to want to know why this is happening and to begin gathering as much information as possible to justify, reconcile and absorb what might stabilize the shock. I’m here to warn you that spending the remainder of your employed time processing why this is happening to you is throwing away a great opportunity.

Inspired by a question on our Now What?® Community Call last month, I want to help you focus on what can make a profound difference to your future while you are still on the job.

The young woman who posed the question told us that her time in her position was coming to an end. Her first instinct was to find out who knew why this was happening, and if they had anything to do with it. She was naturally upset, confused, and defensive.

“Don’t get sucked into a drama,” I responded. “Spending your time figuring out who did what and why will waste energy and deprive you of a golden opportunity.”

She saw immediately how easily she was headed down the drama path. She shifted as we spoke to see that instead, she could use the time to cement relationships she’d been meaning to improve anyway for which she had never had the time.

She saw that she could gather industry knowledge from colleagues and bosses while she built bridges instead of burning them.

As she had these conversations, she learned she was liked and that the job really wasn’t a fit, so she felt more confident knowing she would find the next thing AND leave good mojo in her wake.

If you get this news, should you also start looking for a job right away? Absolutely! However, remember how you leave a room is just as important as the first impression you make upon entering.

Try to calm your fear and anxiety about the unknown future and make a graceful exit. Network, say goodbye, get advice, share appreciation, and if asked for an exit survey or asked to give feedback, be truthful but gracious.

“We are letting you go,” does not have to be your cue to rage. It can be your cue to begin strategically reaping the good that’s left from your current role (no stealing please).

Deal with the emotions outside of work and make the process of finding your next move as strategic as your exit. Let us know how we can help.

Unemployment, Civil Unrest, COVID and What It Has to Do with Your Career

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 5, 2020

I sincerely hope that you are one of the people who still has a job in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis and the unrest in our country. Whether you do or not, we are going through something epic that the majority of us have no experience with. You’d have to be 100 years old to have lived through the last pandemic. We have not seen this level of unemployment seen since the 1930’s, and current day civil unrest is reminiscent of the 60’s. Facing all of this at once? Unprecedented. There is no roadmap on how to cope with all this.

A lot of people are understandably overwhelmed and upset. Their lives have been upended, and they are dealing with the pressures of working while juggling family at home. They do not have the breaks that come from kids being in school or summer camp. The deep pain of racism is palpable. Many are furloughed and are fearful that their job may not come back. Finances are in a long hiccup, and relationships are likely feeling the strain. All of this on top of missing friends and family we are not free to see. It’s a lot.

Let’s face it. For a lot of people, this is a shit show.

What can you do?

Remain calm
While fear can sometimes be a great motivator, try to manage your stress and anxiety. You will make better decisions and handle life’s uncertainty better if you can find a way to settle your mind and nervous system. Try a free meditation app on your phone or computer. Exercise! Try tapping to work with the emotions and thoughts that arise!

Be Strategic
Is it time to put the family on a strict budget? Are you in an industry that won’t recover any time soon? If so, how can you pivot? This is a good time to keep networking, whether you need a job or not, to keep yourself in the game, and learn what’s going on in your field.

Re-examine
For many, it’s become an opportunity to rethink careers and what you want from them. Does your management style need work? Do your priorities need reshuffling? How are you integrating the recent heightened awareness of systemic racism into your life and work? What are you grappling with in any area of your life? This is the time to examine and evolve.

Pivot
If you’re one of the people that has to pivot, the sooner you mourn your loss, the faster you can get on with your next step. Whatever you do, don’t look at your resume for guidance. Next, think about what marketable skills you have (even if they are hobbies). If you’ve long been holding back on making a change, the opportunity is here. You are not looking at a blank slate right now for no reason. It’s time to gather your resources and your courage to make the leap.

Redefine Opportunity
If the job market proves difficult, it’s natural to say there are no opportunities and to feel victimized. Now more than ever, opportunity needs to become something you create. Don’t wait for it to become available the usual ways. Redefine opportunity not only as something to attain, but also see the gap as the opportunity.

The future will not be about returning to normal. The future is evolving, and we will all be doing things a bit differently.

The upside of chaos is that it shakes things up to reveal new possibilities. It’s those that embrace it and proceed with focus who will bring in the new day successfully.

Please check out www.NowWhatCoaching.com and www.LauraBermanFortgang.com for more resources

The Shifting Landscape

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 13, 2020

After 9/11, I remember many people feeling that there was no point to their day-to-day activities. Concerns that seemed so crucial a mere week or month before the towers fell now felt meaningless. The loss of lives and the loss of our assumed safety was shattering.

Within four days of 9/11, my phone and inbox were flooded with inquiries for coaching. People felt life was short and unpredictable, and they would no longer tolerate living a life that ran them into the ground with little satisfaction besides a paycheck.

The COVID-19 disruption is very different. Where life stopped for the NY Metro area after 9/11, it is now stopped in most of the country and most places in the world. It’s a global pause.

It’s been an unpredictable, unprecedented stop to almost everything. Pollution has been reduced dramatically due to the halting of manufacturing and travel in the air and on the ground.

People are hunkered down with their families or have more alone time than they ever bargained for. Buildings and streets are empty to the tune of a haunting silence.

We are keenly aware of the financial halt. So many jobs lost, so many bottom lines threatened, so many people feeling scared and despair setting in. No matter how badly we crave “normal,” we are still on pause.

WE ARE STILL ON PAUSE . . .

However, going back to normal is a misnomer. How long will it be until you are comfortable being in a theater, a sporting event, an office or a school? Lifting the shelter-in-place order does not change the realities of getting infected with or unknowingly carrying this virus.

So what are we left with? The greatest reorganization in most of our lifetimes.

How do we want to live? How do we want to care?

The skies are clear. Are we OK with picking up where we left off? If things continue as they were, it is likely we have less than ten years to save the planet.

Our bosses never thought working from home could serve the mission and yet, isn’t everyone learning they can do quite a lot without being face-to-face? By now we know if we want to homeschool full time (probably not!).

Sure, we want our kids to be happy and engaged, but did we really need to have every available time slot taken up by enriching activities? Books, puzzles, games, together time and family meals are pretty enriching, if you ask me. Do you really want to pick up where we left off, or are you ready to make a change?

The question this time, I think, is deeper than the one that arose from the 9/11 pause. People are not jumping into hyper-drive as they did after 9/11, and more people are questioning deeply as they sit in the pause. It’s been a prompt to examine what makes a life.

How do we measure it? How would you like to measure it? The threat of terrorism is no small thing, but the threat to hundreds of thousands of lives has given us time to be and to think.

That “itch” you may feel might be cabin fever, or it could be boredom, but in my experience, boredom is a prompt to create meaning. It’s not that you have nothing to DO that’s bothering you.

It’s more about not trusting what’s shown up. It’s actually an opportunity to redirect your energy and attention.

The coaching clients that are showing up now are less panicked than those of September 2001. Feeling at the top of your game and itching for something else? Ready to stand up for what YOU want and make it a reality? Wondering how you got where you are and wanting to press reset? These are the scenarios rising to the top of awareness that are ready to be addressed.

If they’re yours too, we should talk. The Now What?® program will help. Reach out to me or to one of our Now What?® facilitators, and let’s work together toward that tomorrow you want to create.