Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What Coaching

Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt?

By on

If you’re anything like most people, you’re no stranger to feeling guilty.

For some folks, guilt is a frequent companion. They feel bad about seemingly anything and everything — whether they have a good reason to or not.

But for most of us, guilt simply creeps in more often than we’d like.

Quitting a job.
Setting boundaries in a friendship.
Refusing a request.

It doesn’t take much to feel at least a little uncomfortable, sheepish, or ashamed about a choice we’re making, especially when we feel like we’re letting someone down.

But here’s something we often miss —

There’s GOOD guilt and there’s BAD guilt … and the difference matters.

Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt? by Laura Berman FortgangGood guilt is the kind of guilt that’s telling you you might regret a decision. Maybe you’re not prioritizing the things that mean a lot to you. It’s a nudge to keep you honest and spur positive action.

Bad guilt, on the other hand, is a nag. You’re putting yourself down: I’m not a good friend, I suck at my job, I shoulda done this, I’m bad at that — nothing but a bunch of mishegoss! It’s senseless, not doing you or anyone else any good, and just trying to keep you living by someone else’s set of rules.

I was working with a client recently and this issue came up.

This person is perfectly set up to step out of her job into a business that’s primed for success.

But she feels guilty for leaving the job because other key players have jumped ship. She doesn’t want to leave her team behind, holding the bag, or leave the company in a lurch.

Would leaving make her a bad person? Of course not!

Bad guilt is raging here and yet, there could be an opportunity at hand. Perhaps she can work something out that’s win-win. For example, she could continue to work as a part-time contractor while she gets her bearings in her new business. But ultimately, it’s not her responsibility, and she doesn’t need to sell her dream short just to avoid that guilty feeling.

Here’s the thing —

You are NOT responsible for somebody else’s reaction to something that you want to do.

Obviously, I’m not giving you the okay to do someone harm, but I am telling you to get clear about what’s happening and why you’re letting someone else’s issues interfere with your next move.

You may have to face circumstances or deal with the fallout of your decisions or actions, but don’t let bad guilt stop you from moving forward.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

By on

Clients often come to me looking to make a career change — into a different job, different industry, or different level. Sometimes it’s a little shift, sometimes a big step up, and sometimes a major pivot.

And it’s never easy, but always worth it. Because if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that nagging feeling that you want something more isn’t going away — it’s time to get moving!

But fair warning: the biggest nag of all can get you into trouble if you let it.

Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first. by Laura Berman FortgangI’m talking about the entrepreneurial bug — that pesky voice that’s telling you to go out on your own, hang your shingle, and do your own thing…there’s no shutting that bugger up…

So, if self-employment is calling you, you need to take it seriously. Don’t allow yourself to make the leap into business before giving it the attention it deserves.

Hear it out, push back, and get crystal clear on your plans for success. Skip this step, and you’ll kick yourself later. Trust me on this.

Start by asking yourself some key questions —

What are you selling?
What are your specific services?, and  going to charge?
Will you become an LLC or incorporate?
What kind of seed money will you need?
Who are your ideal clients and where will you find them?
Who’s going to hold you accountable and keep you on track?

The reality is, it takes 1-3 years to build a sustainable service business. Most likely, you’ll be chief, cook, and bottle washer for a while. You may even have to do some work for free in the beginning. There’s a lot to take into consideration…

Are you willing to take the risks? Make the sacrifices? Do what it takes?

You can do it, but you’ll want to go into it with eyes wide open.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?

By on

We’re living in an age where being popular can come with big payoffs.

I’m not talking about being the popular kid in high school here, but the popular content creator, influencer, or business owner on social media. The ones getting all the attention.

Hits, clicks, likes, shares, and comments can turn into cold hard cash — or so it seems — IF you know what you’re doing.

There are definitely benefits to being popular.

But because we’re so distracted by the allure of internet fame and the mostly smoke-and-mirror promises of easy riches, far too many people are chasing popularity over purpose.

The reality is, popularity is just external validation — fans cheering from the outside, telling you “good job” — until someone else catches their attention.
But when you have internal validation — through doing something meaningful to you that hits a personal mark — your pursuits can carry you so much further.

Are You Chasing Popularity or Purpose?Don’t get me wrong. Popularity and purpose are not mutually exclusive. Having a crowd of avid supporters getting behind the work you love can be — “chef’s kiss” — amazing!

But popularity without substance isn’t going to keep you warm and cozy at night. Being in the spotlight for something that doesn’t really matter to you will probably lead to regrets down the line.

What can you offer?
How can you contribute?
Is there something you do that people benefit from?

Think of giving vs. getting; that’s what will help you feel good when you look in the mirror at the end of a long day.

But I must confess, I had to learn this the hard way…

When I was on The Oprah Winfrey Show many moons ago, it was a BIG moment for me in my business — a dream come true. I was going to be popular!

Things went fantastically well, so Oprah and her producers told me they wanted me back. In fact, they kept contacting me for two years to discuss my next possible segment.

But it never happened.

For two years, I kept holding onto the possibility of my opportunity to shine. Along the way, I lost focus on what really mattered.

Not blaming showbiz, but I will say that allowing myself to get strung along, caught up in the dream of gaining Oprah-darling popularity was…honestly…miserable.

It wasn’t until I returned to focusing on my substantive work that I was able to reclaim my confidence and happiness.

The moral of the story is that pursuing your dreams with an internally-driven approach beats chasing down externally-driven accolades — hands down. It’s more sustainable, fulfilling, and allows you to live in the moment, appreciate what you already have, and grow into the best version of yourself.

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?

By on

In my coaching practice, I run into a lot of entrepreneurial spirits.

As people are talking through what they want to do with their life and career, the conversation often takes a familiar turn, and I know what’s coming —
“What I really want is to do my own thing!”

It’s an exciting revelation. Charting your own course and becoming your own boss is the ultimate freedom, and who doesn’t want that?

Well, as it turns out, lots of folks…

Most people like the idea of starting a business, but when it comes down to it, there’s a lot that holds them back.

In particular, they often run up against a doozy that stops them in their tracks … and it might not be what you think.

Sure, the money, resources, and logistics can be a challenge, but an even bigger hurdle tends to be something even closer to home.

If you’re considering venturing into business for yourself, your #1 obstacle is likely to be YOU.

Are YOU, in reality, someone who can own your own business? Is “business owner” an identity you’re ready to take on?

I was talking to a client recently who was kind of a big deal at her job. She’d carved out a successful career and was confident that she had what it takes to go out on her own — until she wasn’t.

As she began to take action, she started to freak out. “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?”

She started having an identity crisis. “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

So I had to get real with her. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re doing — yet. But you’re learning. You’re planning. And you’re gathering the resources and support you need to set yourself up for success.”

Rather than let an identity crisis knock you off track, it’s best to embrace change as you grow.

Because in business, you’re going to keep growing, evolving, learning and taking on new identities along the way:
– One-on-one service provider to company boss with a team
– Startup founder to established entrepreneur
– Six-figure consultant to seven- or eight- figure mover and shaker
– Best kept secret to PR darling

There are so many different ways your identity will be challenged and shaped through the experience of business ownership. You have to be willing to embrace change and growth.

This might sound easier said than done, but it’s entirely possible. I see it all the time.

The best way I’ve found to adapt smoothly is to look closely at the reality of where you are now and where you want to go.

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?Think of it as a Venn diagram —
Circle A) What’s true now?
Circle B) What do I need to succeed?
Overlapping area: What do these two answers have in common?

That’s where the sweet spot is — the new identity you’re able to take on at any given time.

It’s from that sweet spot that you’ll be ready to take on anything!

Question of the Week: Get Fired Up Again

By on

What will bring back your spark?

That was the question that became a theme this week on my coaching calls.

Low energy
Uninspired
Blah

I think it’s safe to say we all feel this way from time to time.

Whether you’re experiencing a bout of burnout, your self-esteem has taken a hit, you’re just not excited about the things going on in your life anymore, or something else — it’s not uncommon for something to dull your shine.

The really good news is that losing your spark isn’t a permanent condition.

It can be dangerous if you don’t address it; however, it’s entirely possible to get fired up again. 🔥🔥🔥

But how? Maybe a little self-care, exercise, decluttering, asking for what you want, or taking a day off…

The Question of the Week by Laura Berman FortgangThe answer isn’t always the same, but you need to pick one:

Take action.
Identify a solution.
Create a disruption.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around smoldering and whining about your spark being gone, in a pile of ashes and disappointment. It won’t do you any good, and you can still do a lot of good.

Here’s what I mean.

Last week, I needed some inspiration, so I decided to create a disruption.

I shook up my normal routine and went on an audition! As you may know, I used to be an actor, so it’s something I still like to do occasionally. But this was different — not my usual musical theater, but a real stage play.

You know what? I got a callback!

It let me know that I don’t suck, it was super exciting, and it reignited my spark. I’m glad I created a disruption (I didn’t get the part, but I was actually relieved due to scheduling).

Now it’s your turn. If you’re barely running on fumes, how can you get fired up again?

It could be something big, such as training for a marathon, or something small, like taking a different route when walking the dog.

The point is, you must do something to create a little friction — rekindle your flame and stoke the fire.

Give it some thought. Daydream. Journal. Doodle. Try new things.

You’ll be shining again, burning with passion, and ready to take on the world before you know it.
​

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

By on

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

The unfortunate cost of covering all your basesBut I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.