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You Are Not Your Story — But Your Story Is Running Your Life

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 5, 2026

Most of us hear the word “storytelling” and think of campfires, children’s books, or maybe a TEDx Talk. But veteran coach and one of my early mentors, Jay Perry, has spent decades thinking about something far more fundamental: the stories that are already running inside you, whether you chose them or not.

Perry calls it the “story sphere,” a term he coined to describe the invisible atmosphere of narratives surrounding us at all times: interior stories, media stories, family stories, political stories. According to Perry, AI estimates there may be as many as a trillion stories operating at any given moment. “Like the atmosphere,” he says, “we don’t necessarily see everything that’s going on, but we know if we didn’t have oxygen and hydrogen and all those things, we couldn’t survive. We don’t survive without story. Story actually is what human is.”

This isn’t a metaphor; it’s neuroscience. Our brains are literally wired to function through story — seeking patterns, confirming what they already believe, and above all, protecting us from perceived threat.

The Squatter Stories

That protective function is where things get complicated. Over the course of our lives, we accumulate what Perry calls “squatter stories,” which are narratives that took up residence in the brain and refuse to leave. Things like I’ll never finish anything; I’m always behind; or Just when things get going, everything falls apart. Many people Perry works with are neurodivergent, and for them these stories often coalesce into a single punishing belief: There’s something wrong with me.

The brain doesn’t mean harm. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do — protecting you based on patterns it has recognized. But the problem is confirmation bias. “Every time something shows up that confirms that I’m stupid, or whatever that story is,” Perry explains, “the brain digs deeper and deeper into it.” The story becomes identity. It becomes the lens through which you see everything.

Simply telling yourself to “change your story” doesn’t work. As Perry puts it: “Easy conceptually, but to actually do that requires lessening the power of those foundational stories and increasing our narrative intelligence.” Trying to override a deep story with sheer logic, he says, is like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

The Intelligence We’ve Been Ignoring

Here’s where Perry’s work gets truly provocative. He distinguishes between two modes of thinking. Logical thinking works on data, and AI does that better than any human ever will. But there’s another kind of thinking, what he calls Narrative Intelligence, that operates on something entirely different: imagination, intuition, emotion, wonder, common sense.

“Narrative intelligence works on no data,” Perry says. “Logic works really well when the future is likely to be like the present and the past.” In a world changing as rapidly as ours, that’s a liability. The people who will navigate what’s ahead are those who can think in story and can imagine outcomes not yet in evidence, hold multiple possibilities at once, and pivot when the plan stops working.

We’ve been rewarded our whole lives for getting the right answer. That rewired us toward the logical, computational mode of thinking. Now that machines are taking over that function, the undervalued skill — narrative intelligence — suddenly becomes essential.

How Fascinating

What do you actually do when a squatter story shows up? Perry was inspired by conductor and author Benjamin Zander, who teaches a deceptively simple practice: When something goes wrong, say “how fascinating,” and mean it fully, physically, emotionally.

It sounds almost too simple, but the point is precise. You can’t fight a foundational story with a cognitive argument, because the story has far more emotional force than any counterargument you can muster. What you can do is interrupt the pattern with enough energy and presence to actually stop the loop. “How fascinating” isn’t just words. It’s a full-bodied shift in stance that says: I see you, story. And I’m curious about you, not imprisoned by you.

Perry calls this approach “playful story catching.” The goal isn’t to eliminate the stories or shame yourself for having them. It’s to notice them, to create distance from them, and remember that you are the author, not the character.

One powerful technique is shifting your narrative perspective. Our brains are conditioned to protect “I.” But if you can catch yourself in an “I story” and reframe it, such as Laura is having trouble with this instead of I am having trouble with this — the brain relaxes its grip. The protective mechanism doesn’t guard “Laura” the same way it guards “I.”

The Power of We

Perhaps the most striking idea Perry offers is the shift from “I stories” to “we stories.” No one has ever done anything entirely alone, yet we insist on framing our lives as solo narratives. When you expand your story to include others — a community, a collaborator, an idea, even a place — possibilities open that the I story simply cannot access. “The I story is chained by that protective mechanism,” Perry says. “When we start thinking in we stories, things become possible that aren’t possible for the I story.”

He built his community, Story Sphere Central, around exactly this principle. For $22 a month, members from Thailand to Europe gather for group coaching, co-working sessions, creative workshops, and a course called Heroes of the Story Sphere — a name Perry chose deliberately. “I think it takes bravery,” he says. “It takes heroism to show up and actually look for the truth about what the stories are.”

Be Open to the Plot Twist

Perry closes with what may be his most powerful invitation. In a study by researcher Angus Fletcher, veterans with PTSD were given access to every conventional healing modality available including massage, meditation, and yoga. Only one person in the group made a full recovery. What set them apart? They had experienced a plot twist.

A plot twist isn’t something you manufacture. It’s something you receive — a bankruptcy, a loss, an unexpected phone call, an idea that comes from nowhere. What you can do is stay open to one. “If we can open our consciousness to seeing the gifts that are given to us,” Perry says, “that’s why it’s so important to have we stories — because that multiplies the number of opportunities we have for plot twists.”

You are swimming in a story sphere right now.
The question is whether you’re authoring the story or being authored by it.

Jay Perry’s community, Story Sphere Central, can be found at StorySphereCentral.com.
This article is a synthesis of an interview conducted on March 27, 2026

You Don’t Have to Be a Celebrity to Join the A-List

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 29, 2026

You Don’t Have to Be a Celebrity to Join the A-List
But you do have to act like one.

Here’s what I see coaches and entrepreneurs doing every single day. They’re talented. They create genuine transformations in people’s lives. Yet they’re out there hustling, discounting their prices, watering down their message, trying to reach everybody. They’re treating their business like an open audition that never ends.

I want to ask them one question: What are you auditioning for?

Meryl Streep doesn’t send in audition tapes. Denzel Washington doesn’t line up in hope. At a certain level of this game, we’ve got to stop asking, “Will they pick me?” and start asking, “Do I want to work with them?” That shift — right there — is the A-List mentality.

You don’t get on the A-List by earning it.
You get there by deciding you’re on it, and then bringing it into fruition.

THE PROOF

I’ve had some incredible opportunities in my career, and none of them came the way you might expect. I got to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show. I have a TEDx talk with over two million views. My first book? They asked me to write it. I didn’t send a single query letter.

None of it came from spending all my time trying to engineer my way to the next level. It came from one thing: Showing up one hundred percent, every single time.

Not 90% because I was tired. Not 80% because the fee wasn’t what I wanted. A hundred percent, consistently, and without questioning whether I belonged. Look — I’m human. There are moments of doubt. There are moments of “Who am I to be doing this?” But you’ve got to put those thoughts out of your head as fast as possible. Certainty isn’t a feeling that arrives. It’s a decision you make.

THE 6 RULES OF THE A-LIST

The A-List isn’t something other people deem you worthy of. It’s something you deem yourself worthy of. Here’s how A-List coaches and entrepreneurs actually operate:

They own their niche without apology.

Trying to serve everybody is a hiding strategy. When you’re vague, you’re hiding. Pick your lane; plant your flag. The more specific you are, the more magnetic you become, and the easier it is for the right people to find you.

They set their own terms.

A-Listers aren’t auditioning. They ask for money with the same energy they’d order coffee at Starbucks — no doubt, no hype – just matter of fact. The ideal client doesn’t want the cheapest deal; they want the best.

They protect their energy like it’s a contract clause.

Every yes to the wrong thing is a no to the right thing. A-Listers have learned to create a certain amount of scarcity in the market; not because they’re playing games, but because their time genuinely costs something. That’s the signal.

They never question the room.

They don’t walk into a space wondering if they belong. Their energy precedes them. Certainty — and I’ve said this before — is not a feeling that comes to you. It’s a decision you make. You decide you belong. The energy in a room shifts around that belongingness. It is the most underrated business strategy alive.

They build visibility on purpose.

Being excellent in private gives you a hobby business. Being excellent in public gives you a real one. Write the thing. Take the stage. Post the idea. The world can’t ask for you by name if it doesn’t know your name.

They raise their standard of proximity.

You can’t think A-List thoughts in B-List rooms. It’s who you hang out with, who you’re in conversation with, who you mentor with. Put yourself in the environment that matches where you’re going, not just where you’ve been.

THE DECISION

Here’s what all six of those rules have in common: None of them require a publicist. None require a huge following. None require you to wait until you feel ready because the feeling of ready is often the story fear tells you to stay comfortable.

All they require is a decision. A decision that you’re done shrinking. Done discounting. Done explaining yourself to people who weren’t going to get it anyway. Done auditioning for opportunities that should be auditioning for you.

The A-List begins with you deciding you’re on it. It’s not waiting for you. It’s a decision you make.

Here’s the question I want to leave you with:

What would you do differently today if you already knew you were the person people ask for by name?

Go do that. Start now!

Why Rejection Is the Road — Not the Roadblock

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 22, 2026

How many of you have experienced rejection in the last six months?
Didn’t get the job you wanted.
Got passed over for the promotion.
Couldn’t close the sale.
If your hand went up, you’re in good company, and you’re exactly who this is for.

Here’s the reframe that changes everything:
Rejection is not the problem. Rejection is the path.

Michael Jordan did not make the cut for his high school basketball team. Harry Potter was rejected at dozens of publishers before getting a yes.

Rejection is not the obstacle standing between you and success; it’s the way to success. The most successful people in any field — job seekers, salespeople, entrepreneurs, executives going after the next level — aren’t the ones who avoid rejection. They’re the ones who recover from it the fastest. Let’s talk about how to do that.

The Two Traps

Before we get to the recovery, you need to recognize the two traps people fall into when they get rejected.

Trap One: Taking it personally. You don’t get the job, and suddenly you’re sure you’re on the wrong path. You lose the sale, and you decide entrepreneurship is not the path for you. You get passed over, and you start to spiral and question your worth. Here’s the truth: That’s a story you’re telling yourself — it’s not a fact. There’s a difference between what happened and the meaning you assign to it. When you collapse a single rejection into a verdict on your entire value, you’ve gone from interpreting a moment to building a case against yourself. Don’t do it.

Trap Two: Brushing it off completely. The opposite problem. You shake it off, tell yourself it was their loss, and move on without extracting anything useful. Resilience is a strength, but not if it means ignoring information that could help you improve. There’s always something to learn. Skipping that step means you’ll face the same wall again.

The answer is to make rejection useful.

A Three-Step Recovery Process

Step 1: Feel it — but set a timer. Rejection is a real emotional experience. Don’t suppress it. Give yourself a window — an hour, a day — to feel disappointed. You’re human, and disappointment is a reasonable response. But when the window closes, close it. You are not your last no.

Step 2: Mine it for data. Ask yourself one question: What’s the one thing I can learn from this? Not ten things – just one. Were you under prepared? Was your pitch unclear? Did you need stronger follow-through? Do you need more training on closing? One honest insight — without defensiveness — is worth more than a dozen rationalizations. Be direct with yourself.

Step 3: Recalibrate, then move quickly. Adjust what the data tells you to adjust, and keep everything else. Then get moving. The longer you sit still after rejection, the heavier it gets. Momentum is the cure for rejection paralysis. Don’t let a no turn into weeks of inaction.

The Number Game Nobody Talks About

Here’s a concept from the world of sales that applies to every pursuit: The cost per no.

If you know that you close one in every ten prospects, and each closed deal is worth $1,000, then every single rejection was worth $100 on the way to that thousand. You’re not just tolerating rejection. You’re getting paid for it. Each no is moving you closer to the yes.

The same math works in a job search, a promotion campaign, or any meaningful pursuit. The job market right now is tough; most people know that. But the answer isn’t to stop putting yourself out there. It’s to understand that every interview that doesn’t land is part of the sequence that eventually does.

So change the question. Stop asking, “Why did they say no?”
Start asking, “How many more no’s do I need before I get to my yes?”
That’s not denial. That’s strategy.

Rejection is part of the game, whether you’re an entrepreneur, a job seeker, or someone gunning for the next level in your career. It’s not a sign you’re on the wrong path. Most of the time, it’s a sign you’re on exactly the right one. You’re just not at the end of it yet.

Keep going!

You Can’t Go Back to Before — And That’s the Point

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 15, 2026

In the musical Ragtime, there’s a character simply called Mother. When her husband leaves for a year-long expedition, she transforms. She takes in a Black couple and champions them — scandalous in early 1900s upper-crust New York society. She makes decisions, finds her voice, and becomes someone new. When her husband returns and tries to fit her back in the box she once occupied, she can’t do it. She sings a song called “Back to Before,” and it’s all about how you simply cannot return to who you were.

I think we can all relate to that tension.

We long for the past.
We long for that thing that was.

There’s actually a psychological term for it — rosy retrospection — which is our tendency to remember the past as kinder and gentler than it may have actually been. We don’t remember the anxiety of that “easier” chapter. We remember the feeling of being less burdened.

I know that feeling personally. My son has epilepsy. I can remember a time when they were petit mals — frightening, yes, but something our family had learned to navigate. Something that had become, in its own difficult way, our normal. Then came the grand mals, and everything shifted. I remember thinking if I could just get back to before that happened, we could handle this. What I didn’t realize at the time was that “before” wasn’t waiting for me. It had already closed.

That’s the thing about “before.” Even if you could somehow return to that exact moment in time, you would bring this version of yourself with you. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. So you truly can’t go back. What Mother’s song captures so beautifully is that the “before” she mourns was also a version of herself that was smaller, quieter, and less fully alive. Growth and loss are often the same door.

When we spend our energy facing the rearview mirror, we risk getting stuck there. Nostalgia in small doses is sweet, warm, and deeply human. But when we move in there, it becomes a form of grief that never resolves. It keeps us comparing the present to an idealized past that didn’t quite exist, and the present always loses that competition. We can become so loyal to who we were that we become strangers to who we’re becoming.

Here are four things that can help you move forward:

Honor it, then set it down. You are absolutely allowed to miss what was. Grief is real, and grief is authentic. But there’s a difference between visiting the past and moving in there. Acknowledge what you’ve lost, feel it fully – then deliberately turn toward what remains.

Ask: What does this make possible? Every ending carries a hidden opening. The question can’t only be “what did I lose?” It has to become “what is this new chapter calling forth in me? Who am I becoming?” That’s where the real focus belongs. Not on the closing door, but on the one that’s beginning to open.

Trade nostalgia for gratitude. Nostalgia looks backward. Gratitude — real appreciation — lives in the present. Instead of wishing you could return to a good moment, practice being grateful it happened at all. That single reframe moves you out of longing and into appreciation. And appreciation puts you right back in the present, where your life is actually happening.

Build something to move toward. The pull of the past is strongest when the future feels empty — when there’s nothing on the horizon you’re looking forward to. So put something there. It doesn’t have to be grand; even something small gives forward motion a direction. Once you start moving forward, it becomes easier to keep going. Mother doesn’t end her song with any kind of tidy resolution. She can’t get back to the past, but she stands in the truth of her own change. I think that is actually the bravest thing any of us can do. Not pretending the past didn’t matter and not letting it hold us hostage either. Just standing in who we’ve become.

I still have moments where I’d give anything to go back to before. But I’ve also learned that the version of me who came through what came next is more capable, more compassionate, and more present than I ever was before.

You can’t go back to before.
But you can decide, right now, what you’re moving toward and allow the next chapter to begin.

Put On the Night Vision Goggles: How to See Through the BS in Coaching and Sales

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 8, 2026

Have you ever been sitting across from someone — maybe in a coaching session or in a sales conversation — and they tell you everything is fine, they’re good, they just need a little tweaking… and yet every instinct in your body is screaming that something is off?

Yeah. Me too.

The problem isn’t that people are deliberately lying to you.
The problem is that you haven’t put on the right equipment to see through it.

Think about night vision goggles. You’ve seen them on TV; it allows the cops or soldiers to move through complete darkness. Without them, you see nothing. No shapes, no outlines, no threats, no opportunities. But the moment you strap them on, the whole landscape lights up like daylight. Suddenly you can see everything, including what people are trying to hide, even from themselves.

That’s the skill I want to talk about. Because the best coaches and salespeople aren’t the ones with the slickest scripts or the loudest pitches. They’re the ones who have learned to put on the night goggles.

Why People BS Even Themselves

It’s important to understand something. Most people aren’t consciously deceiving you. They don’t mean to fib. What they’re doing is protecting themselves. Over years of life experience, people build walls, craft stories, and rehearse excuses — not because they’re manipulative, but because the real stuff is scary, raw, and vulnerable. And they’ve learned that leading with it feels dangerous.

When someone gives you the polished, everything-is-fine answer, they’re not your enemy.
They’re just in the dark.
Your job is to bring the light.

Three Things the Night Vision Goggles Reveal

Once you commit to seeing past the surface, here’s what starts to come into focus:

The gap between words and energy
Someone can say “I’m fully committed” while their body tells a completely different story — voice dropping, eye contact disappearing, shoulders caving in. Don’t follow the words; follow the energy. The body doesn’t lie the way the mouth can. When those two things are out of alignment, that gap is your signal to go deeper.

The story they keep repeating
When someone offers you the same excuse dressed up three different ways, that’s not an explanation; that’s armor. The real issue lives underneath the repeated story in the thing they haven’t found the words for yet. This is where you lean in rather than accept the surface answer. Get curious. Ask what’s underneath that. Then ask again.

What they’re not asking for
This one is huge. The person who says they need a better script almost always actually needs confidence. The client who says they need more leads usually needs to fix what’s happening once they get someone on the phone. The surface request is rarely the real problem. Learning to hear the unspoken need is one of the most valuable skills you can develop, whether you’re coaching or selling.

How This Changes the Sales Conversation

When a prospect tells you they need to think about it, that’s not a request for more time. It’s a signal that something is unresolved. It could be fear or doubt. It could be a conversation they need to have with a partner first, or a wound from someone who let them down before. Whatever it is, pitching harder won’t reach it.

Put the goggles on instead.
Get quieter. Ask better questions.
Create enough space that the truth finally feels safe enough to show up.

The best closers are not the loudest voices in the room. They’re the people who can sit the longest in the silence — comfortable enough with the discomfort to wait for what’s really going on.

Your Job Is to See What They Can’t

Next time someone gives you the Miss America answer — the “I’m fine, everything’s great, I just need a small tweak” response, remember this:

The dark doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. It just means you haven’t switched on the goggles yet.

Your job isn’t just to hear what they’re saying.
Your job is to see what they don’t.

Put the goggles on. Go find the truth.
That’s where the real coaching happens.
That’s where the real sale is made.

Faith vs. Fear: What Really Drives Us?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 1, 2026

Today I want to dive into something that’s been coming up frequently in my recent coaching conversations: The tension between faith and fear. I’m not talking about religious faith necessarily (though if that’s your thing, I deeply admire it). I’m talking about something more fundamental – the choice we make every single day about which voice we’re going to listen to.

The State of Things

Let’s be real: There’s a lot happening right now. The global economy is doing its unpredictable dance. The world feels heavy with uncertainty. For those of you stepping into entrepreneurship or searching for your next career opportunity, the unknown can feel absolutely overwhelming.

I work with people every day who are navigating these choppy waters, and I see the fear is real. The questions are legitimate. The worry isn’t unfounded. Here’s what I’ve learned after years of coaching and living through my own entrepreneurial journey; it’s not about whether fear shows up. It’s about your relationship with it.

Fear: The Blob vs. The Mosquito Bite

Remember that old 1950s horror movie with the blob? That amorphous glob of goo oozing down the street, consuming everything in its path? That’s what fear looks like when we let it take us over. It becomes this all-consuming force that colors everything we see, every decision we make, every step we take (or don’t take).

But fear doesn’t have to be the blob.

What if fear was more like a mosquito bite? You feel it – that little sting, that moment of “ouch, that’s uncomfortable” – and then you acknowledge it, maybe scratch it for a second, and move on with your day. You don’t let it ruin your entire outdoor experience. You don’t run inside and hide because mosquitoes exist.

The difference between these two experiences?
Your relationship with fear.

What Fear Actually Sounds Like

Here’s the thing about fear:
It’s sneaky. It disguises itself as “just being realistic” or “protecting yourself.”

But listen to the voice:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Other people do it better; nobody needs to hear from you.”
“Who are you to think you can do this?”

That’s fear talking. When we let that voice dominate, we’re operating from a place of scarcity, of lack, of limitation.

What Does Faith Sound Like?

Faith (I’m using this word whether you’re spiritual, religious, or neither) is belief in yourself. It’s belief in possibility.

It’s the voice that says:
“I’m learning and growing.”
“My perspective matters.”
“I’m taking the right actions; it’s just a matter of time.”

Faith is what you have when you plant a seed in the ground. You don’t dig it up every day to check if it’s growing. You trust that with the right conditions – water, sunlight, time – that seed will find its way to the surface. You have faith in the process.

If you’re building a business, looking for a job, or pursuing any significant goal, you’re planting seeds. Every action you take, every connection you make, every skill you build, are seeds. Faith is trusting that they’ll grow.

But What If You’re Deluded?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Someone always asks: “But what if I’m just fooling myself? What if I’m going down the wrong path, and I’m too deluded to see it?”

Valid question.
Here’s the answer: Engage with people who know more than you.

Work with mentors.
Consult experts.
Connect with people who’ve walked the path before you.
Get feedback.
Adjust your course.

When you’re taking the right actions and getting guidance from people who know the terrain, you’re not deluded. You’re informed, you’re strategic, and you’re building faith on a foundation of smart decisions.

The delusion isn’t in believing in yourself.
The delusion is in thinking you can succeed while ignoring all wisdom and feedback.
Big difference!

Introducing COPE: Your Framework for Managing Fear

Because I’m a coach and I love a good acronym, I’ve developed a framework for working with fear.
It’s called COPE, and here’s how it works:

C – Catch Yourself

The moment you notice fear creeping in, catch it. Name it. Say out loud if you need to: “Oh, that’s just fear. I see you.” Don’t let it become the blob. Turn it into the mosquito bite. Acknowledge it and move on.

O – Open

Be open to not knowing. Here’s a wild thought: If you’re going to be convinced of an outcome you can’t actually predict, why are you so committed to believing it will be negative? Why not invest that same energy in believing it could work out? You’re making up a story either way – make it a good one.

P – Possibility

Invest in possibility. This isn’t about wearing rose-colored glasses or ignoring reality. It’s about recognizing that if the idea exists in your mind, if the goal calls to you, there’s a reason. Possibility is real. As a coach, I live in the land of possibility because I’ve seen it proven true over and over again. Your dreams wouldn’t exist if they weren’t possible.

E – Exhale

Seriously, just breathe. Stop holding your breath. Release the tension in your shoulders. It’s going to be okay. This exhale is what having faith feels like in your body.

Faith and Fear Can Coexist

Here’s something important: You don’t have to eliminate fear to have faith. They can exist at the same time. In fact, they usually do. The goal isn’t to be fearless; the goal is to act with intention and faith while acknowledging that fear is along for the ride.

You can feel scared and still send the email.
You can worry about the outcome and still show up.
You can doubt yourself and still take the next step.
That’s not contradiction – that’s being human.

Your Challenge

I want you to pay attention to your internal dialogue. Notice when fear is speaking. Catch it. Open yourself to not knowing the outcome. Invest in possibility and exhale.

Practice COPE. See what shifts.

Because here’s the truth:
You’re doing better than you think. You’re further along than you realize.
The seeds you’re planting right now? They’re going to grow.

Have faith.