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The Missing Ingredient to Make Wishes a Reality

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 23, 2023

What’s something you wish for?

Maybe you’ve wished for it all your life. Maybe you’ve developed a longing for it over time. It could be something big or small, but it’s a desire that won’t leave you alone. You want it, and it matters to you.

Become a bestselling author.
Own a bed and breakfast in a seaside town.
Fund a trip around the world doing work you love.
Find a new, more fulfilling job!

Whatever it is, you just don’t know how to make it come true.

You could try manifesting it by meditating on a mountaintop … which might work!

– OR –

You could take more practical steps forward … which is much more likely to do the trick!

No matter what you wish to have or achieve, there is very likely a well-worn path to get there. You simply need to do the work.

But you might be wondering, if it’s as simple as that, why doesn’t everyone just go out there and make their wishes come true? Two reasons —

The Missing Ingredient to Make Wishes a RealityIf you’re anything like most people, you’d much rather
1.) seek pleasure
– OR –
2.) avoid pain

We tend to perceive things like creating structure, following the steps, and doing the work as pain — the boring, grueling, not-so-fun part.

We’re looking for instant wins rather than recognizing the potential in delayed gratification.

If your wish is to be good at playing the piano, you have to practice.​,
to grow your business by closing more sales, you have to do more sales calls, and
land your dream job, you’ll have to keep networking and updating your resume.

Just like you can’t build a house without a foundation, you can’t make your wish into reality without a structure. You’ll need to look at that blueprint and get to work.

It’s worked for me, and I see it work for my clients every day.

For example, a woman I worked with a few years ago saw the writing on the wall. A merger was coming at her company, and she was going to be out of a job. So she went to work creating a structure to find her new home.

She wanted to be known as the best person for the job.

And she didn’t just wish for it; she went for it!

Here’s what that looked like:

2x per month, she went to lunch with someone in her industry, a connection from LinkedIn.
1x per month, she spoke at a conference or association meeting.

So when the hatchet came down, she was only out of a job for three weeks. She’d created a structure that bolstered her career, took action, and was able to move into a new place with ease.

Is luck ever involved? Of course. But you create more lucky breaks for yourself if you’ve taken action and set the foundation for things to fall into place.

What are you going to do next to grant your own wish?

Filed Under: Lessons Learned, Life Goals, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, Clarity, Following your passion, Laura Berman Fortgang, life coach, Opportunity, take actionLeave a Comment

Question of the Week: Get Fired Up Again

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 2, 2023

What will bring back your spark?

That was the question that became a theme this week on my coaching calls.

Low energy
Uninspired
Blah

I think it’s safe to say we all feel this way from time to time.

Whether you’re experiencing a bout of burnout, your self-esteem has taken a hit, you’re just not excited about the things going on in your life anymore, or something else — it’s not uncommon for something to dull your shine.

The really good news is that losing your spark isn’t a permanent condition.

It can be dangerous if you don’t address it; however, it’s entirely possible to get fired up again. 🔥🔥🔥

But how? Maybe a little self-care, exercise, decluttering, asking for what you want, or taking a day off…

The Question of the Week by Laura Berman FortgangThe answer isn’t always the same, but you need to pick one:

Take action.
Identify a solution.
Create a disruption.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around smoldering and whining about your spark being gone, in a pile of ashes and disappointment. It won’t do you any good, and you can still do a lot of good.

Here’s what I mean.

Last week, I needed some inspiration, so I decided to create a disruption.

I shook up my normal routine and went on an audition! As you may know, I used to be an actor, so it’s something I still like to do occasionally. But this was different — not my usual musical theater, but a real stage play.

You know what? I got a callback!

It let me know that I don’t suck, it was super exciting, and it reignited my spark. I’m glad I created a disruption (I didn’t get the part, but I was actually relieved due to scheduling).

Now it’s your turn. If you’re barely running on fumes, how can you get fired up again?

It could be something big, such as training for a marathon, or something small, like taking a different route when walking the dog.

The point is, you must do something to create a little friction — rekindle your flame and stoke the fire.

Give it some thought. Daydream. Journal. Doodle. Try new things.

You’ll be shining again, burning with passion, and ready to take on the world before you know it.
​

Filed Under: Lessons Learned, Life Goals, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles, Reinventing Yourself, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, Clarity, Laura Berman Fortgang, life coach, new direction, new venture, Now What CoachingLeave a Comment

The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 19, 2023

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

The unfortunate cost of covering all your basesBut I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

Filed Under: Lessons Learned, Life Goals, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles Tagged With: Career Change, Career coach, Career Coaching, career path, career reinvention, Change, Clarity, coaching, entrepreneurs, Following your passion, Now What Coaching, take action, transition, unemployedLeave a Comment

Are you good enough?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 12, 2023

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they didn’t feel good enough, I’d be on the Forbes list right behind Bezos.

Okay, I’m exaggerating … but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I dream of being a writer, but I’m not good enough.
I want to go after a big promotion, but I’m scared that I’m not good enough.
I’d like to start a business, but I’m not good enough.

They don’t always use those exact words, but the implication is always there.

Let’s talk about something more practical because only the best writers earn a living from it.
I would’ve gotten promoted by now if I had what it takes. I’m ready to jump ship and try something else.
Most businesses fail, so I don’t want to quit my day job, but having a coaching practice on the side would be nice.

Do you hear it? “I’m not good enough” is barely under the surface, but it’s there.
​
Maybe you can relate, so I’m here to tell you: YOU’RE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there IS more training or experience to be had, and I’m not suggesting you compromise your standards or settle for mediocrity.

What I mean is, you have to give this some real thought…

Why do you really think you’re not good enough? Whose measuring stick are you using?

Are you good enough?Sometimes parents, family, the community we surround ourselves with, or society at large sends us a message that shapes the way we view ourselves. Sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not. Either way, the “not good enough” doesn’t do us any good.

I’ll give you an example…

Someone in my circle was a disappointment to their parents because they skipped college to sweep floors at a photography studio. Fast forward. Now this person is the owner of one of the largest media companies in the U.S.

If you’re suffering about not being good enough, you made the whole thing up. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The opinions of others aren’t weighing you down nearly as much as the super-high standards you’ve adopted and chosen to place on yourself.

But if I suggest that you lower your standards, yikes — I know, mind blowing. Immediate no, right?

I encourage you to reconsider. Here’s why —

If you’re working your tail off to try to prove something to someone….
If you’re suffering because you’ve realized you’ll never be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court or at the top of that Fortune list I mentioned earlier…
If you’re wallowing in self-doubt because your new business made $99,999.97 last year…

You’re not doing your best work. You’re operating from a place of defeat and desperation.

Success breeds success.

You don’t lower your standards to accept loss. You lower your standards so you can win, then win again, then win again.

If you’re focusing on the evidence that you’re not good enough, your attention is pointed in the wrong direction.

I didn’t make cheerleading in high school because I wasn’t good enough, like my friends — boo hoo! But it led me to find theater, which I loved! But I wasn’t good enough to make it to Broadway – which hurt! But it led me to what I do today, which I love even more!

I could’ve focused on the evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Instead, I focused elsewhere and found what I was meant to do.

The more you win, the better you’re going to do.

Filed Under: Inspiration to Follow Your Blueprint, Lessons Learned, Life Goals, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, Clarity, coaching, entrepreneurs, Laura Berman Fortgang, life coach, Now What Coaching, Opportunity, passion, take action, transitionLeave a Comment

The Trouble with “Work Hard, Play Hard”

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 5, 2023

There was a time when I thought business and pleasure didn’t exactly mix.

I was all about getting work done, checking off lists, and doing an excellent job.

Even in my theater days — where fun was had by all — I tended to stay laser-focused on the job at hand.

But over the years, I noticed something interesting: some of the people I admired most knew how to have one heck of a good time while taking care of business.

So I started allowing myself to loosen up and to have more fun … and it changed everything!

These days, lots of folks seem to have a case of the blahs — not quite depression, but they’re feeling uninspired, especially when it comes to work.

Employers are grappling with low employee engagement and can’t get workers to step it up.

Needless to say, we’ve all been through a lot over the past few years and continue to deal with ongoing uncertainty. Burnout is more than a buzzword; it’s a reality I hear more and more about every day.

So what to do? For one thing, we must start making fun a priority. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all, but it’s certainly a potent treatment.

That hit of dopamine it provides can have a powerful impact.

It drives focus, boosts motivation, improves executive functioning, peps up productivity, and enhances satisfaction — just what the doctor ordered for business and success with less stress!

We’re all familiar with the phrase “work hard, play hard,” but we’re less familiar with the idea that play primes us to do better work.

I used to think you should wait until your work is completed to play, like eating your dinner before having dessert. But it turns out that giving yourself a dose of dopamine first is the way to go!

Here’s how I like to think about fun; it helps you…
​Forget
​Unnecessary
​Nonsense

Go ahead and feed your soul, remember your zest for life, and then do what you’ve gotta do.

Last week, I was chatting with alums of our Now What? Experience, and we talked all about how much fun matters.

One woman had been in a bit of a rut, so she decided to revisit the athletic days of her youth. Get this — she joined a basketball league specifically for women over 50, and it was far more than a good workout. She had a BLAST, and as a result, started showing up differently in her business.

I had my own version of this last year, revisiting my theater days. I did the musical Bright Star for community theater. The JOY this experience brought me was incredible, and everyone noticed how much it bled into my work. (I was nominated for a best actress award in the local theater circuit, which cracked me up because I did the show for FUN, not for recognition or accomplishment—is there a lesson there?)

What would bring YOU joy?

Spending more time on the golf course?
Playing the piano?
Getting into the woodshop again?
Creating art?
Having more sex?

If you’re in a bit of a rut and want your motivation and productivity to pick up, I encourage you to have more FUN!

When I work with people on career clarity, one of the first steps we take is to ensure life isn’t so stressful and horrible that it clouds your thinking. Fun, fun, fun!

To dopamine!

Filed Under: Now What? Newsletter Articles Tagged With: Change, Clarity, Laura Berman Fortgang, life coach, take actionLeave a Comment

Why did I get “L❤️VE” tattooed on my arm?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 19, 2023

If you missed last week’s note, I talked about the lessons I learned hanging out in a tattoo parlor over the holidays, and it sparked some curiosity —

• Why a tattoo?, and L❤️VE?

I touched on it briefly, but it probably deserves further explanation.

What makes a woman approaching a certain milestone birthday suddenly get a tattoo?
Why choose L❤️VE?
And how does this relate to what we’re here to learn — about careers and business?
Well, I’ll tell you…

I’ve been a longtime student of A Course in Miracles — “a universal, metaphysical, self-study program of spiritual psychology.”

If you’ve never heard of it, I encourage you to go check it out. It’s a massive text, fascinating, and full of lessons for life.

One of my biggest takeaways from studying A Course in Miracles is this:

Every thought we have is either based in FEAR or it’s based in LOVE.

I chose to get LOVE tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to choose love.

Because fear is loud and intrusive and it will always take over … if you let it … if you forget that you always have the option to choose love.

This has been a constant challenge for me throughout my life, but even more so, over the past two years as a caregiver. It takes a lot to remember—in every moment—to be patient, present and choose love.

My tattoo is the beautiful reminder I needed.

Connecting more intentionally with love has also impacted my coaching and my business relationships. Every day, my clients and associates are either coming from fear, or they’re coming from love.

Here’s what I mean…

I had a long time client who wanted to move from the corporate world into nonprofits. But she was afraid to give up her corporate salary.

After working together through the fear and avoiding rash decisions, we were able to identify a perfect solution—joining the philanthropic arm of the corporation, which positioned her for a smooth transition into leadership in the nonprofit world later.

She chose love over fear and won.

Fear often blocks money too. If you’re afraid to ask for the money you want, you won’t get it. If you’re afraid of hearing no, you’ll underbid.

If you charge too little or accept a lower salary, you’ll quickly resent your clients or boss and take on headaches you could have avoided.

To find more peace, happiness, and success in life, you must remember to choose LOVE — including self-LOVE — in everything you do.

Choosing love over fear will always win in the end.

Filed Under: Following Your Passion, Lessons Learned, Life Goals, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, Clarity, coaching, Following your passion, Laura Berman Fortgang, life coach, Opportunity, passion, passions, take actionLeave a Comment

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