Now What Coaching

Is an Identity Crisis Holding You Back in Your Business?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 30, 2023

In my coaching practice, I run into a lot of entrepreneurial spirits.

As people are talking through what they want to do with their life and career, the conversation often takes a familiar turn, and I know what’s coming —
“What I really want is to do my own thing!”

It’s an exciting revelation. Charting your own course and becoming your own boss is the ultimate freedom, and who doesn’t want that?

Well, as it turns out, lots of folks…

Most people like the idea of starting a business, but when it comes down to it, there’s a lot that holds them back.

In particular, they often run up against a doozy that stops them in their tracks … and it might not be what you think.

Sure, the money, resources, and logistics can be a challenge, but an even bigger hurdle tends to be something even closer to home.

If you’re considering venturing into business for yourself, your #1 obstacle is likely to be YOU.

Are YOU, in reality, someone who can own your own business? Is “business owner” an identity you’re ready to take on?

I was talking to a client recently who was kind of a big deal at her job. She’d carved out a successful career and was confident that she had what it takes to go out on her own — until she wasn’t.

As she began to take action, she started to freak out. “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?”

She started having an identity crisis. “What if I’m not cut out for this?”

So I had to get real with her. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re doing — yet. But you’re learning. You’re planning. And you’re gathering the resources and support you need to set yourself up for success.”

Rather than let an identity crisis knock you off track, it’s best to embrace change as you grow.

Because in business, you’re going to keep growing, evolving, learning and taking on new identities along the way:
– One-on-one service provider to company boss with a team
– Startup founder to established entrepreneur
– Six-figure consultant to seven- or eight- figure mover and shaker
– Best kept secret to PR darling

There are so many different ways your identity will be challenged and shaped through the experience of business ownership. You have to be willing to embrace change and growth.

This might sound easier said than done, but it’s entirely possible. I see it all the time.

The best way I’ve found to adapt smoothly is to look closely at the reality of where you are now and where you want to go.

Think of it as a Venn diagram —
Circle A) What’s true now?
Circle B) What do I need to succeed?
Overlapping area: What do these two answers have in common?

That’s where the sweet spot is — the new identity you’re able to take on at any given time.

It’s from that sweet spot that you’ll be ready to take on anything!

Question of the Week: Get Fired Up Again

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 2, 2023

What will bring back your spark?

That was the question that became a theme this week on my coaching calls.

Low energy
Uninspired
Blah

I think it’s safe to say we all feel this way from time to time.

Whether you’re experiencing a bout of burnout, your self-esteem has taken a hit, you’re just not excited about the things going on in your life anymore, or something else — it’s not uncommon for something to dull your shine.

The really good news is that losing your spark isn’t a permanent condition.

It can be dangerous if you don’t address it; however, it’s entirely possible to get fired up again. 🔥🔥🔥

But how? Maybe a little self-care, exercise, decluttering, asking for what you want, or taking a day off…

The answer isn’t always the same, but you need to pick one:

Take action.
Identify a solution.
Create a disruption.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around smoldering and whining about your spark being gone, in a pile of ashes and disappointment. It won’t do you any good, and you can still do a lot of good.

Here’s what I mean.

Last week, I needed some inspiration, so I decided to create a disruption.

I shook up my normal routine and went on an audition! As you may know, I used to be an actor, so it’s something I still like to do occasionally. But this was different — not my usual musical theater, but a real stage play.

You know what? I got a callback!

It let me know that I don’t suck, it was super exciting, and it reignited my spark. I’m glad I created a disruption (I didn’t get the part, but I was actually relieved due to scheduling).

Now it’s your turn. If you’re barely running on fumes, how can you get fired up again?

It could be something big, such as training for a marathon, or something small, like taking a different route when walking the dog.

The point is, you must do something to create a little friction — rekindle your flame and stoke the fire.

Give it some thought. Daydream. Journal. Doodle. Try new things.

You’ll be shining again, burning with passion, and ready to take on the world before you know it.

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 19, 2023

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

But I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

Are you good enough?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 12, 2023

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they didn’t feel good enough, I’d be on the Forbes list right behind Bezos.

Okay, I’m exaggerating … but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I dream of being a writer, but I’m not good enough.
I want to go after a big promotion, but I’m scared that I’m not good enough.
I’d like to start a business, but I’m not good enough.

They don’t always use those exact words, but the implication is always there.

Let’s talk about something more practical because only the best writers earn a living from it.
I would’ve gotten promoted by now if I had what it takes. I’m ready to jump ship and try something else.
Most businesses fail, so I don’t want to quit my day job, but having a coaching practice on the side would be nice.

Do you hear it? “I’m not good enough” is barely under the surface, but it’s there.

Maybe you can relate, so I’m here to tell you: YOU’RE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there IS more training or experience to be had, and I’m not suggesting you compromise your standards or settle for mediocrity.

What I mean is, you have to give this some real thought…

Why do you really think you’re not good enough? Whose measuring stick are you using?

Sometimes parents, family, the community we surround ourselves with, or society at large sends us a message that shapes the way we view ourselves. Sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not. Either way, the “not good enough” doesn’t do us any good.

I’ll give you an example…

Someone in my circle was a disappointment to their parents because they skipped college to sweep floors at a photography studio. Fast forward. Now this person is the owner of one of the largest media companies in the U.S.

If you’re suffering about not being good enough, you made the whole thing up. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The opinions of others aren’t weighing you down nearly as much as the super-high standards you’ve adopted and chosen to place on yourself.

But if I suggest that you lower your standards, yikes — I know, mind blowing. Immediate no, right?

I encourage you to reconsider. Here’s why —

If you’re working your tail off to try to prove something to someone….
If you’re suffering because you’ve realized you’ll never be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court or at the top of that Fortune list I mentioned earlier…
If you’re wallowing in self-doubt because your new business made $99,999.97 last year…

You’re not doing your best work. You’re operating from a place of defeat and desperation.

Success breeds success.

You don’t lower your standards to accept loss. You lower your standards so you can win, then win again, then win again.

If you’re focusing on the evidence that you’re not good enough, your attention is pointed in the wrong direction.

I didn’t make cheerleading in high school because I wasn’t good enough, like my friends — boo hoo! But it led me to find theater, which I loved! But I wasn’t good enough to make it to Broadway – which hurt! But it led me to what I do today, which I love even more!

I could’ve focused on the evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Instead, I focused elsewhere and found what I was meant to do.

The more you win, the better you’re going to do.

Holy Wow. Another Year. Can This One Really Be Different?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 6, 2023

What am I going to say? Of course, I’m going to say YES. Yes, it can.

There will always be circumstances beyond our control, and we will simultaneously have free will. Let’s put it to work.

I’m sitting down to write this after a local business morning networking group on the very first business day of the year. I had joined a couple of months back and was “giving it a chance.”

After more than two years of COVID isolation, I wanted to see people again and play closer to home. However, this morning it was very clear that I was not investing my time and energy in something that is worth “giving a chance” to, despite my best efforts.

I had all the evidence I needed: small-minded, scarcity mindset from a member fearing competition, broken agreements with me by another member, and finally, shoddy work on display from another. All in the scope of two and a half weeks.

There was a time where I may have waited things out for several months, or where I would be starting to miss meetings instead of telling the truth about what was not in alignment for me.

If you can relate and you’re wondering if you should stay with a group, a company, or even a relationship, take a look at some ways to shift your perspective that might be helpful:

Where do you retreat? Where do you advance? Keep this in mind as you make decisions.

You can make this a different year, just by being willing to put up with less nonsense. That’s what I’m doing. Care to join me?

Are You Playing The Short Game or The Long Game?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 16, 2022

We live in a time when people expect instant results.

And I get it.

When you’re in a difficult spot, stuck in a rut, and feel like you just can’t take it anymore — and you finally reach a breaking point where you want out…

You want OUT, and you want out fast.

But the tricky thing is your career and business happiness, fulfillment, and success requires playing the long game.

Getting caught up in short-term wins (a.k.a. survival mode) is what causes things to go wrong. It’s exactly why when people make rash moves, they often find themselves right back where they started.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently who was incredibly unhappy with their job. It was a classic case of overwhelm. Demanding boss. Grueling expectations. Excruciating schedule. Worst of all, this person felt trapped with no time to plot an escape or even figure out where else to go.

This is a tough but all-too-common catch-22 scenario. “I’ve got to find a new thing, but my current thing is consuming all of me, so I can’t.”

In another recent conversation, I was talking to a business owner. She was complaining to me that relationship building—getting on the phone, meeting up in person, and cultivating trust with her network—was taking up a heck of a lot of time.

From her perspective, building a business online – getting out there on social media, creating a brand, and following some marketing guru’s “simple step-by-step approach” – looked a whole lot faster and easier.

When assessing each of their sets of circumstances, I had the same question:
“Do you want to play the long game or the short game?”

The reality was, both of these folks were getting beat up pretty badly. They were letting their work get the best of them — allowing it to pack their calendar, drain their energy, and essentially, take over their lives.

No carving out time for what mattered most.
No focus on yielding the results they wanted.
No self-reflection, balance, or fulfillment.

Nothing but work, work, work … on the kind of stuff they didn’t want to be doing.

Fair warning: If you keep allowing yourself to get pummeled like this, there’s going to be a breakdown. I see it all the time! (Did you read last week’s email about burnout?!)

Stuck in a job or career that’s taking over your life? You have to find a way to carve out at least 30 minutes a day to plot your escape.

Looking for the best bang for your buck as a business owner? You have to focus on what’s working rather than getting distracted by empty promises of what may or may not work for you.

Improving your circumstances is all about optimizing your time, maximizing your efforts, and getting clear on what you really want.

If you wish to succeed on your terms, you must be willing to play the long game.

You have to think like an athlete — doing the conditioning, committing to workouts, and building muscle between games and wins. It’s not always fun or easy, but it’s worth the victory.

What can you do now to get yourself ready to reach your long-term goals?