Inspiration to Follow Your Blueprint

What are you scrappy and hungry for?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 14, 2023

I don’t know about you, but I am “scrappy and hungry, and I’m not throwin’ away my shot…”

If you’re one of the millions of people who enjoyed the hit sensation Hamilton, you may recognize this tune. Consider it our theme song for today.

I believe being scrappy and hungry is one of the under-appreciated keys to success. Sure, we say things like “hard work pays off,” but we tend to look at the people who’ve “made it” as capable, confident, and poised, forgetting they were once just getting started — scrappy, hungry, and willing to take a shot!

Their goals were worth it to them. Going after their dreams was worth the risk of being judged, getting it wrong, and putting in the work.

What about YOU? What are you scrappy and hungry for?

My clients often tell me they want to serve people, make an impact, grow a business, create change in the world, further a cause, make more money…the list goes on. They claim to really want it, but they’re not doing anything about it.

So my question for them and for YOU is this: If not now, WHEN?

Because I’ve asked it so many times, I have a pretty good idea what your answer is: “I don’t know.” And there’s a good chance you’ll follow that up with, “HOW do I know?”

I’ve noticed we humans have a hard time recognizing when we’re ready. There’s no clear-cut way to know for absolute certain, of course, but there are some telltale signs —

- You’re miserable.
- You have an “itch” that keeps nagging at you that something isn’t right.
- You’re daydreaming a lot, scrolling social media, envying folks who are doing what you want to do.

This is the universe, your internal guidance system, or whatever you believe whispering (or shouting!) at you that it’s time to TAKE YOUR SHOT.

But here’s the sign you most likely won’t get: an undeniable sense that you absolutely, without a doubt, feel ready. If you’re waiting for that, you’ll be waiting forever.

You’re going to have doubts. That’s normal. DO. IT. ANYWAY.

Get scrappy, listen to your hungry desire, and give it a real shot. Make your dream a priority.

Want to write a novel? Wake up every morning and write 1,000 words before getting out of bed.

Want to grow an audience on social media? Start posting valuable content every day; learn what they want from you.

Want to build a business? Focus on getting ONE customer or ONE client, and grow from there.

Are you good enough?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 12, 2023

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they didn’t feel good enough, I’d be on the Forbes list right behind Bezos.

Okay, I’m exaggerating … but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I dream of being a writer, but I’m not good enough.
I want to go after a big promotion, but I’m scared that I’m not good enough.
I’d like to start a business, but I’m not good enough.

They don’t always use those exact words, but the implication is always there.

Let’s talk about something more practical because only the best writers earn a living from it.
I would’ve gotten promoted by now if I had what it takes. I’m ready to jump ship and try something else.
Most businesses fail, so I don’t want to quit my day job, but having a coaching practice on the side would be nice.

Do you hear it? “I’m not good enough” is barely under the surface, but it’s there.

Maybe you can relate, so I’m here to tell you: YOU’RE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there IS more training or experience to be had, and I’m not suggesting you compromise your standards or settle for mediocrity.

What I mean is, you have to give this some real thought…

Why do you really think you’re not good enough? Whose measuring stick are you using?

Sometimes parents, family, the community we surround ourselves with, or society at large sends us a message that shapes the way we view ourselves. Sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not. Either way, the “not good enough” doesn’t do us any good.

I’ll give you an example…

Someone in my circle was a disappointment to their parents because they skipped college to sweep floors at a photography studio. Fast forward. Now this person is the owner of one of the largest media companies in the U.S.

If you’re suffering about not being good enough, you made the whole thing up. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The opinions of others aren’t weighing you down nearly as much as the super-high standards you’ve adopted and chosen to place on yourself.

But if I suggest that you lower your standards, yikes — I know, mind blowing. Immediate no, right?

I encourage you to reconsider. Here’s why —

If you’re working your tail off to try to prove something to someone….
If you’re suffering because you’ve realized you’ll never be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court or at the top of that Fortune list I mentioned earlier…
If you’re wallowing in self-doubt because your new business made $99,999.97 last year…

You’re not doing your best work. You’re operating from a place of defeat and desperation.

Success breeds success.

You don’t lower your standards to accept loss. You lower your standards so you can win, then win again, then win again.

If you’re focusing on the evidence that you’re not good enough, your attention is pointed in the wrong direction.

I didn’t make cheerleading in high school because I wasn’t good enough, like my friends — boo hoo! But it led me to find theater, which I loved! But I wasn’t good enough to make it to Broadway – which hurt! But it led me to what I do today, which I love even more!

I could’ve focused on the evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Instead, I focused elsewhere and found what I was meant to do.

The more you win, the better you’re going to do.

Do You Create Roadblocks or Does Someone Else?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on November 6, 2022

When I talk to folks about making their next career move, I’m often met with an imaginary roadblock. At this point, I’ve come to expect it.

This phantom obstacle comes in the form of a prerequisite they’ve conjured up (one that doesn’t actually exist) — an unmet qualification, a missing credential, or insufficient experience.

It’s something they perceive as necessary, and it stops them from moving forward.

But the reality is, they’re usually just counting themselves out. They become their own gatekeeper.

Don’t get me wrong …

Sometimes a job requires a legitimate credential, as it should.

You wouldn’t want to board an airplane with a pilot who hasn’t completed the requisite number of flight hours. And you certainly wouldn’t trust your life to a surgeon who dropped out of medical school.

But for most careers, almost anything goes.

With enough creativity, confidence, and tenacity, you can usually chart your own course … within reason, of course.

Letting a self-imposed prerequisite block your path is self-sabotage.

“They’ll never promote me to director without an MBA.”
“I need a C-suite title before that firm will even consider my resume.”
“Nobody’s going to hire me as a developer without a computer science degree.”

Sound familiar?

Not too long ago, I was working with a client who was eyeing a VP position. She felt up for the challenge but was convinced she needed to reach for a lower rung on the ladder first. I encouraged her to go straight for the executive level role … and she landed it — just like that!

I often work with entrepreneurs who tell me they’re expecting to make about 600k but hoping for a million. I tell them to run the higher numbers, take million-dollar action, and go for it.

It’s like the Norman Vincent Peale quote:
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Even if you don’t reach your stretch goal, you’ll find yourself closer to where you really want to be.

Looking further down the road means seeing past the imaginary obstacles and roadblocks you’ve placed in your own way.

Bottom line: GO BIG!

And if you start second-guessing yourself, check for that slippery slope of self-imposed prerequisites.

Are YOU getting in your own way?

Start With Dessert

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 30, 2022

We save the “best for last.” We “treat” ourselves with the satisfying pleasure of tantalizing sweets at the end of the meal. That finishing touch.

How does our propensity for dessert relate to knowing what’s right for our lives or career?

Dessert just feels so good as a taste sensation. Career and life satisfaction feels so good too, and we expect it to be the reward of hard work or a good decision. We experience it as a result.

What if, instead, we interpret that sensation as a guide? What feels good is a sign to keep going in that direction.

When clients pay handsome dollars to gain clarity by working with me, they want to go right into their analytical thinking, measuring if I can possibly be smart enough to know what they are built to do with their lives. How do I know? What will I do with them that will make them know too?

Oof. It’s exhausting.

There is little that is analytical about my process. It’s a process to get you to FEEL again. No deep breathing exercises, no meditation assignments nor long journaling assignments.

Nothing wrong with those methods, but I support my clients to feel their way out of the lack of clarity through a set of questions. Then, I measure the level of BS in the answers based on how it feels to me and to them. Sound crazy? Maybe, but it works.

You can start paying attention to how things feel for you right now. Feels good? Proceed. Feels wrong? Nothing will change that and the longer you ignore it, the worse it will get.

Now for the murky territory: Fear. Fear feels bad. Fear can be a reaction to something that feels good too!

It feels good to be creative (let’s just say), but fear kicks in right away that it’s not sustainable, or people will not like what you create, or you can’t make time for something not related to your current job.

In my recent work with a very unhappy career salesperson in their 40’s, he was sure he was ready for a change until he landed on what felt right as a future direction.

He knew it was right, the exercises we did confirmed it, his financial situation presented no obstacles to the change, BUT he was terrified. What if he failed? What if he wanted to get his job back and couldn’t? What if, what if, what if?

Dessert was ruined by the fear of gaining weight!

Nooooooo! Enjoy the dessert. Follow the feeling. Decide by how it feels.

DISCLAIMER: NO GLUTTONY

Life Lessons From A Disney Vacation

By Laura Berman Fortgang on February 10, 2022

After every holiday gathering, show and fun plan fell apart over the month of December, my family decided to forge ahead with our vacation to Orlando, Florida that we had been looking forward to for months. My young-adult children had their sights set on Disney (15 years after their childhood visit) and we just had to take the (COVID) risk and go.

The week in the parks put a spotlight on some lessons that might be worth sharing.

Planning

I can honestly say that many of my life’s highlights were moments that were unplanned but making dreams come true seamlessly takes a dance of flexibility and structure.

Getting reservations for meals at Disney is a competition that requires 5:40am wake up calls. Two days of failed attempts did not yield a spot at Cinderella’s Royal Table. We didn’t do that when my twins were six so it was on the 21 year old girl child’s must-do list. By day three of my failed attempts at the most desirable experiences, I had perfected a multiple-tabs-open strategy and landed a perfect dinner reservation in the castle. Whew!

So planning was key but the unplanned made the experience soar. We were pleasantly surprised that the ridiculously overpriced food was excellent AND that the servers cared so much that they made sure to move us to a window seat for dessert so we could watch the nightly fireworks from inside the castle. Oh my! Magic. My twenty somethings were struck like little kids and mom scored major points.

Lesson: Prepare AND let go! The magic is in the moment. The preparation creates the moment.

Values Are Your Guide

When I planned my wedding, I had a dream location in mind that was a 1940’s supper club. The price was so prohibitive that my budget would’ve allowed ten people at my wedding. I valued being surrounded by loving friends more than the location, so we changed plans.

Values informed the approach to the parks trip too. Staying on property at Disney comes with perks but I cared more about a) a place to spread out with a family of five (vrbmo) and b) not waiting on lines. The ridiculous system at the parks these days is about paying more for the privilege to skip the lines and yet I played that game. It was worth every dime to me.

Lesson: Values rule your choices, not marketing

Humans are thrill-seekers

It is astounding what we put up with to have a peak experience. Despite some fantastically short waits, our luck ran out on the Star Wars Rise of the Resistance ride. We couldn’t buy our way on or take the single rider line nor plan a fortuitous time to bypass the wait. SO, we waited AND the ride broke down adding to the time stuck in place. But guess what? People behaved. People entertained themselves and each other. Phones sure help pass the time and the ride was WORTH IT.

Climbing EVEREST, jumping out of a plane, building your body to peak shape—-whatever it is, we endure pain to win the prize.

Lesson: We will test our own limits to gain a thrill or a perceived prize.

Surrender Allows Wonder

By the time you board an attraction at these parks, you’ve done the hard work. (planning, scheming, waiting) You sit down, strap in and prepare to enter the unknown (or relive the familiar waiting to gain something new). Often, it’s more than your senses can absorb.

Wonder is the key ingredient and the trip begins. Is this why people indulge in psychedelics? Is this why virtual reality is so popular? There is a great adventure in crossing over from anticipation to real-time experience of the unusual and unknown. It’s a visit to the ‘beginner’s mind’ as well—taking in as much as you can, your senses and brain firing on all cylinders, your willingness to stay fully present (unless you are one to need to close your eyes), and landing on the other side assessing your experience. Was it good? What is disappointing? Do you need another turn to catch more of it?

Lesson: Life can be as thrilling if we mimic this suspension of disbelief

Last thought: “Is it really a vacation if you have to get up before dawn and have to walk 24K steps a day?”

Answer: Heck yes! We came home down on the scale after eating anything we wanted and donated a fridge full of midnight snacks we never ate (because we went to bed way before that) and NOBODY CAUGHT COVID!

Take a lesson and try it on for size.

* This was by no means meant to be an endorsement or guide to these attractions.
** I realize the privilege and ridiculousness of participating in the game.

Bypass Your Brain and Get to the Truth!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 12, 2021

Our brains are command central for all operations in our body but when it comes to finding direction for your life and career, it can be your biggest obstacle to clarity.

If I could invent a magic pill, it wouldn’t be one to make your wishes come true. It would be a pill to turn off the linear, logical, analytic, judgmental part of your brain so you can compute POSSIBILITIES!

Week after week, I am in conversation with people trying to find their next professional step. My job is not to prescribe a path or psychically predict where they’ll end up. It’s never been clearer that my job is to change people’s thinking. From no options to new horizons.

From impossible impasses to new tributaries—-it all gets down to how we think. If you think you’re too old, not good enough, part of an irreplaceable dead industry or too insolvent to go back to school, then YOU ARE!

I’m not talking about magical thinking or denying cold, hard facts but I am talking about finding what you are looking for. And if you’re looking for that list of NO’s, you’ll have no problem finding them. On the other hand, you can use the same amount of energy looking for possibilities and open doors. It’s MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE.

In a single one hour group call this week, with one simple exercise, we by-passed logic and unleashed exciting, life affirming possibilities:

(Names changed for confidentiality)

Jane, in a safe, well-paying job saw no way to get to her dream because of the cost of going back to school. With logic, out of the way, she reported in twelve hours later, that she had identified several programs where there are scholarship opportunities.

Roseanne, stuck and somewhat depressed for months, was paralyzed because her industry has shrunk, and she was seeing no other avenue for herself. When her left brain was sideline by the exercise, she confessed she had a project she kept locked in a drawer that would open a whole new path for her.

She giggled in delight as she promised to act the next day to contact a person who could point her in the right direction.

James asked to use a personal situation instead. A recent emergency put a spotlight on what had been missing for months in his romantic relationship. His logical, left brain convinced him that he would not find love again and that he had no choice but to settle for a relationship that was not ideal for him.

He admitted that the truth had to be told and was preparing for what that would mean. Instead of sadness, he felt relief and was feeling confident that he deserved and could find the partnership he needed.

Lillian reported being exhausted by her job and in a cyclical trap of not having the energy to work on the novel she’s been trying to write for years. She was stuck in a litany of reasons, all very logical, for having to shelve that project day after day, week after week and file it under ‘someday’.

Now this may seem obvious, but only when we used the exercise to remove the logic, it was clear that writing had to happen first every, single day. The possibilities this unleashed revealed a path to Lillian’s dreams and she revealed that it wasn’t only one novel she was writing but that she has seven already mapped out in her mind! All in one quick conversation.

These are four examples of the eight we covered in one hour.

By now, you’re probably asking: “What is the exercise, Laura?!” It’s not going to be shared yet.

The reason being is that I want this read to prime the pump. Think about how you stop yourself from revealing what you really want. Notice how your beautiful brain gets in the way. Notice how every story I mentioned here revealed a hidden desire on top of the primary one.

Let those truths come out!

As it is said: “The truth will set you free”. It will unleash a fabulous, positive energy and THEN, you must act on it. None of the exercise matters if you don’t get into motion and stay in motion within the context of the new possibility/revealed truth.

Bypass your brain and get on with your (true) life! I’ll be right here to help.