Opportunity

Are you good enough?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 12, 2023

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they didn’t feel good enough, I’d be on the Forbes list right behind Bezos.

Okay, I’m exaggerating … but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I dream of being a writer, but I’m not good enough.
I want to go after a big promotion, but I’m scared that I’m not good enough.
I’d like to start a business, but I’m not good enough.

They don’t always use those exact words, but the implication is always there.

Let’s talk about something more practical because only the best writers earn a living from it.
I would’ve gotten promoted by now if I had what it takes. I’m ready to jump ship and try something else.
Most businesses fail, so I don’t want to quit my day job, but having a coaching practice on the side would be nice.

Do you hear it? “I’m not good enough” is barely under the surface, but it’s there.

Maybe you can relate, so I’m here to tell you: YOU’RE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there IS more training or experience to be had, and I’m not suggesting you compromise your standards or settle for mediocrity.

What I mean is, you have to give this some real thought…

Why do you really think you’re not good enough? Whose measuring stick are you using?

Sometimes parents, family, the community we surround ourselves with, or society at large sends us a message that shapes the way we view ourselves. Sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not. Either way, the “not good enough” doesn’t do us any good.

I’ll give you an example…

Someone in my circle was a disappointment to their parents because they skipped college to sweep floors at a photography studio. Fast forward. Now this person is the owner of one of the largest media companies in the U.S.

If you’re suffering about not being good enough, you made the whole thing up. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The opinions of others aren’t weighing you down nearly as much as the super-high standards you’ve adopted and chosen to place on yourself.

But if I suggest that you lower your standards, yikes — I know, mind blowing. Immediate no, right?

I encourage you to reconsider. Here’s why —

If you’re working your tail off to try to prove something to someone….
If you’re suffering because you’ve realized you’ll never be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court or at the top of that Fortune list I mentioned earlier…
If you’re wallowing in self-doubt because your new business made $99,999.97 last year…

You’re not doing your best work. You’re operating from a place of defeat and desperation.

Success breeds success.

You don’t lower your standards to accept loss. You lower your standards so you can win, then win again, then win again.

If you’re focusing on the evidence that you’re not good enough, your attention is pointed in the wrong direction.

I didn’t make cheerleading in high school because I wasn’t good enough, like my friends — boo hoo! But it led me to find theater, which I loved! But I wasn’t good enough to make it to Broadway – which hurt! But it led me to what I do today, which I love even more!

I could’ve focused on the evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Instead, I focused elsewhere and found what I was meant to do.

The more you win, the better you’re going to do.

Why did I get “L❤️VE” tattooed on my arm?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 19, 2023

If you missed last week’s note, I talked about the lessons I learned hanging out in a tattoo parlor over the holidays, and it sparked some curiosity —

• Why a tattoo?, and L❤️VE?

I touched on it briefly, but it probably deserves further explanation.

What makes a woman approaching a certain milestone birthday suddenly get a tattoo?

Why choose L❤️VE?

And how does this relate to what we’re here to learn — about careers and business?
Well, I’ll tell you…

I’ve been a longtime student of A Course in Miracles — “a universal, metaphysical, self-study program of spiritual psychology.”

If you’ve never heard of it, I encourage you to go check it out. It’s a massive text, fascinating, and full of lessons for life.

One of my biggest takeaways from studying A Course in Miracles is this:

Every thought we have is either based in FEAR or it’s based in LOVE.

I chose to get LOVE tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to choose love.

Because fear is loud and intrusive and it will always take over … if you let it … if you forget that you always have the option to choose love.

This has been a constant challenge for me throughout my life, but even more so, over the past two years as a caregiver. It takes a lot to remember—in every moment—to be patient, present and choose love.

My tattoo is the beautiful reminder I needed.

Connecting more intentionally with love has also impacted my coaching and my business relationships. Every day, my clients and associates are either coming from fear, or they’re coming from love.

Here’s what I mean…

I had a long time client who wanted to move from the corporate world into nonprofits. But she was afraid to give up her corporate salary.

After working together through the fear and avoiding rash decisions, we were able to identify a perfect solution—joining the philanthropic arm of the corporation, which positioned her for a smooth transition into leadership in the nonprofit world later.

She chose love over fear and won.

Fear often blocks money too. If you’re afraid to ask for the money you want, you won’t get it. If you’re afraid of hearing no, you’ll underbid.

If you charge too little or accept a lower salary, you’ll quickly resent your clients or boss and take on headaches you could have avoided.

To find more peace, happiness, and success in life, you must remember to choose LOVE — including self-LOVE — in everything you do.

Choosing love over fear will always win in the end.

Lessons From The Tattoo Parlor

By Laura Berman Fortgang on January 15, 2023

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and your year is off to a fantastic start!

We have some exciting announcements coming up, but first I want to share some wisdom I picked up over the break while hanging out at my local tattoo parlor…

As you may have noticed, I have a nose ring. At first, I wasn’t sure how it would come across in a professional setting, so I chose a subtle wink to my unconventional side—just a tiny dot of jewelry.

But while we were all home during 2020, I decided to get a full ring—and go bold! It was fun while it lasted; however, over the holidays I was ready for another change. I went back to the tiny dot and…I got a tattoo.

While at the parlor to change out the ring, I noticed that one of the guys getting inked glanced my way and let out a chuckle. I asked him to let me in on the joke, and he confessed that he didn’t think I looked like someone who would have a tattoo.

Well, joke’s on him. I am someone with a tattoo now, and I reminded him that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. After all, this guy was covered in art. When I pushed back, he conceded that he doesn’t appreciate judgment from strangers based on his looks either. And we shared a good laugh.

My next appointment was about the tattoo I wanted that had some serious meaning behind it.

As a student of A Course in Miracles, I came to understand that we essentially only have two thoughts: love or fear. So I wanted a permanent reminder to choose love in every decision, conversation, and action.

Because the truth is, I’m not naturally wired that way. With a milestone birthday coming up, I no longer want fear to get in my way. The message is deeply meaningful for me.

Unfortunately, the tattoo artist wasn’t taking me seriously.

I noticed he was being rude and dismissive of me and my vision for the tattoo. Frankly, he was treating me like a pain in the ass. And when I called him out on it, he doubled down by mocking me.

So I asked him…

“Should we not do this? This is something I wanted to have fun with, but if the vibe’s not right, we don’t have to work together.”

From my perspective, the guy had an attitude problem.

Well, from his perspective, he thought I was the one with an attitude problem. “You came in hot,” he said.

Clearly, our energy was off. So I asked for a “do over” and we both decided to press the reset button

When he started again, he was gentle, educational, and we ended up having a great time together. It was an interesting experience.

In the end, I walked away with some key takeaways from these two tattoo parlor exchanges:

Don’t judge a book by its cover; watch your assumptions!
Read the energy in the room. What are you picking up from a person? What are you giving off?
Be willing to walk away. If the energy isn’t right, it’s not going to be a good client experience. What are you willing to give up? How are you willing to shift?
Don’t let your feelings fester. If the energy is off, call it out as it’s happening.
Avoid projecting. For example, say, “I’m feeling judged,” not “you’re judging me.” People are more open to feedback when you’re not pointing fingers.

Remember, there’s something to learn in every experience if you pay attention. I hope you will put these lessons to good use in your business this year.

How to Make Your 2023 Burnout Free

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 9, 2022

I don’t have to tell you we’ve all been through a tough few years.

Collectively.

Like me, you’ve probably had some personal things going on individually too. But the shared experience of a global pandemic, political unrest, economic uncertainty, and more is clearly taking its toll on us.

The zeitgeist is groaning about BURNOUT, and the grumble keeps getting louder.

The Great Resignation, the “return to office” push, quiet quitting, and the looming recession (or not?) are all symptoms of and contributors to this aggregate fatigue.

Burnout is on everybody’s mind. If you’re not suffering from it, you know someone who is.

I haven’t been quiet about the fact that it hit me hard in 2022. Even with all of my awareness and tools as a Master Certified Coach, it was rough.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize what was happening and knew exactly what to do. But I learned some valuable new lessons too.

If you find yourself struck with a bout of burnout, here’s what you need to know to cope and hopefully avoid it in the future —

1. You can’t outrun burnout.

Once you’re crispy and toasty around the edges, working harder to overcome it won’t work. You have to accept it and surrender to the idea that some balls are going to be dropped. And that’s okay!

Being in a prolonged state of fight or flight means your nervous system is shot and you’re heading into adrenal fatigue. You have to focus your remaining energy on healing. (Google: “how to heal adrenal fatigue”)

Eating nutritious foods, moving your body, spending time in nature, and meditating can make a tremendous difference in supporting your physical and emotional health.

2. You must ask for support.

Not getting the kind of support you want? Chances are at least some of the people that seem to have abandoned you are having trouble coping too, or they simply don’t know what to do.

Ask for the help you need; be specific. You’ll find that folks often step up … but only when you call on them. Let them know when, where, and how to show up for you.

The calvary may not be coming to your rescue, but you’ll have more help than you had before the ask — enough to take some of the pressure off.

3. Stop overperforming.

All too often, we set unsustainably high expectations for ourselves, and people come to expect us to go above and beyond. But the reality is, we’re overdoing it in ways that are just not necessary.

It’s time to focus on what really makes a difference — in your job, your family, and all aspects of life. Drop the perfectionism and embrace what matters most.

4. Be careful with your media consumption.

When you’ve run out of gas and want to chillax in front of the TV, steer clear of shows that trigger fear or toxic thoughts.

My recommendation these days? The Waltons. Yes, the old 1970s classic that harkens back to Depression-era/WWII-homefront perseverance. Trust me on this! It’s wholesome, progressive, endearing, and just the thing to put your mind at ease and lift your spirits.

I hope you’ll use these tips to ease into 2023 refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the new year with zeal.

The Often-Overlooked Secret Behind Success

By Laura Berman Fortgang on December 4, 2022

In my line of work, I get to meet a lot of interesting people with interesting stories.

We’re talking about career change and personal growth, so these stories often include tales of facing obstacles, reevaluating priorities, and starting or scaling a business.

I coach folks throughout their journey, so we’re meeting at various stages along the way.

Sometimes they’re working a corporate job with dreams of making a side business their full-time gig.

Sometimes they’ve started a business but hit a plateau because they have too much on their plate and not enough help to get it all done.

And sometimes they’re somewhere in between…

We’re all grappling with various questions and challenges, and that’s okay — as long as we’re willing to ask for guidance, help, and input from those who are a few steps ahead.

No matter what it is, there’s always someone who’s been there, done that, and can make the next leg of your career or business journey easier for you.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to sit down with Sadie Prestridge — founder of Prestridge & Co., an Executive Virtual Assistant agency.

An interesting person with an interesting story, I invited her to sit down with me and chat on my weekly Friday Focus. (You can catch me Fridays at 10am eastern on my Linked in Profile, Instagram (@LauraBFortgang) or our Facebook Group HERE)

You won’t want to miss this conversation — Watch in our Facebook Group

If you’re a business owner, feeling overwhelmed by all of your to-do’s — and not even sure what to do day-to-day to grow sustainably — here’s a tip: you have to hire help before you need it. It’s the only way to level up without coming unglued!

This is the often-overlooked secret behind the success stories you hear about.

Sadie shared some fantastic, practical advice that will help you identify, prepare for, and find the kind of support you need.

Only familiar with task-oriented virtual assistants? You might be surprised by what an executive VA can do.

If you’re working a day job, looking to quit, and wondering what it really takes to go out on your own, Sadie also shares the behind-the-scenes scoop on what it took to get her agency off the ground (sans the phony overnight success nonsense we’re all so sick of hearing). I think you’ll find her story inspiring.

Career Change in the Land of Possibility

By Laura Berman Fortgang on October 30, 2022

I was working with a client recently who had 23 years of experience in the mortgage industry. She didn’t think she could do anything else because her resume said she was a professional lender. This client honestly couldn’t imagine any other possibilities.

I had my work cut out for me, but I knew my methods were proven and that we’d find new paths. Above all, as a coach, you know our job is to stand in the Land of Possibility. We can’t believe the “story” that there are no other options.

That doesn’t mean we are out of touch with reality. I’m always telling my clients I’m not going to lead them off a cliff or ask them to run away with the circus. I am here to help them decide where to invest their time, attention, and energy.

Are they investing in what can’t happen? Or are you investing in what CAN happen? Are you investing in what can’t happen or what can? (for yourself)

Consider this —

People often tell me they can’t land their dream job, change careers, reach for their dream income, or start a business because of their age.

Is there some truth to that? Yeah!

But does it serve you to dwell on it? Does the fact that limits exist mean you should sit at home, doing nothing — investing in the impossibility of your next moves? Of course not.

Limitfull thinking won’t get you anywhere.

When you’re a committed pessimist, you are vying for the worst possible outcome — fully vested in proving yourself right. But what if you’re wrong? Why pursue defeat?

This is why it’s important to make a distinction between what’s possible and what’s probable.

Think about it…

When we first created the U.S. Space program, did we think it was probable that we’d make it to the moon on the first shot? Well, it wasn’t likely. But somebody had to think it was possible, or why bother? And look what happened.

Now consider what you’re telling yourself about your career:
”I’m too old.”
“I don’t have the enough experience.”
“Nobody’s gonna hire me.”
“This’ll never work.”

Does investing in this “impossible” thinking serve you? No.

What does serve you is standing in the Land of Possibility.

With my client — the professional mortgage expert I mentioned earlier — we broke down the blocks she was experiencing, and l got her back in touch with all the things she LIKES to do but had stuffed down as impossibilities.

That list came in handy when she found herself facing big industry shifts and a potential layoff two months later.

Rather than staying stuck in the “impossible,” I challenge you to invest your time, attention, and energy into what’s possible too.

I challenge you to do the work and explore the Land of Possibility with clarity and gusto.