Now What?® Coaching

Tag: Clarity

You Can’t Go Back to Before — And That’s the Point

In the musical Ragtime, there’s a character simply called Mother. When her husband leaves for a year-long expedition, she transforms. She takes in a Black couple and champions them — scandalous in early 1900s upper-crust New York society. She makes decisions, finds her voice, and becomes someone new. When her husband returns and tries to fit her back in the box she once occupied, she can’t do it. She sings a song called “Back to Before,” and it’s all about how you simply cannot return to who you were.

I think we can all relate to that tension.

We long for the past.
We long for that thing that was.

There’s actually a psychological term for it — rosy retrospection — which is our tendency to remember the past as kinder and gentler than it may have actually been. We don’t remember the anxiety of that “easier” chapter. We remember the feeling of being less burdened.

I know that feeling personally. My son has epilepsy. I can remember a time when they were petit mals — frightening, yes, but something our family had learned to navigate. Something that had become, in its own difficult way, our normal. Then came the grand mals, and everything shifted. I remember thinking if I could just get back to before that happened, we could handle this. What I didn’t realize at the time was that “before” wasn’t waiting for me. It had already closed.

That’s the thing about “before.” Even if you could somehow return to that exact moment in time, you would bring this version of yourself with you. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. So you truly can’t go back. What Mother’s song captures so beautifully is that the “before” she mourns was also a version of herself that was smaller, quieter, and less fully alive. Growth and loss are often the same door.

When we spend our energy facing the rearview mirror, we risk getting stuck there. Nostalgia in small doses is sweet, warm, and deeply human. But when we move in there, it becomes a form of grief that never resolves. It keeps us comparing the present to an idealized past that didn’t quite exist, and the present always loses that competition. We can become so loyal to who we were that we become strangers to who we’re becoming.

Here are four things that can help you move forward:

Honor it, then set it down. You are absolutely allowed to miss what was. Grief is real, and grief is authentic. But there’s a difference between visiting the past and moving in there. Acknowledge what you’ve lost, feel it fully – then deliberately turn toward what remains.

Ask: What does this make possible? Every ending carries a hidden opening. The question can’t only be “what did I lose?” It has to become “what is this new chapter calling forth in me? Who am I becoming?” That’s where the real focus belongs. Not on the closing door, but on the one that’s beginning to open.

Trade nostalgia for gratitude. Nostalgia looks backward. Gratitude — real appreciation — lives in the present. Instead of wishing you could return to a good moment, practice being grateful it happened at all. That single reframe moves you out of longing and into appreciation. And appreciation puts you right back in the present, where your life is actually happening.

Build something to move toward. The pull of the past is strongest when the future feels empty — when there’s nothing on the horizon you’re looking forward to. So put something there. It doesn’t have to be grand; even something small gives forward motion a direction. Once you start moving forward, it becomes easier to keep going. Mother doesn’t end her song with any kind of tidy resolution. She can’t get back to the past, but she stands in the truth of her own change. I think that is actually the bravest thing any of us can do. Not pretending the past didn’t matter and not letting it hold us hostage either. Just standing in who we’ve become.

I still have moments where I’d give anything to go back to before. But I’ve also learned that the version of me who came through what came next is more capable, more compassionate, and more present than I ever was before.

You can’t go back to before.
But you can decide, right now, what you’re moving toward and allow the next chapter to begin.

March 15, 2026
Faith vs. Fear: What Really Drives Us?

Today I want to dive into something that’s been coming up frequently in my recent coaching conversations: The tension between faith and fear. I’m not talking about religious faith necessarily (though if that’s your thing, I deeply admire it). I’m talking about something more fundamental – the choice we make every single day about which voice we’re going to listen to.

The State of Things

Let’s be real: There’s a lot happening right now. The global economy is doing its unpredictable dance. The world feels heavy with uncertainty. For those of you stepping into entrepreneurship or searching for your next career opportunity, the unknown can feel absolutely overwhelming.

I work with people every day who are navigating these choppy waters, and I see the fear is real. The questions are legitimate. The worry isn’t unfounded. Here’s what I’ve learned after years of coaching and living through my own entrepreneurial journey; it’s not about whether fear shows up. It’s about your relationship with it.

Fear: The Blob vs. The Mosquito Bite

Remember that old 1950s horror movie with the blob? That amorphous glob of goo oozing down the street, consuming everything in its path? That’s what fear looks like when we let it take us over. It becomes this all-consuming force that colors everything we see, every decision we make, every step we take (or don’t take).

But fear doesn’t have to be the blob.

What if fear was more like a mosquito bite? You feel it – that little sting, that moment of “ouch, that’s uncomfortable” – and then you acknowledge it, maybe scratch it for a second, and move on with your day. You don’t let it ruin your entire outdoor experience. You don’t run inside and hide because mosquitoes exist.

The difference between these two experiences?
Your relationship with fear.

What Fear Actually Sounds Like

Here’s the thing about fear:
It’s sneaky. It disguises itself as “just being realistic” or “protecting yourself.”

But listen to the voice:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Other people do it better; nobody needs to hear from you.”
“Who are you to think you can do this?”

That’s fear talking. When we let that voice dominate, we’re operating from a place of scarcity, of lack, of limitation.

What Does Faith Sound Like?

Faith (I’m using this word whether you’re spiritual, religious, or neither) is belief in yourself. It’s belief in possibility.

It’s the voice that says:
“I’m learning and growing.”
“My perspective matters.”
“I’m taking the right actions; it’s just a matter of time.”

Faith is what you have when you plant a seed in the ground. You don’t dig it up every day to check if it’s growing. You trust that with the right conditions – water, sunlight, time – that seed will find its way to the surface. You have faith in the process.

If you’re building a business, looking for a job, or pursuing any significant goal, you’re planting seeds. Every action you take, every connection you make, every skill you build, are seeds. Faith is trusting that they’ll grow.

But What If You’re Deluded?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Someone always asks: “But what if I’m just fooling myself? What if I’m going down the wrong path, and I’m too deluded to see it?”

Valid question.
Here’s the answer: Engage with people who know more than you.

Work with mentors.
Consult experts.
Connect with people who’ve walked the path before you.
Get feedback.
Adjust your course.

When you’re taking the right actions and getting guidance from people who know the terrain, you’re not deluded. You’re informed, you’re strategic, and you’re building faith on a foundation of smart decisions.

The delusion isn’t in believing in yourself.
The delusion is in thinking you can succeed while ignoring all wisdom and feedback.
Big difference!

Introducing COPE: Your Framework for Managing Fear

Because I’m a coach and I love a good acronym, I’ve developed a framework for working with fear.
It’s called COPE, and here’s how it works:

C – Catch Yourself

The moment you notice fear creeping in, catch it. Name it. Say out loud if you need to: “Oh, that’s just fear. I see you.” Don’t let it become the blob. Turn it into the mosquito bite. Acknowledge it and move on.

O – Open

Be open to not knowing. Here’s a wild thought: If you’re going to be convinced of an outcome you can’t actually predict, why are you so committed to believing it will be negative? Why not invest that same energy in believing it could work out? You’re making up a story either way – make it a good one.

P – Possibility

Invest in possibility. This isn’t about wearing rose-colored glasses or ignoring reality. It’s about recognizing that if the idea exists in your mind, if the goal calls to you, there’s a reason. Possibility is real. As a coach, I live in the land of possibility because I’ve seen it proven true over and over again. Your dreams wouldn’t exist if they weren’t possible.

E – Exhale

Seriously, just breathe. Stop holding your breath. Release the tension in your shoulders. It’s going to be okay. This exhale is what having faith feels like in your body.

Faith and Fear Can Coexist

Here’s something important: You don’t have to eliminate fear to have faith. They can exist at the same time. In fact, they usually do. The goal isn’t to be fearless; the goal is to act with intention and faith while acknowledging that fear is along for the ride.

You can feel scared and still send the email.
You can worry about the outcome and still show up.
You can doubt yourself and still take the next step.
That’s not contradiction – that’s being human.

Your Challenge

I want you to pay attention to your internal dialogue. Notice when fear is speaking. Catch it. Open yourself to not knowing the outcome. Invest in possibility and exhale.

Practice COPE. See what shifts.

Because here’s the truth:
You’re doing better than you think. You’re further along than you realize.
The seeds you’re planting right now? They’re going to grow.

Have faith.

March 1, 2026
Visibility – Make This Your Year to Be Visible

Visibility creates opportunity. It’s that simple.

When you show up consistently – whether in meetings, on social media, or at networking events – you put yourself in the right place at the right time. Those “lucky breaks” people talk about? They happen because someone chose to be visible.

Why Visibility Matters

Visibility builds trust and credibility over time. When people see you regularly, they begin to recognize your expertise and value. And here’s the thing: visibility compounds. The more you show up, the more opportunities find their way to you. Careers are built on this foundation.

How to Build Visibility as an Employee

If you work in a company, visibility starts with speaking up. Make sure you get credit for your great work. Contribute thoughtfully in meetings – not just to be heard, but to add real value.

Volunteer for high-visibility projects. Not the ones nobody else wants, but the strategic initiatives that will showcase your skills and get you noticed by decision-makers. Build relationships across departments and levels. Your network inside your organization is just as important as the one outside it.

How to Build Visibility as an Entrepreneur

Show up on platforms where your ideal clients are, but don’t stop there.
Get involved in your community.
Volunteer for opportunities that put you in front of the right people.

Make it easy for people to understand exactly what you do. I recently worked with a new coach who attended one networking meeting, made themselves visible to the group’s leader, and landed a speaking engagement that will put them in front of hundreds of potential clients. That’s the power of visibility.

Remember:
There’s visibility on a small scale (one-on-one relationships) and visibility on a larger scale (platforms and speaking).
Both matter.

For Those Who Hate Being Visible

Let me be honest: Being self-conscious is a little egotistical.
You’re assuming everyone is judging you probably because you’re judging yourself and others.
Get straight with yourself.
Stop judging yourself.
Stop judging other people.

You need to adopt a healthy “I don’t care” attitude. Not that you don’t care enough to do good work, but you can’t care so much about what others think that you hide your light.

Here’s the key: You need a mission bigger than you.
When you focus on the impact you want to make and the people you want to serve, visibility becomes about that mission, not about you.

And introverts, I don’t want to hear that you can’t be visible.
You just need to know yourself, do things your way, and stay connected to your bigger purpose.

Common Visibility Mistakes

Assuming good work speaks for itself.
It doesn’t. You need to share your wins, whether you’re presenting results to your boss or sharing client success stories on LinkedIn.

Confusing visibility with bragging.
They’re not the same thing. Sharing your accomplishments and expertise is not bragging; it’s informing people about what you can do and who you can help.

Being inconsistent.
Disappearing for long periods and then showing up only when you need something (a sale, a favor, a promotion) doesn’t work. Consistency builds trust.

Your Action Step

We’re still in the energy of a new year. Make this your year to be visible.
Be consistent.
Put yourself forward.
Don’t be afraid to be vocal about your accomplishments.

Visibility creates opportunity, and opportunity is what you’re after.

February 22, 2026
Express Yourself: Turn What You Love Into Your Business Edge

Did you watch the Super Bowl halftime show? Bad Bunny brought his full Puerto Rican identity to that stage – the music, the culture, the language, the pride. He didn’t water himself down for the biggest audience in television. He expressed himself completely, and the world leaned in.

That’s what happens when you stop compartmentalizing who you are and what you do.

Can you relate to this? You’re a talented service provider or coach with so much to offer, but the business side of your business feels heavy. Not fun. Hard to get motivated for. (Who likes to do sales calls?!)

I just had this exact conversation with a coach in my A-List Coach Program. She’s in that wonderful position of being a retiree where money isn’t the main driver, but she still wasn’t showing up for her coaching practice the way she wanted to. The entrepreneurial side felt like a grind.

Then she mentioned something in passing: How much she loved teaching her memoir writing class. It was just a side gig, not even a hustle really. But when she talked about it, her whole energy shifted.

And that’s when I saw it.

Those two things didn’t have to be separate.

“You have people writing about the past,” I told her. “Why don’t you also have them write their future? Then coach them to that future.”

A light bulb went off. Suddenly, she wasn’t choosing between what she loved and what she “should” be doing. She was bringing what she loved directly into her business. She found a way to express herself through her work, and that changes everything.

Your Edge Is Already Inside You

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of coaching entrepreneurs: The things you love doing aren’t distractions from your business; they can BE your business. Or at least, they can become your edge – the thing that makes you different, that no one else does quite like you.

I had another client years ago who loved knitting. She created a knitting circle where she coached people about their lives while they knitted together. The knitting wasn’t a gimmick; it created the container for deeper conversations and transformation.

I did this myself. I took my love of performing and theater and created a character – a life coach – and did a one-woman show for four years. It was my original expression of me in my work, and it still had good coaching at its core.

I’ve met a guy who did pit crew for NASCAR and turned that into a team building exercise. He now sells to corporations everywhere. Nobody else does that.

What about you? What do you love that you’ve been keeping separate from your “real” business?

Three Questions to Find Your Expression

If you want to explore how to bring what you love into your coaching or service-based business, start here:

1. What makes you lose track of time?

Cooking? Hiking? Writing? Painting? Reading poetry? Dancing? Gardening?
Whatever it is, name it. Don’t judge it. Just notice what activities genuinely light you up.

2. What does this activity unlock?

Think about the transformation it creates. Does cooking create connection? Does running create clarity? Does writing create self-discovery? Does knitting create calm and community? Name what this thing does not just for you, but potentially for others.

3. How could your clients experience that transformation?

This is where it gets practical. Could you coach while walking or hiking? Host a business planning dinner party? Lead a journaling workshop before your group program? Create adventure-based leadership retreats because you love motorcross?

The memoir writing teacher brought writing into coaching.
The knitter brought knitting into coaching.
The performer brought theater into coaching.
The NASCAR crew member brought pit crew dynamics into team building.

This Could Be Your Curriculum Or Your Container

Here’s what’s beautiful about this approach: What you love can become either the content you teach or the environment where you coach. It can be your curriculum or your container. It can work for individual coaches or corporate trainers. It can be intimate one-on-one work or big off-site adventures.

The key is that it’s authentically YOU. It’s not something you’re doing because a marketing guru told you to. It’s not a strategy you copied from someone else’s playbook. It’s your original expression coming through your work.

Bad Bunny didn’t try to be anyone else on that stage; he brought all of himself and trusted that would be enough.
And it was more than enough – it was magnetic.

Why This Matters

When you express yourself through your business, three things happen:

First, marketing becomes natural.
You’re not forcing yourself to show up and talk about something that feels boring or heavy.
You’re sharing what you genuinely love.

Second, clients feel your energy.
They can tell the difference between someone going through the motions and someone who’s fully alive in their work.

Third, you actually enjoy it.
All that drudgery we have to do as entrepreneurs (the sales, the content creation, the showing up consistently) becomes so much easier and more enjoyable when it’s connected to something you love.

Your Challenge

Here’s my thought for you as we wrap up the weekend:
Take those three questions seriously.
Sit down with your coffee or tea, and actually answer them.
What makes you lose track of time?
What does it unlock?
How could your clients experience that?

Your business doesn’t have to feel like a grind.
What you love isn’t separate from your work; it might be the very key to it.

Express yourself.
Let that be your edge.
Let that be the thing that makes your business unmistakably, authentically yours.

February 15, 2026
When the Storm Hits: Your Guide to Weathering What Comes and Emerging Stronger

The meteorologists saw it coming days in advance. The grocery stores emptied of bread and milk. Batteries flew off the shelves. Everyone knew the storm was approaching, yet when it finally arrived, many still found themselves unprepared for its full force.

Life’s storms work the same way. Sometimes we see them gathering on the horizon – a organizational restructuring, a relationship reaching its breaking point, a business model that’s clearly running out of road. Other times, they hit without warning, leaving us scrambling to find our footing while everything we counted on gets rearranged.

The question isn’t whether storms will come. They will.
The question is: How will you prepare, how will you weather them, and how will you use what they teach you?

Before the Storm: The Art of Strategic Preparation

Here’s what most people get wrong about preparation:
They stockpile supplies, but they forget to strengthen their foundation.

When I work with leaders and entrepreneurs facing major transitions, I ask them a simple question: “What are you anchoring to?” When everything else is moving, you need something solid to hold onto. For some, it’s their core values. For others, it’s their sense of purpose or their commitment to the people they serve.

The coaches I work with who navigate industry changes most successfully aren’t the ones with the biggest emergency funds (though those help). They’re the ones who’ve built what I call “foundational flexibility,” which is a clear sense of who they are and what they stand for, combined with the agility to adapt their methods without compromising their mission.

Practical preparation looks like this:

Know your non-negotiables.
What absolutely must be protected?
What defines you at your core?
When you’re clear on this, you can let go of everything else with much less anxiety.

Build your support system before you need it.
The middle of a crisis is not the time to start looking for allies.
Invest in relationships during the calm, so you have people to call when the winds pick up.

Create options, not just plans.
Plans assume a predictable future.
Options give you choices when the unexpected arrives.
What are three different ways you could respond if X happens?
What resources could you access if Y occurs?

When You’re In It: Weathering the Storm

There’s a moment in every storm when you realize – this is happening.
The preparation phase is over.
Now you’re just trying to stay upright.

This is when your previous work pays off, or when you discover what you missed.

The most important skill for weathering a storm isn’t strength; it’s presence.
The ability to stay aware, stay responsive, and resist the temptation to panic-react your way into worse problems.

I’ve watched brilliant people make terrible decisions in the middle of storms because they were so desperate to make the discomfort stop that they grabbed at the first solution that presented itself.
They pivoted their entire business model after one bad quarter.
They blew up a relationship because they couldn’t tolerate the tension of uncertainty.
They abandoned their vision because it got hard.

Weathering a storm means accepting that some things are out of your control while staying active in the things that aren’t.

You can’t stop the storm, but you can:

Protect your energy.
This is not the time to take on new commitments or push yourself to maintain “business as usual.”
Give yourself permission to focus on essentials.

Stay connected.
Isolation is the enemy of resilience. Reach out. Ask for help. Let people know you’re struggling.
The vulnerability you show now will deepen your relationships later.

Look for the small wins.
You don’t need to solve everything today.
You need to take one right action, then another, then another.
Progress compounds.

After the Storm: Mining the Meaning

Every storm deposits something. Sometimes it’s wreckage that needs clearing. Sometimes it’s nutrients that will feed next season’s growth. Your job is to examine what’s been left behind.

The entrepreneurs I know who’ve built the strongest businesses didn’t do it by avoiding failure. They did it by getting exceptionally good at learning from it. Each setback became data. Each crisis revealed something they didn’t know about themselves, their market, or their model.

The question isn’t “Why did this happen to me?”
The question is “What does this make possible that wasn’t possible before?”

Maybe the storm cleared out deadwood – projects that were draining energy without producing results, relationships that had run their course, assumptions that were holding you back. Maybe it revealed strengths you didn’t know you had. Maybe it showed you who really has your back.

Coming out positive doesn’t mean pretending the storm didn’t hurt.
It means refusing to let the hurt be the only thing that defines what happened.

The storms will come. They always do.

The only real question is: When the next one arrives, who will you be?
Someone who merely survives it, or someone who uses it to become more of who you’re meant to be?

Start preparing now. Not because you’re pessimistic, but because you’re committed to staying in the game no matter what the weather brings.

February 1, 2026
Before You Do, Remember Who You’re Becoming

Every January, millions of people launch into action. They join gyms, open blank documents for that novel they’ve been meaning to write, or register their LLC for the side hustle that’s going to change everything.

By February, most have stopped.

The problem isn’t lack of willpower or poor planning. It’s that they’re trying to change their actions without first transforming their identity.

The Identity-Action Gap

Here’s what typically happens: You decide you want to lose 30 pounds, so you buy meal prep containers and download a fitness app. You want to write a novel, so you block out time on your calendar and create the perfect workspace. You’re ready to launch that consulting business, so you design business cards and build a website.

These are all smart actions.
But they’re built on a foundation of sand.

When you take action without first shifting who you believe yourself to be, every choice becomes an internal negotiation. The alarm goes off at 5:30 AM for your workout, and you have to convince yourself – again – that you’re the kind of person who does this. You sit down to write, but that blank page mocks you because you don’t yet believe you’re actually a writer. You need to make sales calls for your new business, but impostor syndrome screams that you’re just pretending to be an entrepreneur.

This exhausting internal debate is why most ambitious goals fail. You’re constantly fighting against your own self-concept.

The Power of Identity-First Change

Consider weight loss. Most people approach it as a behavior problem: “I need to eat less and move more.” But sustainable transformation happens when you shift from “I’m trying to lose weight” to “I’m someone who takes care of my body.”

That subtle shift changes everything. When you’re someone who takes care of your body, choosing the salad isn’t deprivation; it’s consistency with who you are. Missing a workout creates genuine discomfort because it conflicts with your identity, not because you’re failing at a resolution.

The same principle applies to writing your novel. You don’t need to wait until you’re published to be a writer. You become a writer the moment you decide that’s who you are. Real writers write on days they don’t feel inspired. They protect their writing time. They study this craft. Once you embody that identity, sitting down to write becomes natural rather than forced.

And for your side hustle? Stop “trying to start a business” and start being an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs solve problems. They learn from failure. They show up consistently even when results are slow. When that’s who you are – not what you’re attempting – the difficult actions become expressions of identity rather than items on a to-do list.

How to Shift Your Beingness

This isn’t about positive thinking or affirmations. It’s about genuine identity transformation.

1. Define the identity clearly.
Don’t just say “I want to be healthy.” Get specific: “I’m someone who honors my body’s needs, makes conscious food choices, and moves daily because it feels good.”

2. Find your evidence.
Your brain needs proof. Identify any moment (no matter how small) when you’ve already been this person. That time you took the stairs? That counts. The paragraph you wrote last Tuesday? Evidence. The helpful advice you gave a friend? Entrepreneurial.

3. Make identity-consistent choices.
Ask yourself throughout the day: “What would the person I’m becoming do right now?” Then do that thing, even when it’s small, especially when it’s small.

4. Speak it into existence.
Change your language. Not “I’m trying to lose weight,” but “I take care of my body.” Not “I want to write a book,” but “I’m writing a book.” Not “I’m thinking about starting a business,” but “I’m an entrepreneur building my business.”

The Truth About Tough Actions

Yes, losing weight requires tough choices. Writing a novel demands discipline and vulnerability. Building a business means facing rejection and uncertainty.

Here’s what makes those tough actions infinitely easier: Alignment.

When your actions flow from a clear sense of who you are, they stop feeling like obligations and start feeling like integrity. You’re not forcing yourself to do hard things; you’re simply being consistent with who you’ve become.

The action is still challenging, but it’s no longer a battle with yourself.

Before you revise your goals or create your action plan, pause.
Get clear on who you’re becoming.
Let that identity settle into your bones.

Then watch how naturally the right actions follow.

January 25, 2026